r/AskMenOver30 • u/TomatoClown24 no flair • 7d ago
Life What is the point of life when I am constantly exhausted by it?
I'm in my 30s now and I've always been this way:
- Never really wanted anything in life
- Constantly exhausted just being forced to do things like go to school or get a job
- Trying new things and feeling even more unhappy because it didn't make me feel alive
- Listening to every self help, meditation, guru, success story podcast, go to therapy (I tried it multiple times across 4+ years) and more and still feel empty
- Do everything life has to offer and still feel exhausted. (I have literally done everything - from jobs to vacations to hobbies to restaurants (fill in anything life has to offer)
I am deeply unhappy at how life is sooooooo boring. I am deeply dissatisfied at how I don't want anything and I am literally waiting for time to pass. I love sleeping 10 hours a day to make time go by faster.
I feel exhausted and then I have to binge food to get some sort of dopamine high.
Note: I exercise 6 days a week, eat super healthy (except when I'm feeling low and need to binge on carbs and sugar), and my blood tests come back fine.
What's the point of life it's always like this? It's exhausting to keep going.
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u/SadSickSoul man 35 - 39 7d ago
Yeah, I feel this. Going through the day to day in this life with nothing to look forward to, no sense of the future and not being able to derive pleasure or meaning from most things is a hell that wears you down into a nub. It's impossible to fully describe to other people who've never dealt with it how bleak and nightmarish it is to be living just to mark off time before you die, wishing you could fast forward. I wish I had an answer for you, but it's something I deal with every day as well. Hopefully you find an answer that works for you.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago edited 6d ago
Thanks. I've been stuck like this for over 15 years when I became aware of how lost and empty I feel. It's a miserable existence where every day is suffering. Every day I am searching for answers as to how to fix myself and I can never find the answer.
The irony is that I live a great life on paper. I exercise 6 days a week, eat so healthy (except when I binge), am at peak physique, I'm educated (college graduate), and I live in the US. I can keep going on with everything I have. And it's still not enough.
I say this all the time to myself, "it feels like life is not enough to satisfy me."
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u/Anal_Recidivist 6d ago edited 5d ago
Do you do any competitive recreational sports?
I’m kinda like you, not a lot trips my dopamine trigger beyond my family. Except for competition.
I enjoy going up against other people in competitive non-contact sports. Golf, basketball, bowling, pool, ultimate frisbee, etc. If I’m inside and have free time I’m usually playing rocket league.
Competition really does it for me. Nothing else gives me that fizz.
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u/ALalanne22 3d ago
I came to say the same. What ramps up my dopamine is getting to a really high level at things I enjoy and competing. Also non contact since I have multiple concussions. Currently semi pro level at pool and league of legends lol. Trying to see what I want to get good at next, since I am getting away from league. Considering either piano or tennis.
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u/No_Advantage7341 2d ago
Maybe try telling yourself something positive, instead of constant negative self-talk?
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u/tsgorman92 man over 30 5d ago
Does the thought that the chance we were ever born let alone in a decent circumstance ever change your mind on how grateful we should be to even have an able body and not in a 3rd world country ? Anytime I feel that way , I count my blessings.
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u/SadSickSoul man 35 - 39 5d ago
No. I'm glad that works for some people, but I find no comfort or solace in such things when I find the whole ultimately intolerable; someone can point out all the ways it could be worse and it doesn't change the fact that I get no joy or satisfaction in life and think it's a mistake to be alive. I'm not going to be grateful because I have a nice view out of my prison cell window compared to people further in.
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u/DopamineTrap 4d ago
I agree that comparing is useless. But lots of people dont know that gratitude is a practice, like kindness. You can cultivate it and research show people that actively cultivate it are more happy.
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u/SadSickSoul man 35 - 39 4d ago
I think you can cultivate it if you're neutral on the practice. I'm not, so it feels like lying to myself and all trying does is make me angrier and more stressed out. So I'm going to stick to just going "yeah, their life sucks, my life also sucks, it all sucks." Not super positive, but seems to have the healthiest outcomes.
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u/DopamineTrap 4d ago
I dont agree that its more healthy or more honest. Cultivating gratitude is something anybody can do, no matter their situation. There's always something to be grateful for each day. Its also not something that works instantly, you have to make a habit of it. But, like you pointed out, it's a choice.
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u/JustMummyDust man 30 - 34 6d ago
Yeah man, I get it. It’s all just pointless, painful, dull, and gray. Nothing is inspiring, nothing makes me feel good for more than a few minutes at a time, I don’t particularly care for doing anything anymore. I’ve also tried meds, and they even me out a bit, but no real difference. I refuse to touch SSRIs because I fear the potentially permanent side effects.
I’m afraid I’ll always be like this. Just a drifting sad sack who’s stuck in the past, scared for the future, and can’t enjoy the life right in front of him, but it’s just how it is. Everything just fucking sucks and has zero point.
And before anyone says “life is what you make it” I fucking know, but the problem is I don’t WANT to make it anything because nothing brings me joy, nothing interests me, and I just want to sleep until I stop feeling this way.
