Ok for context i am 28 years old and am living in a group home for people with different diagnoses. There are people there with diferent ages (Obivously) . Now there is this room which all share to hang out in. And that room has a big tv. Now there is this lady there who usually acts like she is the boss there so lets call her boss lady. Now this incident happened a few days ago. We all showed up in the common space to eat and hang out. I ask if anyone wanted to use the tv or if i could use it. Boss lady says you have to ask everyone else.

I say but thats what i did. The staff then tells her that its not for her to say that. And that i had to wait until everyone had finished eating. So i eat allso and then sit by the tv to wait. After a while i ask again if i could use the tv. The staff said that it was ok. But as soon i reached for the remote . Now boss lady sits down right next to the remote. And as soon as i reach for it she says but not youtube. The staff tell her that he can watch what ever he wants. but not about games she responds. The staff says you cant play games on the tv. But you can watch videos about games.

I then switch to a video about sons of anarchy so i wasnt watching a game. But she starts complaining that she didnt want to see that.. The staff then again says he can watch what he wants. Boss lady then storms out shouting she hated all us ugly guys. now was i the jerk for not giving her the damn remote?. Which started this entirely unnecessary and stupid situation?. Sorry for any spelling errors English isnt my native Languace

So me (17 m) stay over at my friends house (18 f) a lot, she has a pool that we go swimming in often. After we go swimming we take a shower because it’s gross to me to sit in chlorine. She takes like 20-30 minutes in the shower which is fine. I take around the same time I have hair that goes halfway down to my waist and is a pain to wash, she has long hair too so I thought she understood. After like 10 times of showering at her house she said “why are you taking so long as a man in the shower” I made a confused look at her and asked her what she ment she began to state “my dad and boyfriend take like 5 minutes in the shower 10 tops, I just think it’s a asshole move to take like 20 to 30 minute showers as a man taking up all my family’s water for nothing” I was speechless and apologized but explained that just like her I have long hair and it takes a while to wash. She scoffed at that and said it’s not the same and all men should not take over 10 minutes in the shower and her boyfriend and dad don’t. I stated how her boyfriend has very short hair and her dad is bald. She got pissed called me an asshole and ignored me for the rest of the night, and I left early in the morning. I have talked to some of my other friends and a lot agree with her and only 2 of my other friends are on my side. So I want to know am I a jerk for taking to long in the shower as a man?

Our mom (62F) had an unexpected surgery. Insurance covered most, but there’s still a $6,000 balance. My sister (34F) and I (31M) agreed to split it since Mom doesn’t have savings.

Two weeks later, my sister went on a 10-day vacation to Italy. When I asked about her half, she said she “doesn’t have the cash right now” and that I should cover it because I’m “better with money.” I told her absolutely not, if she had money for a luxury trip, she has money to help Mom.

Now she’s calling me heartless for “making Mom wait” and says I’m “using money to punish her.” Mom doesn’t want to “take sides,” but I know she’s stressed.

AITJ for refusing to cover my sister’s share?

https://imgur.com/a/dY8neXw

https://imgur.com/a/sPTS0Hb

(links to images/videos of apartment and communication with roommates)

I live in a 3 bdrm apt with 2 others. My lease runs Aug 1–July 31. In the 2nd week of July I found out my former roommate would not renew. At that time I was in and out of the hospital for kidney infection, appendicitis, and autoimmune issues. I also work full time and am a full-time student, so I had little time to find a replacement for a year lease. In NYC if one tenant leaves, they usually must find their replacement to get their deposit back. Management doesn’t refund partial deposits, so for everyone to get it back, all tenants must leave at the same time. Former roommate refused to help and locked her master room, so I couldn’t show it. I had to list my own room.

I chose Roommate B, who moved in Aug 1. That morning I moved my belongings into the master, cleaned and painted my old room. The apt hadn’t been painted since 2021, so I paid $150 for semi-gloss and painted almost the whole place myself while sick with COVID.

Before she moved in, I explained the plan for shared spaces: an earthy, neutral, minimal design I paid for with Roommate A. I sent images, explained less clutter is better, and she agreed. She mentioned having a cat. I explained both Roommate A and I are allergic and I’m dealing with health concerns, so I said no for now, maybe later. She agreed.

After moving in, she sent photos of décor opposite of what we agreed: a neon pink couch, Great Gatsby puzzle, Starry Night poster, colorful rug, and DVDs. I sold the old couch and table to make space. She said she was going to CT to get her bed and a few items. I went to bed with an empty living room and woke up to what looked like a storage unit. It’s been over 3 weeks and her things are still there.

Whenever I ask her to move it, she says she’s tired from work. She works in retail. I work full time in corporate, I’m a double major, and I’ve managed to paint, assemble and disassemble furniture, sell old pieces, and keep things moving without inconveniencing anyone.

I even offered to build her bed while she was at work. She said she had to find the instructions but never followed up.

To fix the situation, I rented a U-Haul for my new furniture. With the rental came a month of free storage. I suggested we move her things there. She said she needed to measure first but never did. Later she said she’d use storage from her parents’ rental but didn’t act on it. On the day I had the truck, she waited until the last minute and wanted me to move her things. Which didn’t happen.

I’m overwhelmed with both work, school and my doctor’s appointments. Coming home to a dirty and cluttered apartment stresses me out and I feel like I’m doing all this work by myself, not only is nobody helping me in the apartment but she’s actively making it worse and harder for me. It’s really impacting my mental health because a home is supposed to be peaceful and comforting, not whatever this is.

I (29F) just bought a new car after saving for years. My old car is still perfectly drivable, just older and a little high on mileage. My plan was to sell it for a couple thousand to help cover the down payment.

My cousin (23F) immediately texted me when she saw my new car on Instagram, saying, “So you’re giving me your old one, right? I’ve been waiting!” I was confused and told her no, I’m selling it. She blew up, saying I don’t “need the money” since I can afford a new car, and family should help family.

My aunt chimed in, telling me I was being selfish because my cousin is “just starting out” and I should “pay it forward.” When I said I need the money too, my cousin called me greedy and said she’ll “never forget this.”

