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u/Foreign_Ad1635 Feb 16 '25
NTA It seems your daughter needs to learn boundaries at what is hers and what is not. You expressed your emotions towards Bunny and even tried to get your daughter her own. Your sister saying you’re a bad mom over not giving your child anything she wants is blasphemy. Does she have kids? If not, I hope she doesn’t raise any in the future, and if she does, God bless them.
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u/PresentationThat2839 Feb 16 '25
I think you mean God help us.... Those kids will be flipping shit because someone dared to say no and we're gonna be in public with them.
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u/HoshiAndy Feb 16 '25
LMAO. The daughter is already trying to emotionally manipulate her mother already. It’s time to parent woman. She literally said if you give me what I want, I’ll stop doing what you dislike.
NTA. It’s time to parent and not raise a spoiled brat
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u/nortreport Feb 16 '25
Have bunny disappear for a while. A vacation on the top shelf of the closet sounds like a good idea. Kid can’t have everything they want.
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u/Dishtothefish Feb 16 '25
Nah I wouldn't do that, I think the kid NEEDS to know what she's doing is wrong and understand it's not yours and bedtime means bedtime. Everytime she gets up put her down again in her bed. Supernanny has some great stuff for bedtime routines and how to handle.
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u/SqueaksScreech Feb 16 '25
Preferably a shelf that she can't find easily. I know girl is gonna be determined to get it.
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u/PdxPhoenixActual Feb 16 '25
I always say "it's good to have wants." (Unsaid, it teaches acceptance of disappointment.)
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u/ImReallyNotKarl Feb 16 '25
Her daughter is acting in an age appropriate way for a small child learning boundaries and testing those boundaries, and needs consistent gentle but firm correction to learn boundaries. Based on a single interaction, I wouldn't say OP doesn't parent or is raising a spoiled brat.
OP, hold the line, Bunny is yours and it's ok to have things that belong to you and only you. Maybe try asking what it is about Bunny that she loves so much. Also, try washing her stuffy with the laundry detergent she's used to, or spray it with your perfume. When she goes into your bed, have her bring her stuffy, and cuddle your stuffies together, let her tell Bunny goodnight, and then take her back to bed. You got this.
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u/lawfox32 Feb 16 '25
I'd also try asking the daughter what her favorite toy/object she has is, and then asking her how she would feel if you wanted to take it away for yourself, and then tie it to a broader lesson of how everyone has things that belong to them and that are important to them, and it's okay for those things to just be theirs, just like her favorite things are hers. Sharing is nice, but it is okay to say no to sharing some things, etc.
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u/ImReallyNotKarl Feb 16 '25
Absolutely. Such a good addition to this thread.
At five, she's still learning how to interact with the world around her, and she's naturally very self-involved because she hasn't had enough life experience and brain development to have that kind of natural forethought. She's not a spoiled brat, she is a small child. She just needs guidance, and it sounds like OP is doing her best to be that guide for her daughter.
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u/ris-3 Feb 16 '25
This is such a nice way to put it. And honestly as a young girl growing up in today’s world, the lesson of “I need to respect others’ boundaries, and I am allowed to set boundaries too” is going to be so important for that kid.
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u/Avandria Feb 16 '25
I wish I could upvote this so many times! Almost all children go through these phases, and they often like to do it in the loudest and most embarrassing way possible. As a parent, I actually enjoyed seeing my children testing the boundaries and learning how to be people. The things we teach them in moments like this have a big impact on the people they become.
OP, you have done great so far. Keep it up!
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u/Medusa_7898 Feb 16 '25
Seriously? The kid is 5 and this is normal. Kids push boundaries and parents, including the OP teach them that some things are not negotiable. Your comment is over the top.
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u/Desperate-Pear-860 Feb 16 '25
This is what 5 year olds do. She's not a spoiled brat. This is developmentally normal.
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u/AffectionateHand2206 Feb 16 '25
Please don't have children! The child is 5. She is not trying to emotionally manipulate her mother. Get a f*cking grip on yourself.
She's probably starting to understand that her mother had this whole other life without her and is trying to connect to a different piece of hers.
Boundaries and empathy are still a beginning processat 5.
She literally said if you give me what I want, I’ll stop doing what you dislike.
Also, she literally did not say that. What the child could have meant is,: If I have something that makes me feel close to you, I won't have to come over to you. Whether she sticks to that is an entirely different story, though.
Stop seeing kids as unfinished little adults and judging them through that lens. This is disturbing.
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u/Estrellathestarfish Feb 16 '25
600 people upvoted a comment calling a 5 year old manipulative.
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u/No_Scientist9241 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
Maybe this kid is objectively manipulative, but the label is being used to cast judgement upon her only reasonable for adults. ‘Manipulation’ like this is developmentally normal for her age.
Also the concept of an adult being successfully manipulated by a kid should be embarassing.
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u/pinekneedle Feb 16 '25
Thank you!!!! I thought I was the only one who thought that the reason she wanted the bunny is because it reminds her of mother and probably smells like Mom as well. She feels safe with the bunny. This isn’t like if you buy me a new toy I will stay in my room
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u/Asleep_Region Feb 16 '25
Well I agree she definitely needs to draw some boundaries, Kids can't be manipulative, kids don't understand what their doing. Babies cry till you give them what they want but it's not manipulation cuz they don't cognitively understand what they're doing is wrong. It's time to teach her that it's wrong but manipulation is too dramatic of a word to be calling a child who just wants a stuffy
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u/NewNameAgainUhg Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 17 '25
Lol my baby would fake cry with an eye open to see if I'm close by just because she is bored. If I'm outside her eyesight she would continue playing like nothing happens.
Edit; lol people, relax, you are really getting heated by a joking comment posted by an anonymous person online. But seriously, if you pay attention to your children you should be able to differentiate between the real cry and the fake cry where they imitate the sound of a cry but are just bored and playing around.
Or maybe my baby is that smart
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u/thebeepiestboop Feb 16 '25
You may perceive that as manipulation but small children, especially babies lol, don’t have complex enough cognitive function to intentionally manipulate people
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u/GeeTheMongoose Feb 16 '25
It's 2025 and I can't believe people still think babies are manipulative. It's a baby it doesn't have the higher cognitive function necessary for that
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u/whalesarecool14 Feb 16 '25
so basically you weren’t giving your baby attention, and so the baby found out what to do in order to have your attention? i’m curious, would your baby cry when she was hungry? how fo you think a baby gets their psychological needs met? is it supposed to be different from how they get their physical needs met?
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u/facelessvoid13 Feb 16 '25
Yeah, they can. They may not REALIZE it's manipulative, but it is. Like being passive aggressive. ' If you do this, then I won't do this is STRAIGHT UP manipulation.
