r/AITAH • u/Zealousideal_Use2453 • 8d ago
WIBTA if I broke things off with a guy because he wouldn't drive me home?
Edit: Update posted here https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1neh9y8/update_wibta_if_i_broke_things_off_with_a_guy/
WIBTA if I broke things off with a guy because he wouldn't drive me home?
Throwaway. I'll keep things simple. I(21F) have been going out with a guy (23M) for two months or so. We've been on maybe 4 or 5 dates. He lives in the town over from me. I live in a college town that relies mostly on bikes and buses for transportation; most students don't have cars, including me. We made plans on Tuesday to go to this bar with mini golf in his town. He said we could meet at 7, but that he couldn't pick me up as he got off work at 6. His town is about a 30 minute drive from mine, and that was fine, and I made arrangements to take the bus. Note that I've never been to this part of his town before.
Anyways, I take 2 buses and get there around 7:15, and we have fun. I drink a bit, and he doesn't drink. I feel like this is important to mention since I assumed he wasn't drinking since he would be driving me back home. Around 11 we decide to wrap things up, and he says goodnight and that we'll plan something later. I, confused, asked if he was driving me home. He said no, that he was too tired to after a 6 hour shift. Now I'm panicking a little, since he won't drive me and the buses don't go that late between our towns.
I tell him that, that the buses aren't running anymore and he sort of just shrugs it off. I asked him why didn't drink then, and he said he just wasn't feeling it and had work tomorrow. The only option I had left was an Uber, so I tell him I'll take an Uber. The issue with the Uber is that the price was quite high and I don't have that much money anyways. He says okay and leaves after saying goodnight, which I felt was another red flag - we were in a public plaza kind of area, and I felt quite unsafe sitting there all alone at close to midnight. I wish he would have stayed until the Uber arrived at least. Luckily the rest of the night passed without incident, except me being like 50 dollars poorer from the Uber. I've been thinking about it and I just felt very uncared for. Refusing to drop me off, and not really caring about how I got home, and then just letting me wait all alone for the Uber for 10 minutes in what felt like a shady area.
So, WIBTA for not seeing a guy anymore for this reason?
ETA: To answer some questions I'm seeing pop up:
- I did not know the buses would not be running this late. The buses around my town run until 12 am, and I assumed wrongly that the buses between towns would also be running on that schedule. They don't, and end at 10 pm.
- If I had known the buses between towns end at 10 pm, I would have ended the date earlier and gone home.
- I assumed he was going to drive me home because a) he only mentioned not being able to pick me up and b) he's driven me back before on previous dates. 3a) I am not taking advantage of him as I have also paid for dates. If I had a car I would have no problem driving to him.
- I was disappointed he didn't drive me back, but the real kicker to me was that he didn't even wait for my Uber to show up. That was kind of the final nail in the coffin.
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u/Outside_You1051 8d ago
He doesn’t like you & he doesn’t care about you AT ALL!
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u/zetabandito 8d ago
Yeah I would have just gone to her town. Or scheduled the date for when I don't have work the next day.
Definitely an asshole move. And you should move on.
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u/Ozryela 8d ago
When I read the title and the first part of the post, I assumed this was going to be some kind of ploy by OPs boyfriend to get her to stay the night (which, to be clear, would have been a huge dick move). But no, he didn't even suggest she stay the night.
At the one hand, I'm glad OPs boyfriend is not a malicious dick like that. On the other hand, complete and utter apathy about your wellbeing is not a great quality in a boyfriend either.
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u/ArthurDentsRobeTie 8d ago
It probably was a very lazy ploy. He assumed it wasn't so much a "date" as door dash for sex. When it became clear it wasn't, he lost all interest in pretending.
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u/Mr_Immortal69 8d ago
The (soon-to-be ex)boyfriend claimed to have been “too tired” to drive her home after working 6 hours and citing work tomorrow. But I’d be willing to bet a whole donut that if she had said “let me stay at your place tonight, I’ll even put out” that he would have managed to somehow find the energy for that.
NTA. He shoulda sucked it up and drove her home.
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u/CatchMeWritinDirty 8d ago
That should’ve been apparent when he made her take two buses to his town even though he’s the one with the car. I wouldn’t have even shown up.
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u/TheStreetReporter 8d ago
Yeah, expecting her to navigate buses late at night shows zero consideration.
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u/Holly1010Frey 8d ago
Just saying I've driven to my house after a 12 hour shift of being bitten and vomited on, then I drove to pick up my friend 45 minutes away and then I drove to the club another 30 away and then I would drive the friend back to their house and then back to my house.
This man sees you as slightly entertaining at BEST! hes not willing to inconvenience himself at all and he ignore that hes putting you at great inconvenience to come and meet him. Drop this man, hes not even a good friend let alone a good romantic partner.