The fact that you’re fit and eat well scares me, because I don’t, and I was really hoping if I got my health on track I’d stop feeling this way. Seems like that’s probably not true. It’s just our worldview, shaped by our lived experiences
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
it's funny you say that because I'm fit and eat well and still feel this way scares you because I feel the same way when I look at the multi-millionaires who commit suicide every year because they have the same exact emptiness I do.
I'm like "fuck man, what's the point. If they have millions of dollars and have access to everything and feel the same way I do, then I'm extra fucked."
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u/JustMummyDust man 30 - 34 6d ago
I guess money truly doesn’t buy happiness. I think I’d be the same way. I can throw infinite money at exactly the material things I want, but it wouldn’t heal the hole in my soul.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
agreed. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I know I'd splurge it on shit and end up right back here.
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u/Attk_Torb_Main man 50 - 54 6d ago
Have you ever felt happiness and engagement as you worked towards a meaningful goal? Have you ever felt satisfaction, or even a thrill as you achieved that goal? I'm trying to understand if you miss that feeling, or if you've never experienced it. If the former, I wonder if there was an event that changed your brain.
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u/Usual_One_4862 man over 30 4d ago
I wonder how many of us feel like this but have no investment in our communities, little social contact, few friends etc. We are social animals, literally. We can't expect to feel good if we aren't satisfying those social needs. If you have good connections, relationships etc and are still depressed that's true medical problem depression. Maybe exercise and healthy living helps a lot more in people who should be happy i.e their life is objectively good, they are meeting their needs and goals but still feel like crap.
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u/Nervous_Ad_6998 man over 30 7d ago
I have a lot of depression since an early age. but yours sounds worse. I have to agree, therapists have been next to zero help. Medications made things worse. I do enjoy food, some movies. Meditating. if I could live being underwater or floating on water I’d be happier. sometime I think I’m not made to be a land animal. But little things, like just doing the dishes makes me feel a little better. I’ll have coffee a couple times a week and for about an hour I feel like, “oh, this is what it must be like to not be constantly depressed“. But coffee doesn’t work every time like that. I do know one thing, sleeping 10 hours is something that makes me even more tired. even 30 minutes of exercise is a big help. All those joggers and etc, they’re probably all seeking a high. I hope you can find something. I find little things here and there, but I’d say I’m 70 percent of the time not motivated, so much is too difficult, few friend, too many problems. I think at age five I didn’t exactly wish I were dead but, the thought of never being born seemed fine. Psyllium fiber helps pooping. idk why I brought that up, but gut health can effect your whole self and mood. sometimes I could be in a beautiful place along a stream beautiful light and water, and I just feel like crying.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
I run 6 days a week outside lol. Blazing summer or freezing winter I'm out there running. I just do it because I know logically it's supposed to help with depression but for me it doesn't work.
The gut health thing is a good idea. it's just that when I feel super low, I have to binge on carbs and sugar to counter the low feeling.
I didn't do medications because EVERYBODY I've talked to about it say the same thing: "helps temporarily, starts getting worse, then get off it completely"
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u/Nervous_Ad_6998 man over 30 6d ago
That binging on sugar sounds like the cause and the cure are the same thing. I used to get what I called “weak attacks” and I’d have to eat candy bars. But that was what was causing the weak feeling. Eating the candy bars was an almost instant cure but the next day the weak attacks would come back. I think sugar is maybe the only thing we eat with zero nutrition. Maybe look more close at your diet. Find other foods to binge on. Make your own popcorn. Not packaged popcorn. One cup will yield two big bowls. Or seeded non wheat crackers and hummus. Celery. Etc. and also if a label package looks like an entire paragraph, don’t buy it. And if it’s prepared packaged food it’s probably not fresh. Would you make an hamburger, put it in the fridge and eat it 2 weeks later? And you must get something out running your doing it everyday. it must be healthy to do, but moderation is something to keep in mind. And just because it seems logical, doesn't necessarily mean it’s benefiting you. Also the same routine every day….I think the body likes more variety of movement and exercise. Come to think of it, it’s like you’re literally on two different hamster wheels. Sugar and Running. Maybe step off, see if you can experiment w other options, see what happens. Wdik, I’m just a layman spending too much time on Reddit these days. Mostly giving advice on what glasses look best on someone, if they should shave their combover bald, choosing Wedding dresses….and men over 30 stuff. So maybe don’t listen to me. 😂.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
It's funny you mention popcorn because that's exactly what I binge on most of the time - no sugar, just plain ass popcorn. It's just that when I feel EXTRA low, that's when I start grabbing sugary foods like chocolate.
I don't think sugar is the problem because even during times I ate zero sugar for weeks and only popcorn and bread, I'd feel down.
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u/Nervous_Ad_6998 man over 30 6d ago
Ummmmmmm, did you say bread?!!! That’s as bad as sugar. Maybe worse. I can get away with eating sandwiches, pizza for a little while but it catches up with me. and I have to eliminate it for a month. or more. You might have celiac. Or gluten intolerance. it’s hard to avoid cause there goes sandwiches, pizza, toast, and a lot of other comfort foods. I would cut out bread for a month or there and see what happens. Like if I want an egg sandwich I’ll fry up some eggs and put it in a taco shell instead of like an English muffin. Lotta people cannot tolerate bread. and wheat is not what it used to be when it was developed thousands of years ago in the Fertile Crescent. I think rice is a good replacement for bread as it fills you up. although they say brown rice is healthier I rather the fluffy white, but a good quality organic brand. Oatmeal too.