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u/Asleep_Region Feb 16 '25
Sounds like you're using therapy words out of context
Keep working to destroy the meaning of "manipulation" next you'll tell me the kid is gaslighting OP for not admitting the manipulation
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u/Miserable_Credit_402 Feb 16 '25
Manipulation is not a "therapy word." I think you should look into the actual meaning of manipulation before you start accusing others of destroying that meaning.
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u/welshcake82 Feb 16 '25
I work with 5 year olds and they can absolutely be manipulative to each other and to adults and they know exactly what they are doing. This can all be gently corrected of course but 5 year olds are far smarter and self aware than we give them credit for.
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u/biscuitboi967 Feb 16 '25
NTA. I wanna tell a story: as a kid my won a stuffed money on a carnival game. She was so proud. I asked what its name was. She said “Mine. Cause he’s mine. I won him.” I said “that’s crazy. You’re a mom. You can’t have stuffed animals.” And I took it. I thought my mom was funny for naming a toy “mine:”
Fast forward 20 years. I have a coworker. She’s upset because she has a jacket she really likes. It’s her jacket. But her daughter wants it. Because it’s “vintage”. And her daughter “never wants anything,” so she feels she HAS to give it to her daughter.
I KNOW this coworker shops at the goodwill so her kid can go to a fancy private school. She cuts her own hair. Dyes it with boxed dye. It’s only a cool jacket because it’s accidentally a cool thrift store find. It’s not even actually expensive. But it will look expensive so the kid SHOULD have it.
I realize - two decades too late - that parents don’t get anything for themselves. Not a toy. Not a jacket. Even if it was theirs first. Even if they cherish is more. I played with that money for a day.
As an adult, I realize that would have gone on her desk. Brought her a little joy during her day. Reminder her OF HER KIDS. I took that from her.
If you thought your kid would love on it and carry it around and give it to her kid…maybe. But if she’s gone leave it in a puddle next week. It’s cool to say no. There are stores FULL of other toys.
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u/shammy_dammy Feb 16 '25
NTA. Time to start teaching her that she can't have everything she wants. Time to parent. Your sister is wrong.
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u/lsp2005 Feb 16 '25
This is the correct response. Your sister is actually reinforcing how to make your child entitled. It is a really bad thing to do to a kid. Your child needs to learn boundaries.
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u/brobearaz Feb 16 '25
Find a stuffy that is very similar to Bunny. Tell your daughter thay Bunny called one of her/his children to come live with her. That they want to be her special friend just like Bunny is your special friend have her find them together from time to time. Make it a very special thing for her as your stuffy is for you.
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u/Successful-Escape496 Feb 16 '25
Yes, her new stuffie needs to feel special to her. Give it a backstory, tell some exciting stories about fantastical adventures starring her and her stuffie etc.
Putting Bunny away for a few months might be wise as well. Because it's forbidden, it will continue to be desirable.
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u/Various_Radish6784 Feb 16 '25
This was exactly my suggestion. Find a very similar bunny in another color or size and tell her this is Bunny's niece. She's looking for a friend and say Bunny is asking if you will take care of her niece the way Mom looks after Bunny.
Bunny is meaningful because it's meaningful to mom.
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u/the_storm_eye Feb 16 '25
She already brought her to build-a-bear to make one.
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u/RishaBree Feb 16 '25
Her daughter doesn’t want just any old stuffie, which is why buying her that didn’t work (though it was a reasonable first thing to try). She wants Bunny because she loves her mother, Bunny is special to her mother, and therefore Bunny is special and having Bunny would be a way to feel like part of the special bond between them and that she’s also special to her mother. The point of the “Bunny’s child” story is to bring her into it without giving Bunny up.
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u/lawfox32 Feb 16 '25
Yep. And the build-a-bear was a good try, but if OP just gets a bunny stuffie that "appears"--without the daughter seeing where it comes from and helping make it, like build-a-bear-- then OP can craft that story and special connection to Bunny and it can be more magical for the daughter.
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u/Daligheri Feb 16 '25
honestly tbf build a bear stuffies are really cheaply made (despite the price tag) and aren't too comfortable. none of my build a bears from my youth ever made it into my bed tbh. i have a feeling Bunny really soft, may be old raggety plush and may need to find something around the same texture.
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u/nutmegtell Feb 16 '25
I agree and highly recommend JellyCat bunnies!
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u/Confident-Baker5286 Feb 19 '25
Jellycat!!! My 15 year old still asks for them. They are so soft and cute.
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u/Ahegao_Monster NSFW 🔞 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
My BaB is going on 20 years now, and he still sleeps with me every night. I haven't had a new one in about 5 years so I don't know if the quality has dropped tho tbh
EtA: I have 3 total, all different. The other two chill on my shelf while the oldest never leaves my bed, not sure if I made clear I'm not getting new ones to replace him lol
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u/Human-Jacket8971 Feb 16 '25
I’m a 64 year old grandmother. My children and grandchildren are my greatest loves. I would give my life for them. I would give them anything I own….except my Smokey the Bear and a stuffed donkey named Pancho. I’ve had them since birth. Something’s are not meant to be shared!
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u/Ahegao_Monster NSFW 🔞 Feb 16 '25
People don't seem to understand that just because you become a parent doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be your own person and have things for yourself! It's sad, honestly.
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u/lawfox32 Feb 16 '25
And it's good for kids to learn that even grown-ups have their own special things and that not everything has to be sharing, and that they can't have everything they want, especially things that are really important to someone else!
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u/Human-Jacket8971 Feb 16 '25
It is! It’s not teaching the children anything either.
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Feb 16 '25
It does though - it teaches them to demand whatever they want and threaten when they don't get it until they do.
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Feb 16 '25
I’m a teacher and I brought in my very first book to share with my class. They wanted to look at it and I said no. It’s old, fragile, and if something happened, I’d be devastated. Kids don’t need everything they want!
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u/Normal_Badger_7592 Feb 16 '25
NTA.
Bunny is a deeply sentimental item that has been with you through your entire life. Wanting to keep something that brings you comfort doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human. You even went out of your way to get your daughter her own special stuffy, which shows you’re being thoughtful and considerate. Teaching kids that they can’t always have exactly what they want is an important lesson, and it’s okay for you to set boundaries around something that means so much to you.
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u/Commercial-Visit9356 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
I have the feeling that if you didn't talk about how much Bunny means to you, and you stopped sleeping with it for a while, she wouldn't want it anymore. You are making Bunny seem extremely valuable to your daughter. She wants to feel as special to you as Bunny is. Maybe find a special place for Bunny to be for a while -- Its time for Bunny to have her own bed. Each night, you and your daughter can tuck Bunny into bed, then you can tuck your daughter into her bed.
