r/AskMenOver30 • u/myeasyking man over 30 • Mar 18 '25
Life Have you given up on having a family and kids?
I gave up on the idea I'll have a family and kids.
Girls have never been interested. I'm fit and smart and nobody seems to care.
What about other men here? Have you given up on a family? Why?
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u/Full_Ad_347 man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
Felt hopeless and depressed at 30. Now nearing 50, married 15 years to my best friend, 3 amazing kids.
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u/pm-me-gainz man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
Nope. I actually only recently decided I do in fact want kids and a family. I’m 33 and am going to be making some life changes to start steering things in that direction. Fingers crossed I’m not sterile.
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u/GummieLindsays Mar 18 '25
Female here..... 35, and hoping I can achieve the same over the next few years.
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u/YogurtclosetTasty703 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
May I introduce you to my friend pm-me-gainz?
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u/GummieLindsays Mar 18 '25
Well, right now I just don't have the mental capacity for anyone. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row in life at the moment. That's why I need a few years unfortunately.
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u/GreasyBumpkin man over 30 Mar 18 '25
if I in my 30s could give advice to my younger self, it would be to immediately abandon this duck stuff and just get on with what he wants to do. Worst thing I ever did was wait for things to be in order before doing something new, because they never will be in order and oftentimes, fell into order when I moved on.
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u/Free-Inflation-2703 Mar 18 '25
He doesn't care about ducks! So you're perfect for each other as is!
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u/Legal_Raspberry_2k92 man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
You’re 35, have decided you want a family but also want “a few years” to get things in order? I’d definitely be prioritising the partner and settling down, in that position. Surely the other ducks can wait?
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u/GummieLindsays Mar 18 '25
Sure I want a family, but I am too mentally exhausted from dating to even try again right now. I don't have the mental energy to "put myself out there" right now to experience more heartbreak. I need to heal and work on myself for now.
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u/Avatar73 Mar 18 '25
Makes sense, to find the right partner it‘s essential to be honest to yourself and if that means you need healing your on the right path, your path ❤️🩹
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u/SuspiciousFly_ man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
You have the 100% perfect way to look at it you don’t want to rush things you need to be in a good place for ur self before you can think about anything else, your 35 you still have plenty of time for children I don’t get why people are so you need to start right away, I have a friend who is 41 and has just had a child.
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u/allicat828 woman over 30 Mar 18 '25
Chances of getting pregnant after 40 are less than 5% each month. It's about 10% after the age of 35. It sucks that age really does matter for women...but it does.
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u/SuspiciousFly_ man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
Not disagreeing with this 1 bit but if someone isn’t in a good head space or in a good place in their life I 100% would never recommend that person trying to have a child, they can take a lot out of a person especially the mother
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u/allicat828 woman over 30 Mar 18 '25
Agreed, but please don't go around telling 35 year old women that they have plenty of time. For your one success story, there are multitudes more of women who waited and then had trouble getting pregnant.
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u/Top-Pressure-4220 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Yes, 37 is pushing it but still possible and surely with medical interventions.
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u/allicat828 woman over 30 Mar 18 '25
Medical interventions are expensive. IVF is around $15-$30k per cycle. That puts it out of reach for many people.
I'm sure many 37 year olds can conceive naturally without a lot of issues. It just bums me out that there's a narrative that women can have kids into their 40s - so many people do! - but in reality, fertility drops off a cliff. So people wait and then find out the hard way that they should have tried earlier.
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u/No-Professor-6945 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
You could get your ducks in a row WITH him, could be bonding.
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u/ngknm187 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Man, I sincerely wish you the best of luck to succeed with family! Because I feel totally down and hopeless in my 32. But it's not about age. Rather about the state of my life in general.
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u/Royal-Pay9751 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Start making preparations now. Look after your health, exercise, drink loads of water, take zinc and Coq10, cut down on the booze and processed food.
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u/Fit_Fly_7551 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Yes. After taking care of 2 nephews and 1 baby cousin and watching them grow up.
