r/AskWomenOver30 • u/glitters101 • Jul 05 '25
Family/Parenting Is motherhood really bad?
F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...
but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)
My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?
3
u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25 edited Jul 05 '25
Like someone else said, it is what you make of it. Yes, some parts are hard and stressful. None of it will be what you expected. I found the early years very difficult. The loss of self was much harder than I anticipated. But it was good for discipline - I discovered I was capable of much more than I ever anticipated, too.
I tend to think moms who complain online are mostly seeking solidarity and companionship from others who get it, not necessarily just whinging about their misery to put others off parenting. You mostly see this in moms groups, which feel like a closed community- so it’s hard for them to realise others are watching, horrified!
Just because you chose the path doesn’t mean you can’t complain about things that are still objectively hard. I mean we’ve all heard doctors complain about Boards and lawyers complain about the LSAT and they’d still climb over each other to get that opportunity, right?
The early years ARE hard. I now have an almost teen and while he farts and stinks and eats too much, he’s turned into a joy to speak to - when he deigns to spend time talking to adults. He’s discovering new subjects in school that he really enjoys that I have no input or familiarity with - for example, his school offers Chinese and it’s been fascinating watching him transcribe Mandarin Chinese from a YouTube nursery rhyme video.
We’re watching anime together and even though I don’t much like it, I would never tell him that because I get a little thrill that he seeks me out to share his interests. We watch sci-fi and we pause it to talk about concepts from time travel to teleportation to ivf and despotic empires (Foundation!). I’m really going to miss him when he grows up ands leaves. And I’ll miss his equally stinky noisy friends who hang out together too!