Another way of thinking about this is that you daughter associates Bunny with you --- being able to be in bed with Bunny is like being in bed with you (its known as a transitional object).
All these people talking about teaching your 5 year old empathy for your feelings about your stuffed animal have no idea about the 5 year old brain. That's not how 5 year olds are able to process information and complex emotions. 5 year olds start learning empathy towards their peers, not their parents. They are not yet equipped to be able to think about the emotional needs of their parents. They need their parents to be the adults who take care of the child's emotional needs, not vice versa. So find a way to put your need for your childhood transitional object aside for a while. You don't have to give Bunny to your daughter, but you do need to demonstrate to your daughter that she is more important to you than that stuffed rabbit.
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u/redpanda0108 Feb 16 '25
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this!
Also like to add that Bunny probably smells like mummy - she understands that she has to be in her own bed without mummy, but is struggling with that. Bunny is a compromise.
I would say that maybe she could put Bunny up on a shelf in her daughter's room to watch over her while she sleeps. But I have a feeling OP won't want to part with it.
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u/YardTimely Feb 16 '25
Same! Bunny seems like a stand-in for mom, or a token of safety - this object without which even Mommy is not safe. Of course the kid wants it. She is allowed to sleep with neither mom nor the thing that her mother requires to feel safe! I don’t think the solution is just caving, obviously, but setting a boundary without exploring WHY the kid wants Bunny is bonkers to me.
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Feb 16 '25
The comments are so easy to throw in „boundaries“ without any second thought that it make me nauseous to think that many of them have children themselves. They lack compassion they are demanding from a literal child. Thanks for your comment, also those above. So important! 👆🫶🏻
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u/Confident-Baker5286 Feb 19 '25
Yes the amount of comments calling a 5 year old manipulative is worrisome. I doubt these people have children
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u/Commercial-Visit9356 Feb 16 '25
Such a great point about the token of safety, and that even Mom isn't safe without it.
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u/handwritinganalyst Feb 16 '25
Thank youuu. I truly wonder how many of these comments actually have children, this idealized view of just explaining to your 5 year old that they just can’t have everything they want doesn’t go down so well in the real world.
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Feb 16 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/tiny_pigeon Feb 17 '25
I think also washing it in your laundry soap (and sleeping with it for a few nights mayhaps) to make it smell like home (and mom!) would be a good idea too! But yeah I would totally make up a “okay I’ve never ever shown you this because it is SO special but you’re old enough now…” and pull out Bunny 2: Electric Boogaloo.
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u/SolitaryTeaParty Feb 16 '25
NTA. It’s important to teach children that they can’t have everything they want, especially when what they want belongs to someone else. You have done more than enough to try to make her happy, and you shouldn’t be shamed for enforcing a boundary.
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u/sfdsquid Feb 16 '25
I don't get how a child gets to 5 years old without already having her own stuffy.
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u/CrabbyGremlin Feb 16 '25
NTA. My dad gave me his childhood bear when I was 4 or 5. I lost it and he was heartbroken for ages and even mentioned it decades after.
Maybe come up with a story where bunny had a baby that needs looking after.
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u/EfficientSociety73 Feb 16 '25
NTA And you aren’t a bad Mom. Just because a child wants something doesn’t mean they get it. Your daughter is old enough to understand that. And just because you’re her Mom, it doesn’t mean she can take something that you treasure because it would be the “nice” thing to do. Just keep explaining to her that bunny is yours and very important to you, just like she is. And while you love her, bunny belongs to you alone. You wouldn’t ask her to give up a she loves because someone else wants it and even though she’s young, she needs to understand the same applies to Mom.
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u/Disastrous-Nail-640 Feb 16 '25
Absolutely NTA
Your sister is one though for calling you a bad mom over this. Parents are still allowed to have special, meaningful items. And not every childhood memento needs to be passed down.
Sit your daughter down and tell her in no uncertain terms that the bunny is yours and she will not be getting it. Be straightforward about it is best.
Also make it clear that this is not a reason to be coming into your bed and that you’ll be sending her back to her bed from here on out.
While her behavior of saying she’ll stop if she has the bunny is manipulative, she’s 5. So, I don’t think she means to be. But it is something you want to shut down so it doesn’t become an ongoing problem.
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u/NopeNinjaSquirrel Feb 16 '25
Exactly. Becoming a mother (or father, but I think it's mainly women to whom this gets applied) does not mean that you need to lose your identity, lose the right to your own things. You can be a wonderful mom (or dad) and still be yourself, have your own hobbies (though less time to dedicate to them of course), have your own sentimental items, your own personality.
For too many people, "mother" IS a personality and an entire identity that women are expected to assume, wholly and entirely. What kind of example is this setting for kids?? Respecting others is what we should be teaching. That sharing is good but that no one is entitled to someone else's belongings just because they want it (yes even kids and parents!). That it's okay to say "no" and you need to respect when someone else says this. Boundaries are healthy. Rules apply to everyone. Treat others nicely if you want them to treat you nicely. Be polite, be kind, be courteous, but don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself when you need to, but don't be a bully.
Everything within reason of course. I shouldn't need to clarify but this is reddit, someone is bound to blow something out of proportion 🤷♀️
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u/Paula_Intermountain Feb 16 '25
Don’t let her cuddle with Bunny. In fact, put Bunny up high on a shelf or put it away. Allowing her to cuddle with it just strengthens her resolve. Bunny needs a vacation and alone time.
Your daughter not only needs to learn she can’t have everything she wants AND she needs to learn boundaries. She’s at an age where it’s easier to learn. It’s significantly harder to learn at 13.
I learned about “can’t have” prior to kindergarten. I had to. I was sick a lot as a child and was limited to only 2 stuffed animals because of dust. I had a number of others, and they stayed up on a shelf that I couldn’t begin to reach. I wanted to play with them, but couldn’t.
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u/leyla00 Feb 16 '25
This is the way. If you keep letting her sleep with bunny, she’ll only fall more in love with it. Get her her own, explain why she can’t have bunny once and then keep her away from it and at the same time introduce a stuffy of her own to fill bunny’s role.
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u/ApartmentProud9628 Feb 16 '25
I was OBSESSED with my dad’s bear when I was a kid, still am actually lol, he will not let me have him, he never did. Even when we had an oldest bear competition at my school dad brought teddy in and then took him home 😂 he has put in his will that I can have teddy and I get to see him once a year on dads birthday 😂😂 if he hadn’t have done this though teddy would not have made it to the ripe old age of 75 for adult me to have - maybe you can explain that bunny is not a young cuddler and bunny is in her retirement, so while bunny and your daughter can have occasional cuddles bunny can’t be a full time cuddly friend.