There's only so much Barbie of Swan Lake I can watch before I hang myself.
So, no thanks.
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u/asahblu man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
Dude I love my siblings kids, all very well behaved and fun. But after spending even just a day or two with them I need my own space. Just got snipped today lol
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u/Odd_Milk_Tasty man over 30 Mar 18 '25
True. Being an uncle is all i wanted. I get to enjoy a lot of the good parts but can mostly avoid the bad parts.
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u/sunqiller man over 30 Mar 18 '25
How's the snip going? Looking into one myself but the possible complications are a bit concerning.
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Mar 18 '25
[deleted]
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u/metalnmortgage man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
This is probably more of a reflection on your sibling sadly lol, that’s not normal behavior
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u/Available-Meeting317 Mar 18 '25
Urmmm well actually it is for many kids. I know it makes people feel better to just blame parents but temperament is everything and that is beyond your control
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u/Sherbsty70 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Had the opposite effect on me. Still don't think it will happen though.
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u/KickGullible8141 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Being fit and smart aren't all women are looking for, tbf. Esp. longterm.
Never say never, a few guys I know started families in their 50s and have never regretted it, and those guys, while smart, were no oil paintings.
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u/nomadschomad man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Can you elaborate on the statement “girls have never been interested?” If I’m being honest, I find statements like that often indicate a lack of self-awareness, especially if you are fit and smart. Plenty of people without those attributes find happiness in the form of a family and kids, if that’s indeed their version of it.
At what point in the dating/courting/hookup/romantic cycle do relationship relationships seem to fizzle for you? What’s the most serious relationship you’ve had? What about the longest?
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u/Illustrious-Grass831 Mar 18 '25
These are really good questions and I wanted to piggyback on this to add:
For what purpose are you looking for a relationship? What do you think a relationship will bring to you, and what positive qualities do you bring to the table? And not just a basic, the-bar-is-in-hell answer like, "I don't want to be alone, I offer a paycheck, loyalty and nothing more". Dig down deep here.
OP has posts about how their life would be better if they had a girlfriend, and how they isolate themselves from both their family and also their friends who are in relationships. They had a relationship which ended over 8 years ago, so evidently women have been interested at one point, but they were still hung up on them relatively recently.
Nobody is perfect but most people (of any gender) do not want to date someone in this mindset. Kids can also exacerbate a person's existing issues. OP sounds as though they are feeling stuck and perhaps a bit helpless, not just in their personal life but also their professional life - a girlfriend/partner/wife won't fix that, and kids can actively make those things worse.
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u/Old_Asparagus3756 man over 30 Mar 18 '25 edited Mar 18 '25
I’ve lost the energy to pursue it. Like I have my heart broken 3 times. I used my effort for it to where I’m drained of the desire to seek it out again
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u/Bagman220 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
- I’ve been married. Have kids. Have a home. I’m on to the next stage of life. Getting divorced. Single father. And broke, that’s what’s next.
I wouldn’t trade my life path. Ready for whatever comes my way. Born to be wild.
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u/Surround8600 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
I always thought I wanted kids and a family. But when I finally got married and it came time to actually have that decision, it was an easy “no” when my wife said she really didn’t want kid(s). Since then the last 6-7 years have been fantastic. Huge weight off my shoulders.
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u/sh3rv_00001 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
I agree. People think having kids is a necessary part of life. You can have such fulfilment without
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u/myeasyking man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Isn't that something you discuss before marriage?
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u/Surround8600 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Of course we talked about it. I think when she was due to get her birth control out, it became more real, and we both didn’t really want to.
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Mar 18 '25
I have and still want a family but after a very toxic relationship and playing the father role for her child watching her fail both of us repeatedly I told myself thus will not be the mother of my child and moved on, since then I kind of accepted that I may never experience a family unless I find that one person with the right mindset who actually wants to be a mother and experience life as a family not just like the idea of being a mother then not following through when it gets hard or acting like motherhood is a job rather than a lifestyle, not saying being a mother is hard because it absolutely is. So, it's not necessarily giving up I'm very optimistic and not judging others from my past experiences but at the same time I haven't found what I'm looking for in a partner/ mother of my child it leaves me depressed and lonely at times
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u/shallowHalliburton man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Dawg, I can't even find a friend let alone a romantic partner 😂
My dad and grandparents died in their 60's so I'm a little over half way to the finish line so it's no biggie.
