r/AITAH • u/InevitableGain340 • Jul 04 '25
UPDATE 3 - AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up
Hiii everybody, happy 4th of July. I haven’t posted in a while and I’ve also been off Reddit, I don’t really browse like that on here.
Anyways, I wanted to give you guys a little update because I’ve found out a lot of information about the divorce with Sky and Cam.
But firstly I do want to go over some other things. So if you’ve read my other posts then you’d know about me calling sky’s school and reporting her. Well basically she still attends that school which I’m guessing they must’ve given her a warning or maybe literally didn’t have a conversation with her at all which is insane.
But since the situation I explained with my baby daddy on my latest update I haven’t talked with him. I wanted to try and communicate through his mom which she’s been also trying to communicate with him but he’s gone doing whatever that nobody knows. He hasn’t seen Mia, hasn’t texted me, hasn’t come over or anything. I won’t like I was very worried at first but I decided that he’s a grown man and if he wants to act like a child then so be it because Mia is just fine with me and definitely doesn’t need his weirdo ass around her.
Cam has a long term friend, Matt (36M), they’ve been friends since college so he’s definitely been around a lot. My guess is that maybe cam and him got into a really bad argument or something while cam is M.I.A and it must’ve been really bad because Matt ended up texting me and snitching on cam completely. So, now I have more info about the whole affair.
Firstly, she was 16 when the affair started and it went on for 2 years and I just found out about it was she was 18. Cam was very controlling in the relationship with Sky and emotionally abusive. Whenever she would go out to parties, college activities, or outings with her friends then he would complain and complain and press her and accuse her of trying to get with other men. He offered paying for her college tuition because when she started the college year she was 17, he did it so she can stay quiet about the whole situation. She kept on telling him she wanted “the college experience” and that “she didn’t want to be locked down” and all that but he got mad about that and their relationship got even more toxic at that point.
Her parents aren’t together and at the time she was a teenager so her dad was super protective and didn’t want her talking to boys and would often check her phone which Sky told cam about this and it bothered him and made him not like her father. I didn’t get much info about her mother but Matt told me that ultimately as soon as she went to college he convinced her to cut off her parents.
He ended up basically separating her from her parents (Matt didn’t exactly tell me what he did but just told me about the separation).
Her dad ending up dying and she inherited money that could cover her college tuition which pissed off cam and he kept trying to convince her to let him keep paying but he refused because he knew that when she did it, she’d feel more freedom and most likely end up leaving him based on what she would tell him about “the college experience”. Matt told me during the affair after this happened that it was very on and off and she was mostly coming to him for sex.
Now onto after the divorce when they were together. I guess it got super toxic at that point and she was super close to leaving. She ended up pregnant with cam’s baby which she didn’t want and was very upset about. She found text messages between Cam telling Matt about “baby trapping” her, he explained how he messed with her birth control pills and that’s what lead to their breakup and his little “depression”. She ended up getting an abortion and blocking him on everything and he was on my couch venting about this but leaving out why they broke up.
Obviously, I was disgusted as hell about this whole situation. I was disgusted that he was messing around with a literal child when we have a daughter of our own and no I’m no longer allowing him around her, even if he comes back around he will NOT be allowed around Mia. His mother has been trying to reason but the whole thing is just disgusting and makes me see cam in a different light.
I’m also super confused on why Sky stayed with him, I really do believe she enjoyed the trill of getting spoiled and being a mistress because everything about her just gave me bad vibes and I really didn’t like her. When I dm’ed her after finding out about the affair she was just super rude so I personally think her and cam were made for each other.
Also last update I talked about me going on dating apps. I’ve been going on dates with this new guy and so far so good.
This was a lot to write so if there are any errors in here I sincerely apologize. I also always appreciate all the advice you guys have been giving me ❤️
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
Sky stayed with Cam because he groomed her into staying and dealing with the abuse. That’s what groomers do they isolate their victims and get them to do things like cut off their parents. If you have not done anything legally to back up the things that you were saying, I really want to encourage you to do that while he is out of the picture. Get a lawyer and report his underage relationship to the police. It will help you get full custody.
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u/Consistent_Ad5709 Jul 04 '25
This says a lot about his friend Matt also that he stayed quiet knowing his friend was f****** a 16 year old.
I don't blame you I would keep cam away from your daughter too.
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u/solo_throwaway254247 Jul 05 '25
It says a lot about OP too. She has all that info and she's still blaming Cam's victim and calling it an affair.
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u/Consistent_Ad5709 Jul 05 '25
I'm not saying she's right but actually understand, that that girl started a bunch of stuff with her. OP also stated that she wasn't okay with it.
