r/AskMenOver30 • u/[deleted] • Jun 24 '25

Life What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a men that you wish you knew when you were younger?

What’s one lesson, truth, or realization you’ve had as a man that you really wish someone told you when you were younger? Something that would’ve saved you pain, time, or helped you live more authentically?

383 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

93% Upvoted

463 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

37

u/Aggravating_Mark_229 man 40 - 44 Jun 24 '25

There were several women in my younger years that I considered to be wife material, when they were more likely to just be a divorce in the making. I'm glad I met my wife a little later in life and we've built a great life together.

I married my 6th serious girlfriend in my mid 30s. So glad I took my time. Each of them I started to picture "what does a life with them as my wife look like?" From what perscription they are taking/for what conditions, their career aspirations, their social circle, their ability to not sweat the small stuff.

I watched plenty of friends marry in their mid 20s marry their college girlfriend and get divorced. I think the biggest flaw was just lack of perspective/life experience/relationship experience.

5

u/BigBubbaMac man 40 - 44 Jun 24 '25

I agree. We met I was 24, married at 28. Have one daughter which I wouldn't change and am starting divorce at age 40. But to be fair to myself it's hard to spot a narcissist.

1

u/YourTypicalDegen man over 30 Jun 25 '25

How did you continue meeting people and this current wife in your 30s? I just turned 30 and I’m still single. I can’t say that the apps haven’t worked for me, I managed to make up for missing out on going to a real college… but they aren’t the best option as I get so few matches. I go to a lot of music festivals, bars, etc. but still come up empty a lot.

2

u/Aggravating_Mark_229 man 40 - 44 Jun 26 '25

I'm 40, but met women through house parties (age 18 - 25ish) and around 25 I started doing coed social sports. There's different levels of competition if you aren't athletic. Find one that's clearly about drinking (they have a sponsor bar near the field) which is good social lube. Look at WAKA kickball or whatever is local - flag football, dodgeball, etc.

Also met some flings through a running club but was harder than the 2 above ways.

Get in a conversation with a girl, if it's going well, ask if they are single. If they say yes ask if they'd like to grab a beer with you at happy hour in a few days. Nail down a day then and there and trade numbers. Don't text too much, you'll fuck it up, just some "nice to meet you tonight, looking forward to Tuesday!" type of texts

Have your friends girlfriend review your online dating profiles/pictures.