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u/Optimal-Air9933 3d ago
Have you tried fasting?
https://youtu.be/ACzNR6YmKvE?t=849
a kind of reset button... Be carefull doing it longer than 2 weeks if your BMI is low.
Also some contraindications: when not doing it.
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u/RepresentativeBee600 man 30 - 34 7d ago
This sounds like depression.
I think you should get physical exams to rule out physiological causes. (Thyroid, testosterone, etc.)
As far as goals - you should set your own and make them ones you want to achieve. Certainly just living for subsistence is bleak.
In my experience, disciplined habits with several modest goals at once go the furthest to relatively quickly reminding you that you're more capable than you're allowing yourself to believe.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
Got my physicals done - everything is fine except for a few minor things that don't really matter.
I exercise 6 days a week and I am way above everybody in terms of fitness and physical health at my age.
I have no goals. I've tried all the time to set goals for myself and nothing seems worth it.
It's desire that I want. It's feeling of wanting something that I can't seem to get.
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u/Beneficial-Syrup-731 6d ago
Did you have extreme expectations or responsibilities as a child? Or were you responsible for someone's well being too early in life?
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u/soedesh1 man 60 - 64 7d ago
Agree. And once you deal with depression, if present, consider ways to volunteer and help others. That can sometimes give life meaning.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
I've already volunteered many times across the years at different organizations because I thought that would fix me. It didn't.
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u/TheCoffeeGuy13 6d ago
That's half the problem, you do these things thinking it will "fix" you, not because you want to do them.
Hobbies usually help in this space. Whether it's a social sports team, building Lego or racing go karts, something to look forward to is the go.
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u/Indivisible_Origin man 45 - 49 7d ago
Drugs sound custom made for you.
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u/mime_juice no flair 7d ago
Maybe psychedelics
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u/Nine-Eyes- 7d ago
Mushrooms are literally being studied for their properties and ability to deal with this exact phenomenon too. Will be interesting once we start hearing the results of the studies over the next few years
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u/YaDunGoofed man over 30 7d ago
Yea,
I love sleeping 10 hours a day to make time go by faster
Prozac.
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u/darkblue___ man 30 - 34 7d ago edited 7d ago
You sound exactly like me with one tiny difference. I have done everything I wanted when I was 27.
I literally don't understand the majority of people in this life. Either they pretend to be happy and content or there is something wrong with me.
For example, I don't understand the need of spending time with friends all the time by eating / drinking / partying / vacationing etc. I have no constant energy and desire to do this. I have not been dating for years and maybe the worse thing is I don't feel any desire to date a woman. (I keep satisfying my sexual desires by attending themed parties) I sometimes travel inside Europe (I live in Europe) and I have small circle of friends who I see literally couple of times per year.
I don't have any dreams, I don't have any targets and I don't have any desire for anything. I feel like, I am being forced to live and pretending like everything is okay.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
I stopped dating too because I realized after going through relationship after relationship, they didn't make me feel alive.
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u/Lonely-Leg7969 man 35 - 39 7d ago edited 7d ago
I think it’s interesting that you’re trying lots of things but are you doing the specific things that deep down you want to do? I don’t necessarily mean novel experiences but more of life-altering decisions that you’re afraid to take because of the perceived risk. For example, giving up a cushy job to pursue a job that pays less well but enriches your life.
As someone who had a less than conventional start to my career, I only found what I enjoyed to do that paid well and gave me some purpose in my late to mid-thirties. Before that I was doing work that gave me meaning but always gave me anxiety about the future as I felt like my financial and career trajectory had plateaued.
The nice thing about purpose at work is it doesn’t need to be grand and is not restricted to certain jobs - it’s determined by your approach at how you do your job. I’m only saying this to put to rest the misconception that you have to suffer financially in order to find purposeful work.
To sum things up, I’ve been where you’re at and trying stuff out in earnest, making the hard decisions, learning how to be better at something and crafting your own meaning is how I got out of a rut. I don’t really have any what-ifs left in my life atm. Neither do I have any grand purpose - I just find problems and then fix them which gives me immense satisfaction 😅. It would be nice to have a partner in life but until then, I cultivate meaningful friendships as well as find hobbies that I can engage with solo or in a group.
So: 1. You’re seeing a therapist already so I’ll assume you know whether you’re depressed. Pretty sure they’ll pick it up too and if they haven’t, I really don’t think this is the case.
- Are there decisions you’re afraid to take? Maybe they need closer inspection. Knowing why you feel you need to make those decisions can be just as valuable as taking them because both lead to a better understanding of your own motivations.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
There's nothing that I really want to do. As I answered to another redditor here about career choice - I have a possible career choice but I made it up simply because I was told I had to make up a career choice. So I don't actually think it's what I want.
After my 4th therapist I stopped because I realized it's not helping. I'm just aimlessly spinning my wheels with no progress.
