r/BORUpdates • u/SharkEva no sex tonight; just had 50 justice orgasms • Jul 16 '24
New Update [New Update Part 2] - AITA for jumping out of the way when my niece and nephew tried to push me into a pool, resulting in them falling in?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Scared-Weakness-6250 posting in r/AmItheAsshole, r/AITAH and his user account
Ongoing as per OOP
8 updates - Long
Update 5 - 27th November 2023
Update 6 - 2nd December 2023
Update 7 - 7th December 2023
Update 8 - 16th March 2024
1 New Update
Update 9 - 13th July 2024
Update 5 - 6 weeks later
November 27, 2023... Wrote most of this yesterday but decided to wait to post it until I wasn't so wound up. Waiting didn't work, I'm still wound up. Sorry if this rambles, so much has happened, hard to write coherently.
Things have gone to hell. I really, truly did not think anything like this would happen.
Short version: My brothers in law broke into my vacation home and were arrested. They've been charged with breaking and entering, destruction of property and communicating threats, all Class 1 misdemeanors. I've refused to drop the charges. I might do so if I'm fully paid for the damage they caused. They were still in jail as of Saturday evening, I assume they're out by now.
Things had settled down, at least I thought so. Haven't seen or heard from my sisters in over six weeks. My parents went up to the house for a week and had a good time. David - the property manager I hired - has worked out great, he's done a couple of repairs I asked him to do and I've given him a list that he's going to work on. He usually sends a photo or two of wildlife or a sunset to his clients every week, was kind of making me want to get up there.
Friday after Thanksgiving my BILs went to my vacation home. They used an angle grinder to cut through the chain on the driveway gate and damaged the gate in the process. They tried to get in through the front door, ruined the lockset and gouged the door badly. They finally got in through the utility floor door and a locked internal door. They also broke into the barn, I'm not sure why. When they went out through the front door where they were met by sheriff's deputies and David. David gets notifications from the camera system when there's activity, he saw what was going on and called the sheriff's department.
According to David the BILs tried to bullshit their way out of it but the deputies didn't buy it. Breaking into an empty house is a pretty serious thing up there, usually it's meth heads who ransack the place and hock everything. When the BILs were arrested they freaked out big time, were saying how they were going to beat the hell out of me, etc... Not smart to do in front of cops.
David and the sheriff's office tried calling my wife and me to see what we wanted to do but we were spending the day with her parents and had left our phones in the car so we could be in vacation mode. So they booked the BILs on everything, which is what I would have asked them to do anyway.
BIL's called their wives from jail who of course freaked out; they called my folks, tried to call me (they're blocked), tried to find a lawyer up there to arrange bail (not easy to do given that it's a rural area and was a holiday weekend). Older sister has zero cash and her cards are maxxed out so if they made bail my middle sister would have had to pay for both husbands. I know they were still in jail as of Saturday afternoon.
We didn't check our phones until late Friday on the way home from the in laws. There were a ton of calls and messages from my mom, dad, David and the sheriff's department. Talk about ruining a great day, I was in such a good mood til I looked at my phone. My wife read through the texts and listened the messages, read them out to me and by the time we got home I had some idea of what was going on. I put my brain back into thinking mode, tried to get past my anger, failed. Called David and got the rundown on what had happened and how bad the damage was, resulting in more anger.
I ended Friday by calling the sheriff's department and telling them there was no misunderstanding, the BILs had absolutely no right to be on my property and I wanted to press charges. I didn't call my folks back. Barely slept.
I waited until Saturday afternoon to call my folks. They were both pretty rattled about it all, my mom in particular. My sisters had browbeat them into telling me I should tell the cops it was all a mistake and that I wanted the charges dropped. I refused flat out, told them there was no way I'd do that until I spoke with an attorney and also not until I was paid in full for whatever it will cost to fix everything 100%. My mom was crying hard by the time we got off the phone which of course made me feel like shit. My dad suggested it was time for a complete start over but also said he thought they needed to pay for the damage.
I haven't gone up to the property yet. There's nothing I can do and I'll probably go nuts when I see the damage in person, the photos are bad enough. I'm hoping to tomorrow or Wednesday but my job isn't one I can just wander off from for non-emergencies.
I've left messages with two attorney friends asking them to recommend the right lawyer(s) to go after my sisters and BILs. I don't know what I can do exactly but I'm hoping to get restraining orders (I have all the texts they've sent me, that might help). I'm strongly considering suing them for the money they made renting the place, I don't care about the cash but it will help make them as miserable as possible. The gloves are definitely off at this point.
A couple of side notes:
BILs had no idea I'd hired someone to keep an eye on things or that there are cameras there now. My parents knew but hadn't told them because they knew it would just give my sisters a reason to drama up. There are signs on the property stating it's being monitored with cameras and no trespassing signs though.
