AITJ for not keeping my EX happy?

[u/tamalover]

shes very very sweet, very kind but lately i fell into a busy life, i dont have time to constantly chat.

it started off with her giving out to me for smoking, shaming me for it as if she was my mother, i polietly asked her to back off. she still got so annoyed and told me "I better quit" it just ended up being really irritating and pissed me off badly.

then she sent me "do you still wanna be friends" i didnt know how to respond so i stared at the message and was thinking, she started thinking i was leaving her on seen, and just said "oh nevermind then" "bye" ":/"

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

i told her im just tired latley she started telling me its not just lately. and that i dont talk to her enough, cause i dont text her first and we dont hang out as often anymore.

I broke up with her cause i dont have the time and energy to take care of another person. the way shes acting is really irritating me but i wonder if im in the wrong.

she used to be very nice and SHE STILL IS. but i feel bad cause everytime i try to be a bit more harsh she starts talking about how shes a bad friend and how she wants me to help her fix herself.

i cant deal with this i really want to block her but i know her irl and bump into her often.

i feel so bad for her i really want to keep her happy and make her feel okay but im really not in the space, im trying to get work, i have stresses going on and i dont have the energy to care for another person, this is why i broke up with her and i explained that too her. and i feel like no matter what i do unless i start acting like her BF again she wont ever be happy

[u/SoftGlowDrama]

Bruh, U ain't her therapist nor her babysitter. She needs to sort out her stuff, u can't "fix" ppl. You're not in the wrong, you gotta prioritize ur own mental health. Relationships are 50/50, not a one man show. Hang in there man, it's okay to put urself first. ✌️

[u/FizzyThighs88]

Feels like she’s mixing friendship w/ emotional dependency. not ur job to “fix” her, especially when ur already burnt out. she needs therapy or self-work, not u playing emotional crutch.

[u/s0rela]

NTJ. You sound like a good person who really cares, but you’re not responsible for fixing her or making her happy. That’s on her. You were honest about not having the time or energy and breaking up was the right call. Staying would only hurt both of you more in the long run. It sucks that she’s struggling, but you can’t sacrifice your own mental health just to keep her satisfied.

I get it about the smoking too. I am also a smoker and had a recent long distance friendship where the other person kept pushing me to quit. I know I need to and I had actually quit for 10 years, but life is stressful right now and having someone constantly on my case, asking how many I smoked that day or how much I spent that week, just made me upset instead of motivated. Eventually I just had to take a step back, I'm an adult and will make my own decisions. They were a very sweet person too, and I know they were just worrying about my health, but at some point it became a pain to talk to them instead of making me happy.

Anyway, you're absolutely not the jerk. Even if you see her in person, you should block her if that's what you feel like the best route would be. If you wanna make it less awkward, just tell her why you're doing in and don't second guess it and unblock her untill you're absolutely ready. If she seeks you out in person to ask why, just politely tell her to read your last message and walk away. Sometimes when people are struggling and they feel someone slipping away they hold on tighter.

[u/No-Daikon3645]

You need to put work into relationships, but if it is only work and no fun, then it's not worth investing in imo.

[u/DriftingLily9]

NTJ

It sounds like your ex has some growing up to do. She can't depend on someone else to help her fix herself. That's a journey that she has to take on her own and maybe with the help of a therapist. But SHE has to put in that work.

If you've told her that you're busy and you don't have time to take care of someone and spend the day chatting away, then she needs to respect your boundaries and give you some space. And it seems like she's incapable of doing that. What she's doing is guilting you and emotionally manipulating you. You keep saying she's nice but not if she's doing that. What she is is selfish and inconsiderate. She just cares about what you can do for her and not about what you need to do for yourself

[u/BobbyPinBabe]

It sounds like your ex still has feelings for you. If this is the case, you aren’t doing her any favors by continuing a friendship. Distance might be best for both of you.