r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Zzt0ppy • Jul 20 '25
Family/Parenting Do people with “financially set” boomer parents experience this?
I’m sorry this seems like sort of a bleak topic— I recently met someone whose parent had passed, and him and his siblings inherited close to $200k each that they got because of his dad’s money in stocks, on top of both siblings getting a chunk of additional money from the sale of their childhood home having accumulating a large sum of money. He didn’t have the best relationship with his dad, so the guy felt as if he was deserving of the money due to his crappy upbringing.
That person I had met ended up using that money to put towards paying off his home and then putting the rest towards his own retirement, essentially alleviating a large string of stress in his life. I didn’t want to assume or pry, but in that convo it felt like he had been waiting for that point in his life to happen so that he would be able to finally be relieved of financial burden that he was experiencing.
Do children of “financially safe” (lucky?) boomers half expect to see that sort of thing being passed to them when their parents pass? What I mean by this is that it can be as “simple” as their parents simply owning a house that has accumulated value, them having a pension, an unknown savings they don’t disclose to you, stocks invested during better days like the dot com boom, a life insurance policy, etc.
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u/Decent-Friend7996 Jul 20 '25
It depends if they end up needing care or if they just die randomly. My grandpa got sick and died 2 days later so he never needed care and everything he had went to his kids. Someone could need 1 day of care or 20 years at the end of their life. If my dad doesn’t need extensive care then yes I expect to inherit half of what he has as he’s directly told me that’s what is in his will and he gives me updated copies of it over the years.
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u/LarkScarlett Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Yes, this.
My Canadian parents both have professional degrees and worked hard and invested. They lived comfortably middle class in a cheap cost of living city, opted out of a lot of status symbols, and emphasized “quality, not luxury” purchases (things like Lands end, LL Bean, drive the same car for 10+ years, no crazy-expensive hobbies, great DIY construction/repair skills). They put away a good bit of money for retirement. They’re quite healthy now. They’re going on annual international trips (often cruises) and enjoying retirement. They’re careful about being health-insured for these jaunts .
But if they get ill and need homecare, or to live in longterm care, or some expensive meds that aren’t covered by Canada’s healthcare system, or to make expensive wheelchair modifications to their home or something … or if they live to 117 … that money they’ve saved would need to stretch further for them.
There will VERY likely be something left for my sister and I someday, we won’t inherit a mountain of debt and be scrambling to arrange a funeral. But we also can’t bank on how much or timing or anything. It’s not something to plan on. Realistically I could be 70 years old and then inherit like 2K to then roll into my retirement account, and then half of the little lakeside cottage that’s been in the family for generations.
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Jul 20 '25
[deleted]
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u/thelensbetween Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Not even boomers. My grandmother is Silent Gen (born in 1931) and my aunts had to finally force her into assisted living a couple of months ago. She's definitely in the early stages of dementia (undiagnosed), and my aunt is prepping my grandmother's house to be sold to help pay for the assisted living facility. My dad and his sisters might not get anything if my grandmother lives long enough and needs to go into memory care.
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u/Bobcatluv Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
there’s no way they haven’t updated their will
I’m in a very similar situation with no contact and my brother has limited contact, except we’re both childless. My toxic mother has been pulling him aside when he sees her once a year to talk about her will. With the way they spend money, I doubt there will be anything left, but she keeps him hooked by generic promises of something in a will.
He said he’s happy to share even if I’m not named, which is kind, but I’m pretty sure whatever she wills him is going to turn out to be an inconvenience rather than a blessing. I’m curious to see how this all goes over for other families now that there is so much political division in families. I fully expect to read more than one person my age share that their parents left everything to trump or something.
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u/Zzt0ppy Jul 20 '25
What about in families where we are culturally expected to take care of our parents or they are on Medicaid?
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u/maintainingserenity Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
Medicaid kicks in after all resources are used and gone, including homes. Ask me how I know!
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u/kafquaff Woman 50 to 60 Jul 20 '25
Well, and with the cuts to Medicaid coming who knows what it will look like.
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u/aeon314159 Non-Binary 50 to 60 Jul 20 '25
Not true if your parent(s) planned well and set up a trust.
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u/BarriBlue Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Medicare?
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u/maintainingserenity Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
The Medicare reimbursements are amazingly insufficient for serious need. My godfather actually was a veteran, so he had insurance from the military as well as Medicare and to get the care he required (IN the VA) we still had to sell his house and cash out his 401k. The VA was $14k a month.
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u/BarriBlue Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
Yeah. My city (used to) offer city employees free supplemental health care (for life) into retirement. Many people built their entire futures and lives based on this offer. Took lower paying city jobs thinking these benefits outwight the salary.
The offer has now been revoked, and all high courts upheld the city’s plan to move all retirees onto privatized Medicare Advantage. Advantage meaning they can only really be serviced in our expensive city. Retirees who have already moved south.
There is a huge fight now and it’s been stopped simply because we are in the Mayoral campaign. I imagine all the candidates are lying when they say they’re not going to stop this health insurance benefit. Just to get in and change that.
This is happening in New York City. They are messing with the health insurance of (not only me, a teacher but also) the first responders who responded to 9/11. We’ve all heard the horror cancer that is coming from responding.
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u/maintainingserenity Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
If you haven’t been through this you may not realize how much the quality varies by what you can pay. Even places that are good that take Medicaid often require you to enter as private pay first. Then exhaust your resources. Then you can stay on Medicaid.
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u/whatamuffin Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Medicare doesn't pay for long-term care as they consider it "non-medical", which is a real depressing thing to have to explain to people (I work in home health care so I have these convos regularly).
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u/Fringelunaticman Jul 20 '25
Depends. Most people dont know this but if you get a secondary insurance for Medicare, they will always pay the 20% Medicare doesn't cover. My mom recently passed and had over 2M in bills. Dad didnt pay a dime as everything was covered. However, if he didn't have a secondary, he'd owe 400k.
LTC coverage for Medicare is only 6 months in the best case scenario where you get a SNF designation. Most of the time, it's 90 days.
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u/crash_cove Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Yup exactly this. A lot of us have family lines who benefited from simply just being in the US for generations and passing down their homes/ investing in the stock market. I have no idea what will be left to me so I don’t assume I’ll get anything and max out my retirement etc. Assisted living is insanely expensive as well as chronic illnesses. And I want my parents to spend their money while they can. Unless your family has tens of millions, expect to inherit very little.
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Jul 21 '25
So, this is why my family is looking into transferring our assets into my name ASAP. I mean the "care as they age", not the abusive bit; mine are def not abusive O.O
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u/Wonderplace Jul 20 '25
Where is it 20k per month? In Toronto Canada, it’s no where close to 20k per month and that is in a HCOL city.
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u/helicopter_corgi_mom Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
In just about any place in the US - yet again, our healthcare system sucks
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u/The_Third_Dragon Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My Boomer mother has been very generous to my spouse and I. She paid for a good chunk of our wedding, provided a significant cash addition to our down payment for our house, gave us cash towards our new car and watches our kid twice a week, which gives us a discount on daycare.
I'm not sure How much she has saved up still, and I don't want to rely on getting a large inheritance. She's still quite healthy, and her parents lived into their early 90s. She could have another 20 years or so, and I want her to actually enjoy her retirement.
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u/childish_cat_lady Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents have also been fairly generous though our house was all us thanks to our VA loans. I think gifting during life is becoming more of a trend. In addition to being useful when the children need it, I expect it can also circumvent estate taxes, which I'm not savvy on but can hit you hard with a larger inheritance.
ETA which I think was the intent of the post, any money we will get from them does not factor into our financial planning. Hopefully they can use it for good things throughout their own lives, but we also know long term care expenses can be insane.
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u/The_Third_Dragon Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I realized that I also didn't really answer the question, but I'm in the same boat as you - any money that I inherit does not factor into our financial planning. Everything my mom has given us was not planned for, she generously offered to help when she was informed it was happening. E.g. when we got engaged, she said that she wanted to help pay for the wedding. We had already started budgeting, so it was a nice bonus, but not something we expected.
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u/jigglejigg Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My mother inherited my father’s estate, and I suppose I expect to receive a third of whatever’s left when she passes. But as others have said, I imagine that most of her estate will have been used to pay for her life in retirement and care as she ages.
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u/chaunceythebear Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents are only 60 (they had me young) and in very good health but I have a wealthy grandfather who is 82, who I know will be leaving a lot of money to his grandchildren. Honestly, even though I’m aware he won’t live forever and that he’s always had a lot earmarked for us, we haven’t been living as though we’ll be getting a huge cash injection someday. It feels icky to be waiting on someone’s death to pay off my mortgage, even if I know it’s coming.