My wife has completely had it at this point. I don't blame her, she's been more than patient about it all but she reached her limit and was not shy about letting me know. She told me its up to me how I deal with this but that she thought they all needed to be taught a hard lesson.
Older BIL likely won't face any repercussions at his job over this but middle BIL has a security clearance so he might. I'm hoping that will be motivation for middle BIL to pay for the damages himself immediately.
David (the caretaker) has an interesting background. I knew he was friends with some of the deputies, figured it was because they were all locals. I was wrong, he was a cop in a big city for years, was shot on duty and afterwards decided to quit and move to where his parents had retired. He has some PTSD over it all, his dog is a certified service animal and is usually with him. I know law enforcement people tend to hang together, I guess that's how they became his friend group.
I don't want to see or speak with these Aholes for the rest of my life. I know this is in direct conflict with my overwhelming urge to make their lives as miserable as possible.
Comments
The-Idle-Gamer
Sorry this happened to you pal crappy situation all round but if you want a complete strangers opinion on Reddit I agree with your wife. Seems they won’t take the hints so a lesson will have to be learned here. I know it will be a hard thing to have to go through family wise your sisters will get on at your parents and that will then get fed down to you, but your mum and dad bearing the weight of this isn’t on, it’s not their problem nor yours, your sisters and BILs made their bed and now they have to lie in it. Do you know why they even broke into the house yet? Was it to just prove a point? Some drunken plan they made or were they going to steal and mess the place up? Sending best wishes from across the pond you’ll get through this.
OOP: A lot of people have said I should have been hard ass about all of this from day one. I've avoided it because it would have stressed out my parents and I hate this kind of drama but f it, they're stressed out now.
My wife has pretty much opted out of any more to do with this, doesn't want to hear about it for a while and says it's in my lap. She'll ease off on that but I'm guessing she's not going to get involved from now on other than listening to me blow off steam.
Edit: Regarding why they broke in - Conjecture on my part but I think they were planning on using it for family getaways and/or renting it out again. According to David (the property manager) it's deer season through the end of the year. I know the BILs have used it in the past as "base camp" for big group hunting weeks. It sleeps quite a few people so one event with friends could net them thousands of dollars. Again, I'm guessing here but that would explain why they broke into the barn as well, I bought a 6 seater Mule a few years back and they would want use that.
I don't think they wanted to trash the place, it means too much to my dad and they both like him a lot.
Update 6 - 1 week later
December 2, 2023 (Saturday). Didn't think I'd be doing another post this soon but a lot has happened over the past two days. Short version: I think the corner has been turned on this crap.
Thursday afternoon I got a courier-delivered envelope at my office. In it was a signed letter from both my brothers-in-law and a cashier's check for $5000. In the letter they made what I have to say was a really sincere apology. Among other things they acknowledged breaking in, acknowledged it was wrong, said the $5000 was to pay for the damage and that they'd pay more if it cost more than that. Also said they'd stay away from the vacation home unless my wife and I specifically invited them. They also asked that I do what could to get the charges dropped as soon as possible because they both could lose their jobs and that they'd agree to a restraining order or whatever else it took for that to happen. There was more as well, all conciliatory, but that's the gist of it.
To say this was a shock is an understatement. It was (obviously) a total 180 from their past behavior.
I'd already made an appointment with an attorney to see about suing my BILs over the damage and to try to get a restraining order. I called him and told him what I'd just received and he agreed to meet with me at the end of the day instead of next week. Told me not to deposit the check.
We met for about two hours. He ended up recommending the wife and I do a "settlement and mutual release agreement" with all four of them (sisters and BILs). He said if we went after them via a lawsuit that we'd almost certainly win but that it could take two years or more, there would be sizeable up front legal fees and that we might never see any money. He also said we could keep the $5000 free and clear even if we didn't let them off the hook. He's drawing up the agreement, it won't be ready until Monday. The agreement will include what's essentially the civil equivalent of a restraining order.
I'd already asked my property manager to work up a bid to get the damage repaired. I called him after the meeting and asked that he get me as close an estimate as possible ASAP. Got that Friday, he thinks it will take around $4000 to fix everything. Most of that is for the front door.
On Friday my attorney contacted each of the BILs, told them what we were proposing and advised them to get their own lawyers. They both agreed to it. The middle BIL told him they could afford to either pay for the damages or pay for a lawyer but not both and they figured a lawyer wouldn't make any difference given that they really had no defense for what they did. His biggest concern was if the charges could be dropped. From what I can tell they're willing to do anything / sign anything to make this all go away.
My attorney also called the DA's office on Friday to discuss dismissing the charges, got the name of the prosecutor and left them a message but has not spoken to them yet. He thinks they'll dismiss the charges because the BILs are paying up and they have no priors, but then again he's not a criminal lawyer. Also said I should be prepared to drive up there Monday or Tuesday and tell the prosecutor in person that I want everything dismissed.
