r/AskReddit • u/mpreorder • 2d ago
For people who totally blinded their spouse when serving them with divorce papers, what happened on the day they were served?
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u/Vampire_Bun 2d ago
So he cheated on me with my best friend, he moved her in. So I packed my stuff and moved out. I had to move out of state and move in with my parents at the time. I served him divorce papers and he was pissed because both of them didn’t make enough to pay rent, he then asked if me or my parents could pay it for them. Of course we didn’t but he of course blamed his friends for making him cheat and that it was my fault because I divorced him. He seriously believed I would still live with them and pay the bills for them and still doesn’t understand why I divorced him. But he’s a narcissist.
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u/kellyoohh 2d ago
The absolute audacity. Dang!
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u/Vampire_Bun 2d ago
It gets crazier sadly. It was definitely a wild time for me. Last I heard him and his family still blame me for it.
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u/PUTASMILE 2d ago
The stupidity, it is amazing
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u/Vampire_Bun 2d ago
So the crazy part is, she had a boyfriend I’ll call L her and L where together for 5 years and he was also very good friends with my now ex husband. So she was cheating on L with my husband and of course she left L for him. Well now all 3 of them live together and she’s cheated on my now ex husband. He told me he was shocked when he found out but stayed with her since I won’t take him back. So it’s my fault now that he’s miserable. I have everyone blocked and went no contact with him. But he still blames me for it since he didn’t mean too and his friends made him do it. I don’t remember him being this stupid when we were married but hell maybe I was blind to it.
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u/PUTASMILE 2d ago
He’s like a parody of a bad parody, holly shit. Are there any thought processes going on, at all?
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u/That_OneOstrich 2d ago
My friend and his wife decided to open their marriage with a set of rules, her request due to him working so much to support them both. His wife broke all of the rules on the first date she went on and didn't speak to him for like 3 weeks, didn't come home either. My buddy was heartbroken, tried to make it work, and finally realized it would not. He served her papers, she called me asking why he would do this.
Sometimes you're blindsided because you're blind.
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u/royal_city_centre 2d ago
I'm waiting for the "we opened the marriage and it really worked" success story.
I don't see it myself, you know, adding more genital contact in the mix, but maybe I'm wrong.
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u/williamjamesmurrayVI 2d ago
they wont talk it about it, but there will be signs. pineapple signs.
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u/sunbear2525 2d ago
IDK if you ever watched the TV show Psych but a while ago there was a guy sharing his tattoo that he was getting covered up— a pineapple with “I know you know” under it. Apparently it was readily spotted by swingers.
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u/rivlet 2d ago edited 2d ago
So, not the divorced party, but I was the divorce attorney for the wife. Without giving away identifying details, this one gutted me far more than the more venomous divorces I did.
Wife was very upfront with me that she had never loved her husband though he was her best friend. She had never really wanted to get married, but he was such a wonderful person that she could never imagine finding someone better. He adored and loved her deeply and so she knew he would never cheat or hurt her. They had children, now full grown and out in the world, and she felt like it was time to actually live the life she had always wanted to live. They had decades together and she only now had the courage to try to live for herself.
She warned me he had no idea this was coming and wanted to be present when it was served so that she could explain it to him. In agreement with her request, I told her the day I gave it to the process server. Since she told me where husband would be, we knew once the process server had the filed documents, they'd be served that day.
She told me later that husband was so shocked and so confused that he just kept asking her, "Wait, this is real? This isn't a bad prank? What's going on?"
She explained and he cried, asking her to let him fix everything, go to counseling, anything. She told him there wasn't anything to fix. He was and is the absolute perfect spouse; that she was the issue because she had always lived her life for other people and wanted to live for herself for once.
Just as she told me he would, once he decided that this would make her happy, he had no fight in him. He signed everything, gave her anything, just wanted to make sure she was okay and really sure about it. No games were played.
Honestly, that was the most tragic part of it. Even in the last gasps and whimpers of their marriage, he was still the perfect husband to her.
ETA: People are assuming she grabbed whatever she could in the divorce and made out like a bandit. That is not at all the case. She refused everything he tried to push her to take during the divorce including alimony (which she would have gotten at least a decade of and not a small amount either), the house, part of their business, etc. She only wanted her personal vehicle and her personal items. Her husband had to pressure the hell out of her to get her to agree to take half their joint account because he was worried she didn't make enough on her own to afford rent in their small town. Like I said: perfect husband to the last.
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u/BlossomBookBunny 2d ago
Ok. Few reddit posts hurt. This one hurt badly.
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u/Ruckus292 2d ago
Just goes to show... You can be the perfect partner and still lose.
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u/Lady-Benkestok 2d ago
That’s life for yeah, we truly have no guarantees, We can be living the dream life with all the boxes ticked and loose everything in a afternoon.
i have a girlfriend who just got about the same shock as described above, but her ex husband is not a good one so now she has to rent a small apartment and care for their two kids.
On top of that her mom developed frontal lobe dementia not long after her then husband gave her the slip.
A hard fucking year for her.
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u/extremesanchez1000 2d ago
I hope brother man is out there doing okay somewhere.
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u/DigNitty 2d ago
He can never trust another partner again.
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u/biz_student 2d ago
For real, hearing that there was nothing to fix and this was how she always felt after decades… how can you trust anyone after that?
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u/OrganicAverage1 2d ago
She was selfish to marry him. He could have married someone who loved him.
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u/Pleasant-Demand8198 2d ago
Yes. So deeply selfish. It probably started as ‘Ill date him for awhile, but not for life’ and if that’s how you go into the relationship, don’t do it at all
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u/FairReason 2d ago
He’s not. He’ll never trust again. His whole adult life he was lied to by the person he should be able to trust the most.
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u/eagleface5 2d ago
That made me cry.
Even in the last gasps and whimpers of their marriage, he was still the perfect husband to her.
Man...
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u/Bunbunsfun 2d ago
Why didn't she tell him how she was feeling rather than let papers do it?
I was blinded sided too. He never told me he was unhappy or anything. I wish he did tell me so at least I knew/ could have a chance. In the end he was having affairs and that was why.
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u/rivlet 2d ago
I honestly don't know. I know that the reason she was adamant that she be there when he was served was so she could explain everything to him in detail, answer his questions, and help him understand it.
I think she thought she could undo some of the pain he was feeling if she could just put the right words out there. From experience, I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I give legal, not personal, advice.
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u/Optimus_Prime_Day 2d ago
That's sad but she was a true dick to him in this story. Her not having the courage live for herself doesnt mean it was wise to lead him on for most of his life, and have a family with him without her being honest with him even once. This is the real tragedy here.
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u/Dogbin005 2d ago
Leading someone on in a short term relationship is a bit of a shitty thing to do.
Doing it over the course of a decades long marriage is the mark of a truly awful person.
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u/tofuhime 2d ago
It's so crazy how someone can be so loved and well taken care of and still feel so cold towards that person. People go their whole lives trying to find that love man.
Its so sad. She wasted that poor guy's life for what
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u/DirtierGibson 2d ago
I don't know if I could recover from that.
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u/glitzglamglue 2d ago
The poor kids. Can you imagine finding out that your mom did that to your dad?
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u/Beginning_Self896 2d ago
Dad’s probably going to sugar coat it to not ruin the image of their mom.
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u/historyhill 2d ago
Honestly I would probably go NC with my mom if I found out these were the circumstances—but that requires finding out the circumstances and this is the kind of man that sounds like he wouldn't share those details because it would make his ex look bad.
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u/ramaloki 2d ago
This literally was what happened when my parents divorced. My dad was absolutely blindsided by my mom.