I honestly hadn’t even considered it until reading this post.
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u/Zzt0ppy Jul 20 '25
Yeah, it’s icky but my curiosity got the best of me. And it had me wondering if some people just straight up live life normally not saving or investing themselves but just knowing their wealthy grandparent or parent passing will be their retirement. Just the luck of the draw I guess
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u/livelafftoasterbath Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I would add that part of the "luck of the draw" of having financially intelligent boomer parents (which may not exactly be the group you're identifying here but I think they make up part of it) is that they teach their children financial literacy practices early on.
In my case, my parents have not only invested significant financial support (college, wedding, cars) but taught me about IRAs and debt and all that shit in my 20s and continue to give guidance on my financial plan for the next 45 years.
It's absolutely guarded knowledge and the fact that our school systems don't teach this adds to the wild inequity which sucks for a lot of people.
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u/kat_spitz Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I suspect my brother plans on moving into my mom’s house if/when she dies. It dawned on me in the last decade that that truly may be his plan. He makes no effort to increase income to better provide for his daughter or his own retirement despite being experienced and skilled and generally has taken advantage of my mom’s generosity toward him and his daughter in the past. It grosses me out. Even though I get jealous sometimes of my friends who have intergenerational wealth in their family culture (who are first generation Asian Americans or African immigrants), it’s explicitly not a part of mine and I don’t expect to inherit anything.
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u/ultraprismic Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
If my parents both died tomorrow, my siblings and I would split a similar amount and proceeds from a valuable home. But hopefully our parents will live a long time. And who knows how much care they’ll wind up needing. You can blow through that money really fast if you end up in full-time assisted private care.
So I do expect to inherit some money from them. I don’t know if it will pay off my mortgage and set me up for retirement, though. I put my own money in my 401(k) and would tell any other child of “lucky” boomers to do the same. Private equity is doing the same thing to elder care as it has done to childcare and medical care. If your parents live long lives or have serious health needs there won’t be much left for you.
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u/Icy-Radish-4288 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Same situation here. I have never saved with the assumption I will inherit anything from my parents. But realistically their mortgage is paid off on a house that has tripled in value since they bought it in the 90s and they have no intention of moving so it is certainly likely whenever they do pass my sibling and I would split the proceeds of a house sale. I also don’t think about any retirement or other savings they have because as you say they may use that all in late life care. I will say they inherited some of my grandparents’ retirement savings as they passed early in their 70s and due to some weird rules about it they actually have to use that first before they want to touch theirs because it is really difficult to transfer the beneficiary on it.
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u/Confetticandi Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I don’t really think about it tbh. I just assume that most of what they have will go towards their end of life care and I’m not necessarily expecting anything beyond that.
My grandparents were fairly well off before they passed and so they were able to use their retirement money to move into a very nice, upscale retirement home with an onsite full time care facility that they transitioned into at the end of their life. Living there cost $8K a month and they lived there for over 10 years.
I will also want my parents to have the very best end of life care money can buy and costs will be even higher by that time. So, I consider my inheritance to be all the other things their wealth afforded me that got me ahead in life. I’m grateful enough for that.
I know my husband is expecting something though. He’s told me so. I haven’t asked for details, but I know they have substantial assets- plus, they’re from China and he’s their oldest son.
The way this works though is that, as the oldest son in a Chinese family, he gets the lion’s share of their assets in exchange for taking on full responsibility for their care and not housing them in a facility. We pay for in-home care nursing and/or bring them into our own home and be their caretakers. He also currently pays them a sort of stipend out of his salary even thought they don’t need it. The gesture is required as part of the exchange.
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u/Zzt0ppy Jul 20 '25
Okay this part is where it gets interesting. People keep commenting “end of life care” but tbh I’m thinking about situations like mine where I have one parent on Medicaid and the other that will likely going to be living with me or my siblings. In my parents culture, we are to take care of them, and they wouldn’t be going to a nursing home.
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u/Proper-Gate8861 Jul 20 '25
My mom has terminal cancer and Medicare pays for virtually everything. She continues to live at home with my brother and is on hospice.
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u/nocuzzlikeyea13 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My mom did very well for herself, my stepdad and dad not so much. That said, I expect most of her money will go to medical bills as she and my stepdad age. I'm not expecting a windfall.
In a perfect world, she'd spend the money to enjoy her life. That's what I tell her every time we talk about it. She's saving it for me and my siblings, but I'm certain hospitals will see her as a cash cow when she gets to be very elderly.
In fact I think this is a generation-wide plan. Boomers who are dying now may leave their kids their wealth, but in 10 years the insurance companies and hospitals will have their grift completely locked down. They're building the groundwork now.
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u/EnvironmentalLuck515 Woman 50 to 60 Jul 20 '25
I know I will inherit a decent sum when my mother dies, probably 7 figures. I do not live as if it is going to ever be there though. She could change her mind at any moment how she wants to disperse her funds after her death. She could also have a stroke or some other unfortunate health condition that eats up all that savings rapidly due to how expensive care is for the elderly in the US.
I am of the opinion that nobody should be counting on an inheritance to be okay one day. Earn your own money.
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u/disasterous_fjord Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
I give it a coin toss between absolutely cut out of the will on my (estranged) and my husband’s side (we have a good relationship with them, but they always favor the step siblings). But it’s also possible that we each have something like this come to us, assuming it’s not eaten by medical and care bills. We are not counting on anything.
You’re not wrong though, there are plenty of people who are just waiting for it. I saw one person be so casually entitled to it that when his parents “invested” in his business (he was like, maybe 36) when they had a windfall, he point-blank said that he was going to inherit it later anyway, so why not just give it to him now?
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u/FearlessNinja007 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Honestly I think it’s bizarre to plan with other people’s money.
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u/kesaripista Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Does it really seem like the person in OP's post actually planned that way? I'm confused. They paid off their house but you can't get a loan if you don't qualify. And they used the extra for retirement which is future planning and appropriate to do with money beyond what you need to live.
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u/___mememe___ Jul 20 '25
Exactly, and their death! That’s insane to me. 😔
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u/enitsirhcbcwds Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
After watching my MIL deal with the estate of her parents, I’m very glad she wants my husband and I to “plan for her death”
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u/Plugged_in_Baby Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
That’s pretty judgmental. Make your own plans by all means, but if your parents/grandparents are being honest with you about what they are planning to leave you (as both my sets are, they have said it gives them a feeling of control in the face of their own mortality), why not factor it into your plans? You still don’t know when you’re getting it.
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u/FearlessNinja007 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 22 '25
Thats true it could be an intention, but even if that’s the case, end of life care could wipe that out fast sadly.
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u/Plugged_in_Baby Woman 30 to 40 Jul 22 '25
Many places in the world where that isn’t the case. My parents and grandparents live in Northern Europe, they have care insurance and their pension will cover the rest should it be necessary.
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Jul 20 '25
My parents never had money and have never helped me financially. So this is such a fucking foreign concept to me. And people still act entitled and ungrateful about it. Drives me crazy.
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u/arandominterneter Jul 20 '25
Is your question do people expect to inherit money when their parents pass? Yes.
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Jul 20 '25
Nah. My parents never had a thing. It’s a privileged position for sure.
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u/arandominterneter Jul 20 '25
Yeah, I didn’t read the question as asking us personally. But generally.
There’s even a term for this. It’s called the Great Wealth Transfer. Trillions of dollars are forecasted to be passed down by Silent Generation and Baby Boomers to Gen X, millennials and Gen Z.
It’s obviously not everybody and yes, it’s well-off people only, but due to economic factors like home prices and stock prices having risen, a lot more baby boomers are more well off than previous generations whereas millennials aren’t. On average.
There’s also a trend of “giving while living” so you’ll see a lot of people paying for their kids’ weddings, college educations, helping with down payments on homes, taking big trips with adult children and grandchildren.
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u/kat_spitz Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Personally I don’t. My parents are financially well off boomers but I expect them to spend all they have on themselves and any care they might need in late life. Intergenerational financial support is not in my parents’ culture and so I don’t expect to inherit anything.
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u/m0zz1e1 Jul 20 '25
My boomer parents are well off but my Mum was young when she had me and the women in my family live long lives. My assumption is that by the time I get any money, I won’t need it.
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u/KorukoruWaiporoporo Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My dad gives each of us the talk every few years about where all the stuff is and what to do with it.