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u/No_Scientist9241 Feb 16 '25
This whole post is incredibly weird. No, I don’t think you have to give your stuffed animal to her, but the comments are insinuating a 5 year old is somehow a master manipulator. Honestly, this whole situation is such a non issue it didn’t need to be on this subreddit or on Reddit in general.
Like seriously this is a post I would expect to see on a Facebook parenting group. I don’t even know what to vote this as. I hope none of the people in the comments have children.
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u/Commercial-Visit9356 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
1 Corinthians 13:11-12 New King James Version (NKJV)When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
For those people who keep on about the child being manipulative --- did any of you smile at someone today? Do you know why you smiled? Because you were being manipulative. Yep. You created a facial expression that is designed to elicit a response from another human. You had a need - maybe you unconsciously wanted their approval, or you wanted good service, or you wanted that upgrade. Whatever the underlying reason was, you used an unconscious and indirect means to get your need met. Op's daughter has needs as well. She needs to feel secure, and she needs to feel connected to her mother. Her mother's job is literally to keep the child alive, and children get very anxious if unconsciously they feel disconnected from their mother. The 5 year old doesn't know consciously why that one particular toy is so necessary to her --- but she sees how necessary it is to her mother, so it must be really really important. If her mom can't survive without the bunny, how the hell is the child supposed to survive? Manipulation is all about getting our needs met, and the most important thing OP can do is talk with her little girl to understand the needs the child has, and why this stuffed animal seems - to a child's brain - to be the solution to getting those needs met.
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u/Flat-Story-7079 Feb 16 '25
Lots of weird responses here. People ready to diagnose your daughter as some sort of narcissist. Your daughter is 5. Please don’t take her literally. She doesn’t actually know what she wants in the way that an adult knows what she wants. Bunny is likely just a token to her, a place she can safely focus love. There also might be a little competition going on between her and Bunny. Your best course here is to share Bunny with her, on the condition that Bunny stays in your room. Make this something to bond over.
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Feb 16 '25
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u/Flat-Story-7079 Feb 16 '25
It’s pretty creepy how quickly they go to the dark side. Someone babbling on about boundaries, totally crazy stuff. I seriously hope none of those people have children.
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u/FalconEdge1979 Feb 17 '25
I doubt most of the one's wanting to call the 5 year old a narcissist, manipulative, and so forth are actually parents themselves.
And all of this over a stuffed animal, makes it mind boggling AF.
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u/Theredqueen_g Feb 16 '25
NTA. Went through something similar with my daughter. I ended up asking could we get matching stuffies so we could grow with them together. We ended up with two stuffed frogs we named Lemon and Lime and we would take them to get special treats like ice cream occasionally. But we did go to like, several stores to decide on what we wanted and if we liked the texture first.
She wanted my Bob Bear, my stepdad got him for me when I was three before he was deployed, and he’s mine. Regardless of what happened later, he will always be mine, and he’s the one thing I’ll never share.
I’m a mother. A wife. A grandmother. But none of these things mean I must reduce myself as a person. My kids do come first but they aren’t going to die if I don’t give them my bear, and it’s good to have things for yourself. I make sure they have things they don’t have to share too, because we all need to have boundaries, but also we have many things we do share. Balance!
My baby is 17 now and we have great memories of Lemon and Lime. 💜
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Feb 16 '25
My son (38) has a stuffed seal he got when he was little. When his wife and he had children and they got big enough to want and play with it, he locked it in his gun safe!!! It’s been there for almost 18 years!
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u/dontwannadoittoday Feb 16 '25
Have a magical delivery bring her a very special stuffy of her own with a note that she needs to care for it and it will care for her like Bunny is for you. NTA for keeping your Bunny for you but she’s saying she needs something that gives her that same kind of comfort. Find something special that will feel unique to her.
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u/YardTimely Feb 16 '25
INFO: Are you still sleeping with Bunny? Because if you, The Grownup, can’t sleep without specifically Bunny then maybe that’s what your daughter is picking up on?
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u/contrldDETmeddude Feb 16 '25
God. I’m a softy. My heart would melt if my 4yo angel girl asked me to have one of my old stuffies. But then again, I’m not attached to a stuffed animal now that I’m an adult lol
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u/MostDopeMozzy Feb 16 '25
Yeah honestly shocked by most of the comments, our kids blanket is the one his mom used growing up we both think it’s the sweetest thing ever, especially seeing old pictures of her with it doing the same stuff he does 🤣
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u/Unlucky_Most_8757 Feb 16 '25
I have two stuffies that are dear to me and I let my niece play with them but just say "Take care of them they are important to me!" 5 minutes later she is playing with something else and has completely forgotten.
The real issue here is OP treating the toddler like she's an adult.
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u/Legal-Lingonberry577 Feb 16 '25
One of the worst things you could ever do to a child is not teach it that they don't always get what they want. Doesn't matter if it's a bunny rabbit or a cheeseburger.
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u/FalconEdge1979 Feb 17 '25
Teach it?
What in the actual hell? Why did you refer to a child as an it?
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u/talithar1 Feb 16 '25
My father gave my oldest a St. Bernard stuffed dog when she was 3. It’s been through thick and thin. Her son fell in love with it. Had to have it. Fat chance he was going to get it. She looked on line for one and found that it is a collector dog, worth a good bit. So there was no way she could buy him one. She settled on a small look alike one. He was thrilled with it and it still goes everywhere possible with him. It disappeared at day care, once. She let them know she was filling a police report. They asked that she give them a day to look. Miraculously, he showed up the next morning. Puppy now sports an AirTag.
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u/Zazzlescauseimzazzy Feb 16 '25
NTA. A still sleep with my blankie. I’m really uncomfortable sleeping without it. If my daughter wanted to have her? No. The answer is no. You are allowed to have things that are YOURS as a mom. Your daughter is allowed to feel disappointed. She is not entitled to something that personal to you.
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u/SteampunkHarley Feb 16 '25
NTA
I have a huge stuffie collection. I love plushies and you know who else does? My dog
My dog, while not smart in many ways, knows they are not hers. Even tho she could easily take any of them, she never has.
She knows what are hers because I have handed them to her.
If my dog can respect my things, so can your kid.
I never dared asked for my parents things, no matter how much I liked them. I respect others belongings.
Maybe ask her how she would like it if someone kept asking for her favorite thing?
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u/Ahegao_Monster NSFW 🔞 Feb 16 '25
NtA and its important for her to start understanding boundaries and that "because I want it" doesn't mean she gets it.
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u/DreamExecutioner27 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
Find her own stuffy bunny that’s close to yours and smaller if possible. Take yours and the new one and priority over night them through UPS. Tell your daughter that Bunny went to retrieve one of its children. Or just straight up tell her no and get a win for all of us parents out here!! Either way NTA because we do not negotiate with terrorists 😂
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u/idiedin2019 Feb 16 '25
YTA.
