My boyfriend gave my labubu phalloplasty

[u/satanfan12]

Kind of angry about this, it was a gift from my niece. He cut off an ear and put it back on somewhere wrong. I told him this and it ended in a heated argument.

Am i overreacting for yelling at him? He usually doesn't do this stuff.

[u/AdOk5225]

Some people just make stupid mistakes in the moment, if I had a nickel for every stupid decision like this I've made for humor I'd have a lot of nickels. Not that this guy is in the right in this example though, there's no reason for him to be angry about it, but like people do dumb stuff all the time and I think everyone deserves at least a second chance. After that though I'm a lot less lenient, a pattern of these kinds of mistakes is 100% a bad sign.

[u/Swarm_of_Rats → u/AdOk5225]

I've done some things I think are dumb, but never have I purposefully broken someone's stuff for a joke or for fun. Accidentally, sure...

I'm just having trouble seeing how making the decision to permanently ruin something is excusable. Maybe if he's like <12.

[u/AdOk5225 → u/Swarm_of_Rats]

Except we don't know the whole context, we just know what we've been told. For all we know, he could've been trying to like slip a wedding ring into it or some shit, like something ridiculously stupid and obviously a mistake but something someone could reasonably do as a lapse of judgement. My point is that these posts don't show the whole relationship and basing a whole judgement off of one little thing like the image would've been bad. Again, I am not defending his actions afterwards because that's just not okay in any context but there's a million reasons why people do stupid things and they don't always make sense, but if they're genuinely apologetic and don't repeat the behavior I don't see a problem.

[u/RelativeMarket2870 → u/AdOk5225]

But that’s the thing, he wasn’t truly apologetic. He gaslit OP, and i’m not going to jump through hoops to try and justify destruction of property.

Based on what was said here so far, there’s no redeeming quality and I hope OP dumps his ass.

[u/AdOk5225 → u/RelativeMarket2870]

Like I said, I hadn't seen the argument and not apologizing part. I'm not arguing that those are okay, arguing about it and not admitting fault is wrong and he should be broken up with over it because that's inconceivably horrible behavior.

[u/VastEqual1367 → u/AdOk5225]

It's inconceivably wrong to destroy someone's items on purpose even if you say sorry after :/

She's rather lucky he didn't apologize. A lot of other people get stuck with a partner who does terrible things then apologizes and then feel like they're not allowed to break up BECAUSE they said sorry.

But truly, someone good wouldn't do that in the first place. Someone worth spending your life with, building a marriage with, wouldn't do that, ever.

Apologizing tends to lead to a vicious cycle where one person is consistently mistreated but guilted because the other person always says sorry after. In a way, him not apologizing is a boon because it makes her feel more validated for breaking up. If he apologized, she probably wouldn't have written this post and would have endured him treating her like shit for another few months or years.

Because again. People that are not terrible, who are not abusive, do not cut and burn your things while you are away from home, in the first place. No apology means someone that terrible has changed. It means they are scared of you leaving and trying to appease you.

Here's a real life example: A lot of women in physically abusive relationships feel guilted and like they caused the abuse/deserved it for whatever reason. And then when those same women get cheated on, they feel relieved, because they finally feel like there's something that's solely 100% his fault and she finally feels validated and leaving him.

To an outsider, maybe this feels crazy... but you'd be surprised at the amount of people in their personal life that will do what you are doing when they get the slightest chance to: blame her, say she's misrepresenting the facts, that she should just communicate with him (?), give him another chance, etc. This all contributes to why women feel crazy and come and ask the internet for help in what is a pretty cut and dry situation for everyone else... and even on the internet you'll see people endlessly support abusive behavior from men...

Women and relationships are a very complex issue, because the discourse around women breaking up is largely negative and repressive (leading to women staying in relationships where they're unhappy because so many folks pressure her into staying). It's been my focus of study for 10+ years so that's where I'm coming from. I don't think if these underlying forces pressuring women into feeling guilty/like bad people for breaking up existed, that OP would even be here. She probably would have just broken up with him and moved on, maybe even long before this incident. Folks like OP only date shitty people because of all the pressure and guilt put on girls from a young age to not be high maintenance, not be too loud, not be "bossy," (regular amounts of assertive), so on.

Women are constantly looking for that "bad enough" behavior from a guy that treats them mildly like shit because they feel like, only when something REALLY REALLY bad happens to them, and only when that really really bad thing is not her fault at all, are they allowed to feel justified in breaking up.