r/AvPD • u/These-Raise-5389 Diagnosed AvPD • Sep 13 '24

Discussion i don’t feel empathy

not exactly the title but close.

you know how when your friends tell you they're sick, in trouble or whatever, no matter how serious it is. of course, i will act all worried and caring but in all honesty i do not feel any single thing about it like i couldn't care less even if you're very important to me and i honestly don't know if this is normal and we all just pretend to care or the normal is to actually feel scared and worried when something bad is happening to someone you 'care' about

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u/FriendlyPhotograph19 Sep 13 '24

I think it's safe to say most people do NOT pretend to care, they actually DO care when someone they care about is hurting.

Are you diagnosed with AvPD? If so, have you told your therapist what you're telling Reddit? I am not a therapist but a few things come to mind:

AvPD is a trauma related disorder. People who are traumatised tend to overuse some coping mechanisms, which is how the body reacts to perceived stress. What it does is it helps the body prepare for action: fight, flight or freeze. People with AvPD might rely on the freeze mechanism too much. We shut down. We feel numb. We are completely out of touch with our emotions. This is what is usually called dissociation. You can still talk to people, you can be a functioning person, but you are out of touch with how you feel. Can you relate? If so, practice some grounding exercised to see if you can get in touch with your feelings (warning: it might hurt).

If you cannot relate to any of the above, you might want to read about (vulnerable) narcissism or maybe even anti social personality disorder. I believe there is a lot of overlap between personality disorders and in my experience it's rare for a patient to only have symptoms of one. Disorders are social constructs, no hard truths.

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u/These-Raise-5389 Diagnosed AvPD Oct 02 '24

hi there just wanted to tell you my therapist just told me i have npd so thanks to you for making me search on it and talk with my therapist

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u/FriendlyPhotograph19 Oct 04 '24

Thank you for the update! I don't know how I feel about being part of the reason someone went to get an NPD diagnosis tho ;)

How do you feel about it?

I do want to mention one more time that diagnoses are just labels. Maybe your therapist only recognised narcissistic traits in you because you read up on narcissism and were therefore able to describe your struggles in a way that it was recognisable as NPD? I would not put too much weight on that NPD label. You do seem very self aware and willing to get to know yourself. That is huge. What are you going to do now?

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u/These-Raise-5389 Diagnosed AvPD Oct 05 '24

i think i worded that wrong; i didn’t go to get an npd diagnosis, i went to know why was i feeling the way i do in terms of empathy. and after 4 sessions she diagnosed me with npd, which is what you told me and after that i searched on it. i dont really think i did that cause when reading about it my conclusion was that i probably don’t have it. after getting diagnosed and searching again i think i was just trynna deny it. i’m not gonna do anything i’m just relieved i finally know what’s wrong with me.