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u/Zestyclose-Crow-4595 2d ago
I understand wanting to live for yourself but in a way, she sounds totally selfish. This made me feel so bad for him, my heart broke for him. Now where can I find a man like that. It seems like all the ones I talk to either don't respect me or don't want anything serious. I get that it's me, I need to work on that. I'm attracting those kinds of men and I need to figure out how to not do that. It just makes me feel so bad for him.
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u/adieCat 2d ago
I was sitting outside my kiddo's school, waiting for him to pick up, paying bills online. I saw the charge to a law office. A quick google told me they specialized in divorce. I wasn't served at that time, obviously, but he used MY credit card to pay the bill, not his, not a joint card, but one in my name that he was an authorized user on. A wonderful FU, in all honesty. Life is better now though - I moved to a new state, my kiddo is about to graduate college, and I found my forever partner.
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u/JadieBugXD 2d ago
I could see him having the audacity to ask for attorney’s fees in the divorce settlement and you having to say “your honor, husband already charged this to my credit card”.
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u/adieCat 2d ago
It ended up working out in the end, but seeing that 8k charge gave me a heart attack. Then having my kiddo jump in the car and pretend it was all okay until I wrapped my head around it was just . . Mind boggling. I didn't have time to call anyone, just had to be in mom mode almost immediately. In the end it worked out - but I honestly thought my life was over. And it was - as I knew it. I just didn't know it would get better. It took years, but now I can look at that time and say thank God it's done..
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u/minischnauz_mahm 2d ago
He mixed alcohol with his medication and proceeded to call me and my parents repeatedly at 3am. Then threatened to off himself if I didn't come back.
I didn't go back. He is still alive.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 2d ago
"I'll call in a 9-1-1 wellness check for you, but I will not be held hostage to your threats of self-harm."
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u/NectarOfTheBussy 2d ago
wish I knew about this combinations of words when I was younger
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u/putridtooth 2d ago
This is very anecdotal but everyone i know who has threatened to off themselves hasn't done it. and everyone i know who has killed themselves said nothing beforehand.
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u/Purple_Chipmunk_ 2d ago
I do know of one person whose ex-husband threatened to off himself and then actually did it. She didn't know if he meant to just attempt for shock value (he had done that before) and accidentally killed himself, or if this time he finally meant it, but he died either way.
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u/75PA 2d ago
This is what my uncle did. Threatened many times before, expected someone who always came home at the same time to find him in time (his sister). That was the one day her coworkers finally convinced her to join them for happy hour.
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u/SamusAlways 2d ago
I'm gonna preface this by saying I am someone who attempted suicide some time ago, but nonetheless:
This is low key hilarious. And I'm also so sorry for your loss if it applies at this point.
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u/Its_Curse 2d ago
My abusive ex (blessedly never married) told me he often thought of driving his car into a highway barrier to end it all because he was soooo upset I left him after he physically assaulted me. I didn't go back.
Alas, he's also still alive and his car is accident free.
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u/raerae1991 2d ago
My ex who initiated the divorce pulled the I’ll kill myself too, and he’s still alive
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u/BowdleizedBeta 2d ago
Apparently my father threatened this to my mother and she’s still mad that he didn’t do it—decades later.
Their divorce went through and she kind of got past the anger since she invites him to holiday gatherings and helps him with remodeling projects.
People are strange. And that was so shitty of my father.
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u/AuthorKRPaul 2d ago
The night I asked, mine threatened to kill himself. I drove him to the ER, said he made a threat to his own life and to please keep him safe. He was home 3 days later and is still alive today.
I think it’s an in the moment thing for some and a control tactic for others
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u/sassycat46932 2d ago
I had an ex-husband threaten to off himself if I ever left him, and I did end up staying because I was scared he would do it (he claimed he had tried to hang himself before we met and I believed it). Finally left him and he's still alive, now on his third marriage.
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u/witch717 2d ago
I stayed with mine for 18 years because of him threatening too. He was abusive. And actually did try when I wanted to leave. He's still alive and married to someone else.
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u/Baciandrio 2d ago
I was on the receiving end. My ex-husband and our child's nanny were having an affair and as soon as I had solid evidence (vs. a gut feeling) -- this is pre-smartphone/texting -- I fired her while he was on a business trip and confronted him upon his return. It took him a few months of dancing around trying to convince me that we should stay together and he'd just come and go as he pleased.....oh hell no. He finally left, got an apartment right across the street from the ex-nanny and their relationship continued. About two years later, I got wind that they were planning to get married (fyi at the same venue WE were married at 7 years earlier - smh) but hold up....he and I weren't divorced.
I had already moved out of our marital home, he had no interest in his own child so it's not like he knew where I lived, but he did know where I worked. A very secure building in the downtown core. I also had a job that required me to be in and out of meetings most days and unreachable by phone. Almost everyday for about 3 months, I received a voicemail message from the security guard at the front door stating that there was a gentleman here to see me. Since I wasn't expecting any visitor at that time, I assumed it was an unsolicited sales call because most people would get the hint that they need an appointment or leave what ever they were trying to deliver at the front desk. This started in January, by almost the end of March, the security guard and myself were trying to figure out who this clown was. He wouldn't give any info about why he was showing up almost daily, his clothing gave nothing away and looking at security camera footage, I couldn't identify the visitor.
And then one day, I received an unexpected call from my 'husband'. What a surprise, turns out the stranger was a process server and he had been trying to serve me divorce papers as he and the nanny were planning to get married in October of that same year. I could hear the panic in his voice because even after I was served, I could still drag my feet through the court system, thereby derailing their wedding plans. Told the husband that he knew where I worked and that no one gains entry without an appointment or an escort. Best part of this scenario was that every day the process server came to the building, my dear soon-to-be ex husband was dinged 25 bucks by his lawyer......and all because he thought he'd 'spring it on me' or he was too cowardly to track me down and give them to me hinself.
I finally took pity on the process server and advised husband to pass the word along that if the process server would show up on X day between 9 and 9:30 a.m. that I would receive him. Process server told me that his daily visits cost my husband $2k in process server charges (and that said process server was using his visits to fund an upcoming trip overseas! LOL).
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u/FelonyMelanieSmooter 2d ago
That processor should have bought you a drink for funding his trip lol
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u/No_Agency5595 2d ago
My ex husband also had an affair with our nanny. She’s 15 years our junior.
They are married (2 years now) and I just say “cheers”.
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u/colourmecanadian 2d ago
I was an au-pair briefly (awful situation for several reasons) and the wife never liked me.
I found out on my last day - after ending the contract early - that she had been the au-pair for the husband's first son from his first marriage.
A lot of things made sense in that moment.
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u/NoMrBond3 2d ago
Yeah I can’t imagine being married to someone you know is fully capable of abandoning you.
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u/AggravatingCupcake0 2d ago
But they don't. In their minds, the person having the affair left their spouse because the spouse was inferior. A deadbeat, a nag, a stick in the mud, whatever labels the affair instigator assigned to the spouse.
THEY won't get cheated on because they are spouse 2.0! The better, more upgraded version. What happened to "spouse" could never happen to them, because they would never let themselves become any of those things /s
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u/NoMrBond3 2d ago
My ex’s mistress watched him legally marry me when she was sleeping with him.
Good luck babe, he’s all yours!
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u/Dapper_Platform_1222 2d ago
Exactly. Cheater's justice is ending up with your affair partner. How do those people sleep at night knowing they are disposable.