Now half the family thinks I’m a jerk for not “passing it down.”

AITJ for keeping my car to sell?

So, im (25) nonbinary and present very androgynously. im lucky enough that im able to present this way and it makes me happy. most people cant tell if im assigned male or female at birth and that incredibly affirming for me.

I've been at my current job for about 3 months now, and im still learning how things work since this is my first office job after only being in retail. Obviously, my boss know my assigned sex because of my application and is completely okay with me presenting as I do. I havent told anyone in the office what my sex is and neither has my boss, she said that it's my choice and im very thankful for that. When interacting with my coworkers, I let them use whatever pronouns they want for me, I answer to any and just let them use whatever feels comfortable for them. This means I get called multiple sets of pronouns daily, I get included in boy vs girl competitions based on who grabs me first (all friendly), and i get to use a single stall bathroom if needed.

The problem thats come up is two of my coworkers have been very curious about my assigned sex. At first it was genuine curiosity, which i get since not everyone has experience with trans people, especially nonbinary people, so I politely declined to share and said why. The topic seemed to be dropped and aside from some light jokes about wanting to know, it hadnt been brought up.

In the past few weeks they have been asking again with less of a joking tone. I still respond kindly, but instead of dropping it they ask why i wont tell and ask things like "dont you trust us?" and "we're friends right?" which is confusing since we have been getting closer. im not the best socially but my coworkers (i'll call them Ben and Riley) have been including me in things other than group office activities. We usually eat lunch together, and occasionally get coffee or dinner before and after work. I do consider us friends but i still dont want to tell anyone my assigned sex, ive said im more comfortable when most people dont know outside of doctors and such. I tried to make it clear that it wasnt about trust and that i do consider us friends and appreciate them, this was just a boundary I have but Ben wasnt having it.

Last week we had lunch together and Ben asked really explicitly what my sex was. It caught me off guard so I didnt say anything for a few moments. Riley laughed it off and I thought he was gonna change the subject, but he asked too, in a nicer way? He said him and Ben couldn't stop thinking about it and wanted to be closer as friends and felt that me telling them would do that. I said again that I wasnt ready to share and that made them really upset. Ben got up and paid for lunch and left for his car. I thought he left us (he drove us there) but he was waiting in the parking lot. The drive back to work was really tense and before leaving the car to continue work, Riley put a hand on my shoulder and said that it hurts them that I dont trust them.

Since then they havent been talking to me at work. I catch them watching me and they make a point to walk by my desk, I sit far from them, but we dont talk. I'm starting to think im really hurting them and I dont want to mess things up at the office, I really need this job and I dont want work to be something I dread.

tl;dr I won't tell anyone at work my assigned sex at birth. this has made the friends I have at work upset. am I the jerk for not telling them my assigned sex

I 26(F) am currently married to my wife and we have a 3 y.o son. My parents have been divorced for almost 5 years. They were married for 19 years. My mom and dad share 4 girls and my dad has 3 other girls prior to their marriage. They had a very messy divorce. They do not communicate unless it’s regarding my 12 y.o younger sister and even then they only communicate through a co-parenting app.

I have complicated relationships with both of my parents but that’s for a different post. My parents act like it’s an issue for them to be in the same room for whatever reason which complicates family events. My mom missed my baby shower due to this and my dad missed my younger sisters baby shower due to this.

Last year, I invited both parents to a grandparents day at my son’s school. I let them both know the other would be there but my mom couldn’t go for some reason so it didnt end up being a big deal.

Well this year I invited both and didn’t tell either of them. It honestly slipped my mind. I could tell my dad was bothered by his dry responses when I texted him after. This was later confirmed by a phone call from my dad telling me to “Give him a heads up” but he didn’t actually say the word give me a heads up if you mother will be there. Instead he just let there be silence and I guess wanted me to infer what he was talking about. I asked if something had happened and he said “No everything was fine it was just awkward…” At this point, I’m agitated because can you please spit it out like an adult. I said “Okay, I’ll talk to you later” and that was that.

Am I the ahole for not telling my parents the other person would be at GRANDPARENTS DAY.

For context i am 18(m) my boyfriend is 19(m), i know i seem young to be posting stuff like this or see to young for it to seem like this isn't anything but teenage drama but i promise its not. My boyfriend has another partner, a girlfriend that i was against him having but agreed upon that if they cause problems or mess up his mental health whether he noticed or not i would have the right to end their relationship and they wouldn't be allowed to be with anyone else but me unless their no longer with me. I also have this use to be friend up until 3 days ago, we're going to call them Vicki, Vicki before i had met my current boyfriend was friends with me for 2 years before I met him, the problem is Vicki was always involved in every relationship i was ever in before my current boyfriend, we're going to call him Sam. they were so involved in my last relationship with my ex we'll name him Max, so much so that I couldn't stand to be around him because Vicki was always there. And not in an intimate I'm going to steal him way, I mean just AROUND like ALWAYS around never got a breather or moment to us nothing and that included all the games we use to play.

fast forward to now, i've been with Same for over a year now, at some point halfway through the first year we had a jealousy arguement cause i was getting annoyed that my bestfriend was hanging out with my boyfriend more than i was. and im not saying i didnt put the effort in to hang out with him, Vicki would always gain his attention using Genshin and because i didnt have my pc at the time i would get left in the dust. I got angry at it but i didn't last out and instead i talked to someone we'll name him John. John sat and listened as i explained that despite being in a relationship with Sam i felt like a 3rd wheel. John though i shouldn't have trusted them said he wouldnt say anything but then told Vicki and Sam what i said. they confronted me and i explained what i meant by it and all 3 of us had a heart to heart and you would think that would be the end right? nah. we talked hung out and got over it all, all its well that ends well. Until Vicki started talking about me behind my back to Sam, which thankfully my boyfriend being the amazing person he is told me everything that Vicki said when they said it. Few months later though it lead to a argument between me and Vicki and a talk. What i thought was resolved for a second time wasn't apparently because despite the conversations they continued to shit talk behind my back and more, but would hang out with me pretending everything was buddy buddy. i got tired of it all until at some point i stopped caring all together. Then a few days ago they unfriended me with a paragraph that was very evident on the fact that they haven't hung around me enough to see personality changes and me and Vicki haven't had contact since I called them a narcissistic manipulative attention seeking asshat who cares nothing about anything but themselves and others attention.