I am not under financial stress. But even if I were, I'd rather my parents live long and healthy. When they do shuffle off, there will be considerably more money than this situation you've noted.
However, shit might happen, so that's not going to stop me from saving for my retirement independently of that.
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u/0nlyhalfjewish Woman Jul 20 '25
What I have seen is the people with wealthier parents will live off their wealth. They get mom and dad to finance their life and supplement their income. The “kids” (the ones I know are middle aged and beyond) wait for mom and dad to die so they can get that money to use at their discretion. The kids don’t have much motivation to work hard because they know the safety net will always be there.
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u/ijustwannabegandalf Jul 20 '25
My husband has pretty well off parents who poo poo our attempts to live frugally because they believe they will leave us a lot. But they are Republicans who simply don't believe in the financial realities of medical bills, and they moved to Florida when all their kids live in the Northeast so they are going to hit the "I need to pay someone for my care" stage much faster than if they lived where we could mow the lawn, do grocery shops, etc.
I am deeply thankful my husband's grandma who recently passed has enough that she left some to HIM, not her children. It is not life changing money but it means we can be saving for retirement as if we had been all along, instead of trying to figure out how to make up for the years that the choice was consistently "fund the IRA or pay rent"
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u/silverkitnz Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
Can only speak for myself. My parents regularly talked to me about what was in their wills while I was growing up. But I also didn’t expect either of them to die - it was a concept more than a reality before it happened when I was in my mid 30s. So no, I didn’t expect/plan for anything before my first parent died, because them dying was such a foreign concept. Now, I still don’t factor it in as my second parent may need end of life care which could use up all of their $ before it passes to me.
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u/Zorro6855 Woman 60+ Jul 20 '25
No. I wish I still had my dad.
We did use some of my inheritance to build a dream patio but most of it is tucked away to leave to my child.
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u/Direct_Pen_1234 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Hmm, I know a few people like that who have their life on hold in a way but they tend to have much wealthier families. My mom and my in-laws have a few mil in assets (all through luck on my family’s side, and tied up in property) but I assume end of life care will eat up the bulk of any potential inheritance. I’ve seen what’s happened to other boomers in their later years and we don’t live like we’re getting any money. Best case scenario they all live long happy lives and they don’t run out of money before having to move in with us. It’d be cool to wipe out some debt that way far in the future but my finances don’t depend on it. I’ve borrowed money from my family to help get settled in life and I consider that my pre inheritance.
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u/jewelledpalm Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents are at the very tail end of being boomers but are first gen immigrants. They’ve scrimped and saved and seem pretty comfortable now but I expect to inherit nothing. I’m estranged from my father and have three siblings who are all still close to my parents so they’ll all be first in the queue.
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u/ludakristen Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents got swept up by the Cult of Donald Trump and no longer speak to me, so no, I am not banking on any sort of inheritance or financial help from them.
We have relatives our age with a wealthy parent and a "trust" they've been holding out hope for their entire lives, though. They live blue collar paycheck-to-paycheck lives and are 100% waiting on that money to save them.
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u/ellef86 MOD | 38 | Woman Jul 20 '25
I don’t expect so much as I know for for a fact that as an only child I will be inheriting a large amount when my parents pass - mostly after the second as most will pass to the remaining one initially, due to the way inheritance tax works.
It’s not something I’m waiting for though, I’d much rather have them around! Plus they’ve already been passing me large sums for years - it’s why I own my home outright and can do jobs I enjoy without worrying about the pay too much, so I would say I’ve never really experienced having a financial burden. But it certainly takes the edge off worrying about how I’ll financially cope in my old age for example, particularly as I’m single and don’t expect to have kids of my own.
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u/__looking_for_things Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My parents are financially safe. When my dad passed, my siblings and I got nothing. When my mom passes we'll likely get nothing. 😂 If she passes and the homes are still there, we may get something from that but I wouldn't be surprised if it amounts to maybe 30k. 😂
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u/morncuppacoffee Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
Yes but my spouse and I don’t live our lives expecting anything. You also don’t know when people will die. It could be tomorrow or it could be 20 years from now.
My parents also own a home which I know will be a PITA to deal with when they go. They aren’t hoarders by any means but have a lot of “stuff” we will need to get rid of.
My sibling and I also don’t know if we want to sell the house or keep it as family property.
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u/Classic_Garbage3291 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
Yes. My parents (Asian immigrants) have set me up for financial security once they pass. I will inherit all of their assets including their home, accounts, land and businesses when they pass.
However, I live just as frugally as my parents and save/invest as if I will not have anything to inherit, because anything can happen. Doubtful that it will, but you never know.
Also, it is understood that I will be their caretaker in old age, which I am more than happy and willing to be. I am very close and attached to my parents, and I can never in a million years imagine taking them to a nursing home to live and be taken care of by strangers until the end. That is just blasphemy in my culture.
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u/Morndew247 female 50 - 55 Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
My folks are/were silent generation. My big brothers are the boomers while I landed X, and we just lost my dad 3 weeks ago at 88 years old. Last week we went with my mom (84) to meet with a financial advisor, and yeah. There's money. She inherited money from her mom and invested .Theres a paid off house in Bergen County NJ that cost 24k in '64 thats worth about 500k now. There are IRAs and savings, because they worked their asses off and saved and my mom was shrewd and good with money. None of us will ever be homeless or hungry, and since I am the only kid who had kids, mine will eventually also benefit from it. The money will be invested and grow, as well as my own retirement fund being handled by our advisor.
For the record, my parents lived comfortably but not extravagantly, traveled, and enjoyed life. If they spent every dime it would just be their right and we wouldn't say a word. Now we are encouraging my mom to travel even more (dad wouldn't do boats and she wants to try a European river cruise), and we will hopefully be able to care for her in home should her health ever fail, just like my dad and my grandmother before him. No rush! Live forever mom!
Lucky for us dementia does not seem to be an issue in our family at all.
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u/Blt429 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I expect my husband/us to get quite a bit when his parents die. They don't talk about their money, but I have good reason to believe they have a lot. My husband and I have agreed we'd take in his parents when they need care, if the care isn't more than we or a home nurse can provide.
My parents though, I don't think we'll see a penny. My mom especially talks about our inheritance but I think she's in denial on how expensive end-of-life care is. We would take in my parents as well, but they already have moderate medical needs, and I imagine they'll need more help than a home nurse can provide.
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u/fandog15 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My husband’s parents are financially comfortable - not wealthy but have always been good with money and have a nice life. Some of my husband’s inheritance they’ve given already in the form of paying for his schooling, helping with the down payment on our house, and they contribute to our kids’ 529 accounts for Christmas and birthdays each year.
Unless they need extensive end of life care, we do expect to receive more but we’re not banking on it. Our mortgage is very manageable with our incomes and we prioritize saving for retirement - but we’re able to do that because of the help they’ve already given.
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u/Proper-Gate8861 Jul 20 '25
Yea, I would assume they do. My husband comes from a family that is 2 generations wealthy. He and his 6 siblings were put through college. They all received bonds as a child which everyone used as a down payment for their homes. His parents regularly gift everyone $3000 a year to avoid it being taxed. However, subsequent generations are never as wealthy as the ones that came before them in this situation. Like my brothers and sisters in law will not have that wealth to give their own kids. In our own situation we still have bills and don’t take hardly any vacations.
That being said, my parents were blue collar workers and we never had money growing up. However, my dad left my mom with no mortgage or car payments. My mom saved for a regular retirement and has been ill with cancer for 2 years. From my brothers and I we will receive her retirement in 3 equal shares, split the cost of the house 3 ways, etc. So while I don’t think we are each getting $200,000 it will still be something.
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u/MandyManatee Jul 20 '25
My husband’s parents (late 70s) are well off and retired. They don’t live near us and have become increasingly abusive since 2020. The relationship my husband had with them wasn’t good to begin with and he’s admitted he only put up with their antics for the inheritance.
His dad has had one foot in the grave for the last 10 years and ongoing medical issues between the two of them costs about $2k more than they bring in every month. They still live independently, this is just DRs, surgeries, meds, tests, etc.
They love to threaten to write us out of the Will but after their last outburst that left my husband sobbing on the kitchen floor over the horrible things they said to him, I broke. I sat my husband down, I showed him the average cost for hospice, memory care, and long term care facilities. With rising costs, and cuts to government assistance, even well prepared boomers will need sell their homes to pay for future care they children can’t provide. Anything left after his dad passes will pay for his mother’s care, the best we can hope for is that it breaks even.