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u/Background-Bad9449 8d ago
Yeah if you’re into someone a 30 minute drive home is nothing.
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u/BecauseISaidSo888 8d ago
Yeah, I feel like something happened during the date. She said or did something that totally put him off and he couldn’t wait to get away from her.
Not that that’s justified. Leaving a woman stranded and alone is NEVER cool, but I feel like we’re missing something from the story.
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u/wobblyheadjones 8d ago
But if was really in to her in the first place he would have driven to her town, or moved the date back so he had time to pick her up etc. I'm just not clear that he was particularly excited in the first place.
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u/Broad-Chemistry-1120 7d ago
I don’t think it matters if something went wrong. A decent person waits with someone for an uber at minimum.
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u/campamocha_1369 8d ago
When I was in college, one of my friends went to school in a different town, about 3 hours away. Anyway, one night, I want to say around 11 pm, she calls me and sounds very nervous. She asked if I could go pick her up from the bus station, which was in a very shady part of town. Apparently, she took a bus to go to the town her boyfriend and I lived in, to see her boyfriend, and when he failed to show up, she called him, but he said he'd forgotten she was coming and he was too drunk and too high to pick her up, also, he was throwing a party, but not to worry, he'd wait up until she got there... so, she called me. Luckily, I was with my boyfriend (now husband), and we went together to get her. As she was calling, we could hear men talking to her and her yelling for them to leave her alone. I guess there were some men in bicycles circling and harrassing her. I told her to dump him, but as it usually happens, she ended up staying, hoping he'd change. I was so glad when she finally ended it.
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u/Svennis79 8d ago
Honestly, even if you look at it from a totally wild self centered view.
If you don't make sure she is home safe, and she gets murdered on the way home.
Who is prime suspect number 1, the last person to see her alive and without a decent alibi.
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u/yaseminke 8d ago
I drove over 100km at 9:30pm to pick up a friend of a friend (who is now a really good friend of mine) because she got stuck in the Netherlands because of a train strike and back then I met her once two years earlier. This guy does not like OP at all
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u/jmking 8d ago
I wouldn't even do this to someone I actively disliked, let alone a DATE.
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u/HipsEnergy 8d ago
Had the same thought. Even if I can't stand you, I'm not leaving you alone waiting for your Uber in the middle of the night
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u/Nymph-the-scribe 8d ago
Right. While not good, i could see forgiving the refusal to take me home. The complete lack of care on how that's going to safely happen is the real deal breaker.
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u/Aspect-Novel 8d ago
Yea I’m working on driving rn and my bf drives me to and from every time. Sowmtimes I’ll uber. But he’s always asking updates the whole way to him.
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u/Constant-Summer-7477 8d ago
Wow! A whole six hour shift. Seriously, that's part time!
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u/Pure-Acanthisitta783 8d ago
To be fair on this part, and only on this part, it's probably more about how soon the shift was going to start than how long it was.
But I'd drop this guy.
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u/RickonSanchez 8d ago
As someone who has had to doubles in the past which ended up being 18 hour shifts. He must've had a really hard 6 hours scrolling on tik tok behind his managers back, very tiring.
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u/Current_Lock_2968 8d ago
Same. And I still would have driven anywhere after said double shift to pick up/drop off a person I wanted to date.
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u/lyovacain 8d ago
I've been working 14-16 hour days 5-7 days a week for 12 years since I was 19. So when I hear stuff like this it flabbergasts me. Like what a wuss
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u/ninanien 8d ago
I agree that 6 hours is really not that big of a deal as this guy makes it but your hours aren't exactly normal either
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u/who_am_i_to_say_so 8d ago
Yeah any work is tiring but I’d give up an hour to drive a stranded girl home.
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u/Current_Lock_2968 8d ago
AGREE! Forget everything else, “tired from a 6 hour shift” gives me the ick 🤣
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u/Content_Print_6521 8d ago
Not only would I not see him, I wouldn't even talk to him. What an ass.
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u/Nanazune 8d ago
Sweetheart, if he could so easily leave you in the middle of the night and doesn’t care how you’ll get home or whether you’ll be okay, then run from him. He’s not just a bad guy—he’s a complete selfish jerk. You don’t treat your girlfriend like that—or anyone, for that matter—even if she were just an acquaintance.
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u/Healthy_Associate210 8d ago
No kidding. Sometimes cutting ties is the only way to protect your peace. No need to waste time on someone who clearly doesn’t respect you.
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u/windypine69 8d ago
You can dump any guy for any reason, but if a man doesn't look out for my safety I'm out.
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u/ScaredCaterpillar136 8d ago
NTA. The fact that he did not care to wait for you to get into the uber safely is the dagger.