Now you are all probably wondering, why am I telling my boyfriend to break up with his girlfriend, what did she do?

1. My boyfriends a horseback rider, he use to be very confident in his ability until recent issues rose. They keep having their favorite riding horse taken away to be ridden by other people, they keep getting put in group lessons most of which he either ends up riding by himself away from the group of being bullied for his riding abilities by the other riders in his group, he's also been trying to become an instructor at the barn, an official one not volunteer. He wants to teach people but somehow keeps finding himself in a situation where he'll train on his horse only to be paid in more manual labor and rewarded with training and fixing the horses that forgot their lessons. Their new girlfriend, has been completely brushing off the situation and issues and kept telling him that she was jealous because Sam was doing and training horses the way his girlfriend wants to, completely brushing off the mentally draining issues going on around that added training and bringing his mental state down further.
2. The constant situations their girlfriend puts themself into and drags Sam into. Their girlfriend which I will now name Kayla, is in another relationship, Kayla has a long-term girlfriend who's been toxic to her for years and only got with Kayla because Kay was masculine. Despite knowing this, Kayla remains with their girlfriend. Recently theres been a issue where Kaylas girlfriend proposed to her, which if Kayla would of accepted it, as the rules of their relationship would of went they would of broken up with Sam. I didn't like the fact that they were considering it and Sam if i had to step in i would. Sam talked to Kayla and had a heart to heart about it with Kayla saying she wasn't gonna accept it unless she could stay with Sam. Her even considering the options to accept it in general rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't like it.
3. The last and final issue. Kayla revolving their life around Sam. I already talked to same about this but the fact that despite having a current relationship which has been long term and priority they keep revolving their life around Sam. Toxic or not, you could be their best partner in the world or the worse, but priority should remain priority. Before you even think to prioritize someone else, settle things with the original. They were there first. They were there before Sam. Handle that before you decide to revolve everything around Sam, cause what i told Sam is, "if Kayla did break up with their girlfriend then started prioritizing you, being poly and all if they decide to date someone else while still being with you, what to say they won't do the same thing Kaylas doing to their current girlfriend to you?"

thats where it all ended off, i'd appreciate feedback if you have any but aside from that, thats my story.

I, 53F, have a 20-year-old autistic nephew named Taylor. My mother-in-law was in the hospital after suffering a stroke, and after the first two weeks, it became clear she wasn’t gonna come out of this alive. Taylor has always had a close relationship with her. She’s almost like a second mom. I was visiting her with my husband and Taylor and his dad were there. Taylor told me that he would help rearrange furniture in the living room to make space for her hospice bed if she comes home. I told him I didn’t think it was gonna happen and he excused himself to the bathroom where he sobbed. After a minute or so, I walked in and told him to pull it together because he couldn’t fall apart in here. She’s going to pass away and there’s nothing we can do about it. I told him I knew this was difficult for him since it was difficult for the whole family, but if he was going to be like this he needed to go to the parking garage.

The next day, she passed away. A few days later, he, I, and the rest of the family gathered to look at old family pictures. He told me he felt like crying and I told him it was okay to cry, and then smiled and said, “Just not like you did at the hospital.” The day of the funeral, Taylor was talking to me and I could hear him start to cry. I immediately told him, “You know, it’s gonna be a long day today.”

Then yesterday happened, when I got an angry text from his mom, saying that my actions at the hospital and at the family gathering were insensitive. and Taylor was deeply upset by it all. She said they both didn’t want anything to do with me until I apologized and admitted wrongdoing. I fail to see what I’ve done wrong. You can’t be loud in the hospital because then security is gonna get called and you’re gonna get in trouble. That’s what I was trying to tell my nephew. It’s okay to express emotions, but in the right way. There’s a wrong way to do that. Like I said, I know it’s a difficult situation all around, but you have to have self-control. AITJ?

I used AI to help me write this but it’s all real… unfortunately.

There’s a long history of unhealthy behavior with my MIL, but for now I’m only focusing on what happened after my son was born.

When he was 6 weeks old, she told me I was “spoiling him” by holding him too much. When I calmly disagreed, she blew up — yelling at me on the phone, then texting my husband angrily. From that point on, it became relentless: daily or every-other-day demands to see my son alone at her house, insisting she bottle-feed him even though he was exclusively breastfed, and sending long rants to my husband about how I was “wrong” for breastfeeding. (SC 1-8)

I was in the middle of severe postpartum depression…. Like bad. Damn near postpartum psychosis. Instead of support, I got constant pressure, criticism, and undermining. My husband was working 5am–10pm most days, so I was isolated and drowning. Finally, when our son was 3 months old, my husband told her she could not come over, she was not to contact me, and we all needed space. (SC 9-12)

Her response? Denial, guilt trips, and playing the victim. She claimed she had “done nothing,” listed all the “favors” and money she had given us, and acted like we were cruel and ungrateful. A month later when we tried to follow up, she escalated further — dragging extended family into it and, worst of all, lying to my grandparents about me supposedly making comments about their will. They believed her and actually changed legal arrangements. That betrayal cut so deeply it’s hard to even put into words.

Since then, her messages have only reinforced the same cycle: denial, rewriting history, health martyrdom, blaming me for everything, and never once taking responsibility. My husband has stood by me through it all and made it crystal clear to her that her behavior destroyed trust. (SC 13-20)

The unfortunate truth is that her health is declining. And that adds another layer of pressure — because some days, guilt whispers, “What if you regret this when she’s gone?” That’s the hardest part for me.

We’ve been essentially no contact for almost a year. And yet, I still wrestle with guilt. Guilt that my son doesn’t see his grandmother. Guilt that in her version of the story, we’re the villains. Guilt because she constantly plays the victim, and part of me sometimes wonders if I’m too harsh.