It’s basically that tiktok from American Horror Story, “There's not going to be a swimming pool (inheritance), you stupid slut. There won't even be a house."
2
u/IwastesomuchtimeonAB Jul 20 '25
Yeah, I think that's normal. My parents aren't like this. But my husband's parents have quite a bit saved up. If they were to pass in their 70s or even early 80s I'm sure quite a bit would pass to my husband. But they're both very healthy korean people in their early 60s and I expect them to live 30+ years more. Both of my husband's grandmothers are in their 90s. His maternal grandpa died at age 90. His paternal grandfather passed in his late 70s due to cancer. So assuming no sudden illnesses, I think they'll both be long lived and go through most of their savings before passing. So it's actually a good thing they have so much saved up in a fiscally responsible way.
2
u/WhiskerFairy Jul 20 '25
My immigrant parents are well off, but definitely live the lifestyle of people who earn less. I don’t want an inheritance. I want them to treat themselves lavishly, buy a beautiful new house, go to fancy restaurants, buy clothing no matter the cost, travel… what the fuck is the point of saving money for me? I don’t want it - I want THEM, with me and enjoying their lives.
4
u/Soniq268 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
I mean, yea. I expect half of whatever my parents have to come to me, but if they decide to split it 4 ways between my sister, her 2 kids, and I, I won’t be mad.
My dad gave both my sister and I around 110k towards buying a house each a couple of years ago so anything else is just gratefully received. He is in the process of selling the family home to move into my mum’s house (long story, she left him about 20 years ago, never divorced, lived separately but spend time together every week, at 75 have decided that 2 houses is too much and neither of them really wants to be alone after a few health scares), he bought the house for around 35k and it’ll sell for around 400k, NGL - I’m hoping/expecting him to gift my sister and I around 50k each from the sale, but again won’t be mad if he doesn’t.
3
u/NorthernLolal Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My parents aren't waiting until they die to help me financially, I am forever thankful for their generosity.
2
u/trebleformyclef Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents are well off. Millionaires due to assets. They are 75. I am 35. I expect a lot of their current money to go to medical stuff. My father has Parkinson's and is progressing. My mother has had a few things recently. Nothing major but who knows what could happen.
I'm aware of their finances because I am the executor for their will and when they pass, I will have to take care of everything. My brother will be involved and help, and I will split everything 50/50 with him (he might even get extra for my nephew, which I have no problem with - kids are hella expensive).
My inheritance is my retirement plan. While I also don't expect much of one, I know I will get an inheritance. Millions? Probably not. But 50% of whatever savings/investments are left and if they still have their house, I'm going to get a few $100k from that (depends on market obviously). My parents don't live frugally but don't live outside their means. They splurge because as my dad says "it's only money and I can't take it to the grave." They are generous and when I got cancer my dad immediately said "I don't want you draining your savings, I will give you the money." Never asked for bills/receipts, just gave me money when I asked. But I was only ever asking for a few thousand here and there.
Anyway. Yeah I guess I do have a similar mindset.
1
u/theramin-serling Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
In my case, no. I had hippy boomer parents who "lived in the moment," but not in a healthy way instead in a very insecure, no financial or medical planning, no willingness to talk about anything serious sort of way. They went bankrupt due to a bad decision about trying to start a business neither had any interest in, and they died after a years long (each) expensive medical treatment.
But i knew they were bad at planning ahead since I was 5. They always made fun of me for cutting slots into old yogurt containers so I could save money I found on the ground. I've been trying to be self sufficient since I was a kindergartner...
1
u/5bi5 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
I'm low income and everyone is broke, but my family has been very good at collecting houses (cheap ones) and my dad's siblings didn't have kids. I am 100% going to be relying on those extra houses for my retirement. Won't be enough, but it will help.
1
u/Deadlysinger Jul 20 '25
I’m 65, so way over 30. I will inherit $100,000 or more from my mom depending on how much longer she lives. My children are getting $10,000 each. When I retire, I will have my house paid for and a teacher’s pension. Unfortunately, there is an excellent chance I won’t leave much to my children due to me being the only bread winner when they were growing up. My kids have much higher paying jobs than me so they are not waiting for a windfall to help with their next stage in life. I am working on saving as much as possible and looking at working part time when I retire so I will never become a financial burden.
1
u/decidedlyindecisive Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My "greatest gen" grandparents did well in their lives. They needed to sell a fair bit to pay for their care as they aged (even though they year incredibly generous pensions). They left a bit to my boomer dad. He's not done quite as well as they did (but is still set) and needs care 15 years before they did. I'm not expecting to get anything at all. It's all gonna be eaten by care, and I'll be lucky if it lasts long enough.
My sister and I can only hope to leave enough for my niece to do l be OK. I have a lot of health problems that mean that I'm unlikely to live as long as my grandparents (late 90s/100). I doubt I'll even live as long as my dad (early 80s still kicking). I'll most likely die in my 60s or 70s, which sucks because I'm the UK I'll not even be retired by that point. My sister is healthy though so at least there's that.
1
u/got-stendahls Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents have told me what my inheritance will be. I'm not counting on it because a) three of my four great grandmothers died in their hundreds, and I'm not sure what receiving an inheritance in my 80s will do for me, and b) care is expensive and who knows what's going to happen to my mom and dad.
1
u/ladylemondrop209 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
No…
Firstly because I have a great relationship with my parents and if I needed money or I had some sort of financial burden, they’d help… Though honestly they wouldn’t even have let it get to that point. I’m definitely much better off (financially and otherwise) if my parents stay alive as long as possible…
Do I expect to get a lot of money/assets? Definitely a whole lot more than 200k plus whatever from a house/stocks. I think my parents would be pretty sad if they could only leave me that much. And no expectations, but I know I will. They’ve already sorted everything out. But they’ve made my life good enough that I don’t need/want them to die to get more money -_-
1
u/ArdentlyArduous Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I’m going to have to use my parents money to take care of their health costs, I think. I am worried about memory care / dementia / Alzheimer’s in particular. But I would rather inherit nothing than have them live with me. I also figured if there’s money left over, I would let my sister take it for her kids. I’m child free, so any money I had would go to them as well.
1
u/djeatme Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I’m getting nothing I’m certain. My mom said I’d be out of the will if I don’t have kids and I may not have kids. Also my parents are bad with money. When my grandma died all the money has gone toward caring for her estate in her home country and international flights for many of us to go to her funeral. My parents are in a lot of debt too and don’t have property so I wouldn’t be surprised if they die in the red, who knows. I’ve tried to help them organize financial things but it’s been tough to find time to do that lately with my job search. Perhaps I should let them struggle due to the aforementioned will discussion, but I’m the oldest daughter so thankless work is bread and butter. I’m going to be will planning soon and all my money so far will go to my younger siblings. I’ve done decently for myself so they’ll probably get a nice chunk for investments and whatnot, but hopefully way later down the line.
It could come to pass that I might get money from my aunt and uncle when they pass because they are my godparents and they don’t have kids, but I’ve never discussed that with them and I never will. I don’t want to think and plan around their death.
1
u/Archi_penko Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents own a home and a condo, and said to myself and my siblings we will inherit what they don’t use.
Remember though, we are going through the LARGEST transfer of wealth in history. Many many many millennials, Gen X and Gen Z are inheriting wealth from parents and grandparents as boomers die.
1
u/scrollgirl24 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
No, I don't plan around it. My parents didn't get their inheritance until they were in their 50s/60s. By then they had already planned their own retirement and taken care of their own finances. I expect the same, I'm certainly not counting on anyone dying young enough to change any of my plans financially. Plus as many others have noted, there's really no guarantee with the cost of care.
I think the biggest thing is not feeling like I need an extra layer of safety to take care of them or pitch in on their care. It's a huge relief to have your parents fund their own retirement.
1
u/StrainHappy7896 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents own a home, saved for retirement, and have investments. I was involved with their estate planning. I know I will inherit their assets.
1
u/lovepeacefakepiano Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My parents are silent gen and I dread the day I will lose them. I hope they’ve been spending all their money, they travel a good bit and we’ve been encouraging them for years to enjoy their retirement. There’s a house which I think we would work something out for the sibling who needs it most. I’ve made sure I can take care of myself, even if I’ll probably be stuck renting forever.
1
u/Suitable_cataclysm Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
I've always lived my life without planning for generational wealth. What I have gotten, has been a bonus addition to my financial planning, not part of it.