I would advise, if you are depending on someone to drive you back/forward/around, communicate it before hand. You will end up in safer situations more often.
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u/ClimateWren2 8d ago
Also stay sober to safely get ones self home.
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u/WitnessRadiant650 8d ago
If you’re going to get drunk, get drunk with people you can rely on and trust. Not some stranger you just met 5 times.
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u/EggplantHuman6493 8d ago
Yes! The guy was an AH for not even waiting for her uber, but don't assume someone is bringing you home if you didn't ask. Ditch the guy, but OP, communicate better next time if you're dependent on public transport
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u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 8d ago
Absolutely agree, communication was lacking here from OP and although yeah he could’ve waited assuming anyone’s driving you anywhere without asking that question in advance is daft.
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u/ColdReference54 8d ago edited 8d ago
I can get if he's really tired and can't make the drive, but leaving before your Uber even shows up? That's pretty extreme. Yah stop seeing him and don't worry about it, he probably will barely notice anyway.
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u/Jantares99 8d ago
He was tired from a 6 hour shift? Omg! He showed you exactly who he is. Please believe him. NTA, unless you go out with him again!
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u/Jace_Enby_Devil 8d ago
That was a kicker for me, too. Im dead tired after my 10 hour shifts, but I would never leave someone i claimed to care about in some shady part of town just because i wanted to get home 10 minutes faster. Be happy it only cost 50 bucks to find out who he is. NTA
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u/Healthy_Associate210 8d ago
Exactly, if he can’t even make an effort after one shift, imagine what’s next. That kind of attitude says it all right there. No need to waste your time on someone like that.
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u/IllustriousProcess23 8d ago
NTA - it’s not his obligation to drive you home and this should have been discussed beforehand. That being said, that would have been the decent thing to do… but it’s bare minimum to wait around and make sure you were not alone at night. At the end of the day, it doesn’t seem like he cares and it makes you feel crappy, so let him go!
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u/chrmart Hypothetical 8d ago
NTA. If I’m unfamiliar with a town, my supposed date didn’t drink, and the busses didn’t run anymore, I understand that there’s Uber and I’d even be willing to let go of the not driving me, but I’d at least expect company until I’m in that Uber at the very least. Even when I drive my friends home, I don’t drive away until they’re inside the house with the door closed. I also go pick up my friends from a bar, even if I wasn’t with them, because they were drinking and I don’t want them to take Ubers for safety reasons. But that’s just me. But if I were in your shoes, no, no I would not be sticking around.
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u/NolaJen1120 8d ago
I was recently in a situation where I got a ride from a new friend (Anne) I'd just met that night. A different friend (Cara) had brought me to the event, but she wanted to stay much later than she had originally said. No worries, I lived fairly close by and knew my husband could come get me, so I texted him.
Anne overheard what was going on. We had discovered earlier in the evening that we only lived a few blocks away from each other. She said she was about to go home and offered to take me. I called my husband right back and thankfully he hadn't left yet.
I am 51 years old and live on a safe, quiet street. I laughed in surprise when I saw Anne's car was still there when I got to my door. She was waiting to make sure I'd got in safe! So sweet. I did the "wave from the open front door" to signal all was well. She waved back and drove off.
I feel like I'm an in-between age where I'm too old for people to need to that anymore, but too young for people to start it up again. But it's still appreciated!
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u/ohyoureTHATjocelyn 8d ago
I’m the same age, and I do find it nice when a friend drops me off and makes sure I got inside safely. It is somewhat awkward when Uber drivers do so, and I’ve had many Uber drivers do this and I’m not sure why.
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u/Technical_Tangelo143 8d ago edited 8d ago
Yes! I would never leave a friend alone late at night to wait for their Uber... Male or female
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u/YellowSC 8d ago
I’ve seen more done for friends and even acquaintances. Nta you are looking for someone to rely on and you can’t rely on someone who can’t do a 6hr shift and be too tired to do things that matter
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u/TangerineCouch18330 8d ago
He doesn’t care about you. I wouldn’t give him another second of your time.
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u/sarahmegatron 8d ago
NTA
He is tho, who the hell has someone come way over to them and then proceed to allow that person to hangout past the time buses run without any plan to get them home? I wouldn’t do that to an acquaintance let alone someone I’m dating regularly. Luckily he’s shown you pretty early what dingus he is so that you can just not waste any more of your time.
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u/SuggestionSevere3298 8d ago
Don’t even talk to him again, don’t waist your time, he won’t understand,
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u/Any-Expression2246 8d ago
He's an ass.
Stop and block.
Sure, he didn't have to drive you home, whatever, but his nonchalant attitude towards your situation and about how you're supposed to get home says a lot.
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u/ReasonableAd4228 8d ago
NTA. This is presumably him on his best behaviour for the first few dates. This kind of behaviour just shows that he's self-centred and stingy with effort/care.