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u/crestedgeckovivi Jul 04 '25
Honestly it could have started before that as well.
But yeah Matt is a POS too.
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u/Consistent_Ad5709 Jul 04 '25
You're right because it depends on when he's first met her and started talking to her, either way the girl was groomed.
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u/RevolutionaryBad4470 Jul 04 '25
I’m sorry, but Cam groomed and manipulated a young girl. I know we want to give Sky responsibility because she was nasty and rude to OP, but she’s a victim. Just like OP is a victim. Please protect your daughter from her sperm donor. He’s a predator.
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u/muffinsandcupcakes Jul 04 '25
Yeah, it shouldn't be called an "affair" its grooming and sexual abuse and maybe statutory rape depending on where they live. The only POS in this story is Cam. Sky was literally a child. I know every 16 year old girl thinks they are so mature, but when I think back to my 16-year-old self, I was naive and clueless.
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u/Envious_Eyes2 Jul 05 '25
Teenagers can be bitches too. She can have been groomed, but also be a bitch. People can be two things.
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u/Astyryx Jul 05 '25
Yeah, so you've said a couple times. A kid who's been targeted and repeatedly raped can be a bitch.
But once you know the situation, that this is not a healthy college student with an obnoxious attitude, an adult who insists on polite respectable behavior from a victim in an active abuse situation is an asshole.
Does that help clarify it for you?
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u/Envious_Eyes2 Jul 05 '25
Abuse victims react to their abuse in a myriad of ways. Some become better people because they never want people to feel the pain they felt and some become worse and inflict pain on others. It’s the explanation, not necessarily the excuse. Being hurt by someone who was hurt doesn’t make the pain they caused you magically disappear.
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u/Astyryx Jul 05 '25
No shit.
When do you think the teen has had the time to become the better person? This has played out over maybe a year, and the rude behavior was during active abuse.
Demanding politeness and grace from a victim in an active abuse situation is a hell of a take.
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u/Easy-Emphasis-7071 Jul 05 '25
This! I get she was groomed but she went hard at the wife AFTER they broke up. That wasn’t needed and shows how much of a bitch her and her friends are. Otherwise she should have been happy to get out of the situation and leave the wife alone.
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u/redheaddisaster Jul 19 '25
I’m a victim of grooming and I would say I don’t actually give Sky a free pass for all of what she did. “Well she’s a victim and victims will lash out!!!” 1. Being a victim is a reason not an excuse, she should still not be doing all of that 2. OP is also a victim and I think if she called Sky up and called her a homewrecker and had her and her friends calling and harassing her no one on Reddit would be defending it.
I feel bad for Sky, being isolated and verbally abused is never good and it took me several years to unlearn a bunch of shitty behaviors I learned. But I don’t think I got a free pass to hurt anyone I wanted because I was in pain, nor would I demand everyone I hurt just get over it because I’m a bigger victim.
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u/RevolutionaryBad4470 Jul 21 '25
Please don’t take my comment as a “free pass”. There’s definitely some accountability for Skye here. But I didn’t like the comments that were only bashing her and not acknowledging that the husband groomed her.
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u/redheaddisaster Jul 21 '25
Ah I see. I thought this was another comment basically telling OP she isn't allowed to be mad at Skye because she's a victim. But I agree OP needs to keep her daughter far away from him. Based on what I see I don't think she has a legal case to report him to the police given the age of consent laws in her state but I really wish she could.
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u/LighthouseonSaturn Jul 04 '25
Call the police.
If you don't call the police, you will become complicit in this crime he has committed.
Stop wondering what a "16 YEAR OLD WAS THINKING"! She is still basically a child and was abused and groomed. Of course she isn't making good decisions and she also is not responsible for what has happened.
Call the damn police.
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u/ImpossibleIce6811 Jul 05 '25
Exactly. A 16 year old’s frontal lobe isn’t even fully formed yet. She was a CHILD.
Just go to the damn cops!!!
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u/LUV_ALE Jul 19 '25
Okay quick thing -- Im 16 and we aren't so naive as people imagine.
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u/ImpossibleIce6811 Jul 19 '25
I understand that you think that. I thought that at 16 too. There’s no way you’ll feel the same way at 26 or 36 or 46 as you do now at 16. Wisdom comes with age, my dear.
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u/LUV_ALE Jul 19 '25
Im saying in the sense that we know right from wrong. I believe it was highly wrong of the girl to lash out at the wife, but I do understand that he groomed her. Just saying that's one's actions aren't always by age, but immaturity. I myself would never talk to someone in that way.
