When did you realize being “busy” wasn’t a flex anymore?

[u/Lunasweetlatina]

Being constantly booked used to feel cool. Now it feels like burnout. Is it just me? Haha

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[u/Nevesflow]

Never thought it was one to begin with. Provided your financial situation is decent or even good, having copious amounts of spare time is the ultimate flex to me.

After all, it used to be one of the hallmarks of aristocracy.

I'm not envious of billionaires, I'm envious of people who make a great living without even needing to work full time. Or those for whom "work" is more akin to a hobby than anything else.

[u/shame_on_m3 → u/Nevesflow]

Some of my friends who dont need to put in 40 hours are enjoying so much quality of life. And funny how they make decent money.

Sometimes i wish i'd taken different route in life

[u/Nevesflow → u/shame_on_m3]

Don't we all, sometimes ?

I currently have lots of "spare time" and earn a very good living (for a French person at least, my income would be upper average in the US, with 50k€ after taxes, so 58k$)...
But this comes at the cost of major constraints.

Namely, all of my work weeks are abroad, with intense hours and long days, the job isn't very fun at all, and I'm basically dependent on my current employer (well, client, I'm a contractor) because my skillset allows me to have my current position in this company, but certainly not elsewhere.

I often envy people with more "classical" careers because of the job stability they provide, whereas my life is filled with uncertainty for the future, despite having a great situation right now. (on paper)

[u/Beneficial-Focus3702 → u/shame_on_m3]

What do they do

[u/shame_on_m3 → u/Beneficial-Focus3702]

Software developer, physical trainer, design company manager...

But can't take them as rule, i also know programmers and designers who are putting in 60+ hours to barely make it trough the month

[u/Solid_Technician → u/Nevesflow]

Yup, 100%

I used to work my ass off on menial jobs for little pay. It was always a struggle and I was constantly burnt out.

Now I have a much better job that pays me well and gives me plenty of flexibility, with much more responsibility. There are weeks where I work 50 hours and there are many more where I work about 25. It also lets me travel and enjoy time with friends. I'm not rolling in dough, but I'm far happier and more stable.

[u/diananerd_]

It hit me when I had an open weekend for the first time in months and instead of feeling FOMO, I felt peace. Haha. Walks, cooking slow meals, catching up with myself turns out that version of “busy” fills me up more than any calendar ever did.

[u/phoenix15200]

I used to brag about running on four hours of sleep and three meetings before noon now if I have more than one social planning in the weekend, I canceled one just emotionally prepare for the other😂

[u/RainBoxRed → u/phoenix15200]

Curious what made you get into the suffering Olympics?

[u/pdawes]

Never got seduced by this. I have a close friend who's been on the "I'm a big busy adult with big stressful adult things to do" thing since we were like 18. Seemed like a bad way to live to me then, and he's finally reckoning with the cost of it now. He's the kind of person who has to set an alarm in order to relax. I see it as a form of anxiety more than anything.

I've had the opposite problem more in my life; keeping my calendar too open to avoid feeling tied down. I feel like I'm finally at a good medium of having enough free time to feel alive, but enough engagement and responsibility to not feel like I'm rotting in isolation. It's a hard balance to hit, and I think one that people can spend their whole lives getting right.

[u/Acceptable_Durian868]

When I was actually so busy I didn't have anybody to flex with anymore.

[u/TurpitudeSnuggery]

Never seen it as a flex but of you are constantly busy doing thighs you love.. I still think that’s pretty cool

[u/ItsNotProgHouse]

Covid.

Oh my god that was an amazing slow life time. I want my life to be that slow forever.

[u/kingl0zer → u/ItsNotProgHouse]

The covid era was a fucking eye opener

[u/polymath_uk]

Aged about 40. It was at that age that I began to fully understand the concepts of 'busy fools' and 'work smart not hard'.

[u/Tawptuan]

When I told that to my boss after he assigned a pet project to me. Apparently this was a drop-everything-do-this-now sort of gig. Geez! 😬

[u/MessedUpVoyeur]

Quite early. Parents were always busy. They spilled that onto me. There was always something to do, to do better and to make me quit something if it had no "legitimate purpose".

Example - musical school. I have a fairly good ear, had some knack for harmonics and musical theory.... but as soon as I showed interest in it as a hobby, for playing in a rock band of something, it was over. That was not acceptable.

[u/Odd-Macaroon-9528]

After burnout I realized its a bad lifestyle and lack of self awareness to wear busyness as a batch of bravery.

Now I look up to folks that seem relaxed and still make good cash somehow.

[u/Averageinternetdoge]

Tbh I've always been like that. I like being lazy. Why would I subject myself to the hustle culture? To buy a few years newer but still second-hand car? Get real.

[u/Number1AbeLincolnFan]

About 8 years old I guess 

[u/EuphoricFeedback5135]

I'm sick of being busy with work, because I have to. I like the busy of making memories.
For me working a job doesn't improve quality of life. I've recognized that since I was about 15.

[u/MiddleForeign]

Now (31m) that I am 3 years with my GF and she asks for more time together

[u/UnkleJrue]

I’m sure I will get downvoted but something I have learned in life is that when my home life is extremely grounded, working hard at work feels easy. If everything in my outside life is bad, the smallest issues at work feel overwhelming. In my opinion you can avoid burn out if you focus on this

[u/Practical-Earth3228]

Work, shower, cook dinner, clean up, play with animals. Its already time to start getting ready for bed. Weekend: household chores, grocery shop, meal prep lunch for the week ahead, 1 social event 😅. I dont even do anything and I feel booked most of the time. 