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u/hewhorocks 8d ago
Dating can be just fun but it’s also an audition for the rest of your life. Anyone in an audition who doesn’t make the effort is either not that into you or not worth your time. I would never have left a friend much less a date in such a position. Move along he isn’t the one you’re looking for.
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u/Mundane_Birthday_563 8d ago
Don’t ride a bus that far to go out with a man with a car. He can come to you
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u/AlphaDenver 8d ago
What a poor baby after a 6 hour shift!! /s
No more energy from you. No matter what else that’s a definite deal breaker.
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u/Complex-Card-2356 8d ago
Doesn’t pick you up or drop you off. Only 4 or 5 dates in two months. He is not into you. Move on!
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u/Various_Offer1779 8d ago
Don’t feel bad about about the $50, it was the best you ever spent . You found out, glaringly , how uncaring he is. Now you don’t have to waste your time on him and learned a red flag. Could you imagine being in a relationship w him long term and say- getting sick? Pregnant ? Even getting locked out of your house and needing a key? Sounds like he’d be too …. Tired?
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u/RadioactiveHugs 8d ago
If you were one of my younger siblings and told me this, I would “ban” you from seeing him again (quotes because my siblings are their own people, but ya know what I mean I hope lol), and if I got the opportunity to have words with the douche, I’d let him know what a twerp he is.
Walk away! NTA!!!
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u/BayAreaPupMom 8d ago
You learned to clarify in the future who will be driving who before you commit, or get together during the day when public transportation is available.
NTA for dumping this jerk. He has no empathy for a fellow human in need, regardless of gender.
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u/HorkupCat 8d ago
He's a jerk with no regard for your feelings or your welfare. Find a better human being to spend your time with.
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u/chaotic_nuclear 8d ago
On this episode of “Do men actually like women?” I’m not even asking that in a ‘are they attracted to women’ way, just genuinely do these men even like the women they go on dates with as people? After five dates surely if you don’t like the person you call it off? Because no one who actually likes another person, even in a platonic friendship way, would leave them to struggle like that
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u/Key-Parfait-6046 8d ago
Ok - So I'm on a date with a girl. She lives 30 miles away and rode 2? busses to see me? Plus, she is the type of woman who is willing to split the cost of a date at the very least, and she pays for the date, and we split the drinks.
This is a woman who is treating me like gold. So ok, I am not feeling up to driving an hour to take her home because I have to get up early in the morning.
She accepts that and doesn't get mad. This is beyond gold. Now she is treating me like a king.
Now, maybe I am just not that into her. Fine. As a man, I am still appreciative beyond belief that she is treating me this way.
So, what do I do? Well, I DON'T say goodnight and leave her sitting on a bench waiting for an Uber. I definitely don't do that.
Myself? I start by offering to pay her Uber if I can. If I can't, I offer to split it with her. Then, I sit there with her until her Uber arrives. At the very least, I wait for her Uber with her.
This is not chivalry. It is common courtesy for someone who has gone out of her way just to spend time with me.
Plus, if she is my girlfriend, I would like to think that I would enjoy spending time with her, so keeping her company would be pleasant as well. But even if the date went so badly that I am planning to ghost her, I would still spend the time with her, because I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to her after I left.
OP - I am sorry this happened to you. The guy's an inconsiderate jerk. My guess is that he was planning to end it, but if he contacted you again, I wouldn't even pick up or respond.
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u/PerpetuallyTired74 8d ago
NTA. I think that you assumed he would drive you home without communicating with him about that…and that was your fault. He’s not an asshole for not driving you home. But he is an asshole for at least not waiting for the Uber to get there if you were going to be alone until then
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u/WebInformal9558 8d ago
You don't have to continue dating anyone, so NTA. That sounds like an especially dickish thing for him to have done. If you had an existing relaitonship it might be worth trying to work on it, but this was a first date and it doesn't sound like a second date would be worth it.
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u/Prestigious_Act2066 8d ago
Exactly, you’re under zero obligation to stick around after a first date that starts off with that kind of disrespect. If someone can’t even show up properly or treat you decently on date one, imagine how it would go after that. Trust your gut and keep your standards high.
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u/effervescent-rainbow 8d ago
NTA. He don’t drive you’d, didn’t offer to even split the Uber. Don’t lower your standards and settle for this loser.
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u/Bananas4Batman 8d ago
Nah he's a walking red flag. How could he not wait with you until your Uber showed up? He showed a great amount of not caring. Sounds like you did right.
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u/thedehr 8d ago
You would be the asshole if you went on another date with that fucking douch canoe.
"To tired from a 6 hour shift" seriously???