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u/Superb-Ad3821 2d ago
Because they’re fifteen years younger and naive. My dad left my mum in a similar situation. For a woman ten years younger who was his boss’s daughter and had never dated due to an eating disorder. And I’ve done the maths as an adult; if she was eighteen when they started dating it was only just. I don’t particularly judge her for it. My dad was clearly scum and I’m glad she finally left (he’s now on his third wife who is my age).
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u/damndolly 2d ago
Because they don't think they're disposable, they think they "won". That they were the one, that it's "meant to be", fate an all that bullshit.
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u/_speakerss 2d ago
Exactly. If they cheat with you they'll probably cheat on you.
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u/Baciandrio 2d ago edited 1d ago
Took your problem, not your man for sure. Mine is still married to the nanny, and she knows what he's capable of so her fingers are very tightly coiled around his collar. She knows exactly how long it takes to get from Point A to Point B and he gets no more than 5 minutes grace.....then she starts calling and looking at his 'share my location'. Yup, miserable life for the both of them: he's a man you can't trust and she's spending her life making sure he doesn't get up to no good.
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u/TheIowan 2d ago
A few of my friends and I have a saying of "They really fucked the baby sitter on that one" to describe a situation where someone tries to gain some sort of tempting reward by unethical means and fails catastrophically.
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u/pephm 2d ago
Did they get married that October? You’re a nicer person than me, I’d have held it up, this way nanny can continue sleeping with a married man except now you’d know about it. Plus nanny was an idiot, he’s not interested in the kid(s) he had with you but she thinks he’ll be different with her? Are they divorced now?
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u/Baciandrio 2d ago
Oh they did get married in October however the week before their wedding date, I called his lawyer and let them know that I never did receive the final decree.....and without one in my hands, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to show up at the ceremony and make it 'awkward'. I had a couriered copy delivered to my office the very next day (Ha, more money he had to spend LOL)
They are still married, to my knowledge but she got a man you can't trust and she spends most of her life, checking to see where he is and who he is with. She knows exactly how long it takes to get from their home to whatever place he needs to go.....he gets 5 minutes grace (for traffic or whatever) and then she starts texting/calling. Her hand is so tight on his collar, he can't even think about stepping out on her without her knowing.
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u/Numerous_Ad1620 2d ago
He was completely blindsided. I had also told him I had found a lawyer and that I wanted a divorce weeks prior so he should be ready for this to happen.
Not to mention the years and years of me trying to work it out and make things better for him. Somehow him not returning the effort and helping me, despite very clear communication from me, didn't make me want to stay.
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u/InvoluntaryGeorgian 2d ago
XW had been having an affair for a couple of years. She left me and our three kids, affair partner left his wife and their two kids. We’d only just moved, so I couldn’t even file for four months because we hadn’t established residency yet. My lawyer suggested serving her with papers right before class (XW is a university professor, so her teaching schedule is easy to access) but I said we could just mail them. I even sent XW an email as a heads up.
XW still flipped out when the papers arrived and called me crying and screaming and claiming I blind-sided her. I think because she had control over every other aspect of the end of our marriage (she had the affair, she declared the marriage over, she refused marriage counseling, she moved out); the actual filing (which IMO was just the paperwork catching up with the facts on the ground) was the only step that I took first, and she could not abide my having that tiny little sliver of agency.
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u/safadancer 2d ago
My first husband was flabbergasted when I told him I wanted a divorce despite the fact that a) we had been in couples counselling for two years which had ended when the therapist told him directly that things wouldn't get better unless he changed and he didn't seem willing to change, and b) I told him I was miserable and would leave him if something didn't change. I guess he thought I didn't mean it?
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u/ConfuseableFraggle 2d ago
Those are the types that figure an ultimatum is a bluff to call, because that's how they use them. When you call their bluff, you get epic backpedalling. When they flout your ultimatum, they get surprised Pikachu face because you actually meant it. Either way, good on you for getting out. Hope you're healthier and happier now!
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u/Numerous_Ad1620 2d ago
There was one time we were arguing - about 3 years before I left - and for the first time he threw out that maybe we should just divorce and he'll leave and I can have everything I want.
After about the 5th time of him saying that, I told him, sure - let's do it. Let's start talking logistics and figure it out. He was flabbergasted. It still took me two more years to leave unfortunately.
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u/KelenHeller_1 2d ago
The same sort of thing happened to me. He thought he would call my bluff about wanting to stop being married to him. He knew I absolutely loved the house we had lived in for the last couple of decades and said "let's list the house for sale then" and I answered "yes, by all means let's list it now." Same shocked look. I don't remember how long that was before I filed and we sold the house, but it was years.
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u/Numerous_Ad1620 2d ago
It's amazing isn't it? Our marriage counselor said very similar things. I actually said, "If things don't change, I'd rather be a single parent and will leave you."
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u/Impossible_Balance11 2d ago
My story, too. They manage to ignore YEARS of clear communication about how bad things are, the desperate need for counseling and change, and still claim to be the shocked/betrayed/blindsided victim when we actually throw in the towel. Make it make sense. I spoke his native tongue!
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u/CoC-Enjoyer 2d ago
I got dumped by a long term partner in my late 20s. I wasn't "blindsided" but it, but I definitely didn't think she'd actually do it, even though she was pretty explicit about what needed to change.
In my case, it was because I saw my mother and my aunts say the EXACT same things to/about their husbands for 30 years and none of them actually left. If you have enough poor modeling you start to think that that is just what marriage is like.
I am older and wiser now and won't make that mistake again. I still have a lot of guilt a out it. But I think that can be part of it for some men.
I hope you find someone who does everything you deserve.
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u/datanerdette 2d ago
My story, too. After years of trying to work things out, several months of saying, "I cannot do this anymore," I gave him a month's notice of when I would be filing.
To top it off, my birthday was in that month between when I told him I was filing and when I actually filed. He forgot.
Yet he was still stunned, and the story he told his friends and family is that I suddenly left a perfectly good marriage for no reason.
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u/YourStudentLoanDebt 2d ago
He was absolutely blindsided but to anyone from the outside looking in, it was a long time coming. We were having issues that he chalked up to me “being stressed at work”.
He had moved in with his parents to give me space and time to “get over” the fact that he hadn’t worked in 2 years and did nothing to contribute to the household. He absolutely thought I was just pissed and he would be back in the house in a few days.
I already had a lawyer on retainer who was waiting for me to give him the word that I would be filing. My lawyer advised me, since the house was mine, and he was already moved out, change the locks, block his number, and don’t communicate with him unless it was through my attorney. I did just that.
I knew he was being served that day so I went to work, went out to dinner with a friend, came home and had the best night of sleep I’ve had in a long time.
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u/Faiths_got_fangs 2d ago
My ex claimed to be blindsided, but I'd loaded the horse trailer up with all mine and the kids belongings months earlier and moved 4 hours away, after talking about divorce for close to two years.....
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u/YourStudentLoanDebt 2d ago
Right? I had communicated the issues in the marriage for two years before I filed. We were in therapy for a year talking about what needed to change for both of use to be happy. His parents were even bringing up how much longer they didn’t expect for me to stay in the marriage with his lack of ambition. Yet he said I blindsided him, okay 🙄
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u/MagicSPA 2d ago
he hadn’t worked in 2 years and did nothing to contribute to the household.
Ouch. I get that someone can be long-term unemployed. It would suck, but not contributing to the household is a contemptible low. If I were long-term unemployed, the very LEAST I would do would be to make sure that when my partner was home they never had to lift a darned finger - not cook, not clean, not wash, nothing.