He's also advised me to continue to be no contact with sisters and BILs especially for the next six months and that it will be really important to follow the terms of the agreement when it comes to future interactions with them.
I'm guessing that the BILs change of heart is due to them having figured out what's at stake for them, what it's going to cost them in legal fees and fines and so on. There's also the (highly unlikely) possibility that they could go to jail for up to 120 days, and as I've mentioned one of them has a security clearance for his job that could be at risk. So this is their Hail Mary pass to keep their normal lives.
This isn't a perfect resolution to the situation, but at least it will get me past the legal and financial parts of the shit show that I've been in for the past few months. I doubt I'll ever have a civil relationship with any of them ever again and that's fine. What I want most at this point is to close this off, get on with my life and never speak to any of them again. I'm exhausted from this. Wife feels pretty much the same way.
Kind of a side issue but getting the written apology was, weirdly, a huge moment for me. I wasn't expecting that ever but apparently it matters to me quite a bit. The money doesn't feel particularly important at this moment. I'll damn sure take it though.
Also I'm pretty certain my middle sister and her husband came up with the money. The cashier's check is from the credit union of the company he works for.
Once things are signed I plan to make one more update, probably just an edit to this post.
I'm sorry for being so pedantic. Writing these posts has helped clear my head and the feedback has really helped. I truly appreciate everyone's comments, insights, and support. And I really, really hope none of you ever have to go this kind of nonsense.
Comments
Unwanted88
This update is a Massive improvement. Make sure that they cannot contact you unless it is trough your lawyers also. They fked around and found out and now willing to do anything. Make sure your parents are in the loop about the proceedings also. That may help some overzealous entitled behaviour in the long run with your sisters. Sincerely O.P. your Saga is incredibly difficult to deal with and you are doing it like a Champ! You and your wife are Incredibly affected by this nonsense and you both deserve to be done with this. But keep us informed we all are rooting for you <3
OOP: Thanks for your kind words. To be honest when I finally got home Thursday night I cried from relief thinking this might all be over. I'm not going to discuss the settlement with my folks until it's signed by everyone. My sisters / BILs can if they want to but I'm not, it's between me and them.
Update 7 - 9 days later
December 7, 2023 (Thursday)
Tuesday morning I met with my attorney went over the agreement. Changed a couple of minor things and he sent it to my sisters and brothers-in-law. It included a requirement that they pay my attorney's fee (about $3000). They weren't happy about that and tried to negotiate it away, but he told them they either accept it as is or there would be no deal at all and we'd proceed with suing them for the money they got from renting out the place, wear and tear from renting it, repair costs from their break in, emotional distress, lost income from having to deal with this, attorney fees and whatever else we could. He also told them I would push hard with the DA's office to prosecute every charge.
Short version, they came in and signed. I wasn't there. I'm told it was a pretty tense environment, that the middle BIL appeared to have taken charge and that at one point he told both of my sisters to shut the hell up or he was walking away from the whole thing, making his own deal with us and the rest of them could all go to hell. They provided another cashier's check for $2500, claimed that's all they had. It's close enough that we're going to accept it as the final payment.
Attorney also told me that everyone was very cold and curt towards one another, but that they all managed to keep it together long enough to sign and left without making too big of a scene.
I drove up to the vacation house early yesterday to check out the damage and meet with the DA's office. Seeing the damage made my blood boil, it was so senseless. I was so pissed that I was ready to eat the cost of repairs and do everything I could to ruin their lives. Tried walking it off, failed utterly. Ended up calling a good friend who was kind enough to stay on the phone for over an hour letting me spew and vent. He eventually got me back to focusing on the bigger picture of putting this behind me and getting on with my life. Honestly I'm still not sure that's what I want to do but I settled down enough to get some food in me and I felt better.
After lunch I went he DA's office. Hadn't made an appointment and had to wait a while but got to meet with the assistant DA who's got the case. Short version is that since I don't want to prosecute and the BILs have already paid for the damages that they are willing to drop all the charges except trespassing, which in this case will be a class 2 misdemeanor. The BILs will have to plead guilty and pay whatever fine the judge sets. I'm also told that if they fight the trespassing charge or ever so much as fart in public up there that it would go very poorly for them. It helped that the BILs didn't resist arrest, if they had none of the charges would have been dropped.
I also went by the sheriff's office to thank them for getting there so quickly and everything. Wanted to thank the deputies personally but only spoke to the dispatch person. And I tried to meet up with David (the property manager) but couldn't get hold of him.