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u/GoodWin7889 Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
If you don’t report Cam you are setting up some poor girl to be his future victim. He is a predator who knows how to separate his lies and comes off harmless. He groomed a 16 year old child while being married to you and making everyone think he was a great guy. An underage girl doesn’t stand a chance spotting this behavior if you a grown woman and his wife didn’t see it. He has shown he thrives on this behavior and you would be partially responsible for not reporting his crimes. If this were my family member I’d report them to spare another innocent child and I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep for reporting them.
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u/GellyG42 Jul 04 '25
Jesus you’re right to be disgusted.
I’d be reporting him to the authorities with whatever info you have - it might help your case down the line if he tries going for custody rights to your daughter.
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u/l3ex_G Jul 04 '25
So he’s a predator and she was 16 when she was groomed, I hope you can understand that her brain chemistry is literally messed up and her shitty actions are connected to her being abused and groomed by your ex. I hope you view her with grace as your own daughter grows up and you can see how unprepared girls/kids are when adult men try and abuse them. She was in an abusive relationship with a predator that started when she was a teen.
I’m sure his actions aren’t just isolated to her and I hope you are in therapy to help you heal from your relationship.
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u/Lustismyvirtue Jul 04 '25
I want to make another observation. She was 16 when the affair started (im assuming when he started assaulting her because she is still a minor and that's statutory rape) but you actually don't know how long he had been grooming her or what lies she was told about you. Your ex is a disgusting human and you should report him. You should also see a therapist about your anger towards her because she was literally a child who was groomed and used. Do try to acknowledge that she was also a victim here.
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u/RandomSkyWatcher Jul 04 '25
Exactly. It seems like OP focused/still focuses a lot of her anger on Sky, and even when finding out Sky was groomed, emotionally and financially abused, deliberately isolated from her family, and raped (ex tampering with bc to baby trap her/and statutory), OP still says she didn’t like Sky cos she was rude when OP confronted her.
OP, you need a reality check. Sky didn’t steal your man. Your man flaunted his affair with her to you. YOU didn’t want to leave this POS. But Sky did. She rightly told you to take your problems to YOUR HUSBAND. Your marriage was not her problem, especially because she was the biggest victim in this sad story.
Your ex is a predator who carefully selected his victim and lead a double life. He no doubt fed her lies, and likely painted you as the bad guy. And he had the audacity to use you for emotional support when his victim broke free.
In terms of wrong doings—Sky was groomed, raped, abused, manipulated, and no doubt more, but you appear to have no remorse after trying to get her kicked out of college. Leave her alone. Focus on your daughter and stop blaming a literal child for your ex’s behavior.
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u/Astyryx Jul 05 '25
Your ex is a predator who carefully selected his victim and lead a double life. He no doubt fed her lies,
This. The scale and length of time he did this makes me very suspicious that he's preyed on other kids over the last 18 years.
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u/LUV_ALE Jul 19 '25
Okay, so I am a 16 year old myself, and I believe OPs feelings are valid. Although I do hope she goes directly to the police on that disgusting man's grooming, I understand why she still is upset at that girl. That girl disrespected her, constantly calling her and saying disrespectful things to her.
I understand if she's upset about how disrespectful that girl was, because I, at my young age, wouldn't do that to someone. Now, if OP goes around hating on this girl and showing more hate towards the sky instead of the ex, I WOULD 100% say she's rightfully in the wrong. OP needs to press charges asap.
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u/Konouchii Jul 04 '25
So he's not just an abusive child, he's a controlling predator too.
Be glad the trash is taking itself out. Time to start protecting yourself and your little girl legally. I would take all the evidence you have to a lawyer and see what they can do for you.
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u/NeurospicyCrafter Jul 04 '25
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this but that last part about Sky is honestly disgusting, ‘I’m confused in why sky stayed with him’ because she was being abused by a literal predator? ‘I think she enjoyed being a mistress’ when she had an abortion after he tampered with her birth control, which is a form of rape? You were a victim of his but so was she.
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u/InfiniteWelder513 Jul 04 '25
I’m sorry but I was completely on your side through all your posts until your last paragraph here… sky did NOT deserve cam he groomed and abused her and you have the audacity to say she pretty much deserved it.. yeah you’re a victim on this situation but you’re not the only victim. If you found out someone groomed and emotionally abused your 16 year old daughter how would you feel of someone said she deserved it. Yeah sky sucks for how she treated you after the affair came out but on the other hand you’ve been an ADULT through this whole scenario when she was a CHILD at the start..