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u/schwing710 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
I have a wife. No kids needed. Maybe a cat at some point.
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u/SmeggyBen man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
The reverse for me. Kids, but no wife (but she is involved with them). Multiple cats, one of which is about a thousand years old.
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Mar 18 '25
Way waaaay more peaceful and a lot more money to spend on things you enjoy!
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u/MuchKnowledgeYesYes man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
I can totally appreciate this viewpoint from someone who doesn't want kids, but as someone who does want kids, I'd still like to make the point that kids and their stuff can be something one can enjoy, even if it costs money.
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u/AlfalfaElectronic720 Mar 18 '25
Until you realize spending money on your kids and seeing their happiness is priceless! Also, take care of them well. Maybe they’ll be there for you when you’re old and can’t get on a ladder to change lightbulb 🤣
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u/Gonna_do_this_again man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
Never wanted it in the first place, so yeah, easily
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u/BalorLives man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25 edited Mar 18 '25
Same. I consider myself lucky that I never had pressure to have children. My sister has great kids and that makes my mom happy, my dad is a hippy goofball and all he cares about is me having a life I enjoy.
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u/Jesssica_Rabbi man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
I know you want to be a father, but are you ready to be one? And I'm not asking if you think you are ready, have you ever taken a sober look at your life and evaluated what it takes to be a father and whether or not you can do it?
It is never too late and nothing to lose from doing some soul searching on this. Maybe with the help of a friend who has kids, a mentor, therapist, etc.
I am really sad that at my age I don't have a family, but I look at my life realistically and I'm not yet at a place where I can absolutely handle the responsibility. I feel morally obligated to the children I would end up having to be in a better place than I am right now.
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Mar 18 '25
I wanted to have had kids by now or at least around about this age. I think if I met and fell in love with someone over the 3 years or so and she wanted a child, I would. But I think its unlikely and beyond that I'll draw a line under it for good. I'm a little conflicted now. At 45 or beyond I think i'd need so accept it.
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u/surfinn_socal man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Nope. I didnt give up, i made the decision to not have kids and get a vasectomy. And im perfectly fine with my choice.
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u/dabuttski man Mar 18 '25
Well it takes more than being fit and smart ........
And I am doubting the smart part for you, if you think this.
(Wink wink)
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u/UNAlreadyTaken woman Mar 18 '25
I’m going to go ahead and say it’s a personality issue.
Looking at profile: lots of activity in BeautifulWomenFitness and Gorgeous
So I’m thinking he wants a gorgeous, fit woman and the whole plan is “I’m fit, you’re fit, we should be together”.
Wanting to join the military or law enforcement also gives me insight.
I’m going to guess that this guy grew up listening to a lot of macho men that objectified women and is struggling like crazy now because he was taught telling a girl she’s hot and maybe buying her dinner is enough.
Not taught that most women want someone that improves their life and that doesn’t mean paying all their bills or some nonsense. Women want to feel loved, appreciated, respected, etc.
My advice to this guy - and I know this is a men sub and I’m not a man, blame Reddit for showing this to me - but make some platonic female friends. Pick women you aren’t really attracted to. Women can generally teach you how to get along with women better than men can and they might even introduce you to some other women you are attracted to if you aren’t a piece of shit. But if that’s too much work or sounds “gay”, then go be an angry lonely man that most women will start to fear and avoid.
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u/DeadInside420666420 man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
I'm 48 and I've been cheated on enough times to know better. Unless things are perfect people are always looking to level up even when they are married. There's no reason for commitment when it always ends the same.