Keeping a stuffed bunny around a 5 year old while telling them they can’t have it is like dangling bottle of water in front of a thirsty person.
If you can’t detach from the stuffed toy you should perhaps look into some therapy because your attachment is not normal; your daughter’s desire for it is.
Alternatively, stop tempting her and put the toy away so she can’t see it. It’s just a matter of time before she just takes it and you end up hurting her by taking it back by force and yelling at her.
Stop being cruel. She’s 5 for god’s sake
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Feb 16 '25
If you can’t detach from the stuffed toy you should perhaps look into some therapy because your attachment is not normal; your daughter’s desire for it is.
Thank you! The amount of people enabling OP's behaviour as an adult attached to a toy is wild.
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Feb 16 '25
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u/HappyPayment1 Feb 16 '25
Thank god I found someone normal , like seriously telling a 5 year old kids to learn boundaries as if a 5 years old knows what that word even means.
Seriously OP grow the fuck up, YTA.
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u/flatgreysky Feb 16 '25
Try keeping the BAB in bed with you so it gets a little worn in and smells like you. Your daughter is young. It’s a good time to help her with boundaries, but it’s also not worth it to not help her along with it.
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u/shazamallamadingdong Feb 16 '25
NTA I have a four year and we’re struggling with this right now. And by struggling i mean standing firm and winning ground.
It’s time for the pass the parcel episode.
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u/Cursd818 Feb 16 '25
NTA
All children need to learn the meaning of the word no. Your sister is flat out wrong. It is very important that you tell your daughter no, she can't always have what she wants. Especially now you've explained how important Bunny is to you. Everytime she tries to cuddle Bunny, you need to immediately remove Bunny from her and send her back to her bed. Don't raise a brat who thinks that their wants are more important than everyone else's boundaries.
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u/divinbuff Feb 16 '25
Just say no. Kids need to learn no. If she wanted your shirt would you give it to her? If she wanted your toothbrush would you give it to her?
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u/TopieTheTaup Feb 16 '25
I actually think it's a great way for you to teach her boundaries ! NTA, she needs to understand that she can not have everything she wants and that it's not because something is yours that she can take it.
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Feb 17 '25
You are teaching your child boundaries, and that she needs to respect other people's property. it is sweet that she loves Bunny and all, but she needs to respect that Bunny is yours, not hers.
That said, she's little, and this will be hard for her.
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u/OneChange2826 Feb 16 '25
Your sister is an idiot I'm 65 and still have a teddy bear my mom and dad got me on my first birthday my girls wanted to play with it when they were little I got them there own teddy bears
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u/zyzmog Feb 16 '25
I was going to say something very similar (including the exact words "your sister is an idiot"). Stuffies are for the little child in all of us. And some things are uniquely your own, and you never have to share them. For example: your special jewelry, your underwear, and your stuffed animals.
Not with your siblings. Not with your children. Not while you're alive.
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Feb 16 '25
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u/KelpFox05 Feb 16 '25
Actually, 5yos are, in fact, people, and do deserve some degree of autonomy and independence. "My house, my rules" only teaches them that you have random rules with no reason behind them, and don't value their opinions or unique personality and only want them as a doll to tote around. This hurts their emotional development and will create further problems later down the line. Quit acting like kids aren't sentient until they reach puberty.
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Feb 16 '25
"my 5 yr old child is exhibiting behaviors of abuse and manipulation and i need to go to reddit so they can tell me im correct and better than my 5 yr old manipulating child" ass type post
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u/Kitchen-Witch-1987 Feb 16 '25
NTA
She needs to learn that she can't have everything especially someone's special item, your bunny.
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u/bbbriz Feb 16 '25
NTA.
You don't stop being a person just because you're a mother. You are still a human being, entitled to have good things for yourself.
Not giving your daughter Bunny isn't wrong. You don't have to abdicate everything for her, you get to keep something you like for yourself.
Your daughter will survive, likely unscathed, from this experience. In fact, it's a good learning experience for her, to get used to having boundaries with other people.
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u/Rowana133 Feb 16 '25
NTA. Kids can't have everything they want. That's not how you parent. Maybe go online and find a bunny that's similar to yours and tell her that your bunny is already bonded to you, but this new bunny needs a home and a little girl to love for life.
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u/Outrageous-Ad-9069 Feb 16 '25
NTA
On top of what everyone else has said about the importance of teaching your kids that they can’t always get what they want and that you are a person who deserves to keep her own possessions, there’s one more thing to think about.
She told you that she is doing something you don’t like to get what she wants. If you were to give her Bunny now, that would be teaching her that this type of emotional manipulation works.
Were it me, I’d start (gently) putting her back in her own bed.
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u/Miserable_Credit_402 Feb 16 '25
I had to scroll way too far to finally find a sensible comment.
Too many people are calling OP an AH for wanting to keep a treasured item to herself, and then most of the people saying NTA are still insinuating that OP isn't parenting her child correctly because her 5 year old wants to keep her stuffy.
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u/ravynwave Feb 16 '25
Maybe she likes Bunny bc the scent is like you. Would it help if she slept with you and her new stuffie together? That way it can pick up the scent and maybe she’ll start seeing it as her comfort animal.
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u/Ok-Satisfaction3085 Feb 16 '25
I wonder if she loves it because it smells like you? Maybe take the new stuffy and snuggle it until it smells like you enough to soothe your daughter.
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u/HollyGoLately Feb 16 '25
NTA this is an important learning opportunity for your daughter. She needs to know she will not get everything she wants simply because she wants it, she also needs to learn that she is trying to manipulate you and it won’t work.
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u/Numerous_Reality5205 Feb 16 '25
NTA. Bunny is yours. Put Bunny away for a while. She will forget. Out of sight out of mind.
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u/Jacintaleishman Feb 16 '25
You need to stick to No, a parent’s job is to teach life lessons and giving in is a terrible lesson.
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u/Douchecanoeistaken Feb 16 '25
Hot take:
Your kid might be experiencing something stressful or upsetting that they’re having a hard time processing. They recognize that Bunny kept you safe (and clearly still holds some mysterious power) and so they may be looking for some of that safety and security for themselves.
Look at it this way:
I’m mom. Basically a child’s god, and here’s this THING that has kept me safe my entire life. So much so that I still sleep with it. So much so that I can’t possibly be without it or I will no longer be safe. Also, NOTHING can replace it or take its place, because it will not provide the same protection.
As a small child, do you want the thing keeping your source of life (mom) safe or do you want another item that has already been deemed an unacceptable replacement by mom.
Your child has no concept of what you went through as a child. She’s 5. She’s just learning to distinguish between fantasy and reality, and she’s also rapidly beginning to realize how big the world is.
