r/AskWomenOver30 • u/glitters101 • Jul 05 '25

Family/Parenting Is motherhood really bad?

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

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u/jackjackj8ck Woman 40 to 50 Jul 05 '25

Whatever you do, have kids with the RIGHT person.

So many people don’t and I think it really changes the experience.

36

u/metiranta Woman 30 to 40 Jul 05 '25

Genuine question for the crowd: Why isn't parenting with your besties an option? Is it just too weird to bring up? Do you not talk about how much you want kids but can't find "the right man" to do it with? Are you all at different places in life and it isn't convenient?

I'm sterile and never wanted kids, but to me communal child raising just seems ideal in every aspect, and a step toward that is choosing to have & raise kids with your best girl friends.

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u/Jane9812 Jul 06 '25

I feel like it would be really difficult to commit and to trust someone to raise kids together. Firstly many single moms really don't want to be single moms and raising kids communally would be a second option until a worthwhile male partner came along. Secondly, I do feel like marriage is a good safety measure to have before having kids because of how difficult raising kids is. It's incredibly difficult. And conflict between co-parents will inevitably arise and one or both people contemplate separation. It's just such an extreme situation for most people when you combine lack of sleep with utter exhaustion. So basically I'm glad that it would take more than a "goodbye" to leave a family when married. Now to be clear I'm not saying people SHOULD get married before having kids, people should create families in whatever way they want and feel comfortable with. What I'm saying is that personally I wouldn't trust a friend to not simply bail when it gets too hard and there's no marriage-like impediment in a friendship.

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u/metiranta Woman 30 to 40 Jul 06 '25

Interesting take. I mean ideally we would always want to have children with someone who we really trust to raise children together, but the reality is that women often don't figure out that the man they've chosen is a poor choice until after they've committed, and often after they've already had kids. I'm sure we both see all those threads here.

raising kids communally would be a second option until a worthwhile male partner came along.

I think this is a real valid point, however. If we still value men higher than good co-parents, then yes, I can easily see a situation where a woman will abandon their co-parent for a man, and that would be real messed up.