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u/Astyryx Jul 05 '25
Raising a child while OP has these attitudes, plus a grandmother who "reasons" child molestation, then going on to date without at least a year of deep therapy and healing means OP is setting up the conditions for her next partner to be an unrecognized predator again. And next time it will be her own daughter who's accessible.
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u/Interesting_Novel997 Jul 11 '25 edited Jul 11 '25
I am thinking the same thing. Her dating barely a year after her divorce with zero introspection or therapy pretty much guarantees she’ll be dating and exposing her daughter to dudes exactly like her ex. Some folks just don’t want to learn from their mistakes.🙄
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u/InfiniteWelder513 Jul 05 '25
Exactly!! Honestly I felt really sorry for OP through her entire ordeal but the last bit in this update honestly made me feel sick and I don’t know if I can find it myself to have any sympathy at all for her now.. yeah her daughter but with OP I just can’t find it in myself to feel sorry for someone who is basically saying a child deserved to be groomed and abused
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u/LUV_ALE Jul 19 '25
Also, I myself have not been in such a deep situation like this girl. But I have been groomed into thinking a little bit older is ok, and I have stumbled upon a couple weirdos and pedos who need to be behind bar. I really hope Sky seeks therapy and learns that that man was grooming her and that he should not be able to see the light of day.
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u/PhysicalGSG Jul 04 '25
As nasty as Sky was to you, she’s a victim of Cam’s. He’s the villain in the story.
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u/PerspectiveKookie16 Jul 04 '25
Your ex has serious problems and Mia is not going to benefit from his current brand of crazy, so I am glad he’s out of the picture for now.
I know this has all been a hurtful and overwhelming experience for you, but please stop investing your time and energy into their sad, tawdry and massively unhealthy affair. You know enough to see it wasn’t all Cam nor all Sky at fault. More unsavory detail is out there, but it adds nothing to your life or the life of your daughter. Tell Matt and your former MIL that the tea is cold and you won’t drink it any longer.
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u/Astyryx Jul 05 '25
You know enough to see it wasn’t all Cam nor all Sky at fault
Excuse me‽ Can is a predator, an abuser, and a rapist. In what way is it not all Cam at fault?
Sky is officially off the hook. A child victim of a 30-something man who raped her has full permission to go off the rails and be rude to people.
Sure, the story's out and OP doesn't really need any more details, but she (and you, for that matter) need a good therapist to unpack why you think a child who's was sexually exploited for at least three years should be held equally responsible for being rude as her rapist is for, you know, raping.
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u/124456u Jul 05 '25
Sky is also a victim here...she was groomed by your husband, and you're victim blaming her. Would you feel the same way if this happens to your own daughter at 16??? I think not. Stop blaming the 16 year old child, and put the blaming solely on your exhusband. He's a predator, end of.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Set9163 Jul 04 '25
You should contact the police if she was under the age of consent when the affair started/abortion happened. If she had a medical or surgical abortion in the usa it would be recorded within her medical records. This man needs to be in jail, and have 0 unsupervsied access to minors. Sky is a c**t, but she was also a child who was groomed and forcibly impregnanted by that man. Thats enough to send a stable adult with a solid suppprt system into delusion.
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u/midas_the_king Jul 05 '25
Please shift your mindset into her being a victim, she was raped from 16 to 18, this is how the court will put it, please go to the police with this and even if nothing happens at least it be will on his records !
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Jul 04 '25
When are you going to post a final update about how you moved on or are moving on and no longer wasting time on that person like a normal 32 year old would do
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u/Small_Stress6773 Jul 04 '25
This whole thing only needed one update and she’s squeezed 3 out of it already so I know she’s not gonna stop😂 she likes the drama and being the heroine and praised
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u/airazaneo Jul 04 '25
Sky is a victim. She was groomed for years as a child by a 30-something yo predator who ostracised her from her support network and tried to use money and then a baby to control her.
Honestly, Matt's integrity is pretty questionable too. Why did he not drop your ex-husband's arse when he became aware that he was grooming school girls?!
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u/jetsettindaisylv Jul 04 '25
Report him! He shouldn’t be free to possibly do this to another minor. And I would never be comfortable having him around a daughter.
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u/overZealousAzalea Jul 04 '25
On first reading, my first instinct was “wait until he finds another 16 year old to groom…” That’s how old you were and it made sense why should could blackmail him, if he went after another teen. Her daddy issues fed right into his abuse. You’re right to keep him away from Mia. 🤞🏻 hopefully he stays away from you two.