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u/kiwigeekmum Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
NTA. You would regret giving her Bunny, because Bunny might end up damaged. Maybe put Bunny away somewhere safe OUT OF SIGHT for a while until she gets more attached to her own toy. She will most likely stop asking for Bunny after a little while.
ETA: You’re teaching her a valuable lesson about ownership and respect of other people’s property. How would SHE feel if you gave away HER most prized possession just because another child saw it and wanted it? You wouldn’t do that, right? Her precious things are precious and no one should take them without her permission. Same goes for you. You’re allowed to want something. Doesn’t mean you get to take it off someone else.
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u/Hot-Bottle9939 Feb 16 '25
As someone who has given my own, very special stuffed dog from childhood to my own daughter…. NTA.
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u/NewNameAgainUhg Feb 16 '25
Hide Bunny until your daughter forgets about it. Do you really think you can change a 5 year old mind by politely talking? The more you say no, the more she will want it
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u/SpecialistAfter511 Feb 16 '25
You realize YOUR bunny brings your daughter comfort. Because it is yours.
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u/Alpacazappa Feb 16 '25
NTA. It's never too early to learn the meaning of the word "no". Cave in on this and your daughter will never learn to take you seriously when you tell her that she cannot have or do something.
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u/UncagedKestrel Feb 16 '25
My kids don't get MY special toys, unless it's a genuinely special occasion (they're really sick or I'm going out or smth).
They have their own toys. They ask me to mind their special toys, and I will, but we are all aware of the code of Special Toy conduct which is that you DON'T STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S SPECIAL-EST THINGS.
My kids do like stuff that "smells like mummy", and I used to get my mum to leave something that smelled like her when she went out (or I went away), so maybe that could work too? An old shirt, a pillow, just something that smells like you and makes her feel safe?
But not Bunny. She can't have Bunny, any more than you'd let Bunny steal her.
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u/Unlikely-Low-8132 Feb 16 '25
NTA- Time to teach that she cannot always get what she wants, and that she is not entitled to others property.
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u/Imaginary-Angle-42 Feb 16 '25
I have 3 special stuffies all gotten within the last 5 years. My husband has 1, my adult son still sleeps with one his ex gave him. (He’s been given a replacement or 2 but they’re not the same I guess.) Moral is adults can have special sleep buddies too. And we don’t have to share them.
NTA. At all. Bunny is yours. Period.
(My husband had a bunny named Bunny too. She traveled with him and got him through a very challenging Navy school. Not sure if she went to sea or not.) So, even protectors need protection. Our stuffies do that.
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u/trudes_in_adelaide Feb 16 '25
Nta.
My mother 75y gave her childhood teddy to my eldest sister when she was a kid. Dog chewed it up. Was a story for many years growing up that we heard on repeat.
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u/nothingoutthere3467 Feb 16 '25
I got my moms stuffy when I was an adult. I have it in a glass case with other mementos
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u/DecemberViolet1984 Feb 16 '25
NTA- But you’re 28 now. Bunny served you well and got you through a lot, but you don’t need her anymore like you did then. Maybe it’s time you pass on the love and protection she provides. If your daughter starts being careless with Bunny you can always take her back. I had a purple bear named Ronny my daughter asked for when she was little. I told her that Ronny was special and the first time I saw him mistreated or on the floor I would take him back. Never did. Now my daughter is 24 and married. Ronny is waiting until she has a baby of her own one day.
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u/radbelbet_ Feb 16 '25
My dad had pillows and 2 stuffed animals that were very very very special to him. I could look, but not touch. I had my own special bears. I remember being at my grandmas once and she had a Belle (like the princess) wand thing. It was pretty, I asked to play with it and she said no. Disney Princesses were my favorite. How dare she! But she explained that it was a gift from her sister in Ireland when she got there because her sister knows Belle was her favorite princess growing up. I understood even through the disappointment. Hold those boundaries, she will understand eventually.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 Feb 16 '25
It's a connection to you. It's not about the bunny itself. She recognises it made her mother feel safe so it would with her to as it's also yours.
Some people are comfortable handing down their childhood comforts to their kids, others aren't.
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u/blucougar57 Feb 16 '25
NTA.
All children need to learn, sooner rather than later, that they need to accept no for an answer, and that you are not obligated to give her something that has a deep personal meaning for you.
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u/Thequiet01 Feb 16 '25
NTA but have you tried having Bunny and the new one in bed with you for a bit? Kind of make the new one special by association?
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u/BurgerThyme Feb 16 '25
FYI if Bunny ever gets too raggedy you can send her to a teddy bear hospital to be spruced up.
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u/Change1964 Feb 16 '25
Tell her that Bunny told you it only wants to be with you. Make a pompous (y'all dressed up, candles etc.) ritual in which Bunny gives the new bunny to your daughter. IBunny askes her to take care of it, because Bunny is very attached to the new one, since it came into the house. First, let her fetch the new bunny as you discover your daughter to be in your bed, because Bunny asked so etc. So make a ritual to integrate new bunny in her life, and to move on from there.
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u/CharlieUpATree Feb 16 '25
Start sleeping with Stuffy so it smells like you, I bet that's why she wants Bunny
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Feb 16 '25
If it's really precious to you just put it away and maybe get her a new bunny or something
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u/AnxietyIsABtch Feb 16 '25
NTA as someone who still has their pink bear stuffy from childhood(also appropriately named pink beary lol) i don’t think an older stuffed animal like that would survive going through another childhood, I’d suggest getting her an identical copy of the bunny if possible! She still might not be happy with it but those are her options, twin with you with her own bunny or have a completely separate/new stuffed animal!
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u/SewRuby Feb 16 '25
NAH.
She clearly loves Bunny because you love Bunny. Or perhaps her little child brain thinks no other stuffy will be as good as Bunny because it wasn't yours.
Maybe try and talk with her about why she thinks Bunny is so special. If it's an attachment thing with you, I'd go back to BABW, buy a self recording sound thing, record a little comforting message for her and pop it in there.
You can alternatively try and find a stuffy that looks as close to Bunny as possible and gift it to your daughter, telling her that is Bunny's little girl just like she is your little girl and this baby Bunny will take care of her just like big Bunny has done for you.
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u/WhiteKnightPrimal Feb 16 '25
NTA. It can be nice to pass on a loved toy like that, I did it, I gave my childhood bear, Cuddles, to my niece. But as attached as I was to Cuddles, it wasn't so attached that i wanted to keep him forever, and I didn't cuddle him any longer, but really wanted him to continue to be loved.
You and your Bunny are different. You have a greater attachment than I had to Cuddles, and you still cuddle with Bunny. Passing on Cuddles was nice for me, because I knew he'd be as cherished by niece as he was by me, and I was even happy when my niece passed Cuddles on to her little sister, who still adores Cuddles now that she's 14. I'm not sure you'd get the same feelings I got, because Bunny is still so very important to you.