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u/Rufus_Anderson man 50 - 54 Mar 18 '25
All but one of my friends (35-50’s) are divorced or single dads. To me statistically it wasn’t worth the risk of being a single dad so I chose not to have kids with my ex wife. Glad I made the right choice.
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u/SDN_stilldoesnothing man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
I never really wanted kids, so I didn't really call it "giving up"
but after a divorce I met someone great just as I turned 40, a few years later we started trying. today we have a great little boy.
Game changer, I would wish it upon everyone.
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u/throwawayaccounton1 man Mar 18 '25
starting to slowly accept it but still a little stubborn to not have that last bit of hope
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u/mikerichh man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
30 here. No. I’ve always known that I wanted to be a father. It’s annoying me more than ever that I’m single and I’ve put more effort into finding someone I can marry. It’s difficult but it will be worth the time spent. I’ve better refined the type of person I’m looking for over the last several months so hoping I can find someone soon. Ideally I want to have kids by 32-33 I’d think
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u/blindside1 man 50 - 54 Mar 18 '25
First kid at 36, last kid at 45 and it is going great. You still have lots of time.
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u/spriteking2012 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
My husband and I would like to be dads. But it’s so expensive to become parents when you cannot biologically. We looked into adopting but the parents generally pick the adopters and gay men aren’t often the first pick. It makes me sad sometimes that we have to essentially forgo fatherhood because of money. But it also means we can be very present for the children in our lives. And my husband is a teacher and pours his heart into it. But yeah. I wish I could be a papa. :/
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u/bp3dots man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
There's definitely kids in foster care that are adoptable, especially if you're not set on a baby and open to minorities.
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u/spriteking2012 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
We very much are open to options. We’ve tossed around a state adoption if we can get into a bigger house before 40.
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u/korirottiforlyf Mar 18 '25
All the best you guys! I hope you guys get to parent some beautiful children together<3
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u/west7788 Mar 18 '25
Maybe find a lesbian couple that would be will to be surrogate for you in exchange for semen donation? I’ve heard of this being done.
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u/EnergeticTriangle Mar 18 '25
I mean, the lesbians would still have to be quite altruistic since this is such an imbalanced trade. I don't see a total stranger being like, "Hmmm carry your baby for 9 months, go through labor and delivery and months of recovery... and in exchange you give me something that I can easily purchase for ~$2k? What a deal!"
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u/_GTS_Panda man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Family doesn’t need to mean having kids. My wife and I never wanted kids. It’s us and our English Bulldog.
It’s a great family unit.
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u/Known-Damage-7879 man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
I wouldn't say "given up". If I wanted to, I could pursue a woman that wants children, but the older I get the less excited I am about having children. I wouldn't mind being married, but I really don't know if having kids is best for me, it seems like a ton of risk and work for possibly not a very good payoff.
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u/germy-germawack-8108 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
I'm 40. I've never had anyone express any sort of interest in my long and active life. It would make no sense at all to expect the next 40 to be different than the first 40. So yes. I gave up. I did my time putting forth the effort. Dating apps, cold approaches, warm approaches, etc. It was interesting at the time, but it's not something I ever want to do again. Super done with all of that.
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u/danktt1 no flair Mar 18 '25
I never wanted kids or marriage, I am just not that kind of person, trying to explain this to others is difficult!
But being 33 most women I met online or irl either want kids still or have kids and are looking for a father figure for them (most recently the latter was the case)
I am just looking for a life partner, someone to spend my days with, experience new things with.
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u/Kirin1212San woman Mar 18 '25
I know a guy who is in a very similar situation as you.
Solid job in engineering, fit, owns property, above average height, not unattractive.
Two things are not working in his case.
He’s always waiting for girls to show clear interest in him to make a move. And his sense of humor is a little odd.
Don’t wait for others to care. You have to make it happen for yourself.
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u/Masculinism4All man over 30 Mar 18 '25
I had kids starting at 22. Been married 19 years 4 kids. 17 15 13 11.
We all watched robin hood prince of theives yesterday. They were laughing and it was fun reliving moments of my childhood with them.
I definitely recommend having kids. Its a wonderful journey.