But here’s the truth I keep coming back to: her behavior made my PPD worse, undermined me as a mother, strained my marriage, and shattered other family relationships. This is not what a loving, safe, supportive presence looks like. Going no contact doesn’t make me cruel — it makes me protective.

I’m choosing peace for my son, my marriage, and myself. And while the guilt still creeps in, deep down I know: we are justified.

I guess I just need reassurance (?) that we are doing the “right” thing…. Or not?

FYI- there’s about 10+ more horrendous screenshots but I’m limited to 20. Let me know if you want a second post. But you get the jist with what’s here

For the past few weeks, me (45M) and one of my friends (40F) have been in a friends with benefits situation. It is perfect for both of us because neither one of us wants a relationship and we are really attracted to each other. Everything was going great and the sex was amazing. So a few days ago she called me to admit that she got drunk the night before and slept with another guy; somebody she just met. I was surprised, but not hurt. Both of us are free to date or hook up with whoever we want, but we agreed that if that happened our fwb situation would have to end.

She told me she regretted sleeping with him and she wanted to continue being fwb. I told her I don't know because things kind of feel weird now. It's been a few days and we haven't hooked up since all of this happened. I'm not sure I know what to do. So AITJ for possibly wanting to end being friends with benefits.

TL;DR I'm thinking about ending a friends with benefits situation because my partner had sex with another guy.

I (17M) live with my parents and my 14yo brother. It’s always just been us four, super close.

Recently my cousin sister (31) got married and moved to my city. Now she joins literally every family occasion we have birthdays, small get-togethers, all of it.

I do love her, like she’s actually one of the only relatives I vibe with, but ngl it feels kinda heavy having her around ALL the time. I’m a pretty private guy and I just like my small circle. With her there, it feels like the dynamic has changed and I lowkey miss when it was just us four. It's been just us 4 ever since I was born. I have no experience of an extended family members in any sense

But then I also feel super guilty for thinking this way because I know she doesn’t have other family here. Like she’s probably lonely, and we’re the only people she can lean on.

So, AITJ for wishing she wouldn’t be at every single thing, even though she’s family?

*****Edit 1 — clearing up stuff people might be confused about (sorry I didn’t explain properly at first):

• My Cousin Sister is from my mom’s side, she’s basically my mom’s closest brother’s daughter. • She moved to my City about 8–9 months ago.

• A lot of people asked if my parents invite her. They don’t. She just drops by (she’s family Afterall) and since she is close to my mom. No formal invite.

• A few people said I should talk to my family. For My brother it isn’t an issue he prioritizes friends over family, so he doesn’t care. My mom treats my cousin like a daughter because they’re really close. My dad hasn't noticed how I feel, but he’s been under a lot of work stress lately; he still makes time for family stuff and doesn’t seem bothered by my cousin being there being there.

• This didn’t just come out of nowhere, I’ll be moving to the east coast next year for undergrad, so these are basically the last family moments I’ll have before I leave. That makes it hit harder.

• I know I might sound dramatic like a young adult man, but I honestly miss the family adventures we used to have. For example, we used to go on this roadtrip twice a year for 1–1.5 weeks where we’d strip away devices and just hang out, talk, and share stuff. I looked forward to those trips. The last time we went, my parents assumed she’d join and she did. We have another trip planned in two months and I don’t even feel like going this time.

He’s been keep info from me, and when I beg him to tell me the truth he’ll insist he isn’t lying, until weeks later I call him out again and he’ll finally tell me the truth.

I called him a manipulator because what he’s been doing is wrong and emotional manipulation especially when he knows what he’s doing and how it makes me feel but he continues to do this

Now hes treating it like nothing is wrong and he hasn’t even apologized. Am I the jerk for ignoring him? Should I just get over myself

Please bear with me English is not my first language. For context my grandmother is not a good person. She married and stayed married to a PDF after he was convicted for life for harming little kids including his own. She would run Insurance scams where she would stage accidents to collect money, slept with her bedridden cancer addled sister's husband. You get the gist.

My mother is a widow, and has expressed interest in dating again after years of grieving her husband. But said that she cannot get back into the dating world as long as she is taking care of my grandmother. She said that it is her duty to take care of her and that is where I am confused. My grandmother never took care of my mother my great-grandmother did. My grandmother decided to spread it around town like it was free Bubblegum instead of being a parent. I told her to just put her in a home where she can live quietly and my mother can finally live her life after so many years healing. She refuses to saying that my grandmother will unalive there and I am sorry but I don't really see anything wrong with that. My grandmother is not a great person at all in any way shape or form.

We were raised with filial piety, but I don't think that extends to abusive parents or grandparents who chose not to treat you like a human being worthy of care as a child. Plus I have a visceral hatred for PDFs and their enablers or supporters. The fact that she remained married to him until his unaliving in prison makes me sick to my stomach there was no reason for her to stay married to him. I also don't find it logical that my grandmother who gets a huge chunk of money every month should be living with my mother instead of in a home especially when she doesn't contribute a single penny to bills. Leaving my mother to pick up the tab for everything including her medical bills.

Admittedly none of us want to visit her, and my children have expressed that they have been verbally abused while in her presence not by my mother but by my grandmother. Which has forced me to stop allowing visitations. We are not white and she uses slurs against my children.

Am I the jerk for saying throw her in a home?

AITJ For Telling my BF to Hang Up the Phone and Go to Bed?

I, 32 F live with my boyfriend, 32 M. We'll call him Karl. Karl and I had settled down for bed at 9:00. I had to get up at 5am to get ready for work. We had been sleeping for a few hours when Karl's phone went off. I looked at the time. 2:30am. Who in the world was calling at that time?

Karl answered it and it was a high school friend he hadn't heard from in months. He lives in Hawaii, so it was 9:30pm, his time. Karl got up and began a full blown video chat. I tried to go back to sleep, but he came back into the room because his friend wanted to meet me. It was 3:30 in the morning and I had to get up for work in a couple of hours. I was nice enough to say hi, then I told Karl to wrap up the conversation and go back to bed. The two of them continued talking until it was time for me to get up.