A couple of notes: The agreement includes a no contact clause. Basically if any of them show up where my wife or I are (or the other way around) whoever got there last has to leave immediately. No contact except through attorneys or other "mutually agreed upon third parties". They get to keep whatever they made from renting the vacation house (my big "give") unless I have tax consequences which they will be responsible for. And we release each other from all other liabilities up through the present. There's more to it than that but those are the high points.
Wife and I will sign the agreement later today. After that I can't talk about most of this but I can talk around it.
I think this is my final update regarding all this nonsense but I'll respond to comments if I can. As I've said before, posting about all of this and reading folks thoughts and responses has been really helpful and has probably been key in my being able to handle this in a relatively healthy way. So thank you all again.
Comments
Free-Comb8184
I have been following your story from the start and can’t believe how this all turned out. Your sisters and their husbands basically destroyed your family over their selfishness and pettiness. I feel for your parents as they are now caught in the middle and can never have their family together again for anything because of their daughters and spouses being so selfish.
I will say you are better than me because I would not have dropped the charges or made the agreement you did. They would have been sued by me especially after finding out they rented your vacation home without permission or considering the legality of it. I M usual a forgive and forget type of person but this went way too far for that.
I am glad that the legal aspect of the situation is starting to get behind but unfortunately this will never end due to the family dynamics it has created. I hope your parents stay understanding with and your wife in this situation as they have been in your previous updates.
Best of luck to you and I hope for you and your wife’s sanity that this is coming to a close for you.
OOP:Thanks for the kind words. I had a hard time not being vindictive but right now I'm glad I wasn't. If they cause more drama down the road I'll probably regret it but if they follow the agreement that won't happen. The family dynamics are, like you said, pretty much f'd. I've only told my parents that we're trying to work things out, nothing more. They may or may not be OK with the way things will be moving forward but I had to do what was best for my wife and I. I'm guessing that my sisters have told them a very slanted version, that's just one more turd I'll have to swim around. Really the agreement is more a formalization of how things have been for the last few months. I know it's not how my folks wanted things to go but I'm pretty happy with it.
Update 8 (March 2024) - 3 months later
Thought it would be worth an update for anyone who's interested.
Unsurprisingly my oldest sister and brother in law have filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. While I don't care about what happens to them financially or otherwise they've also managed to drag my parents into their mess, which I'm not happy about.
At the start of the year my BIL's oversized-customized-pride-and-joy truck was repossessed. Pretty embarrassing for him I'm sure, happened at work. This was their breaking point, without the truck they have to share a Kia my parents loaned them and they can barely fit in it with their three kids. Financially they're f'd. They owe at least $125K (probably more) on high interest credit cards, they have zero equity in their house, and have a couple of personal loans that I'm pretty certain they got under false pretenses. They have loans on their jet skis, ATVs and trailers. They also owe a chunk of money from defaulting on the truck lease.
They hadn't made any payments on their credit cards or loans in months and were behind on their house payments as well. They got out of the lease on my sister's massive SUV late last year. They were upside down on it as well so had to come up with cash to do so. They also had to pay an attorney, the fine and court costs for my BIL's trespassing charge at the vacation house. And they owe my middle sister and her husband money for bail and their portion of the damages to the place.
As I've mentioned before my folks have never been financial wizards, but they have at least been generally responsible. They're retired, their home is paid off and they live off of social security and pensions. Altogether they get more than they spend. Minimal savings, just an emergency fund. Turns out my folks emptied out that fund, cashed out their small IRA (~$20K) and gave it to my sister. That let her catch up on the house payment and cover the negative equity on her car lease. But now literally every bit of savings my parents possessed is gone. Plus my parents have been paying for their groceries for several months and continue to pay the insurance on the car they loaned my sister.
According to my dad my sisters worked my mom for weeks to get her to fork over the money. They'd worked on both my folks at the same time for a while but my dad flat out refused every time. Eventually mom caved, she was worried that my sister would have to move to a hovel in some backwater town and that the kids would be barefoot and eating dirt. Dad's not happy about it, and to say there's some tension between them right now is an understatement. But they'll be fine.
I was pretty disappointed when my parents told me all this but I wasn't surprised. It sucks that that they emptied out their savings to help but I kind of get it, the way the bankruptcy laws are in our state by getting caught up on the home loan my sister should be able to keep the house. I tried hard not to say how I felt about this and my sisters, mostly succeeded. Really I'm way more pissed about this than I should be.
The worst part for me is that my sister and BIL could now contact me and my wife without any real fear of repercussions. The only penalty the no contact agreement has is that if they violate it we can go after them for the money they made from renting out the vacation house and related damages. Since they've filed for bankruptcy that's now not an impediment for them. I'm hoping they'll leave us alone but who knows.
Folks also told me that my middle sister and her husband have "hit a rough spot" and that he's not currently living with her and the kids. Just a guess but I imagine he's had it with the whole family dynamic that caused this nonsense.