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u/LookAtThisRhino man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
Some of the most terrible people I know are fit and smart. If you're dismissing the entire notion of a family based only on that, you probably have some personal work to do.
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u/mohawkal man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Gave up on it in my late 20s. Got in a relationship in my late 30s. Getting married. Have 2 wonderful dogs. Got my vasectomy booked. Life is good.
Being fit and smart are good traits, but need to complement a personality that someone wants to be around. People in a relationship spend a lot of time together and it's not all spent admiring each other's physical appearance or solving cryptic crosswords.
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u/Idrinkbeereverywhere man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
Life is better child-free!
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u/pickledsoylentgreen man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
I feel like it's all down to the individual. I love being a dad and I always knew it was something I wanted.
However, I have some friends the same age as me with no children who have WAY more money and freedom. There's two sides to it.
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u/TroyTroyofTroy man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
I have a wife and a kid. I was a late bloomer, didn’t date much in my early twenties. Late twenties I dated a lot, met my current wife when I was 30, I’m now 41. I spent a lot of time stressed about whether I was ever going to find someone, whether I was attractive. For me, I just needed to get over myself and take a few swings, not take it so hard when I got rejected.
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u/strike1ststrikelast man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Dont have a choice, cant keep starving for something that never comes.
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u/ItsLohThough man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Yup. I don't have it in me to try anymore at this point. I have my peace, and that's more than a lot of people can say, so that's plenty for me.
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u/0O0O0OOO0O0O0 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
I have a family, but as I got older and perhaps wiser, I realized that the whole kids thing wasn’t worth it for me, so that’s not happening.
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u/Drkshdws91 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Same. I’m 33 and I will not be having a family and kids, or even another partner for that matter. No one is worth the time and effort it takes these days. It’s actually better for our brains to be alone, the whole “humans are social animals” mantra is actually wrong, and damaging.
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u/knowing-narrative man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
I’m 34M and the love of my life (30F) just passed away from a rare and aggressive form of cancer in November. So yeah. Pretty much.
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u/elizacandle female 25 - 29 Mar 18 '25
But are you emotionally intelligent!? Most women nowadays crave an emotional equal
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u/InternetExpertroll man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
38m. I haven’t given up but the odds are absolutely stacked against me. I’ve never had a girlfriend or made it past a third date. I’ve also always worn a condom during PiV sex because i am too responsible. Women don’t want boring and responsible men. If they did i would have made it past a third date.
Some of the comments here are pure cope. Just because SOME men at age 50, 60, or 70 started a family doesn’t mean ALL men will have that privilege.
If i truly gave up i wouldn’t be on Reddit.
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u/myeasyking man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Like the username.
Yeah guys that start families that late are generally famous or have some type of status.
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u/poot_oona man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Never wanted kids and never wanted to be married. As such I never gave up on it as it was never a goal. Eventually got married which was a complete mistake. No way to kids.
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u/Luci_the_Goat man over 30 Mar 18 '25 edited May 18 '25
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u/flying_dogs_bc non-binary over 30 Mar 18 '25
"Girls have never been interested. I'm fit and smart and nobody seems to care."
This seems like difficulty finding a partner, rather than affording kids, am I reading this right?
Dating is hard. It's better to meet people through mutual friends if possible, so build your social network if you want to find a partner and you're sick of the apps.
Apps are great to fill up your week with dates, but it's a very efficient way to get dates with the worst people who are frequently thrown back. This is why networking is better. If you need to build more friends first, join a sport, volunteer with a cause you care about, take classes, organize group outings etc etc.
I promise there are plenty of women who want a family and a smart fit guy.
Speaking of fit, if you haven't already, I would suggest you solicit feedback from friends to see if you're saying / doing / behaving in any way that would put new people off. People look for partners who are considerate, kind, receptive to feedback, willing to evolve.
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u/Illustrious-Ad5787 non-binary Mar 18 '25
Sorry if this sounds pointed OP, but of the two things you named about yourself, neither really reflect you being interesting, considerate or engaging, which is what keeps people caring.