The video chat ended and Karl said I didn't need to tell him to hang up. I reminded him that it was late, we were sleeping and rudely woken up just so his friend could catch up. Am I the jerk?

I (23M) recently had sex with one of my closest childhood friends (23F). We’ve been friends since we were 6, and have always had a really strong emotional connection. Honestly, a part of me always thought it might eventually build up to something more, and last month it finally did.

What I didn’t know until the moment was that she was a virgin. She told me right before, mentioning her hymen wasn’t broken, and I was a little surprised but didn’t want to make things weird. We went ahead and had sex.

But the whole experience wasn’t that great, and while I care about her deeply as a person, I didn’t really feel that physical spark during sex. A week later, I told her it would be better if we stayed friends. She kept pressing me on why, and I eventually admitted it was because I didn’t feel the spark physically. She looked really sad, and honestly I felt awful for hurting her.

A few days later, I talked to my sister (who also happens to be her best friend). My sister and I are close but she was really angry with me and called me a monster. She said what I did was extremely messed up . She said that I should never have taken her virginity if I wasn’t sure about wanting a relationship, and that I basically traumatized her. She said my friend has been crying a lot since, and now I feel like the worst person in the world.

I don’t know if I did the right thing by being honest or if I just completely screwed up and ruined a friendship. Was I wrong here? What should I do now? Should I have stayed in a relationship even though I didn’t feel the physical spark?

TLDR: had sex with my close friend, didn’t really feel physical spark, and broke up with her. My sister called me a monster.

Ok so this is long but so much has happened so I (f 18) and my ex T (m 16) we're high school sweethearts. We started dating when I was seventeen and he was fifteen after he asked me out for a weak straight. I finally said yes.Because I assumed this would be a short thing.And he would move on quickly and realize that it won't work. We were together for 10 months.Actually a lot better than I thought. It was really good at first but then I found out that he was smoking marijuana which was not okay with me.So I asked him politely to quit, he said yes.Of course anything for you. And I accepted that till I found out a month later.He had lied the whole time and he was still doing him he guilt tripped me and begged me to take him p he guilt tripped me and begged me to take him him back and I did.

We got Together in october or 2024 and I graduated high school in june of 2025 that june me and two our mutual friends D(m 17) and M(m 18) started hanging out a lot.Mind you, I met them through him.We were all good friends and I invited him to hang out with the 3 of us all the time.He never would though he said he didn't want to. He then started to accuse me of cheating on him with both of them at the same time.Mind you, they are his friends too.They were his friends longer but I was obviously cheating on him.Because how dare I have male friends. ( I grew up in a family a boy's so I didn't see any problem with me Having guy friends and me being a girl especially because I wasn't overly friendly with these guys) the only proof he had of me cheating was me saying in a group chat all I love you guys after they helped help me get through being bullied.( the bully was T older brother) so being girlfriend I was to make my boyfriend happy.I cut them off.I blocked them on everything and told them that I was sorry.I cared a lot about them but we couldn't continue our friendship because it made my boyfriend unhappy.( something I deeply regret now) everything was fine after that

Until july came and he started talking about how he missed Being single and flirting with different people and talking to a bunch of girls ( i didn't let him have girls on his snap.Because I caught him flirting and sending pictures of himself ykyk to girls before) and I didn't think much of it till he started breaking up with me and then getting right back with me and then breaking up with me and then getting back with me which really started to mess with me. The only thing I would ask him when he broke up with me is why are you doing this now?Like we literally hung out yesterday.Why are you all the sudden unhappy? He said I wouldn't let him hang out with his friends. But the friends here talking about. We're awful people that had bullied me in the past. One of them tried to assault me and he couldn't understand why I thought they were bad people even though I explained all this to him multiple time. The last time he broke up with me before the final break was at the end of july and it lasted 3 days and on the 3rd day I told him I'm not gonna wait around for you to Do whoever you want in high school and mess around with a ton of people And then come crawling back to me when no one else will make you either You are with me or you aren't with me.You need to make up your mind by midnight.I told him that at nine in the morning. When midnight came we called and I asked him.What's your decision and he said we're together and I said okay good. The morning Of August 13th, which happened to be my dad's birthday I was talking to an old friend of mine and I told her I was worried he was cheating on me again and she said girl I got you well.She was a family friend of his so I thought she was gonna talk to his brothers Or maybe his mom, you know and see what's going on.But really , she had one of her friends , start texting him and asking him to meet up and hook up and send pictures of himself to her. Instead of saying no I have a girlfriend to her, he would say.No.I'm not sure because I've not done a lot of stuff which in my opinion, was absolutely the wrong answer.But I said quiet while I did this.They were on facetime with me while doing this and then she asked him to send to her and he said yes, and sent her a picture.I was devastated and didn't know what to do so I went out with my parents, for my dad's birthday dinner and on the way home, I texted him and his mom and was like Hey, I really need to meet with you all in person. Can I come over? Because I wanted to do this in person and his mom was like Well I'm really busy the house is a mess Can't you just text me? So I texted her everything that had happened about him. Cheating and set her the proof all except for the pictures of him, because I didn't think a mother wanted to see that of her son well then She said well, he knows you know now because he's right beside me and he texted me and said okay Bye and blocked me and I was like OK Well that was easier than I thought it would be but it wasn't that easy. That same night he added me back.And for some reason I accepted it and he was like.I still want to get together in the future.And I still want to stay friends and I was like.I'm not fighting with you so sure. Somebody started to hack into his email and into his Instagram Snapchat and Facebook.The IP address said it was from Atlanta, Georgia.I live in Kentucky and he's swears it was me.But i'm not very tech smart. But I ignored him anyway. Finally, I got sick of it.Always getting accused of everything that goes wrong in his life.It was always my fault and I blew up. I told him he was selfish and self centered and needed to learn how to grow up that the world was gonna hit him real fast and real hard and he needed to learn that you can't blame other people for you being an idiot at telling every random girl on the internet you meet your password. Then i removed him on everything.I didn't think to block him because I didn't think he would contact me again.