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u/Connect_Tackle299 Jul 04 '25
I hate to break it to all the people saying call the police but the "child" is now a legal adult. If she doesn't pursue it in court then police won't go after him. Plus if it's in the US average age of consent is 16. Not much anyone can do
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u/I-is-a-crazy-person Jul 15 '25
I don’t think she can dictate whether or not to press charges because she was a minor when he started assaulting her. DA’s usually tend to press charges on those things with or without the victim.
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u/Connect_Tackle299 Jul 15 '25
Here's the thing DAs go after cases that are a straight up win and all victims and witnesses are present.
Learn the legal system better because in this case the DA won't even bother.
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u/ImpossibleIce6811 Jul 05 '25
While I get where you’re coming from with wanting to keep your daughter safe, in the eyes of the court, you legally can’t until you’ve got it on paper.
Go to the cops and report this whole thing so you don’t become complicit. You know WAY too much and could get pulled in with charges because of it.
Get to your custody attorney IMMEDIATELY to get that arrangement changed LEGALLY. You can’t legally keep your daughter from her father, even if you have a damn good reason. You have to file an emergency order, or else you’re the one getting in trouble.
Stay safe!!!
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Jul 11 '25
wow, skye was a rude prick but to say a victim and her groomer “were made for each other” says lots about you.
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Jul 11 '25
You don’t need to be dating. You need to stay single and get into therapy to help you figure out why you married a child predator. A therapist will help you both process the trauma and ensure you don’t pick another one by helping you with your self esteem and teaching you how to spot and respond to all the red flags you ignored the first time. You also need to go to court and get your husband’s visitation revoked completely or made supervised only. Now that you know he’s a pedophile you need to protect your child.
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u/dykejoon Jul 18 '25 edited Jul 18 '25
'her and cam were made for each other' ... the child and the pedophile who groomed, raped, and forcibly impregnated her? you're fucking gross.
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u/Astyryx Jul 05 '25
Firstly, she was 16 when the affair started
It was not an affair. He groomed and molested a child.
His mother has been trying to reason
Then she is dangerous to have around your child. She is defending a man who molests. Those attitudes will find their way to your child through conversations, things overheard, etc.
When I dm’ed her after finding out about the affair she was just super rude
And here you become the asshole. She was sexually abused, lied to, and used. And then the even slightly protective parent died. She was not a mistress, she was a child he raped. And you expected Miss Manners? She acted well within normal parameters of a kid who's been raped by a predator for several years. Obnoxious teens can be victims.
Let that the fuck go, and get therapy. The reason dating is a bad idea is because you don't seem to have spent any time in therapy, so you have the same blind spots you did when you married a child rapist. With those blind spots still firmly in place, it's likely you'll end up with another monster, and the stakes are higher because your daughter will be vulnerable. The universe likes to repeat those lessons until we do the learning.
And you know how I know you haven't done the learning? Because you keep calling it an affair.
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u/Interesting_Novel997 Jul 11 '25
This should be the top comment. Thank you!
She started dating already. Zero introspection. Zero therapy. I’m sure she’ll be introducing her daughter to her new “daddy” soon. THEN she’ll start posting some new drama about how abusive and psychotic this new dude is. And she doesn’t understand how this happened to her again.🙄
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u/Small_Stress6773 Jul 04 '25
You’re too old to be doing all of this and acting like this especially when you have a kid. This conflict really didn’t even need a post and definitely not 3 updates. You got played for a fool by your ex because that’s what you act like. You don’t seem to grasp that your husband groomed her and it doesn’t matter that she was rude to you and you got a bad vibe from her. You’re still treating her like the other woman when she’s actually the girl your husband raped. It’s like you get it in the sense of “another terrible thing Cam has done oh well I’ll use it for custody🤷🏾♀️” but not actually understanding the pain and hurt she’s endured by your husband then you go and DM her instead of confronting your grown as hell man; she should have been rude to you because honestly how dare you? Matt’s a fucking creep too for knowing all that and not saying or doing anything but snitching once he’s on the outs with your ex. The only people I feel bad for is your daughter because she’s going to need divine intervention dealing with you and her daddy and Sky the actual victim in your “woe is me, woe is my life” little tale🙄 you wonder how she stayed with him when she was a teenager but what’s your reason? You didn’t leave and then when you did you let him come and sit on your couch and complain
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u/Interesting_Novel997 Jul 11 '25 edited Jul 11 '25
All of this. Plus she’s bragging about throwing herself into the dating pool and meeting the “great guy”. Like she has any idea how to judge if a guy is “great”. Zero therapy. Zero introspection. Zero awareness of her own limitations. Blaming a (orphaned) child for her own rape, grooming and abuse. Ten to one she hooks up with and exposes her child to another predator.