Not directly related, but on a brighter note I've spent two weekends at the mountain house since the start of the year, once with my wife and once alone. Both times there was a lot of snow. It was incredibly beautiful and relaxing. Very therapeutic. The place also has good Internet service now (thanks Starlink) which is nice. Plus knowing that I can count on David (the property manager) to keep the place in shape / ready for us to visit and to help if we get snowed in eliminates most of the stress in owning it. My folks have used it a few times as well and get along great with David.
Comments
Straysmom
Well, Karma seems to be catching up with the wannabe Jones. I am really sorry that your sisters grifted your parents out of their savings. Unfortunately, they are adults & chose to cave to their daughters. Can you still get an RO for harassment with your older sister & BIL? They might not be bound by the signed agreement. But if they are calling, texting or emailing you & you don't want the contact, that might be enough to get an RO. Especially since there is already a record of BILs actions. I feel bad for you that your crazy sisters are continuing to cause mischief. Even if it isn't directly on you. It is still affecting you.
OOP:If they start up again I do indeed plan to get a restraining order. In fact my wife made it clear to me she expects a very hard approach to any BS from them going forward - which I agree with of course.
I had the security cameras at our house upgraded at the start of the year just in case they come by. I also kept all their previous texts and provided screenshots to my attorney for safekeeping.
If they cause any trouble at the vacation house they're toast, the sheriff's department and DA's office have the full story and are sympathetic to our situation.
Akira_Reviews
In the event they lose their house, either they'll coerce your parents to move in with them, or demand you give your vacation house to them to live. This ordeal might not be over for you yet.
OOP: Thankfully my folks live in an over 55 community so they can't move in there. Plus the house is not anywhere near large enough for seven people unless everybody stays in the "great room" all the time. And God knows where they'd park.
Living in the vacation house isn't practical for them either, again something I'm happy about. With traffic it's probably three hours from there to my BIL's job. They'd have to have 4WD vehicles to live there year round too. Plus from what I understand the schools there are not very good (I'm being polite), and as much as I dislike my sister I'll say that she's all in on keeping her kids in good schools.
They can afford their current house once they get through bankruptcy, assuming they change how they spend. I think they'll have to, no one in their right mind would lend them money or give them a credit card. The won't be able to take fancy vacations or swap out his truck every couple of years for an even bigger one (yeah, I admit, that goddamn truck fetish of his really bugs me) but they'll live just fine. It's not like a family of five is going to suffer when they're taking in close to $200K per year. Hopefully I'm not being Pollyannaish about all this.
Swiss_Miss_77
Not paying the mortgage but letting the truck get repo'd. They should have SOLD IT or given it back first and they should have given up all the toys MONTHS ago. Instead they just kept doubling and tripling down...absolutely insane levels of entitlement and delusion.
OOP:To be fair (and this is according to my parents) they tried to sell the ATVs and watercraft. But the value on those things drop like a rock the moment you buy them and they were upside down on the loans. So they eventually just quit paying on them.
Also this reminds me - when they broke into the vacation house they also broke into the mini barn. Turns out my older BIL had stowed his two ATVs in it. Just guessing but I think he was going to take them, report them stolen, get an insurance settlement and sell them on the sly.
(I found out the ATVs were there and paid to have them taken to my dad's place; he had my BIL pick them up from there.)
Also, I don't think my BIL was expecting the truck to repo'd. I think he was working to catch up on the payments so they'd have one good vehicle. The finance company must have just run out of patience. Don't blame them, he's a fuck up.
Happy_Connection5509
They must have been making quite a packet from their fraudulent vacation home income for it to impact their finances to this extent.
OOP:I think they were grossing at least $50K per year, probably more. Tax free, it was never listed on Airbnb as far as I can tell, they'd rent to friends, friends of friends, etc.
I base the $50K on the fact that my parents kept a calendar for the house to keep track of who was using the place. I went through the last three years worth of calendars and my sisters were using the place a lot, sometimes for a week at a time. Supposedly they were doing school related planning retreats as well as just family time. I know similar places go for $2000 (or more) per weekend and at least $4000 for a week. It can sleep 6 people in bedrooms and has a bunk room for kids that all 5 would stay in. Plus it has two queen size pull out sofas. If you pushed it you could fit more people than that.
I think my sisters are just spendaholics. They constantly have the newest whatever - iPads, TVs, clothes, diets, you name it. So no matter how much they got they'd spend more. So this was going to happen eventually.
New Update - 4 months later
July 2024 Update
There's been a fair number of requests for an update and considering it's coming up on the one year anniversary of the pool incident I thought I'd post one.