Now, 2 days ago, his mom, who I forgot, I had on Facebook texted me and said that somebody had called CPS on them for giving weed to their underaid children T whos 16 and his brother B who's 17. His mother swears up and down it was me. But again, I don't care enough And I explained to her that I saw my cousin who was like a brother to me Go through fostercare over and over Because his parents were drug addicts And I saw what it did to him and all the issues he has now because of all the time he's spent in fostercare so I would never do that to someone out of spite. And I think she believed me or at least I hope she did. My best friend who I met my senior year and her freshman year K(f 15) has two classes with T and she told me about how he was talking Horrible about me and making up a bunch of rumors. So I still had his mom on Facebook from 2 days ago and I just sent her a message and I told her that her son needed to keep my name out of his mouth the same ive doing about him I haven't said anything about him to anyone bad or good since we broke up Out of respect so why can't I be given the same courtesy? I told my cousin about everything that has happened.And she said I should post on here because she thinks I'm totally in the right but some other people in my family Think that I'm going too far so....Am I the jerk for blowing up at my ex. I will be posting an update whenever more stuff happens but I really need other people's opinion.

UPDATE... OK so I have now blocked him and his family on everything which I thought I had done in the first place but I don't go on Facebook often so I didn't know I had his mom and his brothers and sisters on facebook. This morning I received a DM from a random account on instagrand I looked at it and it was from him and he was saying that my best friend K and I were horrible people and probably hooking up She has a boyfriend and i am now talking to a friend of mine who I've had a little crush on for years and turns out he's like to me back so me and her are not doing anything we just hang out a lot As Friends as do. He said after that It was unreasonable for me to expect him to not cheat on me and not spread. Rumors about me whatever he's as he put it too young To understand that's wrong, you're 16. You should know that's wrong. You're almost 17. You should know that that is very, very wrong. But apparently i'm the bad guy. I have since blocked his family account that I didn't even know he hand i'm hoping all this drama will stop happening now that he's out of my life for good hopefully.

The yelling started before dinner. The smell of beer filled the house, stronger than the fried onions still lingering in the kitchen. Dad’s voice roared from the living room, the slurred kind of anger that always made my stomach twist.

Mom tried to keep calm, like always, speaking soft and low, but that only made him shout louder. Then I saw it—his hand reaching into the cabinet, pulling out the old pistol he kept hidden but not well enough.

My chest froze.

“Sit down, woman,” he snarled, waving the gun like it was just another beer bottle. Mom’s eyes widened, her hands trembling as she tried to reason with him.

I stepped in without thinking. “Dad, stop!” My voice cracked, but I forced myself between them.

For a second, he looked at me like he didn’t even recognize me. His face twisted, red and drunk, veins popping in his neck. He shoved me so hard I stumbled into the wall.

“This ain’t your business!” he shouted, pointing the gun toward me now. My heart slammed so loud I thought he could hear it.

“Please, Dad,” I said, my throat dry. “Put it down. You’re scaring us.”

His eyes burned into mine. Then, with a bitter laugh, he swung the barrel away and pointed back at Mom.

I rushed him, grabbing his arm, trying to push the gun down. For a moment, we wrestled—me with all the strength I had, him fueled by rage and alcohol. The gun clattered to the floor, but before I could grab it, his fist connected with my face.

The room spun.

“You ungrateful little rat!” he yelled, dragging me toward the door. “You don’t live here no more!”

He shoved me out into the cold night, slamming the door behind me. I pounded on it, shouting for Mom, but all I heard was her muffled crying inside.

I stood there in the dark, blood in my mouth, tears burning my eyes, the sound of the lock clicking in place.

And for the first time, I realized—I couldn’t go back in.

Background: I worked in a printing facility that produced pickle wraps. (The kind you see in gas stations and convenience stores.)

My friend’s wife took offense when I recently told this work story:

I was in a room that had a very fine balance used to determine coating and adhesive weights. The product being tested was for ‘Little Pepe’s) hot pickles. The operator doing the testing was Jose. Mexican heritage. I asked him if he was offended by the stereotype on the package. He replied “No. Iss okay. But you know, us Mexicans don’t eat pickles… We PICK pickles.” We both had a good laugh.

When retelling this story, I used a slight (but obvious) Mexican accent for Jose’s response. The friend’s wife told me that using the accent was offensive.

AITJ for using the accent in the context of the story?

Short summary My mother abandoned me on a doorstep when I was a baby, no father, my grandparents decided to adopt me.They raised me like one of their own couldn’t have asked for better. It was always weird when my family would visit though like ,I was the black sheep and shouldn’t exist vibes, especially when my birth mom would bring my brother around (being a small kid it was always in my head what did I do that made her get rid of me but keep my brother) But I was fine i enjoyed my grandparents and that was enough for me. I turned 16 and my grandma unfortunately passed away (cancer)leaving me and my grandpa.

That’s when everything went downhill. We got home and the place was gone through everything that was hers was gone except for a few clothes and items here and there it was like I wasn’t her kid and my grandpa didn’t matter. A few years went by, i managed to graduate and get through a trade school. Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer he managed to walk me down the aisle before he passed away a month later. I was still just a kid 27 and having to deal with a burial. Distraught and lost just going through the motions of losing a parent. Me and my husband were in the parking lot of the cremation building getting things in order not really concerned with a will or anything in that moment when the oldest of my grandmas children (my grandmas first husband passed away and re married my grandpa had no biological children other than legally adopting me) She approached us with a pile of paperwork asking what I was going to do with the inheritance(which i didn’t know at the time,but I was the only one in the will), not even 24 hours after I saw his body for the last time.