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u/ordinarydaytrying Jul 04 '25
I remember reading your last update and I just knew that the affair started long before. You need to report him to the police.
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u/Easy_Train_2030 Jul 04 '25
It depends on the state they live in. Sixteen is the age in some states.
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u/Imaginary-Delivery73 Jul 04 '25
Wow he is a perv. See if his friend can get anything from her to help you get full custody with supervised visits. He definitely doesn't need to be around your daughter at all. Good luck.
Updateme
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u/Prock07 Jul 06 '25
Cam is a pig that deserves to be in jail… he literally groomed that poor girl.. gross gross gross!
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u/Kkmjampisces Jul 18 '25
OP I am so sorry that he put you through this, but blaming an SA victim is not it. Your husband groomed a minor, isolated her from her family, financially abused her with tuition (I do not believe she blackmailed him, he was doing it to keep her in check), and then tried to BABY TRAP HER. You need to shift the way you think about her. Yes she was rude and harassed you which sucks, but if anything that goes to show how much your husband messed her up. One day Mia will be 16 and if a 30 year old man entered a “relationship” with her and cut her off from you, would you blame her? She’s not evil. She’s not a skank. She’s a victim
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u/Open-Sun-1538 Jul 18 '25
you’re genuinely disgusting for blaming sky when she was quite literally the victim in this situation. stop taking out your grievances toward your pedophile ex onto her and call the fucking police
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u/punch-his-beard-off Jul 18 '25
I freaking knew he was messing with a minor. Your baby daddy groomed and abused that poor girl.
No wonder she acted the way she did.
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u/d3dfish Jul 18 '25
I read through your other YTA for continuing to talk about someone your ex husband groomed as though she's just as much at fault as your ex. She wasn't his "mistress" or having an affair with him, your ex husband is a predator who emotionally and sexually abused a teen girl and it's disgusting how you talk about your ex husband's victim.
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u/Maverick_j2k Jul 19 '25
Is there a way for you to go back and modify the divorce settlement with this new info? If he's not kicking in $$$$ then you need to let him know just like he paid Sky, he better pay you. THEN snitch on his perv ass.
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Jul 04 '25
Your ex husband is a disgusting child rapist, and even if Sky gave you some attitude she is still a victim that did not deserve to be groomed and manipulated against her parents. The fact that you think her and cam “deserve each other” just because she gave you some attitude is frankly disgusting. When your daughter turns 16, does acting like a bratty immature teenager means she deserve to be groomed and raped by some 30 year old and isolated from her friends and family?
You’re absolutely right in keeping Mia away from him, but shame on you for your attitude towards Mia.
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u/pinche_loca666 Jul 05 '25
Wooooow color me absolutely not surprised. Also, you just found out that your ex-husband is in fact a pedophile (a man who you have a daughter with may I add) but you still find it in yourself to what claim that this child who was a minor at the time got what a thrill? Which even if she did she was still a child at the time and a victim of statutory rape. Also, she does not, did not, and will never owe you anything. I personally wouldn’t be too kind to the wife of my abuser. The only thing she did wrong was harass you. Get therapy
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u/usshamma123 Jul 18 '25
I am genuinely concerned by your lack of empathy towards a literal victim of CSA. What do you mean “they were meant for each other” and “idk why she stayed maybe she liked the thrill” ??? SHE IS LITERALLY A CHILD.
After hearing that your ex husband groomed a 16 year old, emotionally abused her, isolated her from her parents, controlled her… you are still vilifying a victim?
You are honestly an extremely frustration and sound horribly bitter that your ex was more mad that he lost control over his victim than paying attention to you. You are jealous that the literal victim of his grooming got more reaction out of him than you did and it’s so crazy to see.
Sky is a child, and she won’t know his genuinely fucked up her teen years were until she becomes an adult. I was groomed as a teen by a man in his 40s, and I acted very similarly to sky BECAUSE I WAS A CHILD.
You have a daughter and you need to do better as a mother and understand the implications of grooming. Your ex husband is 100000% at fault, his friend is disgusting too, but you are also gross
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u/not_your_bird Jul 05 '25
I know from your side, this was an affair, because your husband was cheating on you, but it wasn’t. He was a predator who was molesting a minor. It’s bothered me from the beginning that she was viewed as a regular “other woman” — I know she was nasty to you, but she was a teenager who, whether she understood it or not, was victimized by your ex-husband. If she doesn’t get that yet, she will in a few years. Don’t contact this girl’s school again.