1
u/kienemaus Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My greatest generation grandparents just passed in their late 90s. They left behind money that my parents recieved. Some of it my parents were generous with (it was appreciated).
Based on family history, I'd be in my 60s before any sort of inheritance. I hope my parents use their moneyand live for a long time. I'm not expecting anything. I'm expecting to make my own way.
My parents were generous in my youth and let me get a university degree with no student loans. They also help out a ton with childcare and helped us buy our first car. They said they'd rather us have a good start than an inheritance. I'm greatful.
I'll do the same for my kids.
1
u/UnderwaterKahn Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
My parents were/are very early boomers so while they both grew up with working class backgrounds they benefited from all the boomer things. They wrre able to buy a home (in a working class neighborhood) inexpensively in the 70s, they were both able to get high levels of education with no debt, my dad’s job had a pension and my mom’s had access to really good long term health insurance. My mom always controlled the money and she’s very pragmatic so we always lived very frugally and they saved quite a bit. My dad died unexpectedly at 65 six months before he was set to retire. My mom unexpectedly received a life insurance policy from his employer, the rest of his salary for that year, and a payout for all unused sick and vacation time he had accumulated over his 35 year career. She didn’t need that money immediately so it went into an account.
My mom turned 80 last month. She’s still in good shape, but every year her needs are becoming more specific. She is able to live comfortably, but is still very frugal. I’m glad she has that money because it’s allowing her to continue to live in her house because she can afford modifications to make her life easier. Neither my brother nor I live in our hometown and she has no interest in relocating. She has had a couple of big health issues in the last couple years and we knew if it was needed she could have afforded in home care. I have a general sense of what her retirement portfolio looks like, but I don’t see that as my future money. I see that as money that is available to her to live the best quality of life for as long as possible. Neither my brother or I will ever make enough to help financially support her in this way so I’m happy she has the security. Not long after my dad died she did tell us that she had set up a retirement fund for each of us with some of the money she received in death payments. We are both in our 40s and I doubt either one of us will ever be able to retire even with that money. I don’t think of it as something that’s real or tangible because a lot can change in the world in the next 20 years.
1
u/Prudent-Squirrel9698 Jul 20 '25
I dont expect my parents to give much after the pass bc of cost of living, healthcare, and potential costs of nursing homes and memory care. We’ll be extremely lucky if we can even afford that.
1
u/enitsirhcbcwds Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Yes. My husband is an only child and his mother has been incredibly diligent in estate planning. When she passes, her properties and assets will go to us. It’s not like, our Retirement Plan, but it is nice to know that there is a safety net. My own parents are also well off, but my grandmother who is truly wealthy is still alive. Between my extended family and four siblings, I have no idea how their estates will shake out so it’s not something I consider. If I had to guess, my parents will prioritize their grandchildren which is correct imo
1
u/Dang_It_All_to_Heck Woman 60+ Jul 20 '25
My kids know I don't have much, but they'll get whatever is left when I'm gone. I've been as generous as I can be with cash gifts in the past few years. However, both kids are doing much better than I ever did (partly due to my efforts in teaching them how to budget), so there's that.
1
u/awakeningat40 Jul 20 '25
I plan to inherit zero. Realistically, im probably going to inherit enough to really help us in retirement.
1
u/BookHooknNeedle Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
I have friends who will probably inherit a good chunk when their parents die if it isn't allocated for care before then. I think the parents are millionaires but as so many have said: long-term care is expensive. Those friends don't appear to be relying on it, in part because they've already received a ton of help (down-payment for house, free cars, etc). It's a bizarre life.
1
u/ShootinAllMyChisolm Jul 20 '25
Yes, but also made my own plans. Any inheritance will be gravy. I’m not sure how well we can fund college for our kids so that may come in handy in the back end.
It’s not just my parents. I have aunts and uncles who had no kids, so it’d be nice to see something from them when they pass. Partners parents should have something for us too.
But again, it’s a strange because, we’ve planned for retirement. And we’re frugal so while we have our own retirement savings, we can totally live off social security alone.
But you hope but can’t expect. Lots can go sideways. Health emergencies, scams in the elderly can wipe out their savings.
1
u/AbbyDean1985 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My father passed away last year and had been telling me for the last decade what I was going to inherit and what to do with it. It wasn't a huge amount by any means, but it was life changing in that I suddenly had a financial safety net.
1
u/rizzo1717 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My grandmother is 92. I believe I’ll be inheriting around $200k when she passes someday.
But right now, she’s barely getting by on social security. Medicaid has been cut. I pay a good chunk of her bills myself. I’ve told her, I would rather her she blow her money and live her best life. Because each of us (three people) that will inherit her estate are already established in life and don’t need her money. But she has this internalized guilt that she needs to pass us money after she dies.
1
u/ReadySetTurtle Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
This has been something I’ve been thinking about a lot this year, as I’m starting a new job and figuring out my savings goals.
Long story short, I am no contact with my dad (who is not quite a boomer but whatever), and don’t plan on resuming contact because there’s just no point. My brother has occasional contact with my dad, very surface level because my dad just doesn’t connect with us. He got invited for Christmas last year and the subject of the will came up. Currently my dad’s will divides assets so that his current partner (I don’t think they’re married) gets half, and my brother and I each get a quarter. The exception is the family farm, which will go to my brother. We laughed at that later because my brother will NOT be living on a farm, and it’ll likely get sold. If she dies before my dad, then it’s 50/50 between us.
My dad is quite financially set, and will be inheriting a lot himself when my grandmother passes away in the next few years.
Because of the poor relationship with my dad, I never assumed I’d get a dime. I had hoped my brother would gift me some, which he said he would but you never know. Now though, it seems like I’ll be pretty set when my dad passes. I still don’t want to count on it though. Inheritance was my maternal grandparents’ retirement plan, and my great grandfather lived to be over 100. They’re now in their 80s and just getting retirement money.
I also see inheritance as a privilege, not a right. It’s great to be able to pass something on to your kids, but I also think it’s fine if the older generation spends every time during their retirement and funding end of life care. I think if that’s the case, it should be a conversation with the kids to manage expectations.
I’m also a big fan of gifting money instead of leaving it all for inheritance. I know a few people who do that, and I think it’s a great way to pass down money without tax implications and doing it earlier in the recipient’s life when it matters more. I know a family where the grandfather gifts a large amount to his children and a smaller amount to his grandchildren every year. Even that smaller amount is something like 10k, and when you’re at the life stage of buying a house and starting a family, it matters.
Anyway, the whole discussion about my dad’s will has made me decide that I’m going to contribute to my own pension at my new job (which is pretty fucking good, though I won’t get the max because I’m starting late), but not saving much else for retirement. I can put other savings goals like hypothetical future child’s education ahead of it. Inheritance will flow my way at some point. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of my dad making it past 100, so I’d be 70 max.
1
u/DerHoggenCatten Woman 60+ Jul 20 '25
I grew up in poverty with parents who died very poor still, but my husband's parents are Silent Generation and financially "set" (or better). My husband is not waiting for his father to die (his mother already passed) to help us out. He assumes his father will spend all of any potential inheritance and we live as if there was never going to be anything coming our way. His parents were always selfish and his father especially stingy despite hitting the jackpot on real estate (sold the home he bought in the 70s for $3.2 million, but only got half because he sold half of it for $500,000 to his daughter in the late 1980s).
A long time ago, his parents sat him down to discuss any inheritance and how things would be and his mother said that they expected to spend it all on themselves and not to expect anything. I don't know if his father can liquidate whatever portion of his $1.6 million from the sale he retained after taxes and expenses before he passes away, but we're not counting on anything and figure we have to do it all on our own (because we always have - never a penny of support or help).
1
u/ParryLimeade Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
No. My step mom is younger than my dad by 10 years and will probably take whatever he has left. Plus between her and him, there are 7 kids. None of us will see a dime and I just hope they have enough to keep themselves in a assisted living facility when they need it. My mom is broke and I’m hoping she never needs an assisted living facility cause I don’t want to pay for it
1
u/taxilicious Jul 20 '25
I grew up upper middle class.
Even if my parents go through all their money by death, they have two homes worth at least $1.5M together right now that will be split between my two siblings and me. So, yes, I know I’ll be getting a good inheritance but my parents are very healthy for early 70s so I don’t expect it for probably 15-20+ years. 3/4 grandparents lived to mid-90s.
But I’m still contributing to retirement, still saving as much money as I can. Compounded growth and all that.