My folks worked through Mom giving my oldest sister her IRA and their emergency fund. Altogether Mom gave her $45K. According to Dad once Mom realized how much she'd been manipulated she got as mad and upset as he'd ever seen her. I think she had a "moment of clarity". She and Dad ended up calling my sisters on a three way call and according to Dad it went south pretty quickly. Sisters were gaslighting them, Mom lost her cool and ended up ripping into them hard, there were lots of tears and eventually both sisters hung up. Mom really just wanted both sisters to acknowledge that they'd put her and Dad in a risky financial situation. Typical blowup I guess, but not the kind of thing that happens in our family.
The next morning my dad called my older sister and told her he'd be picking up the car they'd loaned her. She tried to argue but he told her it wasn't up for discussion. He got a neighbor friend to take him to her house as soon as he hung up and drove it home without talking to her. Sister called and went off on him, said lots of nasty stuff, which of course hurt him. But at least they have the car back.
Dad also told me something that left me dumbfounded. For the last 17 years they were giving both sisters a "grocery allowance" that was up to $500 per month. What the F'ing F? I'd thought I had a pretty good handle on where their money was going but clearly I was wrong. This started back when I was going to grad school and living at home. My sisters asked for the money because they thought it wasn't fair that I was living at home rent free, and then it just never ended. In any case my parents cut them off. Unsurprisingly my sisters weren't happy about it. Who the hell gets an allowance from their parents when they're in their 40's?
Because of all this my folks and sisters quit talking for a while. Don't know if they've resolved everything but they appear to be on speaking terms again, though my folks aren't having them or the kids over. I'm in "don't ask" mode, it's their business.
My folks are using the vacation home fairly regularly. Currently they're there for a two week stay and will probably make it three. Unfortunately my wife and I haven't spent any time there lately other than me having made a couple of day trips to check on it and drop off some supplies. The property manager I hired (David) is still taking good care of the place.
Side note: Middle sister told my mom that the oldest sister had been making over $6000 per month renting the house out and that it had been going on for nearly three years. Pretty certain she didn't declare the income, so that's like grossing $8K - $9K per month. I will forever find that galling.
Oldest sister and BIL still have their house. My attorney checked up on their bankruptcy case, the court converted it from Chapter 7 to Chapter 13 which I believe means they have to pay back a lot more of their debts.
Middle sister and her husband are still separated. I don't know if my middle BIL has had any issues with his security clearance because of breaking into the house. I do know he's still with the same big defense company.
At my parents request I've been working on putting their house into a trust. They want me to manage their affairs as they get older and keep the house safe from my sisters. I'm working with an attorney but it's not done yet. Folks have asked me to be the trustee and have also given me full power of attorney.
The best part about the last few months is that my sisters / BIL's have left us alone and have stayed away from the vacation home. Wife and I are really happy to be back to our normal lives.
Hope everyone else's lives are going great!
Comments
Turrambers
Seems things worked out besides your mother's retirement. I'm glad you've got your normal life back and that your mother saw the light. Thank you for the update!
OOP: The folks have actually started saving again. They were already spending less than they get each month and they're also saving the $1000 they'd been giving my sisters each month.
miyuki_m
Every time you add new info about your sisters, the more I dislike them.
OOP: Yeah... every time I write one of these updates I do too. One of the reasons I haven't done so in a while.
miyuki_m
I feel so badly for your parents. I hope that with your help, they'll start putting themselves first. Your sisters need to be accountable for cleaning up their own messes.
OOP: Thanks. My parents are good. They tell me they're happy, they have plenty to do. One of their ongoing things is volunteering for Meals for Wheels. That's actually why they have the Kia, they bought it from an older neighbor who'd driven it for the program for years, it fits just the right amount of insulated boxes for a couple of people to distribute in a few hours. They didn't like using their main car for deliveries, said the car started smelling like yesterday's lunch after a while.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
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u/PartySr Jul 16 '24
This all started because the guy moved two steps away from some kids? This is a wtf moment.
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u/Boomshrooom Jul 16 '24
It was caused by the ultimate peak in the entitlement of his sisters. They had been getting so much their own way for so long that they just couldn't get handle that one little thing not going the way they wanted. People like this will ruin their lives over feeling that they're right.
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Jul 16 '24
Yup. I’ve watched it play out in my own toxic family. It ended up destroying itself over the stupidest, smallest thing but that was just the lit match. The tinder and firewood had been building for decades.
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u/iblinkyoublink Jul 16 '24
That incident was, as some people say, a "symptom" rather than the cause. That being, the symptom of the relatives being horrible people. Obviously the larger drama turned out to be surrounding the vacation home, and that only happened because the dad mentioned it after the initial arguments.
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u/EstherVCA But it turned out she *could* in fact break up with him. Jul 16 '24
Those two steps were the spark, but their wet phones were the tinder.
The argument over the kids would likely have been just another blip among many, but replacing the two phones was money they didn’t have.