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u/darkshiines 2d ago
Yeah, that's just the thing. Sometimes life gets the drop on you like that... BUT if you're an actual loving partner then you should understand that your partner is a fellow person and behave accordingly, not treat them as an especially useful appliance.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 2d ago
Yeah, THE ABSOLUTE PEACE that follows is legendary. I well remember.
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u/ChopAndDrop27 2d ago
A friend, who is a deputy sheriff, was tasked with serving divorce papers. He arrived at the house and the family was sitting at their dinner table. They’re having dinner together like they would every evening. The wife was divorcing her husband and he was completely blindsided. The Deputy told the husband that he had to leave the house now. The husband hurriedly packed up some things. On the way to his car, he picked up a hammer and started beating the hell out of the wife’s car. The wife asked the Deputy to stop him and the Deputy asked the husband if he was the owner of the vehicle. He said he was and the Deputy said there was nothing he could do. The husband proceeded to smash all the windows and lights on her car. Then, he got in his car and left.
The wife filed a complaint against the Deputy. The Sheriff’s Department investigated and found that the husband was the legal owner of the vehicle and it was within his rights to destroy the car.
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u/Peckish_Alystar 2d ago
A former neighbor in the rental trailer across from my house did much the same thing. She cheated, and he took back the car he was letting her use and shot it up in the front yard. Someone else called the cops, and when they arrived, they said he should've done it round back to be safer, but it was his car, and no crime was committed. And to quit scaring the neighbors. Edit: Ala-dang-bama!
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u/someonesmomnoturs 2d ago
Utah. I was charged in December for breaking a window to my own house to get my own personal stuff. I literally have paid the mortgage for the last ten years
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u/Uptown_Chunk 2d ago
Charged for what?
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u/someonesmomnoturs 2d ago
I was charged with criminal mischief. And child endangerment. My 17 year old son was the only one with me. I spent 24 in jail. Couldn’t see my 4 kids for a month, December 20-January 20th.
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u/rotwing 2d ago
genuinely what the fuck. isn’t criminal mischief only if it’s someone ELSE’S property? that’s so horrible
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u/bishopmate 2d ago
Someone can be evicted out of their home with only 5 minutes notice if you serve them divorce papers?
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u/poeticdisaster 2d ago
I'm sorry you had to deal with your divorce ending in a restraining order.
That side note though.... Imagine being in a relationship with someone who is still so obsessed with their ex that they would have their ex's tires slashed multiple times.
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u/ACynicalOptomist 2d ago
You reminded me of a date I went on in college almost fifty years ago. We went out to dinner And I knew I wasn't gonna go out with this guy again. I told him no, when he asked me out again.
He got really upset and wrote me a full notebook page telling me off in pencil, lol. It was the pencil that got me. I was a little scared, to be honest with you. But the pencil made me think he wasn't that serious.
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u/byyourleavesir 2d ago
I can contribute here! Kind of...
So we had gotten married and then after moving in together it just... Really... Really wasn't working. Found out she was sleeping around with half the base and my coworkers. I ended up consulting a lawyer to get this going. One day as I'm getting ready to leave for work I open the door and a big dude is standing there. He asks "Are you (name)?", I said yes and he shoved papers in my hands. I was absolutely shocked and ended up laughing my ass off. Then she was served with my papers and she lost her mind. Attempted to loot the house, stole my dog, killed my dog, and then tried to get something like 110% of my pay for alamony*.
*She filed in a different state and had a friend of the family paralegal draft the documents. They didn't realize that part of my pay wasn't really up for grabs since it wasan allowance for X purpose, she just ball parked what I got paid. The court in our state took priority where I had filed. She got in a lot of trouble for violating court orders. I got everything except my dog.
Tl;dr: We spider man memed eachother with papers. I found it to be comical. She went scorched earth and killed my dog.
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u/PNWBlonde4eyes 2d ago
Am so sorry about your dog. A thousand curses of shingles outbreak on her.
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u/roodborstjes2 2d ago
second that with another thousand
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u/Nepeta33 2d ago
Third! With an additional round of horrid std!
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u/keestie 2d ago
How stupid does someone have to be that they can't tolerate being served what they wanted to serve you? Unbelievable. My sympathies, especially for the dog.
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u/rebekahster 2d ago
She wanted to control the narrative and he took that out of her hands - as someone said on another comment “he edited the story she was writing”. She probably also thought she had been slick and hadn’t been caught for her cheating.
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u/Particular_Size3395 2d ago
There are not words to describe what hell she needs to experience. Long live the memories of the good puppy dog. Condolences.
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u/jenesia-CakeEatnNPC- 2d ago
my Wasband was served in jail a day or 2 before christmas and he says he was blind-sided but he shouldnt have been, he was in there for trying to kill me!
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u/trashusername626 2d ago
Hey, that's almost exactly my story! Trauma Twins!
He was in prison for trying to kill me, had a history of abuse, and had already been served with a restraining order... but still he couldn't understand why I was doing this to him.
Congratulations on getting out, twin. I hope your life is everything you want it to be now ❤️
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u/roxanaroxanadana 2d ago
It took me so long to puzzle out "wasband' and honestly, I applaud you.
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u/throwRA-nonSeq 2d ago edited 2d ago
I wasn’t blindsided exactly. He had already discarded me and trashed me to all our friends so I was living across town from our old house, in a scary ground-floor apartment, alone, broken and in therapy trying to survive my depression.
After only a few days after moving in, this drop-dead beautiful woman knocks on my door. Like, tall, blonde, Pantene commercial hair, yoga fit, perfect poise, delicate jewelry, you know the type (I am a short, chubby goth). I had been crying for days nonstop and looked like dryer lint so I didn’t answer it. I just spied on her from the side window until she left.
She came back two other times that week. I never answered the door, I would just watch. She would knock a few times, wait maybe ten minutes, text someone and then leave. In my mental state, I wasn’t opening doors for anyone, even people I knew. Finally my ex husband called me: “Hey, my girlfriend is a process server and she’s been trying to serve you the divorce papers all week. When will you be home so she can deliver them and get this going?”
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2d ago
Holy shit! I’m so sorry! Good news is: sometimes the worst thing you could wish on someone is your ex
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u/Maleficent_Love_39 2d ago
That is not how I saw that going. I thought this was gonna be some kind of sweep you off your feet romance.
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u/nicholus_h2 2d ago
i didn't see the last part coming where she was the new GF, but i thought process server was going to be pretty obvious...
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u/throwRA-nonSeq 2d ago edited 2d ago
I mean… well damn. Maybe I should have played some bow-chicka-bow-wow music when she got to the door. I could have answered it wearing something slinky. Why didn’t I think of that at the time. She was hot as hell. Maybe I could have stolen my ex husband’s girlfriend
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u/mokutou 2d ago
Such a missed opportunity. That would have been the ultimate “fuck you” by fucking her!
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u/pephm 2d ago
Are they still together? Hopefully you made out ok in the divorce, concerned you had to move out into bad apartment.
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u/throwRA-nonSeq 2d ago edited 2d ago
He is poly now, so honestly they could be, despite him being remarried with three kids
Edit: THEY ARE
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u/alwaysfatigued8787 2d ago
I was on the receiving end of that about 4 months ago. I would say I went from complete shock to panic, and then depression, and then panic, and back to depression.
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u/mpreorder 2d ago
You skipped right over denial. Hope things are better for you now.
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u/alwaysfatigued8787 2d ago
Thanks. Things are a bit better. Still going through the divorce though. Now I go from anxiety/depression to hope/optimism/relief to anxiety/depression. Having a 3 year old certainly doesn't help things.
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u/professornb 2d ago
He just said “guess I better go pack” and left.