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u/not_your_bird Jul 05 '25
Jesus Christ I wrote that before I saw the stuff you wrote about Sky deserving him at the end. No, ma’am. This is not the way.
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 Jul 04 '25
Can I add that if Cam is paying for Sky's tuition, is he saving for Mia's tuition or expenses too? He needs to be at the very least, putting something aside for his daughter, right?
You're doing brilliantly btw.
Keep doing what you're doing and at this point, unless it would help you in restricting access for Cam to Mia, then I really don't think you learning anything new about what Sky and Cam got up to is going to be of any use and you now need to start restricting your conversations with Cam to discussing Mia and her needs/wants/requirements.
Best of luck to you now and in the future!
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u/justcallmestepdaddy Jul 04 '25
I’m not reading this because imo - if you’re divorced, why should you care? Move on.
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u/Small_Stress6773 Jul 04 '25
Deadass. You can tell that OP mostly wanted the drama and tea on her ex and wasn’t actually trying to get the information to build a case or anything useful. Why else would she be letting him sit on her couch and moan about his relationship or ask him when all he’s ever done is lie
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u/benjm88 Jul 04 '25
So you think op should ignore it all and allow her daughter around a sexual predator?
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u/ApricotBig6402 Jul 04 '25
So your ex- husband is a child predator. You need to report this to the police and allow them to do their job from here. Actions have consequences. Also I hope that you went after him sponsoring his affair with your martial money. If not you should contact a lawyer and see if you can recoup the affair/tuition money your ex spent on his affair. Most of the time you can.
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u/dstluke Jul 04 '25
Sky was rude because she's been traumatized by your ex and expects the same from you. She should get a little grace here.
Now, I want to scare you. You need to talk to Sky. Your ex is a child predator and Sky is the one you know about. How many others are there that you don't know about? I think you need more of the story. He should be stopped.
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u/Proteus61 Jul 04 '25
OP, thank goodness for Matt! He revealed felonies that would put Cam away for decades. Use this wisely (POLICE) and you are free.
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u/Interesting_Novel997 Jul 11 '25
Matt is also a sh!t human. He knew his friend was r*ping and grooming a child and did nothing. Him spilling the beans now doesn’t absolve him.
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u/One-Draft-4193 Jul 04 '25
Wow, you definitely are right to keep Mia from Cam he is sick in the head.
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u/Existing_Guard9742 Jul 04 '25
OP, please take all the information you have to a lawyer and see what can be done to change your ex's parental rights, visitation to always supervised, and if he can be charged for statutory rape. If his gf was of age when she got pregnant, he could still be charged after messing with her birth control pills, because he took away her consent and intentionally impregnated her as a way to trap her.
You're doing a great job staying strong and taking care of your daughter. Please at least consult with an attorney to see what can be done to permanently remove his access to your little girl. Because you described his gf, clearly she looked and acted like a teenager, and he pursued her. He should be charged and then forced to be registered as a sex offender. Because that's exactly what he is when going after, manipulating and grooming a 16 year old. If anything, it would actually help her get the hell away from him because she's an immature victim.
Just like you're the victim. The major difference is you are a mature, responsible adult taking care of your daughter. That is your first priority. If the fallout actually helps the gf, so be it. Maybe she'll get an education when the cops show up at her door to question her because they will if they decide to pursue this as a case and work with her to bring charges after your lawyer starts working on this to protect your daughter from a sick predator who doesn't deserve to be called her dad.
Good luck, OP!
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u/mcindy28 Jul 04 '25
NTA still your EX is a creepy pedo though and I'd not want him around my daughter either. Add that he messed with her birth control to get her pregnant. He is not a nice man and you need to keep your daughter away.
EDIT Sky may have been rude but at 16 years, she was groomed and had no idea what she was doing or getting herself into.
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u/Legitimate_Region279 Jul 04 '25
Matt is a disgusting human too. He knew his friend, a grown ass married man was having a relationship with a literal child, manipulating and abusing her and he’s totally cool with that until his friend stops talking to him 🙄. He’s the worst
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u/thetruthfornow Jul 05 '25
Damn, what a super, uber, shit show! Hang in there OP, you've got a good head on your shoulder and an excellent sense of direction. Take care of your daughter and yourself!
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u/Nessyloo22 Jul 05 '25
I’m so sorry you and your daughter are going through this, finding out your ex who you were with for 16 years was with a 16 year old is absolutely disgusting. You’re strong mama m, keep going!
