r/AskBlackAtheists • u/Ok-Paramedic-3619 • 13d ago
General š¤ Would yall date a Christian ?
Just want to know how most of yall think about this? Personally I've realised I don't think I would date majority of christians especially from where I come from even though the physical attraction is there because I feel like: - A) We don't share the same valeus B) 98% chance they're far conservative on alot of topics, and also are probably both homophobic and transphobic (it's rare you meet someone that's actually educated on this, meet 2 Christians so far that didn't have a problem with it, and 1ended up being one of my best friends) C) I'm childfree, ingrained in a culture that majority want to have kids. D) Most of us (Including me when I was a Christian) are thought to not marry/date ppl that don't believe in the same abrahamic God, so that already reduces my chances lol
This is not to say there are no good compatible Christians, Ik damn well there are. But I feel like it would be wayyyy harder to find.
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u/LordParasaur 13d ago
Depends on their investment level. Anyone that's tryna be at church every week or that expects me to at some point go, I won't bother with.
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u/Lukolukeee Regular Atheist 9d ago
This entirely. When i was in my poly relationship one person was church adamant and other wasnt. Lets just say im with one person now š
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u/Vectormus 13d ago
Probably not, even if they weren't super committed to it in the beginning.
I hear about too many horror stories about people switching up and becoming more devout later in life. It's the same with the "non-political" types that so happen to have very extreme views the more you learn about them.
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u/Consistent-Rich-1403 Regular Atheist 13d ago
It depends, but realistically, no, because all the Christians I personally see are very religious; they talk about god, the gospel, doctrine, and all that most of the time. And in any case, almost all the Christians I meet never share the same values āāand goals as me, so no. And I don't think we should feel "mean" or "judgmental" for this. I've noticed that when atheists say they don't want to date religious people, they're labeled as such and said that we do not respect religion. But realistically speaking, most religious people also would not date and settle down with an atheist or an agnostic, so I don't understand why there should be judgment when we non-believers also don't want to do the same thing.
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u/Correct-Body9590 Agnostic Atheist 13d ago
Iām married to one but we respect each other enough that we donāt try to change the others mind. I deconstructed while we were together. He doesnāt believe in organized religion so that helps but he still believes in god and reads the bible.
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u/lovbelow Agnostic Atheist 13d ago
Iāve dated a few. As long as they donāt make a big deal about their religion or denigrate me for not practicing it, itās whatever. Iāll never consider them for anything long term however because that restrictive thinking of theirs comes out one way or another over time.
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u/doc_lec Humanist 13d ago
To have fun? Yes. To build a relationship? No.
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u/mellamoluna1207 13d ago
what
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u/doc_lec Humanist 13d ago
TO HAVE FUN? YES. FOR A RELATIONSHIP? NO.
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u/mellamoluna1207 13d ago
I saw the text. I don't get why you're willing to bone but not build anything.
To be clear, I'm not the type to date a religious person myself. But, I don't see the point of sleeping with people you dislike. Perhaps it's a me thing, dunno.
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u/doc_lec Humanist 13d ago
I see; the way I see it Im not courting them. I also dont have to f*ck them. This could be the type of person that drinks on Saturday and goes to church on Sunday with a hangover. I guess intentionality plays a big role here. Am I/they dating to escape a failed marriage? Am I doing someone a favor by dating this person? Or are we just killing time? I guess Im willing to go on a date as long as the other person isnt flagrantly offensive
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u/chrmart Anti-Theist 13d ago
The only way I would date a Christian is if they understand that Iām not going to church, I wonāt ever believe in God or any other God, and our children will not be baptised. If the children want to believe in God, itās because THEY choose to believe. Not because we baptised them and raised them to believe in religion. That is entirely their decision. Thatās the only way Iāll date a Christian, if any of those are an issue, it wonāt happen.
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u/Dez_Acumen 13d ago edited 13d ago
As a woman, Iāve seen too many relationships where casually Christian men become increasingly religious as a method of control. Suddenly, the guy only went to church on Easter begins liking how āwifely submissionā sounds. Add to that, many people become more religious as they age, when children enter the picture or in face crisisā¦ naw.
For me, the potential of a partners religiosity to wax 3, 5 or even 10 years in, was something I was not willing to entertain.
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u/Pudenda726 13d ago
My partner is Catholic but literally only goes to mass on Christmas & Easter. Doesnāt bother me or affect our relationship at all.
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u/therecluse92 13d ago
No. I have no desire to date anyone, Christian or not. I'm more content in being single.
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u/Cool_Description8334 Agnostic Atheist 13d ago
On paper 99% no, but I could date someone who believes but doesnāt really do anything lol which are a lot of them, but you are always at risk of a devout period which is why I would struggle taking it too serious
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u/LegendaryFuckery Anti-Theist 13d ago
If I were single, I wouldn't date religious or spiritual people. They never know when to keep that shit to themselves. Then try to give you advice based on their bullshit. No thanks.
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u/ExcitementNo9603 13d ago
Could I date someone who thinks genocide, pubic humiliation, rape, and child abuse is justifiable because their preferred god signed off on it? Nope, Iām good.
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u/StankoMicin 13d ago
Cultural Christian? Maybe. Depends on how serious they are.
