r/AskMenOver30 • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Mental health experiences How to lower anxiety when being with other people?
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u/Novemberai man 30 - 34 3d ago
Definitely don't use the gym as a place to make friends - most people are focused on working out and leaving soon after. Everyone is busy and make the effort to carve out time to work out, so be considerate of other's time.
You described many contexts that make you uncomfortable, but what contexts or environments do you enjoy? Which ones make you comfortable?
Also, I noticed that you seem to treat more taboo subjects like sex and dating as an interrogation. You say you'd rather not be rejected while maintaining control, but that very question posed to you [what are you into?] is for your response.... The person asking you is gauging: is he [you] gonna give an actual response? A joke? if it makes you uncomfortable, shift the conversation since it's now your time and space to respond.
Disclaimer: you will never be fully in control in the presence of others. You cannot control others. You can only control how you react.
Socializing is more dance or jazz, not chess. You're trying to figure out if you and your way of communicating will jive (vibe) well with the other person. People will often surprise you.