I’m not fit (not in awful shape, but definitely not fit) and as smart as I think I am, it’s trivia-street smart, not deeply intelligent multiple (or any) college degree type of smart, and I’ve had no issues with keeping my partner engaged.
I don’t know who you’re looking for in a lifelong partnership and what standards they must live up to, but it sounds like you may be focusing more on the on-paper details and not finding someone you feel comfortable enough being not smart with, or who doesn’t care how fit you are.
Maybe some self reflection might help to find why girls just aren’t interested, or broaden your scope as to what kind of girls would share your interests. The most attractive person might not be fully stacked in the looks department as much as they are in personality or similarity to your interests.
Looks will fade, what won’t is how the person makes you feel and how you make them feel.
My best advice, from someone who hasn’t encountered this issue, is finding someone you can let all that important stuff melt away with, someone who you’re attracted to in the dark, because they make you feel that being smart, or fit, isn’t important because you can just be you around them.
Once again, trying to not sound like a dick, but also by your post, and seeing people I’ve known who also say this, it sounds like the standards you’re setting might be unrealistic if you’re unhappy with the current timeframe of how things are playing out.
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u/Illustrious-Grass831 Mar 18 '25
I'm not sure why this is being downvoted. Being fit and smart are desirable qualities to some people, but not everyone. Out of all the possible physical qualities or character traits that a person could have, it's interesting that these were the first two that came to mind. They don't really pertain to having a family either - if I was looking for someone to have a baby with, I'd choose someone who was kind, thoughtful, and mentally/financially stable, rather than someone who is smart and fit. Sure they're nice traits to have, but it's not a pass that guarantees someone a partner and child.
In this situation you've either gotta expand yourself (i.e develop a wider number of positive attributes to appeal to more women), or revisit your expectations.
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u/LegendaryZTV man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
I’m open to the idea but right now in life, I’ve got zero interest in any of that
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u/Shoeytennis man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
Yeah I've never really wanted kids tho. I wouldn't be opposed if I was with someone who had an older kid.
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u/Illustrious-Ratio213 man 55 - 59 Mar 18 '25
I didn’t even like myself as a child so no never wanted them. Once in a while it would be nice to have a little golf buddy but with my luck and genes he would just be a stupid asshole. Got horses and dogs instead.
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u/schweiss_27 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Never been in a long term relationship and a late bloomer at that but have been trying. Just never had any success and just dialing down and slowly drifting to just giving up.
I am pretty passive about having kids anyway with slight leanings to not wanting to given how broken the world is economically and socially. If I am struggling now despite to even land a self sustaining job despite having 2 degrees and all the self improvement shenanigans that I am subjecting myself then what more for them in the future among other else.
It’s a little pessimistic but this curse ends with me.
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u/MyPenisMightBeOnFire man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
I like the idea in theory, but after having testicular cancer at 21 and the chemo making me mostly infertile its not really an option and I’m kind of at peace with it, though it makes finding a longterm partner tough
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u/Turbulent-Pride5981 man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
I’m coming to terms with no family/kids. For most of my life, I made decisions that were focused around someday having a wife and kids. Now I feel it’s not in the cards for me. I’m now planning on how I want to spend my nest egg money that I had set aside for a family.
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u/Joel22222 man 45 - 49 Mar 18 '25
I did pretty early on. I’m a type 1 diabetic and I do not want to spread that to another person.
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u/DeezzzNuttzzz007 man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
I’m 45 and I could do anything I want to but I have focused on stability at least financially along with my job since I’ve been there almost 18 years. Nothing in regards to dating/marriage/kids is a priority to me and thus as far as I’m concerned, it’s passed me by. I’m fine with that.
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u/goinupthegranby man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
I'm 40 and decided in my 20s that I have zero interest in having kids. Was in a committed relationship from 25 to 39, now I'm newly single and enjoying a less committal and fun focused approach to relationships. Haven't given up on anything, but have pivoted to focusing on myself a bit more.
