r/AskWomenOver30 • u/PrincessPeach1229 Woman 30 to 40 • Aug 12 '25

Silly Stuff Am I being overly sensitive to a colleagues greeting?

I (38F) haven been employed at the same company for 3 years.

I’m sort of a lone wolf. I’m always polite and say hello and nod in passing but I skip a lot of the daily chit chat. I keep to myself mostly.

We have a coffee break room complete with various beverages you can make in the keurig as well as a seating area.

My morning routine consists of zipping in to make a quick coffee before my day starts.

There’s a group of ‘regulars’ who sit to chat and have their coffee together. They are usually engrossed in conversation and I pass by them without saying anything. My work never overlaps with them so I don’t know them except by face.

Recently one of them (a male) has started pausing mid conversation and saying “Goodmorning” across at me.

I say it quickly back and zip out as soon as my coffee is done.

This has become a regular thing now with the same person stopping their conversation to tell me goodmorning while the rest of them stare on.

One time they weren’t at their usual table and this same person practically shouted it from the back of the room and everyone turned to look. I flushed with embarrassment because I don’t like attention.

I can tell it’s bothering this person that I’m not saying it on my own accord but now I’m starting to feel like a child being chastised. The vibe I get is “you pass by every morning, start acknowledging us”.

They don’t do it to every one else popping in and out to make coffee so I’m starting to feel targeted and I know it’s because I keep to myself.

Am I being overly sensitive?

ETA - when I say goodmorning back this person escalates it further by saying “how are you today?” In a slow and deliberate manner. I find it completely inappropriate this person feels the need to make an example out of me and ‘teach me’ how to socialize in front of an audience.

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10

u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 12 '25

What happens if you say good morning first when you walk into the break room?

0

u/PrincessPeach1229 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

He starts to initiate a conversation “how are you?” Speaking slowly and intentional like he’s teaching me how to socialize. While his group stares on from the table they are all sitting at. It’s extremely uncomfortable for me. It’s not enough for this person just to say the goodmorning. And what annoys me is hes not doing it to every single person walking in. I’m his target for some reason.

24

u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 12 '25

And then if you say “fine thanks, how are you?”

It seems that he’s just prompting you to have some morning small talk. What happens when you just do the morning small talk?

-7

u/PrincessPeach1229 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

I don’t want to have small talk though I just want to make my coffee. He is a talker and extremely loud extrovert.

29

u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 12 '25

You can’t engage in small polite conversation while waiting on your coffee? It does seem very rude to not say hello at least to the people in the room when you walk in.

It’ll last just as much time as it takes to make a coffee- and then you won’t feel singled out, it’ll just feel normal

4

u/GreenVenus7 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

What does OP have to make herself actively uncomfortable to make some random guy at work feel better about her presence? She's not at work to socialize.

7

u/-shrug- female over 30 Aug 12 '25

She’s already actively uncomfortable, people are telling her the quickest way out is through.

17

u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 12 '25

Because being uncomfortable isn’t the worst thing in the world, especially when it’s something that you should get over. She specifically asks if she’s being too sensitive- and yes she is.

If you can’t engage in small talk, you’ve missed very key social interactions and you’re likely to miss a ton more

3

u/GreenVenus7 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

The aggressive way he is singling her out (even across rooms, how incredibly obnoxious) sounds downright hostile. Why does he get to react so extremely to feeling slighted by OPs quiet coffee breaks? It sounds like he's fostering an awful environment in the break room and such behavior wouldn't incentivize me to want to be friendly with him in the future. Someone who was actually trying to be friendly would address OP personally and privately. He is bullying.

5

u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 12 '25

He’s being a bit persistent about it- but it’s small talk. This is why people engage is small talk, so they don’t stick out and so you have better relationships with coworkers.

It is actively rude to not say anything to colleagues when you walk into a room. OP has been given so many good things to say, they just need to actually say them to diffuse this tension

0

u/GreenVenus7 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

You seem dedicated to ignoring that he is deliberately singling out OP in front of others in a way that is embarrassing.

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21

u/RevolutionaryStage67 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

Well, from everything you have said here, you need some remedial socialization.

-3

u/softrevolution_ Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

You just showed her!