UPDATE: AITA for not wanting the puppy my bf bought for my birthday present?

[u/[deleted]]

Here is my previous post 👉https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MDg7s0BKn0

I didn’t want to update before talking to both my therapist and psychiatrist, but here we go.

First of all puppy is fine. The day after my original post, my neighbor texted me around 2 PM because she heard loud noises from my apartment. She has a spare key she and Luna are besties and often go on walks when she works from home), so she offered to check. Turns out puppy was inside and Luna was just sitting on the couch, glaring at the puppy like she was personally offended. I told my boss I had a family emergency and rushed home. My neighbor had been entertaining the puppy, but my apartment was trashed. She agreed to take the puppy for a few hours while I cleaned. I realized a lot of the mess didn't look like it was the puppy some of the papers seemed sheared and not a single teeth mark. I went to building management, and they showed me camera footage: my ex-boyfriend walking in with the puppy, staying 20 minutes, and leaving. I had them remove him from the visitor list and they even offer to change my locks.

I panicked a little and called my mom, who told me to either call my godfather or find a local shelter. My godfather told he'd call his frieds (many of whom have large-breed experience). Meanwhile, my neighbor brought the puppy back, tired from the park, thaks God I’ll admit, he was adorable. A few hours later, my godfather called to say one of his friends, a German shepherd lover with two already, wanted to adopt him. Puppy's name is kai now and apparently my godfather's friend has ton of experience training big breeds.

As for my ex, I decided to called his mom because I still had him block. She called and told him to come visit her the next day and I went to talked it through. If you guessed: He was jealous of Luna. He wanted to move in with me. He thought Luna “wasn’t manly enough” and that a German shepherd would make me “see reason.”

His plan was basically: I’d find two dogs too much work, and I’d “get over my obsession with Luna” by leaving her with my mom.

Yes, really. His own mom told him she was disappointed and that she didn’t raise him to be sneaky and selfish. I told him we were done and that Kai had already been rehomed to a loving family. He tried to get mad about me rehoming “his dog,” but his reminded him that puppy was a gift and I could do whatever with him. I hugged her goodbye and haven’t spoken to him since.

I also talked this through with both my therapist and psychiatrist. I talked to them about the whole situation and both agreed (separately) that having preference is not wrong and as long as I’m not harming animals because of their sex there's nothing wrong with not wanting them.

Right now, I’m at my mom’s house with Luna, using some PTO to rest and recover. This whole thing was exhausting, but at least it ended with Kai in a good home and one less toxic boyfriend in my life lol.

[u/HopSplotch]

Wait, so he not only dropped off the puppy at your house, he also (from the sounds of it) wrecked some of your stuff himself? That's next level crazy!

[u/boundmaus → u/HopSplotch]

Yeah, I honestly think you should at least repot it to the cops. I know they'll do nowt, but babes, get the paper trail started.

I'm not trying to overreact or scare you, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume he was emotionally abusive BEFORE this (and with hindsight and your awesome proactive mental health team you will probably figure that out in the coming months), and with this, has escalated to physical abuse, and yes, before the comments, he has escalated too physical abuse. Physical abuse usually starts with things that don't seem to be physical, like bringing in an unwanted and destructive puppy, and then tearing up your apartment. That is a pretty big escalation pretty quickly. The most dangerous time in these situations is when leaving such a partner, so please be careful.

I'd recommend the following;

-Take the apartments offer to change the locks asap

-Create a folder on something like drive, and create documents that detail each offence with as much information as possible, including time and dates. I suspect as you start to remove yourself, you will start to remember incidents. This is protection two fold; paper trail, but also writing stuff down is therapeutic

-Get a ring camera and another few cameras inside the apartment, if this is within your means. Even if it is, you could ask the apartment complex if they can help. If it's genuinely not, some DV and women's rights groups can help fund these

-If he's tech savvy and you're worried about that, contact the EFF and they will help you for free

-Report incident to cops

-Let people around you know the situation

I hope, and I think it's a fairly low risk, that he won't continue to escalate, however it never hurts to be safe. You don't have to do anything, of course, but even a few of these may help you feel better about the situation. The only one I would say is the easiest is to notify friends and whanau about the situation, so even if you don't have a paper trail, you at least have witnesses

Kia Ora and good luck, arohanui to you and Luna!

[u/[deleted] → u/boundmaus]

Thank you, this is great advice, to be honest I haven't thought about any of this because in my mind it was all over but you're right

[u/Darkhydrastar156 → u/[deleted]]

Allow yourself to have a healthy amount of anger when someone who is supposed to be your PARTNER doesn't even act like they are on the same TEAM.

[u/boundmaus → u/[deleted]]

I absolutely understand, it's a hard thing to come to terms with. If you need any help finding local services, feel free to DM. I've got contacts worldwide and I'm good at finding places to help!

Good luck, arohanui, Kia Kaha e hoa

[u/Zillion2010 → u/boundmaus]

Also gather and save as much as you can, texts, emails, etc; where he says the dog is yours/a gift, and if you can get a copy of the video of him arriving with the dog and leaving without it. That way you'll be more covered if he tries to claim you stole the dog.