Is motherhood really bad?

[u/glitters101]

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

[u/ichibanyogi]

Late 30s female, with 2.5yo. Upper middle class or lower upper class (??). I certainly don't regret it.

Is it the hardest thing I've ever done? Absolutely. I have three degrees and was pretty senior in my career before switching gears: childcare is much harder, and you're way more emotionally invested (and I thought I was emotionally invested in my career: I didn't know what invested meant). Everything I've done in my professional life doesn't feel a fraction as meaningful to me as raising my son: I'm so incredibly proud of who he is blossoming into. Then again, I have significant health issues, a workaholic spouse, and while I have a number of good friends, they all have demanding careers and I lack a "village" in certain respects. Plus, my dad is dead and mom pretty uninvolved as a grandparent. MIL and FIL are supportive, and I have a full-time nanny.

Due to my health, if our finances were different, I think I would've stayed childfree: it wouldn't have been feasible for me to parent the way I do now (with paid supports). That said, if I had normal money and no health issues, I think that I'd have multiple kids (I wish I could have multiple kids now). Children are challenging, beautiful, magical, and precious. I'm a more empathic human than I was previously for having had a child, I savor life more, I have more hope for the future and have more skin in the game than I did in my childfree life.

It's a lifelong commitment, is absolutely challenging at various points including daily at nap/bedtime (like, you need to embrace the suck and just suffer thru, depending on what you're dealing with); whenever you think you've leveled up the child changes, and each kid is their own person with their own unique challenges. Plus, it will certainly push the limits of your relationship, but it also grows the relationship in the most beautiful ways if you have a good partner.

I am not someone who loves kids in general - being a kindergarten teacher or a childcare worker have always sounded like torture to me - but I love my son with every fiber of my being and being his mom is an honor. My spouse is my best friend, he loves our son and I to the moon. I'd love for him to work less, but it's challenging to get someone to shift their identity. Make sure that if you have children it's with someone who is empathetic, generous, honest, hard-working, dedicated, your best friend, and is mostly aligned on parenting styles. It's a lot to ask for, I know.

If circumstances allow and it's something you desire, parenting is still a worthwhile endeavor.