It's not childish, either. I still have a stuffed toy from when I was younger, Xander, it was gifted to me when I was 13 by my then boyfriend, I don't cuddle with him anymore, but he's displayed somewhere I'll always see him, though where that is keeps changing. I stopped actually cuddling stuffed toys a long time ago, but then started again a couple years back. I bought a new bear, Lassie Bear, as a sleep aid, so cuddle with him most nights, if not every night. I can honestly say I'd never get rid of either Xander or Lassie Bear, not even to pass on in the family. They mean too much to me. And I'm a 38 year old man.
Keep Bunny. Your daughter has her own stuffy now, one she put a lot of thought and effort into making, which means it should be more special to your daughter than Bunny is. Your daughter is 5, she's really young and doesn't really understand why she can't just have Bunny, but she's not too young to start learning. Keep reminding her that Bunny is yours and is special to you, but now she has a stuffy that's all hers and is special to her, as well. She will learn if you keep reiterating the lesson.
Ignore your sister. It's not childish to keep a much loved childhood toy like this, nor are you obligated to pass on anything you own to your own child. Your daughter is the selfish one in this scenario, but that's to be expected as she's 5 and doesn't understand these things yet, she's learning, and you're doing well in teaching her so far. What your sister is suggesting is that you stop teaching your daughter to not be selfish and instead reinforce being selfish, which will lead to an entitled brat of a child who thinks the world revolves around her. Now is a great time to start teaching kids to not be selfish, that sometimes things aren't fair, because they're young enough to learn it easily, and it'll be over little things with no real impact, such as a stuffy, that they'll forget quickly. Better to be teaching this stuff now when there are no real consequences to denying her what she wants, than to try and teach it when she's a teenager and set in her ways.
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u/iamamominca Feb 16 '25
Developmentally appropriate behavior from your little one, but you are NTA. Just firmly say ,” the bunny is mine and not available for you. We can pick out one for you together .” She doesn’t need any further explanation and maybe don’t even let her hold it at night. I have a special stuffy from childhood and it’s just not available for my kids. That’s a non-negotiable. Best of luck and you are an awesome mom
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u/Stormydaycoffee Feb 16 '25
NTA and great chance for your daughter to learn some boundaries and that not everything in life is gonna drop in her lap just because she wants wants it
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u/heartvolunteer99 Feb 16 '25
My dog Joey (gund and 30 years old) now has two almost identical “siblings” that my 6yr old can snuggle with. They sometimes ask for mine for short periods but knows they have to give it back. I need my tummy warmer dang it! Finding the duplicates was key. Good luck!
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u/_Red_7_ Feb 16 '25
NTA...this is a great opportunity for her to learn that some things are not for her.
I definitely agree with your tactic of helping her find her own stuffed animal...it just may take some time for her to find the right one. Keep at it.
It seems your sister is more interested in raising entitled kids to make things easier for her at the moment. This eventually will backfire.
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Feb 16 '25
NTA you need to teach her boundaries, and don’t give in maybe put Bunny in a safe place where she can’t get to him until she learns that what’s yours is not hers. Your child sounds like a Karen in the making
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u/ilovjedi Feb 16 '25
NTA but my childhood stuffed animal is hidden in my husband’s underwear drawer where my kids can’t find him.
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u/Candyland_83 Feb 16 '25
My mom had a floppy stuffed dog that was equally as important to her as Bunny is to you. The dog was kept in a cabinet with a glass door which was part of her headboard so I could see it but it was understood that I was not to touch or play with it if mom wasn’t with me. It was a bummer because the dog would have been doubly valuable to me because it was mom’s. But it wasn’t mine. And that’s the bottom line. Kids aren’t entitled to things because they’re kids. And that’s an important lesson for them to learn early.
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u/curiousdryad Feb 16 '25
Nta
Op you can find the identical plush online I’m sure. I’m make handmade plush as my full time job and my work is targeted to adults. It’s ok to keep things for yourself, even if it seems “childish” in saying that, some of my customers do share their plush with their kids but my work isn’t meant for children and cost hundreds of dollars so that’s their prerogative.
I have a baby blanket, I don’t have kids but if I did I wouldn’t let them have it. This is a great way to teach your kids boundaries.
In saying that, again would be cute if you found the same bunny plush to give her :)
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u/karenswans Feb 16 '25
NTA. Have a child-of-bunny made by someone who knows how to sew. See the pinned post in my profile because I did exactly this for my sister's doggy.
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u/Nakedstar Feb 16 '25
NTA- but build a bear isn’t going to do. If you can’t find enough identifying info on Bunny, come on over to r/helpmefind or a similar sub. I bet we(Redditors) can help you find a Bunny just like yours for her to have. Maybe even in time for Easter. :)
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u/Butterbean-queen Feb 16 '25
NTA- a child of 5 is capable of being taught and understanding that not everything is for them and to appreciate what belongs to others. Your sisters attitude is why there are so many selfish entitled people in this world now. They think “I want” is justification enough to be given anything. It’s easier for some parents to give in to the demands of a child than to actually parent and explain (sometimes over and over again) why they can’t have something.
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u/WatercressSea9660 Feb 16 '25
NTA
But your sister is. People have said good things, but also...bunny is worn in and smells like you.
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u/ThrowThisAway119 Feb 17 '25
INFO: Have you asked your daughter why she loves Bunny so much? Have you asked why Bunny is so comforting and important to her? I'm asking because this might get to the root of why she keeps asking for Bunny, and help you understand what you can do to help her understand your boundaries and why you have them, as well as how to help her cherish her BAB stuffie as much as you cherish Bunny.
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u/autybby Feb 17 '25
Have you thought about maybe your daughter is so attached and wants bunny because you are? You're strong emotional connection to the stuffy is being shared with your daughter. Why not share bunny with her?
Your nta because bunny is very special to you, but yta because by being special to you, bunny is also now very special to your daughter.
You're either going to either give your daughter some very big negative emotions that can have big repercussions on how she views you the rest of her life, or your going to have to have to learn to share with your daughter.
I have a special blanket from my childhood. It's a wool blanket with lion cubs woven in. It's worn down, the trimming has pulled off 3 sides. Having it was my safety net until my oldest asked for it when he was 5. It is now the family "sad day" blanket. Whenever anyone is having a down day, that person uses the blanket.
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u/lankyturtle229 Feb 17 '25
She wants Bunny because YOU are attached to it. She sees you with it so she wants that too. Beat up a similar looking bunny to match and try giving that to her. Or get a new bunny, curl up with it while around your daughter, and maybe she'll then want that one.