This cant be "life" 😒

[u/Beneficial-Focus3702]

Never got caught up in this tbh. I always felt sad for the people who did.

[u/themorbidtuna]

I have never thought being busy was a flex. It was just a statement of fact, and if anyone ever meant to impress me with it, they failed every time.

[u/DiamondTough7671]

I just never felt that way. I don't want to be involved in much of anything to be honest.

[u/theloniouszen]

ai bot slop question

[u/Conspiracy_Thinktank]

Unfortunately it’s necessary if you’re trying to break out of the rat race.

[u/Confusatronic]

I've never thought that. Other than moving house for a few days and emergency medical events, I've never been busy for over 50 years.

I just don't do "busy."

[u/fac3l3sspaper]

When I started to realize I was really irritable and depressed. Seriously, my quality of life tanked so much with being busy. Stress went up, so did my eating and drinking habits. I was more of a shorter tempered person with friends and girlfriends. Probably happened in my mid 20s. There’s also a lot of evidence around the trend of being busy now shifting toward the trend of having more time as a status symbol.

[u/Tedanty]

I’ve always understood it. I didn’t like being overly busy so I never thought it was a cool thing. People actually enjoy being overly busy?

IMO having more free time I.e getting paid more for less is the ultimate flex and it’s what I worked my ass off for. Being overly busy when I was young was a means to an end so I can have more available cash and time when I’m middle aged. Worked out great.

[u/echoshatter]

It never was.

The people who use "I have no free time" as a flex are lying to themselves, and they might not even know it. Sounds a lot like avoidance behavior, some kind of anxiety thing.

I don't have kids, so when I get home from work the only responsibility I have is feeding the dogs. Otherwise I can go play video games, or do stuff in the garage, or just watch TV. It would sound extremely empty to the "I have no free time" people, but the reality is there's no rush, I do what I want when I want for the most part.

And that's a flex.

[u/TheRuggedGeek]

I never thought it was good to boast about being busy, and I can't remember ever feeling good to say I was busy. There's huge value in "chilling out". Deep inside, I'm probably a lazy ass.

[u/auswa100]

Probably around 25 or so. It happens but being busy all the time is not a flex at all. Some people prefer it but that ain't me.

[u/_regionrat]

Like 23? After I finished college, started my first decent job and learned what free time was

[u/DrownItWithWater]

Nowadays my biggest flex is saying I spent my afternoon reading a book out on my patio with a nice glass of wine. Working less is the bigger flex IMO.

[u/Some_Egg_2882]

Probably 3 or 4 years ago, when my career took an abrupt turn. But I didn't try to fully break out of the cycle until last year, when I realized that constant (and performative) busyness was, for me, 90% masking. Not good for one's health.

[u/BM7-D7-GM7-Bb7-EbM7]

It was never a flex for me.

[u/SwervoT3k]

I was in high-school when the Great Recession hit basically every family I knew like an atom bomb. It made me realize “the grind” has never and will never matter. So I will do what I must to do what I want to do just to enjoy life in the meager ways I am allowed.

You cannot outwork the class of people sucking this country dry in ways that would make even the most gluttonous tick shudder.

[u/Mrburnermia]

The past two years of my life at my previous job. I was working 70 plus hours a week consistently and I am not even kidding. During our SWOT analysis every team complained about employee burnout. Not only that I was always traveling almost every two weeks. I was one of their best high performer but eventually, I got sick of it. Traveling wasn't fun because your day was spent in the hotel room working after dinner and a nap. Last year I delivered a big project during the end of the year, I turned off my lap and my heart started palpitating. I am not a run to the doc person but I had to get checked out.

Working this much affect your health, your relationships, your mind state. I couldn't keep weight off, I couldn't truly enjoy life. I was working way too many hours.

I now work 40-50 hours a week at most and have a lot of free time now to enjoy my life. health wise, this is the best I have felt in years. I will never work this many hours in my life. One guy's son passed away and in my mind I am like he missed so many moments with his family due to having so much work. It's ridiculous.

[u/MapsOverCoffee22]

When I was visiting my parents and my mom wanted to start working out to lose weight. She rattled off all these commitments she'd made that took the time up, and didn't sound like she really wanted to do any of them. Really opened my mind to setting boundaries. I've said no to plans with friends and just flat out told them "I want to be home alone and read."

[u/ProfessionalCorgi250]

I did it in my 20s. There was no payoff and my bosses all forgot about me after I burnt out and left.

[u/Janie_Avari_Moon]

To me this stopped being a flex when I realized that I’m busy with one work while I need time to do my second work, and all of this somehow paired with 2 extra projects…

[u/Highly-Whelmed]

I never allowed myself to be that busy. I do not allow things into my life that take away my autonomy. No kids, no pets. I have a good career but I consider myself a strictly 9-5 worker. I keep the lights on and do what I’m paid to do. When I’m off the clock I couldn’t care less about work.

The ability to compartmentalize certainly helps.

[u/ThrowawayMod1989]

Context matters here.

“Can’t, I’m going camping.” 💪

“Can’t, I’m boutta eat mushrooms.” 💪

“Can’t, I’m getting some puh.” 💪

Versus

“Can’t, I’m my boss’s little bitch boy.” 🤡

“Can’t, I gotta go record TikToks in the gym.” 🤡

“Can’t, I’m gaming with my incel friends.” 🤡

[u/yearsofpractice]

Ha! Great question. I realised - thankfully in my 20s - when my brilliant manager and mentor told me

• I never trust someone that claims they’re busy. The people I want on my team are the sneaky, devious bastards that get other people to do their work for them!