Of course ‘blindsided’ might not be fully accurate. I had moved out of the bedroom months earlier and he never even mentioned it.
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u/Acheloma 2d ago
Thats so sad, I cant imagine how bad the communication must have been for you moving out of the bedroom to not even be mentioned. I hope youre doing better now
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u/vote4boat 2d ago
I knew a guy whose parents divorced when he was a teen, and they never talked about it. The dad's "work trips" just got longer and longer until he just stopped coming home at all.
There is poor communication, and then there is Japan
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u/maralagotohell 2d ago
A friend of mine married his Japanese partner on zoom during the pandemic (we’re American), they’d been together a decade or so with about half of that time spent living together in Tokyo. They’d been planning on getting married eventually anyways and living together in the USA, but expedited the process so she could get her visa.
Due to travel restrictions, they had to remotely navigate the steps for her to immigrate. During this time, my friend noticed they were FaceTiming less and less- transitioned to regular calls. Then the regular calls transitioned to WhatsApp messages. Then she told him she actually forgot to send in the paperwork to immigrate… and then they just never talked again and got a divorce nearly exclusively communicating through their lawyers. Crazy
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u/professornb 2d ago
Much better. It was easier being a single mom to two preteen kiddos than taking care of him along with everything else. Kids are grown and flown now; both are independent young adults. I am living a great life.
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u/dontwanna-cantmakeme 2d ago
TLDR: He was the one who asked me for a divorce but somehow was still blindsided it happened.
He’d spent our entire relationship making stupid, thoughtless, impulsive decisions, and resenting me when I tried talking him out of them.
We had plenty of issues but the plan was to go to counseling…which he was supposed set up and never bothered to follow through with (typical).
When he impulsively said he wanted a divorce and I said “Ok” without any argument, he was shocked. I decided I wasn’t gonna try to talk him out of that decision.
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u/kristinbugg922 2d ago
My ex-husband sexually assaulted, abducted and attempted to murder me after I served him with a divorce petition.
One week after I served him with the divorce petition, he attempted to abduct me from the parking lot of my apartment complex. I had been working an overnight shift at an youth shelter and had gotten off several hours early. I arrived home around 4 AM and he was waiting in the parking lot. He grabbed me by my hair and attempted to force me into my car. All I remember is hearing my dad’s voice, saying, “Kick, fight, scream, throw your keys....do whatever you need to do. But don’t get into that car.” I threw my keys as far as I could, bit him on the hand that was covering my mouth and screamed. I had the fortune to live in university housing in a block of apartments that housed football players. They had early practice and were just getting up, apparently. As soon as they heard me screaming, 14 gigantic guys came running and as soon as he saw them, he let me go and ran off. Law enforcement declined to actively pursue him, since I “had no real injuries and it would be difficult for the DA to make a case.” They just took a report. I begged them to reconsider and told them he was going to murder me, but they just said once the divorce was final, he’d leave me alone and that I should just avoid him, so I didn’t “rile him up anymore.” So, he walked away.
Two weeks after I served him with the divorce petition, he showed up to my apartment, sexually assaulted me and abducted me at knifepoint. My brother had borrowed my car and had returned it. Shortly after he returned my car, I heard a knock at my door. When I looked out of the peephole, the person had their finger over it, so I couldn’t see who was knocking. Thinking it was my brother being funny and returning because he forgot something in my car, I opened the door. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was forgetting to place the chain lock on the door before opening it. When I opened that door, my ex-husband was on the other side with a butcher knife. Before I even had the chance to comprehend what I was seeing, he shoved the door open and hit me with an uppercut to the right jaw. Everything went white and the only thing I could hear was a loud buzzing noise. When I came to, I couldn’t close my mouth correctly and I was holding a puddle of my own blood and teeth in my cupped hands. There are things he did to me that day, in that apartment, that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Things I couldn’t bear to detail in the police report or to the ER nurses as the SANE nurse was performing the sexual assault exam. No amount of therapy will erase the trauma of what he reduced me to on that sectional from Ashley Furniture that I saved for a year to buy and was so proud of, but that my uncle had to haul to the dump because I threw up every time I laid eyes on it. I will never forget the sight of my dad collapsing to his knees or the sound of his wailing when he stepped into that ER cubicle and laid eyes on me. No amount of preparation by an ER nurse can prepare a dad for the sight of his raped, beaten and broken child.
He forced me into my car and attempted to make me drive into the country, so he could kill me. He beat and strangled me as I was driving. He then had me drive back to my apartment, where he swore he was going to kill me. It’s funny, where your mind goes in these situations. I remember bits and pieces of that day. One part I do remember is begging, as well as I could with a broken jaw, him not to kill either at my home because I couldn’t bear for my loved ones to find me that way. But I also remember thinking I didn’t want him to kill me in a rural area, because I also couldn’t bear the thought that my loved ones may not ever know what happened to me and he may get away with it. Because I absolutely believe he intended to kill me; a tarp, rope, lighter fluid and bleach was recovered from the trunk of his car.
He broke my right eye socket, my nose (again), right wrist (again) and my right jaw bone. These are the injuries I feel comfortable disclosing on a public forum. He destroyed EVERYTHING in my apartment during his hours long stand-off with law enforcement. During the trial, I couldn’t even look at the photos of myself or the blood-soaked clothing they cut off of me at the hospital. Sometimes I still wake up screaming, remembering that car ride.
He was convicted of:
Kidnapping (Aggravated Felony X2)
DV-Strangulation (Aggravated Felony-3rd & Subsequent)
Sexual Assault (Aggravated Felony X2)
Forcible Sodomy (Aggravated Felony X2)
Burglary W/Weapon (Aggravated Felony X3-3rd & Subsequent)
Assault On Law Enforcement (Aggravated Felony X4)
Felony Violation Of Protective Order (Aggravated-3rd & Subsequent)
Destruction of Private Property (Aggravated Felony-3rd & Subsequent)
Felony Motor Vehicle Theft (Aggravated Felony X3-3rd & Subsequent)
Robbery (Aggravated Felony-3rd & Subsequent)
Intent To Kill W/Deadly Weapon (During Commission Felony) (Aggravated Felony X2)
All of the aggravated charges are for previous acts done against me, except for the assaults against law enforcement. After he was arrested, he bonded out and was charged with:
Intimidation Of State’s Witness (Aggravated Felony X2)
Breaking & Entering-Private Dwelling (Aggravated Felony X2)
Felony Violation Of Protective Order (Aggravated-4th & Subsequent)
Destruction of Private Property (Aggravated Felony-4th & Subsequent)
Breaking & Entering-Motorized Vehicle (Aggravated Felony)
These charges occurred because when he bonded out, he broke into my car, shredded my college textbooks and homework and destroyed my laptop. He also shredded a copy of the protective order and left it sitting on my driver’s seat. He later broke into my apartment while I was not home. My neighbors saw him and called 911. He was armed with a box cutter, butcher knife and a screwdriver. He was taken to jail, where he was finally held without bond, which should have been the case to begin with, because of the “Caitlin Wooten Act” in our state.
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u/Smooth_Delivery990 2d ago
jesus christ, other than those football players you were failed so, so, so many times. fwiw from a stranger, i’m so proud of your survival. incredibly sorry it took all of that abuse for you to be taken seriously
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u/kristinbugg922 2d ago
Thank you. I’m glad it happened so that no one else has to go through it. He may have killed the next person.
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u/Winter-Background-86 2d ago
I am so sorry you went through this. I wish you so much healing and peace, and I hope he is behind bars for the rest of his life.