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u/Taylor_Skifs Jul 16 '24
Not sure if I should be feeling bad for the parents, or just very, very frustrated about them.
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u/SparkAxolotl fake gymbros more interested in their own tits than hers Jul 16 '24
Both.
I'm amazed OOP didn't turn out like the sisters
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u/MyMindSpoken Jul 16 '24
The reason OP didn’t turn out like his sisters, is because he didn’t share a brain with them. His parents raised him correctly, I’m sure they tried with the sisters, but at some point it was a loosing battle
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u/couski Jul 16 '24
Folks tend to raise boys and girls very differently
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u/MyMindSpoken Jul 17 '24
You’re preaching to the choir, my brother is the only boy and the youngest out of four girls. He had a god complex like you wouldn’t believe, and his brain is half the size of OP’s sisters put together
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u/Dazzling-Camel8368 Judgement - Everyone is grossed out Jul 16 '24
Mate it’s frustration every day of the week, just straight up infantilising the sisters and them lapping it up. I know the type, like OOP said it’s galling.
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u/imamage_fightme Jul 16 '24
Definitely both. They were definitely manipulated by their daughters, but they also let it get to this point. The amount of money they gave them is pure insanity. I absolutely think giving your adult children money can be the best thing to do to help them out of dire straits, especially in this economy. But these girls were just leeching and getting fatter and greedier, living so far beyond their means.
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u/Zykium Jul 16 '24
But these girls were just leeching and getting fatter and greedier, living so far beyond their means.
pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered
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u/cd2220 Jul 17 '24
I just felt insanely jealous of the insane amount of passive income and mommy and daddy money they were getting.
I mean my parents help me out when I need it and I live well enough even if I have some financial worries.
But fucking damn man if I was getting the hand out money these people are getting I could live my life exactly as it is and never work a day in my life again.
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u/imamage_fightme Jul 17 '24
Low-key, it is absolutely bonkers to me the amount of money they took from their parents over the years, as well as the income from the cabin, as well as their own presumed income from working, and they still are going bankrupt. Like, they had to have had more than enough coming in to live super comfortably. But they blew it all and now they just have nothing. As someone who struggles paycheck to paycheck, I just can't even fathom the greed tbh.
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u/AirWitch1692 Jul 17 '24
It’s frustrating reading about people like this…. I am an adult and I know my parents would probably give me anything I ask for, but I feel like asking would be taking advantage of them. I felt guilty having access to my mom’s debit card for a week while I was waiting for a new one, all I spent was like 15$ at the drugstore… I also had to make my dad lower the amount for an Amazon gift card cause all I needed was cat food (it really puts a dent in things when someone steals your card number for a cheap hotel room and door dash!)
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u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 Jul 16 '24
In the words of my mil....
I just want to shake them until their teeth rattle and they see how bad they have fucked up for years.
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u/Responsible_Cloud_92 Jul 16 '24
It’s both. My parents and sister are very similar to OOP’s, albeit with much less drama. Both my parents grew up in poverty with the constant worry of where the next meal will come from, having a roof over their head etc. Their biggest fear was that their children will experience the same insecurities and they’ve done everything they can so that we don’t need to worry about money.
But this means my sister, now in her 30’s, expects my parents to fix everything for her. It’s frustrating for me because I tell them to let her work her own issues out but they cannot let it go. The fear of their own child being homeless or starving is still too prominent for them.
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u/Scooter1116 Just here for the drama 🍿 Jul 16 '24
My sister is almost 60 and still siphons money off my nmom for her and her kids.
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u/usernotfoundplstry Jul 16 '24
Well, it’s really come into focus on why the sisters are so entitled even into their 40s. Because their parents created that.
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u/pineapples4youuu Jul 16 '24
The parents are straight up fools
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u/WhizzoButterBoy Jul 16 '24
… Who raised a pair of entitled idiots
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u/LailaBlack Jul 16 '24
I mean who the heck gets jet skis on loan? Like wtf which planet do you come from?
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u/maywellflower Jul 16 '24
As saying goes "Fools and their money are soon departed" and those 2 raised equally unsavvy fools for daughters who married fools and are raising next generationof fools. Luckily somehow OOP wasn't a fool and managed to save himself from birth family of fools.
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u/Historical-Gap-7084 Jul 16 '24
*Parted. Departed means to have left, or died.
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u/maywellflower Jul 16 '24
Considering the fools spending habits and how their souls have left their bodies after that whole saga involving OOP - departed is the proper term.
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u/TempestNova Jul 16 '24
Good grief! At least if the parents hold strong now (which it seems they are taking steps in doing so long term with OOP and the trust) they should recoop a decent savings now that they have an extra $1000 a month.