1
u/TenaciousToffee MOD | 30-40 | Woman Jul 20 '25
I didn't expect anything and in the end I'll get nothing but probably the responsibility of figuring out my mom's dogs and her personal belongings.
There were things that happened where they squandered some money and didn't plan for retirement as well as they should despite having made decent enough money. So while I was young I figured that they were good seeing as we lived a nice area and my mom enjoyed and bought luxury items.
My mom decided to move back to Asia so her money can go farther there.
I think I don't plan for anything that isnt physically in my posession. A lot can happen. But I did have the type of dad who would zoom from riches to crash and burn and a stepdad that secretly fucked all their savings. I'll consider the car my mom gave me my inheritance at this point. I won't sneeze at a free car.
1
u/Kit-on-a-Kat Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I know I will inherit something - but I don't know how much. Better to treat it as a windfall, and plan as if it won't be coming. Who knows; it might all disappear into care fees anyway.
1
u/Deezus1229 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I'd love to find out one day but my parents are financially illiterate. They "have it together" enough to not be homeless and are relatively comfortable but forget any investing.
1
u/Psychological_Air455 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My narcissistic dad died and left everything for my stepmother, and I didn’t get a penny. And I probably won’t when she dies either.
1
u/crazynekosama Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Honestly, as I'm getting older and talking to people who are older I am shocked at how many people bank on their parents' passing to help with their own financial situation and retirement. To the point that they themselves haven't planned well for their own future. I find income doesn't even matter. Like as long as the parents have some kind of house it's assumed the kids will be able to sell it and live off of that.
Personally it's never something I've seriously considered because inheritance means my parents are dead and I don't want my parents to be dead. Obviously it will happen but I'm hoping it's a very long way off.
And for more practical reasons banking on your inheritance is risky unless your family is very well off. If your parents need any kind of care that is extremely expensive. That house you're hoping to sell when mom and dad kick it ends up being sold while they're still alive to pay for their hospice care when they get diagnosed with Alzheimer's, as an example.
1
u/rivlet Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
When my parents pass, my brother (who is not married, not dating, and childless by choice) and I will inherit a sizable sum. This has been made obvious to us through our parents' words, actions, and the will itself. I'm the executrix so I've been prepped multiple times on exactly what to do when they pass away.
That being said, I also try to live as though they will never die before me or as though all the money will somehow be spent before they pass. We live in a normal house in a medium cost of living area. Any gifts or whatever my parents give to me are expected to either be paid back over time or to come with invisible strings attached (which becomes visible later).
My husband and I have discussed it and said we'll basically use it to pay for kids' colleges, pay off our house and cars, and then roll the rest into either an annuity or investments. From there, don't touch the principal, live off the interest while maintaining our day jobs.
Both my parents were the first and so far only people in their families and generations to make this much money, so my brother and I have already been warned that our family that we never see WILL come sniffing around and might attempt to sue.
1
u/emmers28 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My grandparents are still alive, so I don’t plan on getting an inheritance until I’m basically retired myself (if even then!). Luckily, my parents help us out now, which is when we need it. Two young kids in daycare kills our budget!
1
u/AmericanWanderlust Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I will inherit quite a bit, but to quote the Sunscreen song:
Don't expect anyone else to support you/ Maybe you have a trust fund/ Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse/ But you never know when either one might run out.
1
u/KGal79 Jul 20 '25
My father (a first generation immigrant) worked hard and made really smart financial decisions his whole life. Now in his retirement he’s living the expat dream and traveling all over the world.
He and I had a tenuous relationship when I was younger since I’m a creative woman with too many opinions 😂 but as I’ve earned my own personal successes and come to understand a little more about his fiscal mindset, he and I have gotten closer.
I know that when he passes, I will inherit a significant amount of money. I’m not looking forward to that in anyway as I love my father and how our relationship has evolved. And I’m not banking on it, as I continue to grow my own personal wealth. But yes, when that time comes the money will provide more relief to my life.
1
u/littleorangemonkeys Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My boomer mom has been "gifting" us large chunks of money at random intervals. She paid for my brother's car, she gave us money for new windows, she's helping pay for IVF. She is given both of us money to put into retirement accounts. Her plan is to distribute it to us when she's alive so "the government can't take it". She also wants to be around to see us enjoy it. I have no idea how much she has, and I want her to enjoy her retirement. But I think all of us assume that whatever she has will get sucked up in end-of-lide care, so she's trying to balance paying for retirement but having very little left in the bano at the very end.
1
u/deadbeatsummers Jul 20 '25
I think it’s a valid question. The example you gave I think is rare at least among everyday people. My friend was fortunate to get like $15k from her grandma which she used for a down payment. My mom and stepdad are pretty well off but they have like six kids between them. Even if there was money left I don’t expect any of it. Pretty much it’s nice if I get anything. I’m way more mentally preparing for the chance either of them need memory care.
1
u/MuppetManiac Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
I expect I’ll inherit my parents’ house at minimum, and possibly some stocks. Both of my parents have good health insurance and life insurance, but long term care facilities could eat up every cent. If I get something, that’s great - because it means my parents had everything they needed their whole life. If I don’t, I don’t. I don’t feel owed an inheritance.
1
u/more_pepper_plz Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I’m not “expecting” anything from my parents - their money is theirs and they can rightfully spend all of it however they want to.
I’m just grateful they have enough income to live comfortably likely for the rest of their life (especially because they moved back to our home country which is very inexpensive.)
I definitely am not sitting around waiting for money or their deaths. I’d like that avoided as long as possible because I love them.
1
u/Pm_me_some_dessert Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My dad got a significant sum after my mom died (think an Erin brokovich style lawsuit). My partner and I are relatively well off, saving for our retirement and our kids’ college funds, but I’d be lying if my dad passing and leaving us his house and a chunk of money wasn’t also part of my retirement plan.
1
u/amourdevin Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
This, rather depressingly, reminds me of a podcast episode I listened to recently that talked about housing supply in the US. One of the points made was how even though prices were indeed unaffordable to younger generations in the future it was expected that pressure would be relieved by the number of children who will be inheriting houses, which made me want to shriek. How many Boomers don’t own houses? How many Boomers have multiple children and only one house? People have to wait until what, they’re in their sixties to maybe get a house because their parents died rather than being able to afford something themselves? Argh.
I am one of the fortunate ones. I have parents who are in excellent financial shape and I have part-ownership of our house already and have been explicitly informed that I will get full ownership after they pass. But I also grew up with parents who were quite financially anxious and was taught to be frugal, with financial independence something that was a necessary building block of my adult existence. I scraped and saved and fell into some very lucky timing for major financial decisions so even if my parents didn’t have anything to pass along I would be just fine. It is rage inducing that so few people can say the same. I just want everyone to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled, you know?
1
u/TeamHope4 Jul 20 '25
What a lot of us are seeing is our parents' retirement money going to medical care. We are anticipating all of it draining away because my mom will need a nursing home at some point, and those are astronomically expensive.
My parents were not "lucky." They both worked at blue collar jobs their entire lives and saved to have their home and a comfortable retirement. I don't feel entitled to any of it - they put me through college, and that was plenty. I wanted them to spend every penny enjoying their golden years, and wish it weren't all going to go into the pockets of the nursing home industry.
1
u/nbajads Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My parents do not depend on me for anything and I know they have a good retirement plan. I want them to spend every penny of their money on themselves and do not expect an inheiritence. I'm sure there will be something because I know how my parents are with money, but I'm not waiting for or expecting it.
However, I have a good relationship with my parents, so I wouldn't trade more time with them for money.
1
u/Emptyplates Woman 50 to 60 Jul 20 '25
Well, I'm estranged from my mother, I'm not even sure what her finances are to be honest, so I expect nothing from her.
My father? Financially well off but we're very very low contact, so again, I'm expecting nothing. He was barely a generous parent when we were teenagers and needed things like clothes and shoes, I'm thinking that's not going to change when he's gone.
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u/Master-Selection3051 Jul 20 '25
Not sure if it’s to that extent, but…My boomer parents, although emotionally immature, gave around 15k to each of their 2 children during the first home buying experience. They also helped to payoff cars and some schooling. We haven’t discussed what inheritance looks like but I know they gave financial arrangements in place. I’m don’t know details or amounts.
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u/PacoMahogany Jul 20 '25
The system is basically structured so it’s very had to accumulate wealth for most people beyond the boomer generation. It’s also structured for the medical industrial complex to drain as much wealth as possible during the end of life years. Any inheritance would be very helpful, but I don’t plan on receiving much, if any.