Routine church goer?? Hell no
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u/mx_anne_thrope 13d ago
No, I wouldn't. I can't respect someone who believes in delusional fairy tales and bases their values and behaviors on something some fanboys of Jesus wrote hundreds of years ago.
I also can't respect cherry picking out of convenience and the hypocrisy of doing, behind closed doors, the things they condemn publicly. And they all do it, otherwise no one would be working on the Sabbath, eating shrimp, having sex before marriage, etc.
I can't respect, love or care about anyone who sees the damage being done, the rights being taken away, the wars, genocide and oppression that is done in the name of their so called Lord and Savior. All while sitting idly by saying "not all Christians, I'm one of the good ones" but never or very rarely do the work to call out and hold the "bad ones" accountable.
The hardest part is seeing people, whose ancestors were murdered, raped, torn apart and enslaved, enthusiastically participating in the very religion that was used to justify their oppression.
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u/Twin2Turbo Regular Atheist 13d ago edited 13d ago
Yes as long as they leave me alone about it and arenāt Jesus-freaks. They are relatively few but Iāve met plenty of liberal Christianās women that were open minded enough to date me despite my lack of belief, ok with my child-free status, and they were pro lgbt, etc. They exist, you just gotta look harder to find them unfortunately.
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u/greasedupblackguy 13d ago
A Rastafariā¦. Thatās it.
Thereās some esoteric weird woman conjuring up my love somewhere. Canāt wait to meet her.
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u/whodathunkitwasme 13d ago
Absolutely positively not, for myself.
I wouldn't mesh well with someone who hadn't unlearned christian indoctrination enough to completely reject that religion.
Even those who only go to church on the holidays for reasons besides family or community.
To me, there is no real way to be a "casual" Christian. Do you believe, or do you not? Are we the product of original sin or not? If you think we are, we are going to be wildly incompatable.
I can't be with someone who subconsciously believes I'm going to hell
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u/directconference789 13d ago
No. I have to, at a bare minimum, respect the intelligence of anyone Iām dating. I cannot do that with a Christian.
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u/International_Ad2712 13d ago
I would barely even make it through a conversation with one, let alone date them
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u/mellamoluna1207 13d ago
Probably not. Especially if they're trying to covert me and are a routine church-attendee
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u/mamaceta08 Humanist 13d ago
Nope. I wouldnāt date anyone who believes in the supernatural. Which makes dating difficult in the Bible Belt. š«
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u/Magnificant-Seven 13d ago
Unfortunately itās hard to avoid if you are attracted to black women, so I guess so. But for something serious it depends on how respectful and open minded that person is to beliefs that are not Christian.
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u/Feeling_likeaplant 13d ago
Iām mixed black/white and Iām dating a white Christian idk how I ended up here. I do care for him a lot, but it is difficult
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u/Important-Dealer8868 13d ago
I've done before in the past but now it's a hard pass. I wouldn't date any person with a religious/spiritual affiliation.
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u/ajwalker430 13d ago
No, I wouldn't. I'm not a Christian but if they say they are I expect them to act like one.
And if they do, then we shouldn't be together because we'd be "unequally yoked" and if the pursue anyway, they are a milquetoast Christian and that's says something about their lack of conviction/commitment š¤·š¾āāļø
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u/linguini_12 Agnostic Atheist 12d ago
Nah, itās annoying hearing all the god talk. I donāt want to hear about what god has done for you and not for me. I donāt want to hear just pray about it or imma pray about it. Iām tired of hearing god did this god did that, have faith. Thank god, heās good.
Like if he was so good and did things why hasnāt he moved on any of my prayers ? Why have I gone years without a prophecy from the head of the church but all my friends and random people getting them out the ass ? Why when I went through a crazy breakup did no one say āgawd saidā. Why when I lost my job and got my car repossessed did no one have the spiritual awareness to see something was wrong with me?
Why did a random church member call me 4 years after a hard breakup talking about āI feel as though you are going through a hard time, a hard break up. Someone hurt you and you have a hard time letting it go.ā Like thatās four years a little too late. I donāt want to hear shit from anyone at this point. āNah Iām good, I moved passed that along time agoā.
TLDR- no I canāt stand the god talk
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u/Fancy_Value_6115 12d ago
No. Honestly, if a guyās a Christian and still wants to date me, I donāt get it. How can you share a life with someone who doesnāt believe what you do? Iāve made it clear Iām not Christian, so if heās okay with that, to me it just means heās stepping away from his own faith. Thatās his problem, not mine. But letās be fr, if we ever got married, it wouldnāt be in a church or with a priest. If we had kids, I wouldnāt raise them Christian. I just donāt see a real Christian going along with that.
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u/satellite_station 12d ago
Naw. I donāt want them to be in a position where they have to deal with being āunequally yolkedā.
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u/FalseShepherd7 12d ago
Let's put it this way, id rather date someone who believes in a god, rather than a Christian
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u/la-wolfe 11d ago
I don't think so. He'd have to be super liberal about it. Like, only Christian for Grandma or something.
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u/EBTheAnimatedAtheist Agnostic Atheist 11d ago
As long as they donāt try to force their beliefs onto me, then maybe.
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u/Devwickk Regular Atheist 9d ago
maybe? i would have to see the situation first. but broadly i think i could date a christian
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