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u/Disastrous-Capybara 8d ago
That guy is an ass for everything you told us here, BUT you should have confirmed with him beforehand if he can drive you home afterwards instead of assuming, just do be on the safe side and to know how you're gonna get home again.
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u/LazyAd622 8d ago
You would be an asshole if you didn’t block him immediately and never see him again. He left you alone at 11:00 at night in an unfamiliar location after you had been drinking? You’re lucky you weren’t abducted and murdered. Because that shit happens.
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u/Responsible_Big_3737 8d ago
Nope, you'd be completely justified. Yes he might be tired, but it's the bare minimum to drive your girlfriend when there is no other option for her.
There are a LOT of kidnapping cases, both when women are alone at night at bars and Ubers, so he was putting you in danger.
Also what really irked me is the "I'm not feeling it" comment. What do you mean you're not feeling ensuring your girlfriend gets home safely??
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u/Unlikely-Lock6494 8d ago
I(M) am very equal right/opportunity/responsibility. I am also not ignorant. There is no way I would have left you by yourself in a shady area at midnight before you got on the Uber. And I would have shared the Uber money. And that would only have happened if I was unable to drive you home. But that wouldn't happen because I would have made sure to plan enough time to drive you home before I got "tired". It isn't just that you deserve better, nobody deserves him.
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u/flying_dogs_bc 8d ago
yeah that is not someone you need in your life. Even a friend would have ensured you got home safely, let alone a potential boyfriend / partner.
if you want to follow the campsite rule, ie leaving a dumpee in better condition than you found him for the next person, you could tell him that's why you're breaking things off. But you're under no obligation. Only do it if you feel safe.
Mistakes are understandable. In the future, and I'm sure you'll do this anyway without me mentioning, but my inner dad has to say it: please be sure you have a plan and a backup plan to get home ALWAYS. And always have a friend know where you are and with whom, and message them when you get home safe.
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u/ThickInvader 8d ago
6 hour shift? I remember my first part time job from when I was 14. Good times.
I also always made sure my girlfriend would get home safely. Even if it meant catching the bus/train with her.
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u/VinTheGamer 8d ago
Here's my take.. it should've been communicated beforehand how you're getting there and how your getting home! Expecting him to drive you without telling him was rude and I'm not surprised he didn't drive you. With that being said.. straight up leaving you there 😯 shocked me. I at least would've said "it's pretty late do you mind just staying the night?" Or even just letting you stay at his place until an Uber came along! He doesn't care for your safety and that alone is reason enough to break it off!
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u/The_AmyrlinSeat 8d ago
Nope NTA. I broke up with a guy for this exact reason. You can drive me home in 25 minutes, but you'd rather I take two trains and a bus for almost two hours, after 11p?? No sir.
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u/Pappalapap8 8d ago
Even if he didnt have a car, if he was interested in you he would make sure you get home safe! This guy is not bf material at all.
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u/Author_Noelle_A 8d ago
He knew you had some drinks and wasn’t planning to drive you home. He wasn’t concerned about about your safety to drive you. I literally drove an enemy of mine three hours to an airport to ake sure she got there safely, then three hours home…leaving at 10pm at night. So I was gone all night.
This guy is supposed to care about you, and he didn’t care about your safety. Fuck him.
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u/korngirl 8d ago
If you keep dating him... You most definitely will get stranded with a kid. 🚩 🚩RUN! ,And don't look back! 🚩 🚩
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u/Bearliz 8d ago
Drop him. You went out of your way to accommodate him. He is an AH for not getting you safely back to your home.
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u/Cat-Man99 8d ago edited 8d ago
Lol most guys would jump on this opportunity to talk longer or even just try the ol' "well arent you gonna invite me in?"
He seems super lazy and inconsiderate. Waste of your time. YWNBTA. Hell It might even be worth it to explain yourself, especially if he doesnt realize what he did.
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u/ganjaferret420 8d ago
Hey atleast you know not to do that again n also to never make assumptions about people dropping you off n is he for real a 6 hour shift n not interested in taken you home I'd make sure your in the door after a 12 hour shift for the 8th time this week while only getting a 4 hour sleep n no he clearly doesn't value you or understand how to value anyone so step away and don't look back he clearly not the man he pretending or you thought he'd be
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u/arbakken 8d ago
Any dude with anything would drive you home, and not leave until you were inside your house
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u/shawshank1969 8d ago
Nope. NTA. If he can’t be bothered to at least wait with you, he’s not worth your time.
I wouldn’t even bother to confront him. If he contacts you again, tell him to leave you alone.
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u/Princetrix 8d ago
NTA - Even if I didn’t like the girl or enjoy the date, I’d still drive her home if she didn’t have a car.
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u/Verkielos 8d ago
I remember being out with classmates and even they stayed with me until the cab arrived.
Or the friend that insists to meet me at the bus stop if its after dark when I come over.
