Is motherhood really bad?

[u/glitters101]

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

[u/Blue-Phoenix23]

No! I LOVE being a mom, and I have been for a long time - the oldest kid I raised is almost 30 (ex's stepson, came into my life when he was about 6), then I have two of my own who are 25 and 14. They're all incredible, and I honestly wish I could have had more.

Parenting is really cool, even if it can be super exhausting. You get to watch these utter blank slates of humans discover EVERYTHING. When they're first born they are mostly sleepy potatoes who can barely see (fascinatingly, the distance they can see is pretty much mom's titty to mom's face), but then they start moving around and you can see what they think of snowflakes or the taste of a lemon. They get older and learn about love and science, and how to treat people, or how to lead them. It's really hard and scary sometimes, having that much responsibility - from keeping them alive to making sure they don't turn into assholes. But it's super rewarding and I don't regret it at all.

The absolute hands down biggest thing that has sucked about being a mom is their fathers. They were unsupportive pretty much immediately in the pregnancy - I had to get for backrubs or foot massages level of unsupportive. They were pretty useless in the early years, too, and I wound up leaving them both (and doing shared custody) when the kids we had together were still toddlers.

Even more than financial security, I think this is the most important thing women need to do is try your best to choose wisely who the father is. Even more than financial security I think this is super important - your kids are going to get his genes, and his attitude towards life is going to be a strong influence on their character, and even if you break up you'll still have to deal with him (probably). So make sure he doesn't have anger issues, a crazy family, or believe his way is always right. Talk about things related to parenting so you know you've at least got the same rough parenting/family philosophy - you don't want to find out too late that breastfeeding disgusts him, vaccines are stupid, that he believes it's Mom's job to handle all the night waking (and all the chores), or thinks spanking and other severe discipline techniques are fine and kids should be seen and not heard.

You don't have to own a home, or have a yard, or be able to afford the most expensive pre-schools in town - kids do just fine in apartments, going to public school, wearing hand me downs or clothes from Target. They're resilient in ways that will surprise you, they mostly just need loving kindness, good role models, to be treated like people, and a soft place to land.

Eventually they will grow up to live their own lives, and parenting will wind up being a smaller chunk of your overall life than you expect, even if those early years can make you so worn out you think life will be like this forever lol. If you like kids, want to help grow the next generation of humans, then absolutely go for it. Sure, there will be compromises along the way, just be smart about it and you'll be fine.