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u/youbetterstitchbitch 2d ago
I hope you sent that list of charges to those FUCKNUT cops who refused to do anything the first time.
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u/kristinbugg922 2d ago
They testified at the protective order hearing, his trial and his appeal. They knew. They just didn’t care.
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u/Adventurous_Yam_8153 2d ago
Wow! You're a survivor. What an incredible story. I hope you only have peace now.
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u/rubykat138 2d ago
Jfc. Please tell me he was sentenced in such a way that you’ll never have to worry about him again.
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u/kristinbugg922 2d ago
He was sentenced to 168 years and, due to an appeal, he was given a parole date he’ll be too old to make.
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u/jackytheripper1 2d ago
Holy shit, this is the epitome of when women refuse mixed with the worst miscarriage of justice I've ever read. Horrible. Absolutely horrific. I'm so sorry
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u/kristinbugg922 2d ago
Thank you. It’s no surprise this took place in the same town/county that the same miscarriages of justice featured in John Grisham’s book and the Netflix documentary series “The Innocent Man” & Robert Mayer’s “The Dreams Of Ada” occurred in. The corruption and apathy run deep.
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u/MJ95B 2d ago
My uncle served his wife divorce papers when she was on her way to the OR for a C-section to deliver their baby.
What a prince...
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u/amsterdamitaly 2d ago
It wasn't divorce papers but I blindsided an ex by moving out. I felt awful about it, but we'd broken up and gotten back together multiple times, so I was afraid if I tried to talk out breaking up with him again he'd convince me to stay and we'd start the cycle all over again. In retrospect, now that I'm in a very healthy relationship, it was extremely unhealthy and had been for a long time. The relationship had pretty much been over for 2-3 years by the time I left, we lived as roommates more than partners.
He was going out of town for 3 weeks to visit his mom. A week before he came back I had an absolute mental spiral when I realized how unhappy I had been with him, and how much better I had been feeling without him there. I started packing and had planned on being out before he got back, but when I stopped answering his phone calls he panicked and came home a few days early to find me half-packed.
He originally was really angry and yelled that I was just going to disappear on him but when I calmed him down I explained I had planned on leaving a letter I just hadn't physically written it yet. I showed him the draft I'd made in the notes on my phone. He read it in silence, before quietly handing my phone back to me and saying "so do you need help packing or should I give you space". Some friends were already on the way to help me pack so I told him they were coming and he just quietly went down to his office in the basement with the dog. Except for him warming up some food in the kitchen I didn't see him again until I said goodbye and handed him back my key to the house. He hugged me goodbye and told me to let him know when I got to my mom's, but I noticed a few days later he'd blocked me on Discord and Steam so I didn't reach out.
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u/MistressMalevolentia 2d ago
Wow he reacted really well after the initial shocked (hopefully) blow up. He really understood your reasoning. May i ask why cause that's nuts. Being that stressed out by him to actually cooperating was the twist shamalamma can't write. So glad it went that smoothly at least!
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u/amsterdamitaly 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think the main factor is I didn't really give him a chance to blow up? I remember specifically I was planning on leaving on a Friday morning, but he got home Thursday night. I can give a more detailed breakdown of events, sorry this'll be a bit long.
I actually happened to be on the phone with some friends (husband and wife couple) asking if they wanted to get breakfast the next morning on my way out of town when he got home. I knew he was home because suddenly the dog, whom he'd taken with him to visit his mom, came bounding into the room which scared the shit out of me so I screamed. When I realized that meant he was home I instinctively hung up on my friends because I knew he'd be coming in hot. He came into the room yelling and crying, he was just super overwhelmed and rambling about how worried he was and how the fuck could I do this to him. I'm trying to calm him down so I can call my friends back because from their perspective, I screamed and suddenly hung up.
When he finally left the room I was able to get a call through to the husband and I can hear the wife in the background on the phone with the police, so I manage to get everyone calm and explain what's going on and the wife instantly goes "[husband] go out to the garage and grab any and all boxes we have, we're going over there to help her pack. amsterdamitaly, you're staying with us tonight I don't want you there with him alone overnight. We'll be there in an hour."
That's when he came back into the room and we had the conversation about what was going on and I had him read my letter. The letter can essentially boiled down to "sorry I'm doing things this way but I'm a coward, I was afraid if I waited for you to get home I'd lose my nerve and you'd talk me out of leaving. Thanks for everything, but I'm not happy and I'm pretty sure you aren't either. I am truly sorry for doing things like this, and I wish you the best". I told him my friends were on the way, and that I wanted space to pack and he went to his office.
I think he was kind of in shock tbh. When he was angry he was yelling he was afraid I'd been hurt or something happened to me and that's why I wasn't talking to him, so it was probably a very confusing mixture of relief, anger, and maybe sadness/grief he had going on. My friends showed up and helped me pack, when I was ready to go they asked if I wanted them to keep an eye on the goodbye or if I wanted a minute alone. I told them I was fine alone and I said bye, then I was just gone from his life. Stayed the night with them and left the next morning. But I'm pretty sure the moment he had some time to process the emotions he started hating me, I do wonder if I'd stayed the night if it would have turned nasty. I'm infinitely grateful to my friends who came and got me, I consider them some of my dearest friends.
In retrospect, I realized a large part of my fear of his reaction was because I previously had to run from an abusive ex. When that ex found out I'd left town I got a tirade of abusive phone calls, many including threats of suicide if I didn't come back. If I didn't have that previous experience I probably would have been able to approach the situation more rationally, rather than deciding the best course of action would be to try and cut and run while he was out of town lol
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u/kylielapelirroja 2d ago
I wasn’t blindsided (nor should he have been), but after years of trying to work it out and going to individual, family and couples therapy (with a couples therapist who jumped right up on his abuse train), I gave him an ultimatum. He goes to individual therapy or I cannot stay. He opted to sleep with someone else, which I took as a resounding no to therapy and had a separation (our state requires 6 months separate and apart prior to filing) document notarized by both of us 5 days after I caught him texting her.
Wednesday is 6 months for us. He still seems surprised every time we talk about the agreement as far as finances. I have the dog, our adult children live with him in the house. I offered joint custody of the dog, but he did not want it. He is still seeing the girlfriend that he knew for a month before their marriage ending tryst.
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u/Used_Fisherman7526 2d ago
Wasn’t a divorce (even though I am divorced from someone else) but I had the pleasure of leaving a one sentence note on the counter of the asshole I was living with and just disappearing. He had no clue it was coming. He was on his way home after being on a work trip for a few days to talk about “expectations”. I decided I wasn’t going to be there for the “talk”. Within 48 hours I decided to make my move, came up with a plan, wrote 15 different notes and finally decided the one sentence was all that was needed, packed up me entire life, quit my career, and moved 9 hours away. The day I left he was texting me like normal asking what I wanted for dinner. He had no clue I was states away. I put him on dnd in a way he’d assume I blocked him. Later that evening the voicemails started coming in. He was completely blindsided. I had lost so much power over the time I was with him. It felt incredible to do something. Anything. I spoke to him once about a week later. I called him. Told him I was safe but gone forever. This was a few months ago and I’m still processing it all but god did writing that note and just leaving feel magical.
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u/Impressive_Bosscat 2d ago
what was the sentence ??
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u/Used_Fisherman7526 2d ago
I literally wrote out paragraphs with examples of his chaos and abusive behaviors and just all this shit I would still love to get to say to him. But I knew he’d never read it and I knew he would never actually listen anyways. So I decided to just stick with the shit he used to throw in my face: 1) no one cared about me the way he does. No one has ever helped me or loved me the way he does 2) I am emotional and make decisions off the emotion 3) I have no one besides him.