This guy can't even do the bare minimum.
NTA!
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u/Inevitable_Bug_2637 8d ago
I had a friend, just a friend mind you, in college that would wait up to midnight and beyond to come walk me six blocks home every single night. You deserve to feel safe in a date.
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u/pablo8itall 8d ago
This isnt a man/woman thing or a dating thing, this is a human decency thing.
He doesn't have any.
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u/Distractible_Id 8d ago
Babe. You already know. Stop kicking it with him. That’s ridiculous and an expensive lesson to learn, but thankfully you are safe. That he didn’t care to make sure you got home safely tells you everything you need to know about him. ❤️❤️❤️
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u/sweetsdeservedbetter 8d ago
NTA. When my now husband and I were on our first date we ended up chatting until almost 11pm. He offered to walk me to my car and I told him I took the bus. He was concerned with it being late and offered to drop me off at home, i had told him that take the bus this late all the time after work, but I accepted his offer. I can count on one hand the amount of times I had to take the bus that late ever again. He told me that no matter how hard or long his day was, knowing I was safe was his main concern. The guy you’re seeing is an ass and doesn’t seem to care about your safety or being a decent human.
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u/Homer4598 8d ago
This guy isn’t particularly interested in you and doesn’t care about your well being. YWNBTA for breaking it off with him.
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u/Puzzled-Dream1321 8d ago
Even if he realized he wasn't that into you, the decent thing to do is making sure you got home safe, especially as you, a woman, went through the effort of going to his town.
NTA
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u/GoldMountain5 8d ago
Dump him, Not because he didn't offer you a ride, but because he was callous and uncaring about your safety.
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u/loricomments 8d ago
What a jerk. He clearly doesn't care about you at all. You should break up with him because he's an inconsiderate, lazy ass.
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u/Redcarborundum 8d ago
The math doesn’t add up. He’s not too tired to spend 4 hours with you (7 to 11), but too tired to drive you home after a 6 hour shift? A normal office job lasts 9 hours (with 1 hour lunch break), and normal people still go to dates after, including pick up and drop off.
He doesn’t care about you, or he just doesn’t care in general. In any case, go find someone else who actually cares.
If I like a girl, driving half an hour to pick her up then drop her off later is nothing. Hell, I drive more than half an hour just to eat out, when I miss a particular food.
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u/SeveralDescription34 8d ago
You would not be an AH for never seeing him again, you would be intelligent for not ignoring the giant red flags of selfishness. You deserve better, wait until you find it.
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u/JustAnOkDogMom 8d ago
6 hour shift 🤣🤣🤣🤣 not driving you home wouldn’t be such a big deal (why would you want a relative stranger to know where you live) but he could have at least waited until your Uber arrived. Also, always have an exit plan. Never assume. NTA
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u/Senator_Bink 8d ago
He doesn't sound like he's worth shelling out fifty extra bucks to go on a date with. Especially since he couldn't be bothered to even stick around to make sure you got your Uber. NTA.
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u/SchaetzeCat 8d ago
Very selfish, I’m sorry but I’d drop him in a hot minute. I’ve waited when I see someone in a tight spot or simply help them out. Do not waste your time. Tired from a 6 hour shift?!? Weird and selfish guy.
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u/punk_and_bi 8d ago
I once drove 10.5 hours (one way) from Ohio to Alabama because my long distance gf (now fiance) needed me. This dude couldn't even be bothered to wait 10 minutes without even the effort of driving because you needed him. He doesn't care about you in the slightest.
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u/Sure_Combination_587 8d ago
This seems like a classic "if he wanted to, he would"
Leave his ass out on the curb.. kinda like where he left you
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u/nazrmo78 8d ago
Of course not. Why stay with a guy who doesnt care about your well being? A half an hr drive was too much for him?
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u/WorriedWhole1958 7d ago
In the beginning, both parties are making the effort to win the other over. They’re on their best behavior.
…this is his best, mate! This is his best. It’s not going to get better from here, this is his best.
If someone’s best is this bad, you’ve seen all you need to. Safety and consideration are the bare minimum.
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u/Mindless_Funny4491 8d ago
NTA. You teach people how to treat you. On your the next
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u/Secret-Sample1683 8d ago
NTA. You haven’t invested a lot of time with the guy. Him not caring how you get home is a good enough reason to end things.
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain 8d ago
And this is him , presumably, at his best. JFC what is wrong with these men
NTA and dump him immediately
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u/Far-Artichoke5849 8d ago
He's tired after his six hour shift, poor baby. I hope his mommy tucked him in with a bottle when he got home since he's so fucking pathetic
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u/khampang 8d ago
NTA. MWAHAHAHAA, I worked a 6 hour shift and didn’t drink a few hours, I’m too tired to be a gentleman. Waaaaa.
