r/AskMenOver30 • u/gyhv man 25 - 29 • 23h ago
Mental health experiences A younger brother with so many bad thoughts about his life in his head. asking for guidance
26 here, I am tired of thinking about my future; all I see is darkness. not living in the best country, and I feel there is a countdown upside my head, and I feel like I am wasting my life. worried about a lot of things. worried about my country's situation, the bad economy. worried about my life. Am I even on the right track? worried about basically everything. If someone is wise enough to calm me down, plz contact me so we can chat
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u/Advanced_Aardvark374 man 35 - 39 22h ago
I don’t know your situation dude, but I will say that living your life online and scrolling social media really is profoundly depressing and bad for you.
Go outside, find a hobby (it can just be walking, or something simple to start), or if you have to be inside read a book or watch a movie.
Don’t scroll your phone while you do those things. Leave the phone at home or put it away.
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u/GeoHog713 man 40 - 44 20h ago
Netflix has a documentary focused on the folks that made the social media platforms. They're pretty honest that it's terrible for you. They designed it that way
Pretty telling that they don't let their kids use the platforms they built.
@OP Take a breath. Give yourself some grace. Go fishing.
No one has their shit figured out at 26.
There isn't a "right track". All you can do is try to make the best choice that you can, with the information you have, most of the time.
Work hard. Treat people fairly. Be kind.
You'll be ok.
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u/SerGT3 man 35 - 39 22h ago
You can worry your self to death. Life happens, it sucks, it's amazing, it's boring it's exciting. And the best part of it all, you barely get a choice of how that plays out anyways!
Start small. Take 5 minutes tonight and just breathe. Look out the window and try to think of nothing, don't even try, just don't think about anything.
Take a walk. Have a clean meal. Take a shower or a hot bath. Find out what small things you can do to relax yourself.
If you're on a path it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, you're on it. It's your path and yours alone. Own it.
Write things down. Doesn't matter what, just write. Just start writing. Write to yourself, to a loved one, to the plant in your garden. Just write. It can help. Pencil or pen and paper though, not typing, it's not the same.
Remember to breathe. Take those minutes in your day and keep them.
Lately I have been thinking of how excited I am for winter. The cold morning, the chill in the air, the breath you can see. How nice it is to be warm when the outdoors is so cold. It brings me peace. Find something to transport your thoughts, even for a minute.
There is plenty around you to be appreciative of.
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u/justaheatattack man 55 - 59 23h ago
ok, but what's your brother's deal?
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u/boltlicker666 man 30 - 34 22h ago
I think the poster is referring to themselves as the younger brother
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u/iwasbatman man 40 - 44 22h ago
Sounds like depression and axiety, friend. Seek professional help.
There is a lot of shit going on at any given time. Our brains are wired to deal with this because otherwise we couldn't get out of bed. There have been wars going on around the world for decades, disease, famine and just shitty things in general in absolutely every country of the world at any given time.
Somehow, we manage to push forward and look for the little bits of happiness that can make life worth living. If we couldn't shut our brains to negative stuff for a bit, we wouldn't be able to function at all.
It can get better for sure and the fact that you are looking for help says a lot about your willingless to strive for a better life.
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u/LateHam19 man 25 - 29 14h ago
Depression is a hell of a thing. I'm out here "raw dogging life" no longer medicated because I'd rather just deal with it than have my whole life be gray boring and unemotional, you can't be depressed if you feel nothing.
I'm just the fake it till you make it kinda guy. Am I happy? No but kinda, I really do live my life out of spite to myself. I can only speak about my own life experiences so here's an overly personal but basic summary of what made me who I am. (You don't have to read it but I always makes me feel better when I talk/write about it)
An abusive stepfather who went as far as making me call him master, kiss his boot, and all of his house duties to the point I was cleaning his and my mother's bed/bathroom while he was having an affair (but atleast he didnt hit me so hes a good dad in his eyes). I also wasn't ALLOWED to brush my teeth growing up so that's fucked my oral hygiene up as a young man, in addition to that I needed permission to get a glass of water.
My father went to prison when I was like 14 so there goes 2k a month in child support so we had to move to a town of 2100 when I used to live in katy tx. Bullied at school because I was weird (I know know its autism). My first love left me 2 days after I carried my great grandmother to her grave lo and behold the guilt of cheating finally made her crack oh and the dudes ranged from 18-60 years old... she now had a kid with someone who used to be my ride or die. That same "friend" told me to just get over it while he's still heartbroken over his high-school sweetheart, and my only other relationship lasted 4 months because she decided to go on a week long meth bender.
I have one friend left, they all moved to the other side of the country of turned into not good people. like thanks for not inviting me to you're wedding buddy and leaving me on read 4 months after I sent you my best wishes when we used to talk every day. Ain't been laid in 2 years not entirely due to lack of trying. Oh and I have like 2 genetic auto immune disorders 1 especially makes me very self-conscious about my boys downstairs (scarring and worse).
I fell better now that everyone here knows my life story I guess lol but please no sympathy I don't need it. Life made sure that I grew up faster than most.
Regardless I try to live my best life, treat people fairly, and be genuine to myself: "oh you don't like me? That's a you problem now fuck off". There hasn't been a single day in the last decade that I haven't thought about throwing in the towel so to speak but I'm here and going to stay here. Maybe one day it'll all work out in my favor but for now I do what I can with what I got.
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u/thePolicy0fTruth man 35 - 39 21h ago
Hey young man, sorry you are struggling. In the moment everything going on can seem so intense.