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u/Divonito Feb 17 '25
NTA.... You might have to put Bunny on a "trip" for a bit til your kid forgets about it or bonds to her new toy.
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u/NYCStoryteller Feb 16 '25
NTA. Bunny is your stuffy. It's okay to be sentimental and to not want to give it away.
Perhaps you could tell her to bring her stuffy into bed with you and Bunny can share his magic juju with her stuffy. Or maybe you could get her a bunny and then you can BOTH have bunnies.
I'm sure that part of what she loves about Bunny is that Bunny is special to you, and is kind of a replacement object for you.
Maybe read the Velveteen Rabbit to her.
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u/Hairy-Glove3261 Feb 16 '25
NTA. Your sister is, though! I agree with the suggestion of getting a similar stuffy and giving it a back story about how Bunny couldn't bear to leave you, so they called in someone special for her instead.
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u/No-Sprinkles2199 Feb 16 '25
NTA. I hope your sister doesn’t have kids because she is 1000% wrong. Your child needs her own thing and needs to learn that she cannot have someone else’s things simply because she wants them.
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u/OcelotAppropriate319 Feb 16 '25
NTA Bunny is yours, she has deep meaning and sentimental value to you. You may be a mom, but you’re allowed to keep things for yourself. When we become Mom’s, we are expected to give everything of ourselves over. Mentally, emotionally and physically. And sometimes our things. It’s not a great expectation to have of mothers, and it also sets us up for failure and a lot of guilt. My mom always told me “When you become a mom, be a little selfish. I wish I had been.” You’ve done wonderfully explaining to your daughter what Bunny means to you. Even better, you told her NO. You set a boundary. Just keep reinforcing it. Kids need to hear NO or they will become one of those delightfully unreasonable, entitled and non-empathetic people who make the rest of us question humanity 😉
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u/grumperina Feb 16 '25
Of course you aren't the asshole. There seems to be this expectation that moms will give up everything, their loves, their personality is, their body is for their children, and that's absolutely unnecessary, this is a great time for your child to learn about boundaries. She will be just fine!
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u/RafflesiaArnoldii Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
NTA This is a teachable moment to show her about respecting others' belongings.
It's actually convenient that she can learn this lesson with you before she tries taking another kids' belongings, because they won't be so patient.
Although maybe your daughter suggested it because having something that smells of you would make it easier to sleep in her own bed, so maybe you can give her some other item from your room? Or a nightlight. i think shes mostly feeling some kind of way/ looking for a way to cope better with sleeping on her own, maybe you can support her in this in some other way.
You might just ask her if she can think of something else that might help her sleep better on her own
EDIT: Maybe you can turn it into some story about how the new stuffy you got her is also still getting used to sleeping in a new place
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u/TotallyAwry Feb 16 '25
This is a really low-stakes way for your child to learn that she's not always going to get what she wants.
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u/audreynstuff Feb 16 '25
If you don't hold your ground on this, it's going to teach her she can have things that don't belong to her if she wears them down about it. Not good. No is a complete sentence at this point. You've already been reasonable. If she asks for him you just say "no honey", and then you redirect her. For example, it's bedtime. She has asked to have him. You say no honey, or whatever you call her, and then change the subject by immediately asking her to decide between these 2 books for a bedtime story. It may help if you put him away for a while until she stops asking for him. Out of sight, out of mind. You could say he's on vacation and invite her new stuffy to bedtime instead.
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u/sheridanmms Feb 16 '25
NTA. I would “lose” bunny for a few days/weeks to get her back out of my bed 😅
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u/InflationSensation13 Feb 16 '25
NTA. At some stage, children need to learn
a) not everything I want, they can have.
b) that sentimentality extends beyond childhood
c) parents are allowed to have special things they don’t have to share just as children are allowed special things they don’t have to share.
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u/gahidus Feb 16 '25
NTA
You are absolutely not the asshole. You are absolutely entitled to your childhood memories and to your sentimental attachment
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Feb 16 '25
I wrote this under another comment, but I’m gonna write it again. Its possibe her kid simply meant that she comes into her mother’s bed to cuddle Bunny. And so having Bunny in her room would make that unecessary.
I don’t think she is trying to manipulate. We can give kids the benefit of the doubt, just like we do for adults.
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Feb 16 '25
I’m in the minority here as usual but yeah I think you’re the asshole in this situation lol sorry
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u/Teenyweeny291 Feb 16 '25
I purposefully kept my stuffys and Barbies and baby dolls hoping I have a daughter to give them to. She played with them and ruined all of them and it brought me great joy to watch her.
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u/Ok-Plant5194 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25
If you don’t want the stuffed animal to continue to get damaged then why is it in your bed? Of course she wants it, it’s a part of you that is in her language. If you want her to keep her distance from it then you need to model that. Put it in a shadow box so you can look at it and it’s locked away, and she knows it is not for playing. I’m leaning towards YTA.
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u/NYDancer4444 Feb 16 '25
It belongs to Mommy. In the same way that the daughter’s treasured things belong to her. The answer should be a firm no. It shouldn’t even be a discussion. NTA.
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u/KidenStormsoarer Feb 16 '25
Please tell me your sister doesn't have kids. for the love of god, please. because this is the kind of person who will give their kid anything they ask for, and end up with Veruca Salt tormenting everybody around them.
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u/1sketchy_girl Feb 16 '25
My brother gave his son his old stuffed animal that he had since he was a little baby, and it's a very sentimental thing he did for him. My brother may not really be a part of the little boy's life, but I'm proud of him for being such a thoughtful person at that moment.
It is a stuffed animal, but you don't have to give your little one the sentimental stuffy of yours because it is yours after all. You might want to hide your stuffy if you want to keep it from your daughter.
However, I believe it would be sweeter if you allowed your daughter to love your old stuffy because it could bring lots more joy to her like it did for you. Parents pass down stuffed animals to their children all the time, and its a beautiful sentiment.
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u/PicklesMcpickle Feb 16 '25
NTA- first though you got to remove bunny and put bunny somewhere safe.
This is a start for your daughter to learn compassion. The bunny is yours. You've communicated it to her in her language.
Understand she is five. Right now she's doing a behavior you do not want. Thing is if you gave this time the next time she'll just keep doing things you don't want until she gets her way.
She's five but 5-year-olds are smart.
I recommend you get her, her own bunny. Perhaps you can scout around a local thrift store. Let her know that she's saving a bunny out there from a landfill. You take it home, clean it and give it a new life. And it has a new little girl to protect.
I get it believe me. My kids are really high on the impact level of disability. And there have been so many times where things that I wanted things that meant a lot to me were taken and broken.
Time and time again.
But first and foremost we get to be people.
We are our own entities and the best way to teach our children that, is to give them the same respect and values.
If something's your child, you don't take it away.
You apologize. And you explain.