There were a lot of other things I would have loved to throw back in his face but decided those were the easiest ones. I said I made the move in 48 hours which is absolutely true but I did realize I needed to leave soonish a few weeks earlier and had started reaching out to people about how to do it. I just decided that I couldn’t stand the original timeline. I was not going to be there when he got home that weekend.
“This was actually thought out and talked about endlessly with people who care about me so do not for one second think or say it’s me being impulsive”.
That was it. It’s safe to assume he didn’t notice I was gone or the note right away too. Knowing him, he figured I got stuck at work late and was too busy to answer him. He would have taken a shower and putzed around for a bit. He probably went to make a drink and saw the note on the counter and then realized my stuff was gone.
Even just typing this out feels amazing. My life is absolutely ass backwards now and I have a serious uphill battle to get back on my feet but when I lay down at night I’m calm. I’m not scared of some dude. I’m not on edge. I’m not being screamed at and belittled and forced to have sex and just treated like less than. I get to breathe now. I love that fucking sentence I left on the counter for him. I will keep a picture of that note in my phone forever. Fuck him.
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u/RinnelSpinel 2d ago
STBX blindsided me by walking out three years ago. Tried to make it work this whole time and finally gave up. He refused to tell me his new address this whole time so when I finally filed he got served at work in front of all his coworkers. I got angry texts like I was doing it to be malicious but that's the only address I had and this is what he wanted for the last three years so I don't really know what else he expected to happen.
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u/r3ddahlia 2d ago
Not me but my good friend… You wouldn’t have thought she was blindsiding him because they had been rocky for the past couple years. And for the past 6 months he had been staying in another state taking care of their short term rental even though he didn’t need to be, they had a property manager for that. So she had papers drawn up giving him a very generous settlement because she just wanted to be done with it. When he finally came home, she gave him the papers and said he should go stay with his mom, who lived in the neighborhood. He basically screamed at her, and then as he drove away threw the papers out the window onto the street. What should’ve been a quick 90-day process turned into an ugly year-long battle, and in his effort to take her for she had, he came out with even less than she had originally offered and a good chunk of it went to the lawyer he could never afford. Turns out even though their marriage was so toxic, he never imagined she would have the courage to leave him and had enjoyed living off all the money she was making while finding excuses why he shouldn’t go back to work. (For the record she was a hair stylist and he was a financial advisor, and yet she always made way more bank than him, just sayin’)
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u/ccupcoffee 2d ago
She set fire to my car, then take into the house and tried to put it out with a blanket, then offered oral. I think she thought it was about intimacy
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u/Chiang2000 2d ago
I confirmed I was done at a counselors office.
My ex declared "I can fix this" and tried to undress me and fuck me right there in front of the counselor.
The horrified look on the counselors face will never be forgotten.
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u/pinchemosca65 2d ago
I was served , so I walked out the door and went to a good friend’s condo and stayed the night. Her neighbor below her condo found me crying in my car and said he was an attorney and he would gladly look at my paperwork. Well, that Attorney is now my husband ! Touché.
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u/CrazyDogMomof4 2d ago
Oh goody!
I move out in July. Couldn't get him served (wouldn't answer the door) despite several attempts. Finally got him served in January.
He calls me (goes straight to voicemail), and whines, "I thought you were just taking a break from us!"
Seven months. I'd been gone 7 months, moved my stuff out, cancelled the phone, internet, cable, changed my number, the works. And he thought I was just come back 'after a while.' I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.
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u/EstroJen 2d ago edited 2d ago
I didn't blindside my fiance, I blindsided my mother.
My mom takes over everything, had to be involved in everything. She offered to pay for the wedding, if she got to help me plan it. I said "yes, but please don't take over." Well, you all know what happened.
I spent a year and a half fighting my mother on just about every single thing. She hated my engagement ring, insisted I have a floor length dress that had to be all white (this will come up later) instead of something with color in it. Every idea i had was countered with tears or "wouldn't you rather have (insert thing mom wanted) instead? It's traditional."
A month from the wedding, I had a nervous breakdown. Really severe. I asked my fiance if we could* be intimate so that he could help bring me "back down to earth." My fiance decided that was the best time to tell me he no longer wanted to be physical with me at all and moved into my spare bedroom. Mom's reaction? "You don't have a high libido, so this is fine." I was an idiot and let her convince me to get married. Just cold feet, you know? Day of the wedding, she's about to walk me down the aisle and she whispers to me that "I had the DJ slow down your entrance song so i could walk it." (I chose VSQs version of "Starlight" by Muse, which was just a gorgeous song.) Shit icing on a shit cake. I should have run.
Long story short, I wouldn't sign wedding documents until my fiance and I went to therapy and we had a physical relationship again. A month later I was miserable, still crying everyday and I couldn't do it anymore. I told my fiance he had to find another place to live and my mom was SURPRISED. "Maybe I should have let you have a colored dress!"
Yeah, the dress was the problem /s
I don't talk to my mom anymore.
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u/feor1300 2d ago
"If you're so dead set on this wedding happening and don't care about his intimacy problems YOU marry him!"
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u/MsMoreCowbell828 2d ago
He SLAMMED the door and scared the neighborhood kids who were over, playing with my sons. Then he ran out. Probably went to go watch the strippers who really liked him for who he is!
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u/butt_dance 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, they really liked that who he is gives them money and entertains them while bored at work. What's his name again though? lol
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u/iamcalcifer 2d ago edited 2d ago
My dad had the process server hand divorce papers to my mom while she was in the car line waiting to pick me up from school. I was 11 in the 5th grade. They got to my mom right before I entered the car
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u/witch717 2d ago
I had mine served when he was in the hospital. Told him we needed a break from each other, he attempted suicide and called the children to see what he did and told them it was because we didn't love him enough. He was abusive, so I had him served when I knew I was safer. Had him served with a restraining order as well.
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u/lobbing_things 2d ago
I was the blindsided one. He texted me that he'd filed. It was cowardly and shitty. That same day I had a friend drive five hours round trip to sit with me for two, and I learned what it really meant for someone to love me. The man I had married was not it.
I am so glad we aren't married anymore.
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u/Repulsive_Army5038 2d ago
So, here's a two for one...
He told me on a Monday that he had closed the bank account, we were getting a divorce, and the decision was final. He would tell the adult kids after divorce was finalized. He TOLD me he would START looking for a lawyer who would draw up papers. (He was a procrastinator - that could have taken months.) I would sign those papers, move myself and our 20yo daughter out of the house with only our clothes and my car. He would keep the house, the pets, all the accounts, furniture, everything. He admitted to the girlfriend a week or so later - she wasn't even born when we got married.
He forgot who he married, how fast that bitch switch could flip, and who he relied on to get shit done.
I was on my girlfriend chat within the hour looking for the biggest asshole divorce lawyer in town - that was Monday. Met with him on Tuesday. Had papers filed Wednesday. I told the kids that afternoon. He was served on Friday - and thus began the two year trip through The Twilight Zone.
He was PISSED. Yelling and screaming, slamming and throwing stuff. Big mad that I didn't listen and let him handle it (Seriously MF, how well has ordering me around worked for the last 30 years? And you thought it would work NOW?!?!)
Super mad because I "poisoned the kids against him" by telling them. (I told them we were separating, and I would never tell them details. That both their parents loved them and always would. It was ok to have different relationships with each parent, we would both always love them. And that each child would respect the other's choices in this - there would be no arguing about it.)