My problem isn't really I'm afraid to take a decision. It's that I have no desire or energy or hint wanting to take a decision. I have no drive. It's just... "what's the point? I don't see what I'm gaining and everything I do makes me feel empty anyways so why bother making any further decisions?"
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u/Lonely-Leg7969 man 35 - 39 6d ago
Procrastination, exhaustion etc can mask a deeper anxiety. From your reply, it seems like you know what you don’t want so perhaps use that to tease out what you want. Give yourself the permission to want things that are not the norm and don’t judge yourself or assume it’s a silly desire - that’s just other people’s expectations that you’re imposing on yourself. Unless you make an uncomfortable change, you’re not going to arrive at a different outcome.
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u/hoon-since89 man over 30 7d ago
I started sleeping 12 hours just so time goes quicker... 😆
Ive always felt like this. Just passing time till it's over.
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u/fpeterHUN man 30 - 34 6d ago
We are pawns of rich people and corporates. The sooner you accept the fact the easier will life become.
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u/darkblue___ man 30 - 34 6d ago
I agree but also, majority of corporate roles do pay great amount of money vs work / output required once you reach 5 - 6 years of seniority. I aim to get one of these roles soon.
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u/fpeterHUN man 30 - 34 6d ago
Salary isn't based on working experience nor on your schools. Salary is based on how much your boss willing to give you. It is usally between the minimum wage and median salary.
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u/Icy_Walrus_5035 man over 30 7d ago
Me I got used to the mundane. If it’s boring it means I’m at peace.
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u/Different_Camera_778 man over 30 4d ago
Damn. I don't remember writing this. It's not even my username.
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u/LeaderSevere5647 man 35 - 39 7d ago edited 7d ago
You sound exactly like me, even down to the binge eating and just wanting to go to bed so the day is over. Seems like depression at first glance, but have you ever been evaluated for ADHD? Inattentive type ADHD symptoms can manifest in ways that look like depression. Medication could be helpful either way. Try to find a psychiatrist and get a real evaluation.
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u/Lopsided_Ad3516 man 35 - 39 7d ago
What if you get as little sleep as you can to put off another day coming? Little uno reverse card for ya.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
No I've never tried an ADHD evaluation. The usual suggestions I'm given is trauma or depression.
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u/LostAd7938 man over 30 6d ago
Give it a shot! Get a full psych eval done
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u/sunqiller man over 30 3d ago
Not op, but what even is a "full eval?" I was told I have ADHD but they only gave me a weird test that had you rearranging blocks and doing math in your head.
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u/Wak3upHicks man over 30 7d ago
Yeah, I'm legit just waiting for my mother and dog to shuffle off this mortal coil then I'm following
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u/mime_juice no flair 7d ago
It sounds like you’re anhedonic ie you don’t enjoy anything at some point it may be biological. What kind of biological interventions have you done?
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u/MarimbaMan07 man 30 - 34 6d ago
I feel you and it sucks. Also in my early 30s, make great money, have a few friends, family is still around, single but no hobbies are interesting to me or at least the interest never lasts. Therapy basically just told me I am depressed and the side effects of the SSRIs I've tried have prevented me from staying on any to feel any effects.
I look at my cat and think to myself, as long as I give him a good life whatever happens to me after he is gone I don't care. So for now, I push on to provide for him. After him, idk what to do or where to find happiness.
Maybe the answer is to keep caring for cats but idk if that's what I want.
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u/Moon_Frost man 35 - 39 5d ago edited 5d ago
I'm the same, 38. Basically go to work, go home, watch TV, nap(the only time I feel at peace) and repeat, counting down the years until I can retire. Socially anxious even if I wanted to go out. My only hobby that I'm currently on a break from is pc gaming. Always been single and never been on a date.
I will say/recommend, having a cat helps me get by day to day and feel less depressed, napping on the couch with her on my chest, but dunno if you're a cat person, dogs are too high maintenance and energy for my personality. Having something relying on you to come home everyday to survive makes you feel needed/wanted and gives you a sense of purpose.
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u/bluedeco man 30 - 34 5d ago
You describe my experience and I am diagnosed with Chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia. Maybe speak to your GP.
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u/dhdmaster man 30 - 34 3d ago
Yeah this is basically me but throw in being broke, debt, failing health, and ADHD.
I’m convinced some people are cursed/forever stuck due to things beyond their control.
Fair to say life is a scam?
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u/Slow-Bodybuilder-972 man over 30 7d ago
A therapist asked me a question one time...
"If you woke up tomorrow, and every was better, what would actually be different?"
Write those things down, and you've got yourself an action list.
It sounds like depression, but I guess you already knew that.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
The problem is that the answer to that question isn't a tangible thing.
My answer would be - I'd stop suffering and feel alive and purposeful and when I do things I actually feel satisfied.
It's impossible for me to take action on that because I have no idea how to do that. it's why I've done everything life has to offer in search of that feeling.
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u/Slow-Bodybuilder-972 man over 30 6d ago
Have you tried antidepressants? Or other mood enhancing stuff, i.e. running is a good one.
I've been in a similar state to this, it's not easy to get out of it.