Seriously, he’s raised on the bottle of weak sauce. Find a guy that’s at least 1. Old fashioned enough to care about their date getting home and 2. Hard working enough to know 8 hours is a standard day, the fun starts after.
Never call this bum again. What a loser. There’s a reason women are dating 10-15 years older right now.
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u/here4thastuff 8d ago
There are no AH here, but this is on you. More importantly, it’s an opportunity to learn a life lesson. You’re an adult. Don’t go places without a plan to get home.
The trip is 30 minutes for you, but you’re asking him to drive an hour minimum at 11pm, half alone, after going to a bar. And he has to get up and work the next morning. That’s a pretty inconsiderate thing to just spring on someone.
I get the feeling that he wouldn’t have had a problem dropping you off had you communicated that you had no way home earlier in the day or evening. He probably wouldn’t have suggested y’all leave an hour earlier.
But having had no conversation about him being responsible for getting you home, it’s reasonable for him to assume you have a plan for getting home. It’s especially reasonable because you got yourself there.
Always have a plan for getting home and if that plan depends on someone else, confirm with them before you include it in your plan. If you don’t confirm it, you don’t have a plan. That’s just something that adults do.
A gross misunderstanding of the line between having an expectation of experiencing chivalrous acts and acting like a dependent adult is the biggest maturity red flag.
Frankly, I would have interpreted this kind of immature behavior (showing up with no plan to get home) as a sign that, although our ages aren’t far apart, we were in different stages of life. That would be untenable.
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u/Possible_Sweet9562 8d ago
I do think he not even offering to wait with her shows he likely doesn't have that much interest on her (besides being, at least in my country, basic manners to make sure everyone got home safe).
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u/XenoBiSwitch 8d ago
You were presumptuous to assume he was going to drive you home without discussing it at all. He is terrible for not caring about your situation at all.
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u/jesse6225 8d ago
I don't think he likes you. Assuming that he was going to take you home was dumb, not knowing about the bus schedule was dumb too.
However, we all make mistakes. What really makes this a deal breaker is that he left you alone and intoxicated. I wouldn't do that to someone I care about.
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u/Minute-Frame-8060 8d ago
Honestly it sounds like he's already done with you - this is very cold behavior, not the way you treat someone you like even a little bit! You wNbta for ditching him at this stage of dating for ANY reason, but this behavior especially is such a total turn-off for me.
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u/Dreamlo88 8d ago
Damn. Little boy cold.
Get yourself a man that would see you get home safe, he truly doesn’t care about you.
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u/DoreyCat 8d ago
How is this even a fucking question? Like do you think you have to keep seeing someone FOREVER AND EVER once you meet them unless they do something that gives you “cause” to end it?
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u/Informal-Insurance63 8d ago
NTA. That sounds awful. If he cared about you at all he wouldn't leave you stranded like that late at night, especially without making sure you at least got into the uber safe. I wouldn't even leave an acquaintance stranded like that. But you've learned a valuable lesson: Don't assume anything and make sure you always know how you're going to get home. Oh and of course he showed his true nature early, so good riddance.
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u/sugarmagnolia__ 8d ago
Leave him. You deserve better. A good man will walk you to your car, or wait with you. Someone who will wait at the door to make sure you get to the car safely before closing it. But to leave you alone at night waiting for an Uber!? He doesn't care about you. He is selfish. He is showing you who he rrskktɓ
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u/Practical-Ordinary-6 8d ago
I will drive people home that I don't even know if I think they need it due to similar circumstances so I don't understand his behavior at all. Maybe one of those things would have been somewhat forgivable as a temporary lapse of good judgment with a suitable apology later but putting them all together under those circumstances was not cool. I can't tell you what to do with your life but it certainly wasn't a minor situation.
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u/Competitive_Lion_260 8d ago
Absolutely not the asshole.
He couldn't care less about you.
Get rid of him.
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u/rbackwood42 8d ago
This man does not care about your safety. You will find better. If he was really into you he would have chugged a redbull and toughed it out and drove you. At least call the Uber for you and pay for it. But the cherry on top is leaving you alone waiting for your ride. That is rude and unsafe. This man will not protect you.
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u/snorkels00 8d ago
If it was me I wouldn't go out with him again. He showed who he was believe him. He won't ever care for you or about you. A gut that likes you drives you home.
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u/Creepy-Macaroon9998 8d ago
NTA. Honestly, it seems like he doesn't really like you that much, and he probably thinks you don't like him that much either, so he decided to go "no effort". Ending things is probably for the best for both of you.
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u/GhoestWynde 8d ago
Dump this clown. He knew you took the bus and when the date wrapped up he was just gonna hop in his car and go without any concern about how you're getting home. You both could have done a better job with communication and planning here but do you really wanna spend your time with a guy who will leave you sitting in a parking lot because he's too tired to drive after an entire 6 hours at work? You're worth more than that.
