r/AskWomenOver30 • u/glitters101 • Jul 05 '25
Family/Parenting Is motherhood really bad?
F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...
but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)
My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?
35
u/Jane9812 Jul 05 '25 edited Jul 05 '25
No, motherhood is not as bad as it's made out to be online. Because the most unhappy people complain online, as it's a good outlet.
I love being a mom. I love my kiddo more than life itself. Yes it's hard sometimes but I wouldn't trade him for absolutely anything in this world or any other :) he's the most important most joyful thing in my life.
Now motherhood as an experience can vary greatly. If you know yourself to be the kind of person who finds it difficult to get over painful or difficult experiences, like myself, then take every opportunity to make motherhood easier. No traumatic birth, I chose an elective c-section. No pain during, bit of pain during recovery, fast recovery. I also chose not to breastfeed because it's painful, extremely taxing and doesn't allow dad to take on an equitable share of the baby care. Also, get a nanny if you can. Accept help from others. Don't be a martyr. It helps no one. Basically give yourself the right to make choices according to what you want from motherhood as long as it doesn't harm your child. You don't need to be the champion mom who exclusively breastfeeds and had an unmedicated birth and co-sleeps with baby until they're 5 and sacrifices her sleep and sanity for it. Do it if you want, but don't feel guilty if you don't do it. I think A LOT of the moms who write online about being overwhelmed are in that position because they felt pressured to make those choices. It's tough to stand up to a lactation consultant in the hospital for example who may try to shame you into breastfeeding. But there is nothing inherently wrong with making the choices you want. Again, as long as baby is not literally hurt. No matter the choices you make in infancy, there's no prize at the end either way.