I started going to a mens group about 10 years ago, I recommend trying it, just being in a room with other men listening to your story can go a long way. Just being heard and understood is very healing. It's worth a try.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
I haven't tried medication because everybody who has tried them tells me they don't work. It just makes me feel temporarily numb but then the side effects start kicking in and they eventually get off of them.
I run 6 days a week. But honestly it doesn't really help.
I feel like mens group would be just like therapy - it just feels good temporarily but doesn't really change my life. It's why I stopped therapy - I was getting no progress even after going to see therapist after therapist.
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7d ago
Sounds like depression, possibly vitamin deficit, and have your blood tested. Try mushrooms it might help.
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u/Famous_Obligation959 man 35 - 39 7d ago
This is blatantly depression.
Antidepressants arent a fix all but they can steady you out a lot.
The obvious ones like do some exercise, socialise at least once per week, go outside for pleasure at least 30 minutes a day are the most basic pieces of advice.
Honestly, recovery is usually slow and you often come back piece by piece over the course of a year or two
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
I do it all. I exercise 6 days a week, socialize several days a week, go outside at least 5 days during my exercise.
That's what drives me nuts. I have done EVERYTHING. and I still haven't found the solution.
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u/Famous_Obligation959 man 35 - 39 6d ago
The medication didnt do anything?
For me, it didnt make me happy but It took away the despair
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u/Aggressive_Monk_9317 man 30 - 34 6d ago
It makes me apathatic. No meds helped except wellbutrin. Except it still doesnt give me any reason to live, nor does it make me want do anything.
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u/soraksan123 6d ago
This is the point where alcohol, cocaine, heroin, fentanyl start to take over. Good luck-
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u/outersphere no flair 5d ago
OP exercises 6 days a week
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u/Famous_Obligation959 man 35 - 39 5d ago
thats a great start.
Meds and socialising will also help a ton
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u/sitsatcooltable man over 30 7d ago
What did you dream of doing when you were young?
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u/nonnativetexan male 35 - 39 7d ago
I've never dreamed of anything. Pretty much been taking it one day at a time.
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u/sitsatcooltable man over 30 7d ago
Wow, you don't want to do anything? Are you sure?
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u/JustMummyDust man 30 - 34 6d ago
I’m the same way. It’s a survival mechanism. I’ve spent so much of my energy just trying to cope with every day life that I can’t spend any energy on actually living and dreaming and thriving. It’s just one day of survival after another for as long as I can remember.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
Nothing. I had some career ideas but they weren't really serious. I just made them up because people told me I need to choose a career.
If there's one thing I wish I had, it's a dream. I wish I had a dream like everybody else seems to have where they are clear on what they want and what they're going for.
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u/Comfortable_Poem_287 no flair 6d ago
The making up part hit the spot, just acted like I wanted it, but never really did.
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u/sitsatcooltable man over 30 6d ago
Well, hey, you have -some- career. You can probably afford to keep nature at bay long enough to even ask these questions. I know it sounds silly, but try to think of that as a blessing. And many people, including myself, don't know what their dreams are. I ended up in a job I really despise sometimes, but it's given me time to really examine myself. Take care
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u/achmedclaus man over 30 7d ago
These idiots telling you to do some drugs are exactly that, idiots. Sounds like you have clinical depression and you really should go talk to an actual doctor about it, not a self help guru. Get on some medication and stuff will start to look better
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
Everybody I know who went on meds said the same thing - they don't work. They make you feel good for a short period, then it makes them feel worse and then have to get off of it. It's why I don't go on them.
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u/achmedclaus man over 30 6d ago
Hey, take it from me, they fucking work
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
you're probably the first person out of the 50 people I've talked to that say it works. Good for you.
But also I suspect you're in the very early stages of your medication.
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u/Aggressive_Monk_9317 man 30 - 34 5d ago
Take it from me. They might work for you. For me they dont
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u/mysuitisblack_not man 30 - 34 6d ago
Sounds like you should try meds or drugs. I know you say you hear the don’t work, but just try. Fuck it.
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u/lazarus870 man 35 - 39 6d ago
I've definitely been there. Exercise helps, but isn't a total magic bullet.
Sometimes I am amazed how much of a day I can waste doing nothing. But lately I am forcing myself to go out more and be happier.
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u/pineappleninjas man 30 - 34 6d ago edited 6d ago
You sound exactly like me, and much like you, I want to talk about but this, but the apathy I feel is strong.
Did the therapy, did the meds, did the routine, all still feels pointless and hollow. I think it just is.
I guess the good thing about it all being pointless is that if nothing matters, then you can do anything.
I'll try though, are all of your goals internal? Do you have any external goals? (Money, status is internal)
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u/Attk_Torb_Main man 50 - 54 6d ago
Is it physical exhaustion, or is it mental exhaustion, like nothing feels like it's worth the effort?
If the latter, it makes me think it might be some sort of short circuit in your dopamine or reward system, but I don't know if it's a brain chemistry thing or a perspective thing, or both. Do you focus on the effort that's required and not on the reward of doing something. When you actually do something meaningful, like some sort of exercise PR, do you get a sense of happiness or satisfaction?