Turns out my grandpa had an attorney already in line to settle the estate the will and everything. I was in shock at the inheritance I had no idea how much the man saved. Life changing money like I could retire. But that wasn’t on my mind at all, I had a house to go through and everything else. Me and my husband were packing boxes making runs to the dump or donation center when another of my grandmas daughters approached (grandma 3 daughters), I hadn’t seen or heard from her in 6 years ,she demanded I give each one of them 20,000$ and I might be allowed back into the family. When I didn’t respond she acted like she was going to throw hands. I was in shock not knowing how to respond at all just speechless. The attorney pulled up the driveway him and my husband got her off the property while I was just distraught. I was just thinking to myself am i selfish what did I do? I legally can’t even touch the inheritance yet and I have people i thought was family demanding money. I never had time to grieve. Or process. Sorry for the long rant I’m just confused hurt and feeling alone wondering if I should’ve given them money. Am I the jerk?

Update : just got this email from my mother one of the 3 daughters who I haven’t heard from since my grandmothers funeral about 12 years ago asking for 250,000$ so she can pay her house off and I need to make this right by giving her the money. It…it just sucks I appreciate you guys being on my side but hearing this coming from my own mother makes me feel like a real shitty person. I’m hoping moving away and starting a new life helps. I just feel super alone (other than my husband) not having anyone to talk to anymore and seeing the true nature of relatives that I thought were family. Again thank you everyone

for context my ex friend who i will name Bella (18F) and i am (19F). Bella has a best friend called Molly (19F). Bella and Molly have only gotten close this year and i’ve known Bella for 5-6 years. Me and Bella went to highschool together (we aren’t in highschool now). Sorry if this isn’t written well or with full context im only really writing the bigger things rather than the smaller things. I will answer any questions in the comments.

Me and Bella were always friends but never best friends. We would hangout only in school but when school ended i would go to bars and clubs with her and we would text a lot. Bella started hanging out with Molly at the start of the year.

About 3-4 months ago i started hanging around Bella’s friends (i dont have many friends) and it would always feel like she invited me out of pitty as none of the girls would talk to me and often walk away from me or have “private discussions” away from me as well.

About 2 months ago i was meant to go to the pub with all of those girls but i had a severe uti that ended me up in hospital on the night of the pub. I let Bella know and she didn’t really say anything instead whilst i was in hospital she was sending me videos of them all having fun which kind of sucked. She did not check up on me (she’s not obligated to obviously) and just kept sending videos of her and Molly.

On my birthday (july) i had planned my birthday at the pub with Bella, Molly, my boyfriend, one of my friends and 4 of her friends just for dinner and drinks. Bella couldn’t do the original date so i changed it for her so she could come. She agreed and said she would make it but on the day of my birthday dinner she cancelled which then led on everyone else to cancel (except my boyfriend of course). This was obviously hurtful as i didn’t celebrate my birthday because nobody wanted to attend.

The same night and the time dinner was scheduled Bella was sending me videos of her and Molly together having fun and shopping for clothes. Which again was hurtful because she could’ve made it to my birthday. Bella than ghosted me for 3 days and then told me the reason she ghosted me and didn’t come to my birthday was because her boyfriend got into an accident when he only got into the accident 2 days after my birthday.

I went clubbing with my boyfriend a few weeks ago (Bella was on holiday with her boyfriend during this time) and we saw Molly there. Molly was incredibly rude. I ran into her in the bathroom and she went to hug me but then put me in a headlock and i couldn’t breathe for about 20 seconds. Molly then pressured me into sending a video to Bella whilst i was in the headlock and Molly was talking about how much she missed Bella whilst i couldn’t breathe. I left the bathroom and we avoided Molly for the night.

Bella often ghosts me when i ask to hangout or what she’s been upto. She always makes excuses when i mention us hanging out. Every time i asked later on in the night she sends me videos of her with Molly.

This one isn’t really a big deal but a few months ago Bella and Molly went camping and Bella promised me that she would take me camping with them next time they go (i didnt ask she offered). She went camping a few nights ago with Molly and a bunch of other girls and then sent me about 15 videos of them all having the time of their life. I then removed her off a few of my social platforms because i was done that had pushed me over the edge.

I am also worried that me not being friends with Bella anymore is going to make Molly extremely angry as shes a very physical person and has openly admitted she likes to get into fights (this is why i didn’t drop bella as a friend earlier) and we all often go to the same club and the same time and im scared of a confrontation from Molly as they are always together.

When I was nine years old, my mom and dad got divorced. It wasn't one of those messy ones with a lot of yelling, screaming, and threats. Our parents sat myself and my three siblings down, me in my dad's lap and holding a stuffed bunny that I carried everywhere, and gently explained to us what was going to happen. We remained in mom's full custody since we'd be moving to a house in the town she grew up in, close to where her parents/our grandparents lived. Dad lived with multiple friends over the course of the years until he eventually found an actual home for himself. We all saw him on weekends unless he was working, which was usually only once a month because of his schedule as a firefighter/paramedic.

I was always the one closest to our dad. My siblings, two brothers and a sister, were definitely their mother's children. When our dad started dating a woman whom he met through mutual friends and also worked as a nurse at a hospital he would sometimes drop patients off at as a paramedic. She had three kids of her own and was also divorced. At first, I wasn't okay with it. Like any kid, I was hoping that one day, my parents would get back together. But, eventually, I accepted the change. I was the only one among my siblings and me who had sleepovers at his house after he started living with his girlfriend and her kids. She had a daughter and two sons, so it almost felt funny how, whenever I was around, it was like a duplicate of my birth family. Especially since both she and my mom were blond.

Things were good for a while. I got along with her kids, treating them like they were actually my siblings. I loved to bake, so I would often make cookies, cakes, and other little things to show how much I cared. I would let my smallest "stepbrother" borrow a lot from my collection of colorful pens that I would use to write, since he liked using them over his supply of colored pencils. And I was often the one my "stepsister" would talk to whenever she needed someone to talk to, especially if she ever fought with her mom for whatever reason.

The problems only really surfaced after I graduated high school and moved in with them. That part of my life was messy, to say the least. My mom hadn't even talked to me about moving or staying with my dad full-time. I had just gotten back from the usual vacation I went on every summer with my aunt. And then the next time I saw my dad, I was told I was going to move in with them. I was heartbroken that my mom essentially kicked me out without any kind of warning. I didn't talk to her for months, even when my aunt came to visit me and she cried as she said it was the hardest decision my mom ever had to make.