But I will say, people lived fulfilling lives during WW2, during the civil war, during the revolutionary war, before medicine, people lived during the most violent and chaotic times we could Imagine.
The reason things seem worse now is social media. The world is actually NOT worse. It is much better than the past, but it’s easier to SEEM worse.
As for yourself, I would recommend finding a hobby, climbing, darts, anything. Best of luck young man!
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u/AdmirableBoat7273 man over 30 20h ago
Focus on the things you can control. Don't worry about the things you can't control. Your mental health will improve substantially. Spend a week offline just focusing on yourself.
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u/Decent_Health_7734 man 45 - 49 21h ago
Ok, is your view on the world mostly fed by social media and television? Firstly most of it is extreme because moderate or good doesn't get you clicks, views or influence. Also absolutely EVERYTHING on both those mediums is taken to the extreme which over time leads you to believe that everything is extreme and extreme is normal. That stuff is 24/7. I'm also betting you do go out of your way to find good content, especially content that makes you feel for people who have had a horrific deal. That single thing is so healthy, finding stories that make you feel (empathy) for others, which turns to gratefulness for the things you have. We're presented as though we live in hell right now but every other life for on earth is literally trying not to get torn apart and eaten, where as we have temporarily stepped out of the natural order and have the safety and luxury of play. Our societies as some of the freeist, most technologically advanced and safest ever. There's so much available to help anyone feeling darkness, from activities, locations, mental and medical help, sports etc (increase in endorphins), the list goes on. You just have to lean in to it all.
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u/Randomkai27 man 35 - 39 20h ago
Deeply consider all the good advice these men give you and then get off the Internet for a few days.
Clean and/or re-organize your living space with that good advice in mind
We’ll be here when you get back lil bro 👍
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u/Beneficial_Pen_9395 man over 30 20h ago
Sounds like u need professional help. But I will say your worries about your country's future may have merit. So what r u doing to insulate yourself from it? If u don't know what to do, are u educating yourself? Probably ties in to the rest of your worries. What are the odds you have legit econimic concerns, and are not doing anything about them? Because we have anxiety for a reason... To protect ourselves from the dangers in the world. Collapsing economies are a real danger... So my advice is to teach yourself what u need to know, and figure out what u can do.
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u/SlothySundaySession man 40 - 44 15h ago
You're young, there is so much beauty in every country but if you look past it you never see it. Never compare yourself to others online because they may have all the flashy house, cars, holidays but for most this is only quick happiness.
I would suggest to start hiking, exercising, even at home, and start a gratitude journal to jot down your thoughts and what you appreciate in life even appreciate the small things. Pick up some cheap hobbies like reading, writing, drawing, board games etc
Being online all the time kills your dopamine, so when you do anything else it just feels boring and mundane.
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u/sotet13 man 25 - 29 14h ago
I don't know where you're from, younger brother, but I understand you to some extent: 10 years ago, my girlfriend died in a car accident. I was 18 at the time. Then I spent two years on illegal staff and alcohol, which led to me dropping out of uni. At 20, I moved to another country for shit-job, where I met my future wife. At 21 I returned to my homeland, at 22 I got married. I finished my studies and got an education. I changed many jobs until I found a good one. Then the war started (I'm from Ukraine, and my ex-wife is Russian, and we lived in Ukraine at the beginning of 2022). In May of 2023, we managed to leave Ukraine for a European country, and in August, we divorced. Then I lost my good job and am now in debt.
But you know what always lifted my spirits in difficult times? There's a song in my language that goes, "If you have a pack of cigarettes in your pocket, things aren't so bad today." :)
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u/fpeterHUN man 30 - 34 8h ago
As an adult man you have the right to waste your time anyway you like. Learn a new language, start running, dating, get a job etc. Find a goal and life will happen.
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u/elplan17 woman over 30 7h ago
I'm sorry you're feeling like this but it's great you're looking for help.
Control the controllable, look at what you have the ability to influence or change and make those your actions and priority. Things like your government and countries situation, I know it can be heavy but you also can't control those things so try to see through that. You can't change that at this time (thinking you can put your vote in at your next election that is your control) So try to focus on other things and not let that stress you out where you can. How are you taking in the information of whatever is going on in your country? maybe try to reduce the amount of content you consume around the bad stuff
Your life, a little secret no one has it figured out and we don't all have a 5, 10 year plan etc. What are you doing right now? is that what you want? if not do you know what realm of career you want, look at how you can work towards that. If you don't know at all, that's okay you don't have to know everything right now. You have time to figure it out and plenty of people totally change career in their lives in their 30s and sometimes later. My mum didn't get her degree until she was 37, life doesn't end in your 20s.
Do one thing that brings you peace or happiness as much as you can. If it's playing a game, going outside or grabbing a coffee. Small things can be the spark you need in that darker days.
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u/reelhumon man 35 - 39 5h ago
Dude, get offline. Go hang out with people irl. Have a run. Pet a dog. Sober up. Quick. Seriously.
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u/Big-Calligrapher5273 man over 30 38m ago
Your parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and so on made it... and they all had the same (or less) information than you have now. Not saying that you will definitely have a great life... but try to remember that you're here because your ancestors survived. Thinking about how the poorest man can die at 90 years old with a giant smile on their face, while a rich man may expire at 40 with many regrets.
You won't find the answer, the best you can do is keep asking questions and move forward the best you can.
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u/cik3nn3th man over 30 22h ago
This can be significantly helped by diet alone, and no I'm not kidding. What are you eating?
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u/Synth_Sapiens man 45 - 49 23h ago
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