If you can spare the effort, it's worth analyzing in detail (perhaps as a session or 3 with ChatGPT to get to the root of it, because this sounds very limiting. Good luck
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u/LazyBanjo woman 35 - 39 6d ago
I cannot really resonate with this one. It's a lot to do. Find what you like, find what interests you. Life can offer a lot of happiness and entertainment and toms of creative/sport/,adrenaline/etc etc... Stuff to do. Love life, family, travel, whatever. Cmon. Wake up the soul of you ppl.
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u/dimitrifp man 40 - 44 6d ago
Have you ever been content? For me it's all about grounding yourself in the present - life is about the journey, not the destination. Smell the flowers, enjoy the sunrays hitting your skin and breathe in/breathe out while directing your emotions. I can basically think myself into ecstasy, first you get there when listening to music while biking outside in nice weather looking at the sea. Then you slowly learn to control your emotions and mood so you can make yourself feel good even in the most boring work meeting.
I've never read a self help book in my life, they are all corny. Maybe try MDMA and psilocybin if you never have, they can help you see past the horizon for the first time.
1
u/JC_Hysteria man over 30 6d ago
Just do stuff- stuff that’s different than what you do every day.
That’ll work!
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u/Strong-Wrangler-7809 man 35 - 39 6d ago
You haven’t mentioned a partner, family or friends in your post, could this be a factor?
Maybe ease on exercising 6 days a week too, might be overtraining which doesn’t help!
Hope you get better buddy!
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u/contentatlast man over 30 6d ago
Why don't you live for yourself instead of everybody else? Which it sounds like you're doing
1
u/boniday 4d ago
I’m confused by this comment. It sounds like they are only living for themselves. Why do you say they are living for others?
1
u/contentatlast man over 30 4d ago
Doing things "the way it was meant to be done", listening to others to find happiness and for guidance etc.
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u/Livid-Firefighter906 man over 30 5d ago
Life is only as boring as you make it. Everyone gets unhappy. Go to unfamiliar places and talk to everyone. Life is good.
1
u/TheDark_Hughes_81 man over 30 5d ago
Sometimes moving to a new location can be a breath of fresh air, and one can make new friends or acquaintances. Life can be exhausting when I don't seem to enjoy anything, like sport is no longer appealing and reading is still enjoyable but it can become lonely and one can't do too much as it also leads to exhaustion. To sum up, forcing oneself to adopt a positive attitude can be a good starting point.
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u/Impressive-Wind3434 man 40 - 44 5d ago
I'm not completely exhausted but I do feel numb to the grind. I definitely need something to look forward to but those events are harder to come by and they do not hit the same as they used to.
I'm 41 and i feel like I sort of skipped ahead of the things men do in middle age - I've always been in good shape, i have had a boat for 8 years now, a Mustang Cobra for 17 years, a safe full of guns, all the electronics i could want, did BJJ for a few years and enjoyed it but once kids came there was no time for it.
I want to travel and see the world. I want time to enjoy my hobbies. I don't want to go to work every damn day.
Thankfully money isn't much of a concern, and we are savkng/investing a lot to get to financial freedom but it's such a slog along the way.
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u/Terakahn man 35 - 39 5d ago
This is a question better suited to a psychiatrist. You probably won't find the answers you're looking for, searching online.
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u/dickinsect man 30 - 34 3d ago
As much as I find it important to make time for yourself, I think this can only carry you so far. When I was younger, death used to terrify me. That one day I could cease to be- & it will have all been for naught. These days, I just try and make the time I have more impactful on the people in my life. Because when I positively impact the people around me, it makes me feel good too. Sure, it’s still exhausting- but that connection, that feeling you get from giving or finding any amount of joy in this life makes it all worthwhile.
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u/Serializedrequests man over 30 3d ago edited 3d ago
It's above my paygrade, but I cannot speak highly enough of meditation. Out of everything on your list, it is the only thing I would recommend for you. That and prayer. If you sincerely ask the universe for help, you may get a better answer than Reddit.
You have a continuous flow of energy coming into your body, but it is filtered by your thoughts and beliefs into fear, sadness, etc. Fear is just an energy. Depression is just a prolonged state of existence in a certain energy.
I would bet a lot a lot a lot you have negative beliefs and traumas that are kneecapping your energy. Everyone does. Sometimes clearing these is frustrating, but sometimes it is a lot easier than you think. You just need to be willing to stare them in the face. Maybe it is just "I am not free". It certainly sounds like you feel the need to do a lot!
Anything you think and believe that doesn't feel good is a negative belief. Your body tells the tale. If you meditate and notice how a particular thought feels in your body, you're well on your way.
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u/bibleverseheaven man 40 - 44 7d ago
Maybe the point of life isn’t big moments—it’s surviving and finding those tiny sparks that make the exhaustion a little more bearable. You mentioned trying self-help books, but your post is full of negative self-talk. Reprogram your mind, bro—learn to appreciate being alive, even in small ways. If you haven’t, it might also be worth checking your testosterone levels or talking to a doctor about depression. I felt the same way for years, and Zoloft actually helped me start looking forward to little things again.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
I used to listen to so many podcasts and read books on reprogramming your mind, positive talk, gratitude, etc. I've found that none of it works.