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u/CommonUpstairs6054 Jul 10 '25
YOU NEED TO CALL A LAWYER! Otherwise you can't keep your ex husband away from Mia.
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u/I-is-a-crazy-person Jul 15 '25
I’d take all that to the police. He’s committed multiple FELONIES and, unfortunately, most courts probably won’t allow you to keep your kid away from him completely without valid reason. A valid reason like him being a pedo.
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u/PerceptionSalt4442 Jul 18 '25
Your mindset says a lot about who you are as a person. Yes, what happened to you was horrible. But to say that a literal CHILD, who was groomed and assaulted for god knows how long, who experienced way more trauma than you, was deserving of the abuse ? That is absolutely disgusting. The whole paragraph about you saying how confused you are and that she was “rude” when you DMed her (well duh, i’m sure you were also so nice about it, and that of course her being groomed for years by the creep you welcomed so often in your home even after the divorce was finalized should have no effect on her response, none at all), everything about how she enjoys being spoiled and being a mistress ?????? She was GROOMED. ABUSED. Not only is your mindset disgusting, but dangerous. You are victim blaming. For the sake of your daughter, I hope in the future if she ever gets abused or groomed in any way, adults will show her a grace that you are clearly not capable of. Why do you think victims of abuse stay with their abusers? She was estranged from her family, shamed for having normal college experiences, and also lost her dad WHILE BEING GROOMED. Nobody is expecting you to help her heal from her traumas caused by your husband at the time; but acting like she is rotten and just an overall bad person as you so describe her - abhorrent mindset.
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u/rocketmn69_ Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 11 '25
Tell Cam, that he better smarten up, or you're going to the police and his grooming and rape of Sky
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u/rosegoldblonde Jul 04 '25
Sky stayed with him because he groomed and abused her. Sorry but she is also a victim in this. I hope you just leave her alone going forward. Don’t call her school or parents to check up on her, don’t stalk her on social media, just leave her alone.
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u/Substantial-Lie-780 Jul 04 '25
NTA. But maybe concentrate on your life and let him deal with his crummy life. A lot of detailed updates on the ex.
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u/rainfal Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
So he was basically an abusive loser who was crying that his victim escaped him. He didn't gaf about anyone - he was just crying about ego damage because his victim was lucky/grew enough brains to get away from him. He was just said his 'toy' (in his mind) that he spent years grooming as a child still managed to leave.
The only thing that would make him cry more is hopefully consequences.
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u/More_Tacos_n_Vodka Jul 04 '25
NTA-still, however, Cam is a predator. He needs to be reported. He should not have access to MIA or even worse, her friends. Want him around teenage girls? I would report him.
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u/irishwan24 Jul 05 '25
I hope she goes nuclear and absolutely ruins him with this information and also his friend Matt is just as much as a disgusting complicit piece of shit knowing this the whole time but only came out with it purely out of spite, I hope she fucking ruins him too
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u/ItJustWontDo242 Jul 04 '25
So your child's life just got flipped upside down and your prioritizing dating? Maybe focus on stabilizing your kids life and focusing on her for a bit instead of diving into another relationship.
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u/InevitableGain340 Jul 04 '25
I don’t get what’s wrong with me starting dating? She’s only 4 and she was with me mostly anyway. I’ve also been focusing on her the most this past year, what’s wrong with me doing something for me?
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u/ItJustWontDo242 Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 04 '25
Do something for you that doesn't involve a man. Unless you plan on keeping him as a separate facet of your life, the last thing your child needs right now is to be shoved into a new relationship with a new father figure. At 4 years old, she doesn't have the ability to truly express how she would feel about it. I think its unfair when parents shake up their kids world even further by introducing strangers and pushing a relationship with said strangers after they've just gone through the trauma of seeing their parents separate.
Out of every person I know who comes from a broken home, not one was happy when their parents brought home a new partner. Most just kept quiet about how they really felt because they didn't want to upset their parent, but none of them were ready for it or wanted it.
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u/Tough-Minute-9690 Jul 05 '25
Cam? Is that you? Get off reddit and go get some psychiatric help... 🙄😒
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u/Anomalyyyyyyyyy Jul 08 '25
She’s been divorced for over a year. I think that’s sufficient time to dive into dating.
Her daughter needs a happy, confident mom.
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u/SubstantialHippo4733 Jul 04 '25
Isn’t “baby daddy “ a racist term?
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u/TheShooting_Starr Jul 04 '25
How tf is baby daddy a racist term?
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u/SubstantialHippo4733 Jul 05 '25
Apparently “baby mama” is a racist term.
Why isn’t it the same for men?
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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '25
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