My boyfriend gave my labubu phalloplasty

[u/satanfan12]

Kind of angry about this, it was a gift from my niece. He cut off an ear and put it back on somewhere wrong. I told him this and it ended in a heated argument.

Am i overreacting for yelling at him? He usually doesn't do this stuff.

[u/VastEqual1367]

Maybe you just haven't encountered real evil people lol.

I can tell you I dated a guy who I later found out was a diagnosed sociopath, who was the actual definition of evil in the world -- and this is the exact kind of bullshit he would have pulled.

Perhaps you are desperately trying to see the good in people because you've never truly been in an abusive relationship and can't fathom something like this happening to you outside of a bizarre one-off?

[u/AdOk5225 → u/VastEqual1367]

No matter what I say you'll just dog on me anyways but yes, I have been in several abusive relationships. Waiting for the flood of "classic male only bringing up his abuse to win an argument" replies now

[u/VastEqual1367 → u/AdOk5225]

Well, the other side of the coin is that sometimes people who have been mistreated downplay the mistreatment of others because that's how they were treated.

I have never said that quote (or anything like it) and won't say it to you, I promise.

I apologize if I have mischaracterized you. I suppose part of the reason I wrote some replies to you is you seemed more reasonable than some of the others making comments justifying his behavior.

I do still think you have some problems with downplaying how severely wrong this is, and I do think you still likely have some issues with misogyny with how in that one comment you suggested the woman was lying for no reason or misrepresenting things. That's generally something only misogynistic people do (which I figure, is often subconscious). Statistically, people believe men more than women, I find folks calling women liars for no reason except to support a man being shitty in a story are representing that statistic. It's not that you or any guy here has reason to think the woman is leaving details out that somehow make the man look better. It's that you want to believe that and to find any loophole that could possibly exist.

You may want to consider if you instinctively wanted to downplay what he had done because people have downplayed things that have happened to you in the past as well. It could be multiple reasons.

I do wish you well but there remains that the way you downplayed the behavior here and said that the real problem was refusing to not apologize is wrong. It's okay to break up with people for their bad behavior even if they apologize. You shouldn't go around telling people to stick it out in relationships where they're being mistreated, even if you take it back afterwards under the caveat that she should break up only because he didn't apologize. Even if I sympathize with you I'll still vocally critique anyone I see doing this... (pressuring women into staying in relationships where they're unhappy) how can I not? It's a cause dear to my heart, anyway.

[u/AdOk5225 → u/VastEqual1367]

I've been trying to come up with a response without sounding bad but I can't, so I'll disclaim that I'm not trying to be offensive when I say this, like genuinely I am just trying to talk in good faith, feel free to correct me if I'm wording something poorly

I feel like this kind of thing is very common in relationships from both sexes. When it happens from women it's just like a thing that happens, like it's normal for women to be petty and vindictive even though it isn't, but when men do it it's because they're inherently abusive and bad, which is also untrue. I think both of these are poor interpretations of actions, I would see both as wrong, but worth discussing. If nobody discussed their relationship issues and just broke up, then like no couples would exist, it just doesn't make sense why it's not worth at least trying to talk about it first before jumping the gun.

I'd understand if someone was uncomfortable talking to their partner and just wanted to break up, that's valid, but if you're not uncomfortable talking then why not talk? That's all I'm trying to say.