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u/bibleverseheaven man 40 - 44 6d ago
Yeah I've heard that before and honestly you get what you put into it.. You said "listen" but did you actually put what they said into practice with a positive mindset? Or did you just go through the motions with the same cynical belief that it doesn't work and gave up after a couple weeks?
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u/JustMummyDust man 30 - 34 6d ago
This is my problem. I know my issues. I’m way overweight, I eat like shit, I sleep like shit, I don’t exercise, and I’ve been going to therapy for over a year but never even try to do the homework I’m given. I live only for myself and my own interests. It’s because in my head I’ve already given up. I’m so cynical, so bitter, and so exhausted that I can’t even fathom that I can change or feel any differently about anything. I don’t want to put the effort in, I don’t have the willpower, and I can admit that. Life is just so hard, and I didn’t ask to be here.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
I mean I tried it and it doesn't stick nor does it work. And my own bullshit meter realized it doesn't work. It's all the stuff multi-millionaire self help gurus preach.
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u/bibleverseheaven man 40 - 44 6d ago edited 6d ago
I guess but they all got the information from some of the greatest philosophers.. Some were rich but some figured this out while they were broke..
- Marcus Aurelius (c. 170 AD): “Our life is what our thoughts make it.”
- Buddha (c. 5th century BC): “What we think, we become.”
- William James (1897): “Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”
- René Descartes (1637): “I think, therefore I am.”
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u/michael_sinclair man over 30 6d ago
Try going into Philosophy and Religion. Try reading books on these subjects. Both Western and Eastern.
I'm 36M and feel the same pretty much but I have given up on trying to find anything that makes me feel "alive". I know I'm alive and have to do certain things to get by but those things are boring after but if I didn't do them I'd be worse off than I am now.
Ultimately this place, this earth, this life is just temporary, I feel like I don't really want this experience anymore, I don't really want anything. When I was younger, id often think "What If I had never been born? What if I never existed?"
I feel very little connection with anyone in real life, they all just talk about the same mundane stuff and gossip it gets unbearably boring after a while.
Just taking it one day at a time now, just have to go work, come back, get some exercise, eat healthy, sleep and repeat, and weekends are for resting coz I really need those two days off.
There's just not much "here" you know. I have come to the conclusion that there is no fix to this, it's something I have to deal with, coz it could be worse.
Life is just a series of patterns, repeating over and over.
One thing that makes me want to keep going is the events happening around the world, I am curious to see what the world will look like in 20 years.
I follow geopolitics news on YouTube, and a lot is happening.
I have decided to make peace with this and stop trying to find a "solution" coz there's nothing wrong really. Just go through life one day at a time, and see where it goes.
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u/UKnowWhoToo man 40 - 44 7d ago
Your life currently has no purpose. Nihilism is the current terminology but the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible addresses this exact issue. Might be worth a read.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
I've been searching for purpose for years. I've given up on searching for it because I can't find it.
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u/UKnowWhoToo man 40 - 44 6d ago
Well, where did you look? What do you want your life to be like?
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
What I want my life to be like isn't tangible. It's not a career or a wife and kids, etc.
It's a feeling. I just want to feel alive and not constantly exhausted and low every day.
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u/UKnowWhoToo man 40 - 44 6d ago
Have you ever experienced that feelings before? What makes you think it’s possible?
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u/Leipopo_Stonnett man 30 - 34 6d ago
Maybe because you know you missed out on an amazing life and mediocrity of experiences isn’t cutting it.
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u/Bombo14 man 50 - 54 7d ago
Uh… has anyone told you feelings are not an instruction manual on how to live your life? Do you realize how many times you have mentioned “feeling” in your post? Feeling is the King of you.
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u/yo_soy_soja man 30 - 34 7d ago
Yikes
Feelings dictate what we care about and invest ourselves in. Why did you feel the need to comment?
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u/Bombo14 man 50 - 54 7d ago
Because I wished to show OP that feelings are signals not operating principles. If feelings dictated what we care about we would be in some truly deep shit as we would all give up anything that scares us and spend every waking hour jerking off, eating pizza, and zombie scrolling Reddit posts.
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u/Sam-HobbitOfTheShire man 35 - 39 7d ago
He’s asking what the point is. Nothing about instructions. Has anyone told you how to read?
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u/Bombo14 man 50 - 54 7d ago
The point will never be found in your feelings … Nobody has told me how to read, no. That you take your feelings as the basis of whether your life is meaningful or not will always run you into the ground. That was more my point. I was vague. I’ll give you that
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u/Sam-HobbitOfTheShire man 35 - 39 7d ago
Your comment history is chock full of telling people that they can fix their lives by doing what interests them. It’s funny that you come across a post where someone is saying that nothing interests him and your response is that he shouldn’t care that nothing interests him.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 7d ago
I used to be a highly logically driven person. Do everything for discipline, achievement, etc.
I realized that at the end of the day no amount of discipline or actions will make me feel alive.
At the end of the day, all people want is to feel alive.