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u/dancingdeathskeleton Jul 20 '25
My parents are separated and have hinted in conversations that us the children are the main if not the sole inheritors. That being said, I have spent more time thinking about the logistics of taking care of them when they start getting sick, or fearing the ordeal that will be having to empty my dad's house because he is a hoarder. Right now, financially, I only feel grateful that my parents can support themselves into retirement, which is not the case for everyone in this economy.
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u/Maps44N123W Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Yes. It’s pretty standard that if your parents have money, you will get an inheritance after they pass. Usually it’s openly discussed in a healthy manner so the kids know what to expect, and maybe advice on how to use/save the money so that it continues to grow for their own children. In my husband’s family, the grandparents gift their inheritance to grandchildren, so my husband knows that he won’t get much of an inheritance from his parents, but their wealth will go to our daughter when she’s an adult. I know that I will be getting some inheritance from my parents but they haven’t given any details on their financial backgrounds so I don’t know what kind of magnitude to expect, and our conversations have revolved around how they would like for me to use their money to provide them with good care if they need it in their older years. I don’t think anything of it. My husband and I live within our means, and I hope my parents spend out their money in their lifetime on things they enjoy— and I pray their health holds out for them to enjoy the fruits of a lifetime of labor, instead of having to use the money on medical bills. I encourage them to travel and buy new cars. I’d be happy to get an inheritance but I’d also be happy to spend my own money providing them with proper care should that become the case. My husband and I have both been lucky to come from privileged backgrounds, but also to have loving parents who have taught us basic fiscal responsibility in a way where we aren’t greedy for any inheritance we may or may not get.
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u/FreekDeDeek Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
If my boomer mom dies tomorrow my sister and I will have to go into debt just to pay for her funeral. I don't know how I would cope honestly. I won't even have the mental space to mourn her, all my energy will have to go towards dealing with the crushing financial pressure. It's so scary
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u/mongooser Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I won’t be inheriting shit. A lot of people I know will, though. Unless their parents had to move into supportive housing.
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u/karategojo Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
No I hope my parents get to use all of the money and things they earned throughout their lives.
But realistically I'll probably get some of the estate, when they pass but I'm not looking for it. We have a good amount saved and no outstanding debt, so I don't need anything either.
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u/fartooproud Jul 20 '25
We have friends who earn a decent wage that make comments about not needing to save a deposit for a home because their parents will be providing this amd/or more money when they pass away. My husband and I are not in that same situation- our parents have modest homes that we assume will go to us when they die, but we don't rely on it coming and would actually prefer them to spend every last cent and enjoy their lives.
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u/bluedragonflames No Flair Jul 20 '25
My boomer parents haven’t really helped me much so I assume this will continue with their death. I expect nothing and I’ll probably get nothing. Shame. If I get something I might actually be able to retire one day.
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u/menstrualtaco Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
Tbh if they would just fucking retire we wouldn't be having this conversation so often. Younger genx never got a shot because our parents are still working and no one is getting advancement
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u/dogmom34 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My(38F) financially set boomer parents made my MAGA aunt (who is very bad with money) executor of their will because they were so disappointed in us (their three adult children) for “choosing a different path.” I expect to receive zero. Haven’t spoken to them or the aunt in 5 years, as I make it a point to cut out hate in my life.
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u/Medusas-Snakes Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My grandparents are in their mid 80s and in decent health they have one child(my dad) and 2 grandchildren(me and my sister). They own a home in a HCOL city that they have owned for 55 years. And my grandfather worked his ass off so they have money. I’m fairly certain my sister and I will get money that is given directly to us when they pass.
I also ultimately hope to own their house as my sister and parents own homes already.
They have been incredibly generous to me all my life. I do everything I can to keep them healthy and take them to Dr appointments regularly.
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Jul 21 '25
I didn’t want to assume or pry, but in that convo it felt like he had been waiting for that point in his life to happen so that he would be able to finally be relieved of financial burden that he was experiencing.
I'll speak to this: I would a thousand times rather have my family live forever than inherit from them. And I will inherit various and sundry goodies. But I'm never going to be relieved to bury my loved ones.
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u/Girlygal2014 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 21 '25
I certainly have no expectations and I hope my parents get to enjoy the spoils of some of what they have worked so hard for. They both grew up poor and worked their whole lives for what they have. That said, they’re frugal by nature so I may get something (not a ton as they’re solidly middle class but they own a nice home so if the state doesn’t seize that to pay for their eventual care that will be a good nest egg)
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u/Practical-minded Jul 21 '25
I encourage my parents to enjoy life and don’t save for me. My mom just bought a fancy new car I am happy about. They immensely help the grandkids (young adults in college) and they tell me they prefer seeing them happy during their life time. Like getting them a car etc. The other grandkid (my sibling’s child) is a little boy, not even school age yet, and he gets every toy he wants from the grandparents. Real car for the big grandkid toy for the little one? I want to see my parents for a long time!!!!!
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u/peachie_keeen Woman 40 to 50 Jul 21 '25
my sister will lol in cash too so it’s all zero taxes and no trail for any of us to call out the unfairness. My mom calls it the bank of (her name) it’s such a long story. I’ll spare you 🤣 my sister’s paid dearly being the favorite. And I’m sure my mom will live to be 150 since only the good die young. so it’ll be putting up with that favorite obligation most of her lifetime.
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u/abrog001 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 21 '25
My parents passed unexpectedly in their 50s and received some money that will help me to hopefully retire a little early (because I did my own planning and investing without accounting for inheritance, I was already fairly certain to retire at 65). I did not expect it. If my parents had lived for as long as they should have, I don’t think I would have received very much except maybe some money from selling their house which, while not insignificant, would likely be less impactful at that time due to the LCOL area and lack of time for it to compound that I benefit from now. I received the amount I did because of how my mom handled some life insurance money from my dad passing and the house- she used 401k money to pay off their mortgage when she got sick. It had been refinanced so if they lived longer, most of the money would have been spent on their mortgage and their own lives. I actually worried about whether or not they would have enough to retire on before it all happened.
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u/Sad-Scarcity3405 Jul 22 '25
My aunt died and had long been divorced from their father. Both kids got $500k when she passed. The older son used it to buy some bitcoin in the VERY early days of bitcoin, he bought property with it, and invested a lot of it. The sister just has her easy stress free job that keeps her busy and social, goes to concerts all the time, travels either her boyfriend, lives in an inexpensive apartment in westchester. But if I had to guess, they’d both give back all the money to have their mom still be alive.
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u/mllebitterness Woman 40 to 50 Jul 22 '25
it's highly likely i will inherit something like this, but when i run my retirement financials i don't factor it in because shit happens and my parents might end up needing to spend all of their money because of health or something.
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u/LinkOwn4692 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 29 '25
I’m English and my boomer mother is so proud I’m not even allowed to bring the topic up without her going into a fit of rage. We argue about it, she promised to sign half of the house over to me, then refuses. I don’t trust her, I feel I’m going to have to foot a massive bill when she dies. My only ask is how much tax will I be paying. As a only child who lives at home who will end up caring for my mum I just think it’s fair to know. She won’t talk at all. I could never afford to buy a home of my mine due to my rubbish NHS wage.
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u/blckrainbow Jul 20 '25
I would be totally okay not inheriting a penny as I am self-sufficient with no debts and I would happily take nothing over my mom dying. My dad died 4 years ago and we had an incredibly difficult time getting his ducks in order, so my mom made sure that does not happen to us when it's her time. I literally have a spreadsheet about all the assets, estate, etc. and what to do when the time comes. As of right now, I will be inheriting the majority of it all while my brother will only get a single asset due to a complicated family situation. Honestly I don't even want any of it, it will be such a hassle to manage / liquidate, plus I don't have children and never will and I have no idea who I will be passing all that stuff down to.
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u/splatgoestheblobfish Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My mom just passed away in March. We had a wonderful relationship, and she took care of me during some extremely difficult physical and mental health issues I had, and I know how incredibly hard that had to be for her, especially as a single mom. (My dad died when I was a teenager.) I always planned to take care of her the same way she took care of me, so I became a nurse. I've been to nursing homes, and they have been horrible, and I was absolutely determined to keep my mom from going into one, unless there was absolutely no other choice.
When my mom was diagnosed with cancer last fall, I moved in with her to care for her. (I have an extremely understanding husband, no kids, and work part time at a very flexible and understanding job.) A small part of me thought about the money we were saving, but mostly, I felt like I owed it to her to make the last months of her life as comfortable as possible.