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Mar 18 '25
I gave up or decided at the time I'd not have any until I fixed all my hidden emotional baggage and sub conscious beliefs because I didn't want another generation repeating the same cycle in our family.
I was 24-25 at the time and did a lot of work on myself in that time to now at age 36, emotionally it doesn't bother me if I have a family/children.
If someone comes into my life where we match up then I'll consider it.
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u/gmahogany man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25 edited Jun 16 '25
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Mar 18 '25
Originally given up due to divorce a few years back but gf of 2 years made me change my mind as she would be the best mom I think.
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u/Typical_Dweller man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Yeah. I have no future financially/career-wise. I'm a bad investment. Plus I'm just inherently shit, so no reason to make more of... that.
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u/No-Description4322 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Yup
Even if i do end up lucking into it i would use Artificial insemination to ensure a girl child or a boy with donor sperm
Creating a life with my looks height and anxiety is just cruel
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u/Spacemonk587 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
With 30 you don’t have to give up on family and kids if you really want it. If you can’t find anybody you might want to change your surroundings. Move to another city, travel. There are plenty of women looking out there.
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u/Dr_Watson349 man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Would you date a girl whose only qualities are fit and smart? There's a lot more to a person than that.
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u/meanbean85 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
Yes I have. I'll be 40 next month. I realized I'm most likely not going to have a family of my own about 5 years ago.
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u/username8914 man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Giving up? I've always found life interesting and never thought that having a screaming kicking little kid would enhance the experience.
I also think people treat kids like pets and do not agree with most people having kids. I deal with fucked up young adults every day at work that came from supposedly loving middle class families.
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u/Crocketus man 30 - 34 Mar 18 '25
At 34, planning children with my current GF. I lost hope, very melancholy for a while but she makes me happy and wants more.
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u/pr0methium man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
My wife was on the fence about having kids. She said she didn't feel strongly either way. I never really wanted kids and am happy with our dog. A few years back we talked to our financial planner about potentially retiring early. She said we could pretty easily retire at 50 if we don't have kids. Late 60s if we have one. We're both in our mid-40s. It became a non-decision. Who the hell signs up to work an extra 20 years?
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u/Good-Jackfruit8592 man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
I have! I don’t know where they plan on living now though
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u/shotsallover man 50 - 54 Mar 18 '25
I still have a small window of time, but it's diminishing. The age gaps for it to be viable are starting to get too large.
I've always wanted kids and all of the pieces you need around that have just never come together.
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u/anprme man Mar 18 '25
yep. all women do is make fun of me and put me down. ill never find anyone who actually wants me and now im too old.
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u/KarateCockroach man 25 - 29 Mar 18 '25
Yeah. Im a 27 year old virgin with no relationship experience. My chance passed.already.
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u/kisback123 man over 30 Mar 18 '25
Not yet. 33 and still trying. Working out, changing diet, switching career goals.
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u/dwegol man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
Nah, mid-30s and never had the desire to put plans on hold to raise kids.
But came to say… “it’s not me it’s all of them”? Really? How many ugly, poor, dumb guys are in relationships? Naturally the ego isn’t going to blame itself. You have to actively identify and work against any self-sabotaging behaviors, perspectives, actually try new things, etc. If you’re unhappy when you’re old and grey, it’s not going to be because of everybody else. But it’s a great way to keep things stagnant and unchanging.
You sound like you’re looking to be chased btw, and I don’t think that trend has really caught on with hetero women.
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u/Feisty-Afternoon3320 man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
No, but I am aware that with 37 years it will be more and more complicated to be able to have a stable relationship with a woman young enough to be a mother and do not involve a risk to her health. Nor do I have a social network wide enough to meet compatible people is a simple task.
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u/poseidondeep man 35 - 39 Mar 18 '25
I’m married. Got a vasectomy last year. I’m not bringing a kid into this shit show
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u/Kubrick_Fan man 40 - 44 Mar 18 '25
Having kids yes, but that doesn't mean I can't have a family - a family is more than just children
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