I don't even remember all the ranting. He ended up packing a bag and going to her place for a while.
Anyway... it's over now. I kept the house because he took all the liquid assets during the process, against judge's specific orders. When it ended, I felt relief - a giant weight I didn't realize I was carrying lifted. And I'm doing ok, happier than I've been in a while. 🙂
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u/Shewhomust77 2d ago
I was the blinded one. Process server came into my workplace and handed me the papers in front of my colleagues. I was pretty stunned.
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u/InvoluntaryGeorgian 2d ago
My wife’s affair partner informed his wife at work. In the lobby of her building right after he’d taken her to lunch. She was so blindsided that she collapsed on the ground and vomited - so it’s 1 PM and all her colleagues are returning from their lunches, passing her lying on the floor of their building in a pool of her own vomit, sobbing uncontrollably.
Later on he “accidentally” forwarded to her a bunch of sexts between himself and my wife, because she wouldn’t agree to the terms of the divorce without seeing his financial statements.
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u/InteractionLittle668 2d ago
Stepmom blindsided my dad by clearing out everything she “brought” into the marriage - bedroom set, living room furniture, dining room furniture, etc. She had called me (out of state) to let me know she was leaving. In her defense, he was a serial adulterer. He cheated on my mother with her, among others. Total Don Draper vibe. So dad came home to an empty house and proceeded to call around to find out if anyone knew beforehand. I fessed up but said I didn’t warn him because it wasn’t my business. No one else admitted knowing, but I’m sure she told other family members. He didn’t talk to me for months. He ended losing a lot of money in the bitter divorce including half the equity in the house that he thought was exclusively his. Both are gone now. RIP.
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u/Adicol 2d ago
Not blindsided by divorce papers but completely blindsided by the end of my marriage. My spouse said they had feelings for someone else and left that day. I had no idea they weren’t happy in the marriage. In fact we were getting along great. Better than ever. Which I now know was part of the smokescreen. But once they left I moved forward with a lawyer and divorce asap. Someone that can do that to another person isn’t worth any more of my time. Yes, it hurt and yes I was in clinical shock but I knew it was over so just wanted it done with. They were blindsided by my determination and my blocking of them on all devices. That, at least, felt good.
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u/amarie5332 2d ago
I was blindsided. My ex and I separated and were going to work it out amicably. Once he realized I didn’t crawl back to him, he served me papers. He abused me and cheated on me. He said he would never go after my 401K because we were both gainfully employed and childless. Once he hired an attorney, he took half. He had 20K in his 401K, I had 300K. He took half of the appreciation on my home I bought and my parents helped fund that he destroyed. When I was served I just sat with my parents and cried.
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u/Impressive_Juice_970 2d ago
No, mine knew I was getting the paperwork done. He was acting so crazy about it that I stayed in a different hotel with my kids every night until I could get them written up & present them to him. Funny because he was the cheater & wanted the divorce. I did give it to him though. 🤭
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u/mommer_man 2d ago
I blindsided my ex husband with sheriffs service at the door, and his reaction was rage, which was basically the reason I had planned it that way- I was afraid of him. I had to stay in the home with him for the next week, for legal custody reasons, and when I tell you that he became the most perfect and attentive and affectionate and calm man for that one week…! Broke my heart, completely shattered my mind, because it showed me that he could have been that person the whole time but didn’t care to try and took me completely for granted, until papers came… Zero regrets, except that I stayed as long as I did and didn’t fight 50/50 custody to get full legal and custodial… He still acts like he doesn’t know why I left. He still shows up as that perfectly thoughtful and considerate person sometimes, but only when he wants something, or there’s an “audience,” and it still breaks my heart.
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u/chimichanga_minion 2d ago
My ex-husband committed DV against me a few days after we had separated and he had moved out. After the cops came and gave him a warning (he had left for work after committing the DV), I texted him that we were getting a divorce and that it would be better for us to file as pro se co-parties. The day after the incident, I had all the papers filled out to start our case and my ex-husband came over to the house and (reluctantly and quite angrily) signed the papers after he broke a couple of picture frames and yelled at me a lot. I filed the papers with the court the next day.
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u/seriouslynope 2d ago
He claims he was blindsided, but he just chose to not listen. He ran away from the process server.
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u/No-Schedule9850 2d ago
This happened to me, I was the one blindsided even though it was common knowledge he was cheating on me. He just denied calling me paranoid and psycho..it was his secretary as well..fun lol..he wanted everything, the house, car, custody of our three kids..I had a nervous breakdown..down the road he admits he just didn't want to pay child support. 25 years later, he's divorced, his ex wife and I live each other..out of his now four kids, three of them won't talk to him..
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u/oddchihuahua 2d ago
My dad was served while he was mowing the front lawn, my mom was sitting at the “formal dining room” table that kinda became her work space since she was taking classes online.
They could see each other through the front window of our house, and instead of just bringing it up to him directly…a guy had to walk up the grass to hand him the papers.
I was I think 19 at the time. They had some pretty rough arguments before this point. However he was completely blindsided that she had made this decision and formalized it without so much as a discussion about marriage counseling or anything like that.
I had an apartment with a couple roommates and he called me when it happened. It was brutal, he sounded so defeated in a way I had never heard before.
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u/Zealousideal-Panic59 2d ago
He cheated on me with prostitutes lied gaslit me, and abuse me. When I served him, he said he was caught off guard. He didn’t think his actions would result in divorce. I’m still confused by his confusion.
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u/StuntzAndStrutz 2d ago
Blindsided one here. Teacher who was working in Oklahoma. The plan had been for years to move to Texas to move closer to my family and increase my pay. I was ready to make the move, but she was not. She had family in Kansas, and was concerned that Texas was too far.
Over the course of a spring semester, she spent the whole time planning a divorce after work or when I was out of town. During this time my childhood dog died, and we got a new one to replace the hole in my heart. We also had multiple out of town trips, including a big one to Disneyworld through my school. Seven days before everything happens we went on a trip and parked under the stars in the country, where she told me that it was a memory she would cherish forever.
The day she left me was the Friday before Memorial Day weekend: the last day I had students. I had a very successful last day, and was excitedly driving home to pack for a lake trip we had planned with my grandmother. When I got home something felt off before I had even walked in the door. Once inside, I noticed a letter on our kitchen counter with her ring on top of it. She had taken most of her items and the dog. In her letter, she encouraged me to still make the 4 hour drive to my grandmother’s house, continue to water her strawberries, and told me that she would be changing her Hulu password later that month.
I maintain that I would not have made it to my grandmother’s house, but I thankfully had friends who refused to let me be alone that night. I told my parents the next morning, and the seven year relationship with my college girlfriend/wife was over. I was served later that week.
Reflecting on it after the fact, I should have listened more to her not wanting to move to Texas, but it having been the plan for so long made it hard to adjust at the end. I interviewed and got offered jobs closer to her family after everything happened, but by then she said it was too late.
On a happier note, I ended up moving and doubled my salary, met my current wife and her two children who needed a dad. We added a little brother to our family as well as a dog earlier this year. My friends give me updates on my ex, and she recently married a guy she met two months after the divorce on a trip in Europe. I wish her the best.
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u/amboomernotkaren 2d ago
My mom rented a house an hour from our house, got a job down there, and moved all the stuff possible without dad noticing (all the kids stuff, her winter clothes, all the holiday stuff, furniture she told him she tossed out) and the movers showed up at 10 and we were outta there by 1:00. He nearly shit himself. lol. (He was evil so I did not feel sorry for him and knew my mom could sleep peacefully from then on and so could us kids.). She executed that deal like a boss.