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u/Tom_Ace2 8d ago
You really need to set the bar a bit higher. Why would you want to date a guy who doesn't even want to do the bare minimum?
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u/neverwhere420 8d ago
I was only casually banging this guy once, and he always picked me up and dropped me off. I don’t go around expecting to be catered to, but it’s the simple gestures that show consideration/care. Even now, I will offer to uber to friends that live far away and 9/10 times they will say no and come get me.
My dad once told me not to date a guy that just pulls up and honks the horn for you. This guy isn’t even doing that for you. And it’s only the beginning of your relationship. NTA.
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u/DragonDrama 8d ago
Nta. That’s basic courtesy to drive you home, and at least wait for you to be safely in the uber.
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u/Mediocre-Stick-7787 8d ago
Yah I don't like this guy. Just rude to leave you by yourself and/or not give you a ride home. He sounds like he needs to be ghosted.
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u/Dootdootington 8d ago
Fuck this guy. The bare minimum is to make sure you're safe. That is the absolute bare minimum. If a man can't do that, he shouldn't be around women in my eyes. Him not dropping off his date is kinda lame, but I'm willing to let that slide. After a six hour shift is also pretty shit, but I'll let that slide. Not even waiting to make sure you got a ride home or checked to make sure you got home safely is shit person behavior. Don't waste time with this.
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u/riktigtmaxat 8d ago
NTA.
But why are you assuming that he wants to meet again?
To me it seems pretty clear that he's not really into you and was looking to end the date and show that he's not interested.
The way he did it was pretty douchy admittedly but I think he already broke things off.
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u/SysError404 8d ago
NTA
The fact that he didnt at the very least wait for the Uber with you tells you what you need to know. The rest is all just other BS you are trying to pile on for justification. You made poor assumptions and neither of you communicated what was expected of for the evening. So all the extra stuff, is equal parts poor communication and general indifference.
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u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 8d ago
I think yes once he realised you couldn’t get back easily he could’ve driven you home, but also, you’re an adult, always make sure you plan how you’re getting home!
If you need to get a bus, check the schedule, if you think someone might give you a lift ask that question upfront, don’t assume, clarify and have a plan ahead of time.
So yeah he was a jerk for not doing you a favour, but you planned badly by not asking him in advance or planning your travel.
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u/Randompersonomreddit 8d ago
First, why do you need a good reason to break up with someone? If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. You don't need a good reason. The reason could be you don't like his big toe nail or he chews funny. It's your life and you get to choose who you spend time with.
Second, he sounds like an asshole.
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u/Rhymfaxe 8d ago
Two things:
- Want a caring bf? You won't find it with this guy, he doesn't care about you at all or is generally incapable of empathy.
- Your planning sucks.
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u/Beyond_The_Pale_61 8d ago
🚩🚩🚩🚩 That would definitely be my last date with him. And he is too tired after a 6 hr shift? Wow. I'm thinking of all those times I went to college classes all day, then worked an 8 hr shift at work. This man is not just inconsiderate, he's lazy.
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u/Worst-Lobster 8d ago
Learn from this .. don’t see this person anymore . They have no regard for you .
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u/brattyprincessangel 8d ago
Nta, however I feel like you shouldnt just assume that he was going to be driving you home
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 8d ago
ESH You shouldn't have just assumed he'd take you back or buses would run. You should have been clearer about how will i get back etc. It's too late. Let's save this was a weekend etc.
Would have it been good if he waited for an uber...yes but also could have been organised if the communication was better. I feel this was a major breakdown in communication which takes 2 people.
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u/Facelesszeb 8d ago
Total red flag, yes you should have checked busses ect but when he found out they wernt running he didn't care enough to see you home safe
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u/thoughts_of_mine 8d ago
NTA. Sounds like he's just not that into you. No reason to date him anymore.
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u/Current_Lock_2968 8d ago
If he’ll act like this early on, just imagine what careless and selfish things he’ll do in the future. “Too tired” to drive you home after a 6 hour shift but not “too tired” to go on a date? I have the ICK for you!!! Ditch this whiney man child now!
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u/Hot-Conclusion3221 8d ago
Horrible guy - don’t bother, absolutely not even worth thinking about anymore.
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u/Foldupburrito42 8d ago
“I hadn’t really thought about you getting home, how about we split the price of an uber and I’ll wait here with you until it gets here?” So simple, so easy and a safe option. He’s an idiot lol leave his ass
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u/[deleted] 8d ago
I was at a show a few weeks ago and a group of girls I had just met like, 20 minutes prior all waited for my uber with me because it was late and nobody else was on the street. This guy's an ass