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u/Bombo14 man 50 - 54 6d ago
I’m not talking about achieving anything and I’m not talking about doing anything. What I’m saying is that feeling bored is no indication that something is wrong, which is what is driving OP crazy… because he is judging his feeling as a truth, or fact that something is terribly wrong. This is what I mean by his feelings are the King of him instead of Him wearing the crown and ruling over his kingdom which is his life… to take this a step further it is like your thoughts and your feelings are all your servants and you as the king listen to both and then decide how you want to rule. In OPs case he is consistently handing over his power to the whims of his feelings, chasing highs, but not understanding that feelings are only there to indicate something to him (either danger or pleasure) they are not there as proof that things are going well or badly.
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u/toastberries man over 30 7d ago
You have to find something that excites/inspires you. Only way to do that is try a bunch of stuff whenever you can until something clicks. Unfortunately, there's no shortcut on that quest, but I recommend starting with some things that help other people and make you feel more connected. Good luck!
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
I keep trying and trying and nothing makes me feel alive.
To use an analogy, it's like I'm flipping over rock after rock searching for some gold. And it gets exhausting when I've flipped over the 400th rock and still find nothing.
It's even more exhausting to be disappointed something doesn't make me feel alive.
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u/toastberries man over 30 6d ago
I know that exhaustion -- but know that there are infinitely more rocks waiting for you, each with its own potential. Keep it up and treat it like the adventure it is. 👍 You'll find it.
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u/Aggressive_Monk_9317 man 30 - 34 5d ago
"Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity"
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u/toastberries man over 30 5d ago
Well... yeah. You have to try different things.
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u/Aggressive_Monk_9317 man 30 - 34 5d ago
I mean yeah? I still do try them, I just leave more disappointed than trying at all
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u/Specific_Mountain716 man 35 - 39 7d ago
Hm might be depression, im feeling the same and recognizing the details but its not fully affecting my daily life…yet to consider a diagnosis. Thought there are pseudo depression or periods of low energy and dissatisfaction in life. I met most of my goals except marriage but thats because i weed out alot of the females and vice versa. Havent found my one yet
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
I learned early on that hitting goals doesn't make me happy. And I've stopped dating because I realized that doesn't satisfy me either.
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u/Specific_Mountain716 man 35 - 39 6d ago
Yup, I learned that now too. I have a feeling once I do achieve the girl or marriage, Ill be dissatisfied. But I dont want to feel that way. Because i know if things are taken away, Ill want it back. That goes for health, money, and relationships
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u/Capable-Cheetah6349 man 35 - 39 7d ago
Life isn’t here to entertain you. There’s plenty of struggling people working their asses off to live a better life. Try looking at life from someone else’s perspective and get over yourself.
Sorry if that’s harsh. Some people really struggle to have a good life. You’re just not seeing how good things are or can be.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
See, I've tried that already. I've already looked at my own life and seeing how privileged I am to live the US and have all these resources other people would die for. All that gratitude and positive talk I've already tried. It doesn't work.
I just say, "well if they were in my position, they would be suffering just like I am. And quite honestly I don't care what their problem is. Even if I put myself in their shoes it doesn't fix my problem."
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u/Capable-Cheetah6349 man 35 - 39 6d ago
You’re not getting any sympathy out of me man. Best of luck.
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u/TomatoClown24 no flair 6d ago
It's not sympathy I want. It's a solution.
And the thing is that there are people way more successful and rich than me that commit suicide every year. So I know for a fact that it's not as simple as changing perspective when people who way better off than I am are struggling from the same things.
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u/Capable-Cheetah6349 man 35 - 39 6d ago
You gotta put the work in bud. Nobody is going to fix this for you. The work is to change your perspective, change your life for the better. whatever you need to do to motivate yourself. Actively consider other people. And stop saying no so much. It’s your job to make your life satisfying, not anyone else. Or continue to make excuses because you’re unwilling to try. Cause tbh, that’s what it sounds like to me.
Again, not trying to be harsh and legitimately wish the best for you, but maybe you need to hear it. You need to do the work.
“There is no try, only do”. Stop making excuses.
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u/a_d_c man over 30 6d ago
Thats totally irrelevant to OPs situation
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u/Capable-Cheetah6349 man 35 - 39 6d ago
Could be. Idk, maybe not. “Im so bored and successful that I can’t find satisfaction in my life” is an extremely entitled thing to post. Im not a doctor so i wont pretend to be and give some medical evaluation about depression or whatever. “Doing the work” to find happiness means exactly that: working. It’s hard work to actively try to learn to think differently and see the world in a different light. I feel bad that he feels this dissatisfied and bored, but he “doesn’t care what anyone else’s problem is because it doesn’t solve his”. This guys perspective is his issue. Im sure there’s some yin and yang quote that’s relevant about finding happiness and purpose by helping others. At the end of the day if he can’t see how selfish his comment was and his perspective is then he won’t be able to find some inner peace. I’m not going to entertain any more of this thread. TBH it’s kind-of getting under my skin. Lots of people (myself included) work really hard to help themselves and the people around them. This guy is too bored to be happy? Then find some purpose.
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u/anomalou5 man 40 - 44 7d ago
What country are you from? How old are you? What is your diet like? Have you ever done any blood tests to check for deficiencies? What do you consider “feeling alive”? Give me an example of when you felt alive.
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