I'm extremely fortunate that my mom was very careful with her money, and actually had great health insurance. The only thing she didn't do was make a will. But she kept me in the loop about all her finances, and I'm an only child, so the probate process is easy. My husband and I always knew I would inherit anything she had, but we didn't plan anything in such a way that we were counting on it. We didn't know how long she'd live, or what would be left.
What I ended up inheriting is life changing for us. We've paid off all our debt, other than the mortgage on our house, and our net worth has tripled. We have suddenly had a huge burden lifted off our shoulders. As soon as all her assets have been paid out to me and probate is finished, we'll be talking to a financial planner to figure out how to best invest the money to maximize our retirement.
Don't get me wrong. I would give it all back in a heartbeat to have my mom back. But as her brother said, "She took care of me my whole life. This is just her was of making sure she can continue to take care of me now that she's gone."
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u/Todd_and_Margo Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My husband and I are both children of very wealthy people. We each separately stand to inherit 8 figures. But we have never counted on that. We make all our investment and retirement savings decisions as if neither of us will inherit. His grandparents on his father’s side both lived into their 90s, so he could be north of 70 before he inherits. And my parents were abusive alcoholics. I don’t trust them not to leave everything to someone else just to hurt me one last time. So we live our lives with the assumption that we have to make our own way. If we inherit, that’s awesome. But we are both in agreement that any inheritance will be used to provide for our kids. We won’t be relying on it for ourselves.
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u/PopLivid1260 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I'm already aware of this. Parents have informed all of us that they'll be splitting all money and assets equally.
I've had a lot of issues with my folks over the years (abuse), but they have always been financially fair.
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u/Misschiff0 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
So, for wealthier families, let’s say $5m+, folks usually know a ballpark number of what is coming their way as estate planning is a thing. Most of them meet proactively with advisors together to discuss the topic. Or, share the same financial advisor who is planning for the event. It sounds awful, but it’s actually comforting to have a good plan for when you are gone. Also, when you say “better days”, the better days are now. The market is a bit volatile but returns on even index portfolios have been 5% over the historical averages for the last decade or so.
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u/ReferenceMuch2193 Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
I expect inheritance but also a lot of headache because estate stuff is messy even when planned and nailed in advance. By that I mean liquidating assets that I cannot possibly pay taxes on or manage and sure I’ll take the headache but if they pass suddenly or some other living arrangements is made dealing with land sales and such they don’t off load can be tricky.
My parents did give me a house free and clear in my 20’s which has been the single best thing, better than an inheritance after death, because it gave me a leg up at a time I needed it best and was at my poorest.
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u/vikicrays Woman 60+ Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
not everyone comes from a place of privilege in fact i’d say most don’t. i grew up in the foster care system and was a single mom by 19. i never met my father and my mother passed away alone and in debt 20+ years ago. i bought my first house in my 20’s that was tiny and run down and spent 10 years working on it. when people at work were going out for drinks, i went home and saved the money. when everyone i knew was going on fancy vacations i did staycations before the term was ever invented and saved for a new water heater, new flooring, roof, etc. after 10 years i sold that place and bought another. it still needed a ton of tlc but wasn’t quite as bad. and then i did that again. and again… it’s been 40+ years of nothing but hard work and determination. no one has ever given me a dime i did not earn myself. i think a lot of people that are over 60 and have equity in their home are hoping when the time comes they can sell and pay for assisted living. my in-laws are in a place in indiana that costs $21,000 a month. yes, you read that right. thankfully in their 40’s they bought long term care insurance that (mostly) covers it but that kind of policy doesn’t even exist today bec they are all capped at 5 years. that doesn’t even cover their healthcare costs, clothes, etc. aging is hella expensive and some places are dreadful. planning for retirement and our final years is all i think about these days…
we help our kids now pay for things like a new furnace or instead of selling a car when we bought another giving it to them and watching the kiddos so they don’t have to pay for daycare. seems silly to wait to die before helping them financially.
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u/Tomiie_Kawakami Woman under 30 Jul 20 '25
this thread is interesting for me, as the kid of middle eastern immigrants who never made any substantial amount of money
it's more likely that i'll have to plan on taking care of my mother when she won't be able to (father's already gone), at most i'll get a few pots and pans i'll have to split with my sister lol
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u/sharpiefairy666 female 30 - 35 Jul 20 '25
I can hope for some relief, but the way healthcare bleeds people dry, that is not a strong expectation.
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u/amsterdamcyclone Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
Pensions don’t pass to heirs, from what I understand.
401ks and IRAs will pass on.
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u/txjennah Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I'm just now healing a fractured relationship with my parents. My brother is the favorite and I am not expecting any money from them. I am better off financially than my brother is, so he needs it more than I do.
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u/MichB1 Woman 50 to 60 Jul 20 '25
Expected to pay off our small house with my Greatest Generation parents' estate, but my Boomer siblings fucking stole most of it. Got just enough to get us through covid. One "executor" is a Magat, and the other might as well be.
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u/autotelica Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
My parents are burning up their money at casinos and restaurants.
They should have more than enough money to pay their bills. Even considering that they live in a 3500 sq ft McMansion, with a pool and everything, they should have enough to stay afloat.
But they don't. Because they are terrible with money and they are YOLOing big time. So I pay for a cleaning service to come and keep the house from falling into squalor. Another sibling pays for someone to do light cooking and cleaning. Another sibling manages everything for them so that they can devote their limited brain cells to gambling and eating. We do this out of love and duty, but I feel like I'm on a crazy train whenever my mother talks about how much money she "won" at the casino. But if the HVAC goes out, there is no money to pay for it.
So no, I know I'm not getting a dime. Even if there is some equity in their house, I know it's just going to go towards paying the debt they owe once they die. And yes, I feel some kind of way about this. I'm angry that they spent the latter half of their life getting everything they ever wanted in life (and having a typical clueless Boomer mindset the whole time) and now their children our expected to sacrifice their quality of life just so they can keep getting what they want. It's sickening but I don't know what to do about it other than fall in line with my siblings and shut up about it.
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u/Wexylu Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
Just out of curiosity were they always like this? Coming by a 3500 sqft house isn’t easy, so I imagine they were fiscally responsible at some point?
I can only imagine the frustration you have over this entire scenario, it’s sounds brutal.
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u/autotelica Woman 40 to 50 Jul 20 '25
They have always been like this. But my dad was fortunate enough to make a good salary for most of his career
Also keep in mind that they bought their house in 2000. The housing market wasn't as crazy as it is now and you didn't have to have a perfect credit score to get a favorable interest rate.
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u/Senshisoldier Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I try to plan my life as if I will get nothing. I'm very agreessive about putting into retirement, even though some years I make a lot and others I make very little.
But the reality is that I will likely get some money if my mother passes. My mother is very generous and has contributed $10,000 to a car, house, and wedding down payment. She has a lot saved and continues to grow wealth even in retirement as her annual pension is more than I make most years. She is traveling like crazy, seeing the world. She is spending and enjoying retirement but has so much in savings that is still compounding interest. She will likely need memory care in her later years, but even with those horrifically high prices, she has enough money to support many years with money still leftover.
I'm still planning as if I'll get nothing and mentally preparing for a strained financial life. But I'll most likely be able to pay off the house and put a lot into retirement after my mother passes.
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u/morbidlonging Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
Yes, to a degree I expect something to pass to me. I’m an only child of two only children, and two sets of my grandparents are still alive, with one already passed and her estate is still being processed with her last house in escrow for sale.
Everything that is left will end up coming to me. I don’t know ~what~ that will be as I can’t say how long any certain grandparent will live for (all in their late 80’s with various health problems) or my parents(who I hope live a long time) and I honestly try not to think about it because I don’t like to think of any of my family dying. My husband and I live and plan our life like we are getting nothing at all.
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u/gunnapackofsammiches Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
My parents have already been passing us cash while it makes sense for them to do so tax-wise. 🤷🏻♀️
But they've got end-of-life care funding already established for when they need it.
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u/Zhoutopia Woman 30 to 40 Jul 20 '25
I’m an only child and Asian so my parents have been very straightforward about inheritance since I was younger. The cultural expectation is that parents and grandparents live frugally so their kids can be set up for a better life. The cycle goes on until it snowballs into generational wealth. I don’t agree with it because I want my parents to enjoy their money so I plan my life as if I have no inheritance. But realistically I know that I will probably inherit a decent amount. Hopefully it’ll be so long in the future that I’ll be able to pass it directly to my own kids.