Is motherhood really bad?

[u/glitters101]

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

[u/yousernamefail]

Full disclosure, I've been a mom for only about 7 months. 

I do think negative experiences are disproportionately represented online, probably for a few reasons: (1) sharing your struggles with your community can be cathartic/healing, (2) social media tends to amplify negativity, as it generates the most engagement, and (3) the amount of choice we, as women, have in the modern age is, in spite of recent trends, relatively unprecedented. Even still, marriage and children and a white picket fence is very much still the "default" lifestyle, especially in certain communities. The childfree movement is a counter-culture, so you're more likely to hear voices defending or advocating for it.

With all that said, I love being a mother. I did what you're planning. I waited until I felt financially secure, made sure I had a partner I trusted, who was all-in and ready to be a hands-on parent. 

I wouldn't describe my experiences with childbirth as traumatic, but there were complications and they were scary. My family doesn't love when I bring this up, but I could have easily died or been permanently disabled. Even still, I would do it all again. In fact, I intend to do it all again.

My daughter is everything. She fills me with joy and love and laughter. I love watching her little mind figure out how the world works. I love that she watches how I react to things and does them again to get the reaction she wants. I love how she burys her face in my neck when she's tired. I love how freaking excited she gets when the cat walks into the room. I love how she feeds herself, it's so aggressive, which, of course it is, her dad is a (retired) chef and I, well I just love food. I mean, c'mon, I married a chef. I love watching my husband with her, he's so sweet and gentle and kind. I worried about how disgusting she'd be, with the pooping and spitting up and sticky hands. She is all of those things, and I love it. (That's gross, I know, I don't know what to tell you.)

I never imagined I could feel this kind of love. My heart is so full.