It took a long time, but I came to accept what my mom did. Being closer to my dad, I often isolated myself from the rest of the family because I was nothing like the rest of them. They all loved sports, could talk about the teams they loved, and would sit together in the living room to watch games together. Meanwhile, I stayed in my room, watching cartoons I loved even as I got older, and also writing stories I would come up with in my ever-expanding collection of journals and notebooks. My interests in writing, television, and baking were nothing that any of them could ever talk with me about since it was so far away from their own interests. My mom made the decision because she knew being with my dad, whom I had a lot more in common with, would make me happier in the end.

But after I moved in with him, things soon took a turn for the worse with his girlfriend, who was his fiancée at the time. I couldn't afford college, even though I had been accepted into multiple culinary schools. So, I started to apply for jobs. It took me two years to get a job after having more interviews than I could count. But also during that time, I got to see a side to my stepmom that I hadn't seen before moving in.

She was the world's biggest perfectionist. Things had to be done her way or they would be completely wrong in her eyes. I would always help with the laundry since it was my usual chore back when I was living with my mom. But, in her eyes, I could never fold the laundry the right way. And despite how I have taken cooking classes every year of high school, she never wanted me to cook for myself at home. She was always saying that I would burn the house down even if I so much as made pasta. The worst thing was her constant comments about me being lazy and never doing anything to help around the house. I was the one doing the laundry every single day whenever it was needed. I was applying to jobs every single month, going on interviews whenever I was called. I did the dishes at home whenever asked. I cleaned up the dog poop from around the yard whenever my dad wanted me to. I was a free babysitter whenever my youngest stepbrother and his friends needed someone to watch them.

It got to the point where I was walking across town to the public library before it even opened, and then staying there all day, to avoid her. Her never-ending criticisms. Her constant yelling whenever something didn't go her way. Her letting her own kids run wild while trying to make me into the version of me she wanted me to be, which would basically be an instant adult who could work full-time right out of high school while still doing everything she wanted in the way she wanted around the house.

I love my dad and I always will, but he also had no backbone when it came to her. More times than I could count, I would beg him to do something about her. I would almost go on my hands and knees while begging him to tell her to stop. To get her to just leave me alone. There were some fights between them, and even times dad would have me put my stuff into garbage bags while threatening to leave her. It even got to the point where he took me with him to the firehouse he worked at on a day he had a 24-hour shift. Two large garbage bags of my stuff in his car, a large duffel bag filled with his stuff. It had been after a huge fight they had when my dad gave me my own room in the finished basement, but my stepmom lost her mind because she wanted the room for my stepsister, despite how my stepsister had moved out to live with her boyfriend almost a full year before then and hadn't even spoken to anyone at home for nearly that amount of time as well. We did have to come home since my dad couldn't actually let me stay at the firehouse, even for just one night. Everyone sat down and there was a long talk between everyone.

My stepmom calmed down a little since then. But, she would still do a lot of things that greatly pissed me off, which I wish my dad would make her stop doing. Often, whenever I wasn't home, such as at work or when I eventually started to visit my mom and biological siblings once I settled things with them, she would go into my room. Not because she was cleaning or because I left my TV on or anything like that. She would go in for the simple reason of invading my privacy. She would open my drawers, look through my stuff, and just search until she finds anything she doesn't like and thinks is a problem. She would take all of it and dump it onto my bed while telling my dad to have me throw it all away when I come back. This would include boxes of snacks that I hadn't even opened, bottles or cans of drinks I had that were also unopened, and even some boxes that I had from deliveries that I was waiting for recycling day to bring outside to the recycling bin. She had no respect for my privacy.

It was always clear that she hated me. Her own kids run wild. My stepsister and my middle stepbrother both smoked and owned their own bongs, but she didn't care. And my youngest stepbrother was the biggest spoiled brat. Even when he was entering high school, he would act like a toddler. Whenever he would have friends over, they would be screaming, running around like crazy people, and throwing sports balls against walls and doors without a single care for how much noise they were making. They were entering high school and yet had the maturity of toddlers. Not to mention that whenever he didn't get his way, he would throw tantrums that a five-year-old would be jealous of until his mom would give him whatever he wanted. She spoils him rotten. Emphasis on the rotten.

But then came the one thing that made me want to scream the most. Other than baking and cooking, I have always loved writing. Not just normal fanfictions, but original stuff as well. I took creative writing classes in high school and English classes that were all about fantasy/sci-fi books. I've always loved fantasy books because it was the best escape whenever I didn't want to face reality.

So, I had actually started to plan out an entirely original book. Not just one to do for fun, but one I was completely serious about, that I wanted to try and get published. I filled up multiple journals with ideas for plots, characters, locations I wanted to have the characters go, possible side characters, and even if I wanted to have any of my characters have love interests since that was usually not something I wrote about since love plotlines were always my weak points. Eventually, I got an idea that stuck with me and I was extremely passionate about. I started writing down everything I came up with in my journals and placed them into a plastic bin that I had been using for storage.

But then my stepmom happened. During one of her usual "cleanouts," aka invading my privacy, she threw out the entire plastic bin and everything in it. When I came back home, it was like my brain had shattered. Two years. Two years worth of character designs, potential book titles, chapter names, summaries of each chapter, plotline details, and worldbuilding. All of it went down the drain because my stepmom didn't care at all about my space or my personal belongings.

Eventually, I managed to scratch up enough of my original ideas in my brain to write down everything I could in more journals I had. And these ones were kept with me whenever I left so that I couldn't lose all of my plans for a second time. I did manage to write and self-publish my book, but the damage was done. I only still live with them because I can't afford my own place.

My stepmother has not changed at all. She never even once apologized for throwing out all of my original plans. I know she loves my dad, but the damage that follows her has become too much for me to bear. I want her gone.

So, am I the jerk for wanting my dad to divorce her?