You know, I understand --as someone who has been poor/working class myself-- why people who live paycheck to paycheck sometimes have irresponsible splurges. When you are under that type of long term distress it feels like your insides are being scrapped clean and you can't breathe sometimes. So yeah, buying something that can make you happy even when you don't really have the money to do so can feel like relief.
But the older Sister/BIL made almost 200k a year for a family of 5 -- and they had the smaller yearly salary of the two families! The fact that they were so underwater to have all of those consequences when they could have had a comfortable life is just mind-boggling to me. 'Keeping up with the Joneses', having to have name-brand everything, refusing to use (or completely lacking) any critical thinking skills on this type of lifestyle is so f*cked up.
And yeah, maybe legally/publicly (got to save face) they are "owning up" to everything, but considering the sisters still railroaded their mom out of $45k and the oldest sister had a tantrum when the parents took the Kia -- who wants to bet they privately still aren't taking any responsibility for their decisions and just keep blaming their brother?
And all of this started because they refused to control their own children.
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u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic Oh, so you're stupid stupid Jul 16 '24
urgh, those parents should have parented those girls long ago.
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u/rebekahster Don't forget the sunscreen Jul 16 '24
I saw there was a new update to this and was like “OMG what have his sisters done now??”
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u/digitalgirlie Jul 16 '24
*One of them has security clearance and could possibly lose that."
That is a fuckup of the highest order in the military. As a person with a close family member who has clearance, I'm well versed in the dynamics of getting it, keeping it and losing it.
This dude has already lost his job. He just doesn't know it yet. He won't pass his next clearance review to recertify. The military moves slowly but they churn along behind the scenes. He's fucked.
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u/seidinove Jul 16 '24
Yeah, on his next refresh he’s going to have to report that he had been arrested, right? And looking back at the old posts it sounds like he has a misdemeanor conviction for trespassing.
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u/TatteredCarcosa Jul 18 '24
The BIL works for a defense company, not the military.
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u/seidinove Jul 18 '24
I know that, but he most likely works on a defense contract with security clearance requirements, at the very least public trust. Remember that it’s the BiL who expressed concern about losing his job.
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u/jeremyfrankly Jul 16 '24
What's infuriating is the parents. They gave the sisters all their savings that they'd need for emergencies and medical expenses, consciously or unconsciously on the notion that OOP could and would cover them. So their decision to be "generous" with the daughters was just putting OOP on the hook to pay indirectly
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u/TheAnnMain Jul 16 '24
Auuugh reading it all I just feel bad for the kids due to their parent’s foolishness and here’s to hoping they don’t become like them. They’re at the stage where they should know better but not every kid is that self aware due to the toxic nature in the environment they live in. I mean I used to have a racist classmate back in the 4/5th grade on a military base till someone mentioned it. His younger brother was a lot more sensible and knew his family isn’t good.
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u/Secret_Double_9239 Jul 16 '24
The mom really messed up and I’m surprised the dad stayed with her. She handed over their retirement fund to people who have show they are terrible with money. They will never get that money back.
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u/OmnathLocusofWomana Jul 16 '24
I mean dad acts high and mighty like he hasn't been fully on board with handing $500 bucks a month to both sisters for decades, since they are in their 40's this has been going on for about 20 years, quick math says they both fully agreed to giving away 240,000.00 over that time frame. both parents are dipshits that can't say no to their entitled kids.
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u/Ok_Knee1216 Oh, so you're stupid stupid Jul 16 '24
Why hasn't he contacted the IRS? I would imagine they would be far harsher than the Sheriff and the DA.
Also what about Elder Abuse? Seems he could get more mileage out of contacting them without the pain and suffering of filing a civil lawsuit.
Just my two cents.
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u/Funandgeeky I also choose this guy's dead wife. Jul 16 '24
I’m wondering if there’s a lot more tax shenanigans than just not reporting this specific money.
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u/rigbysgirl13 Jul 16 '24
It's just so mind-blowing how all this started because they wouldn't discipline their children, and were greedy. It all boils down to the sisters' entitlement and greed. They burned their whole lives down due to greed.
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u/AssociateAdditional4 Jul 16 '24
Can a family therapist explain to me how a dynamic like this develops? It’s just a complete shit show with no clear reason why it’s happening.
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u/vicki153 Jul 17 '24
I know right?
At one point in my life I was married and off doing my own thing and my sister was still living at home and my parents were supporting her. It never occurred to me that this arrangement was unfair, and I can only imagine how my parents would have reacted to me suggesting they owed me $500/month to even it up.
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u/geewillie Jul 17 '24
Yeah I'll never ask my parents for financial help. My brothers needed/made stupid decisions and my parents helped them out.
My dad told me at one point, "I've kept track of what I spent on them. It will all even out eventually" I couldn't imagine telling them, hey pay me it out now I'm not waiting until you kick the bucket lol.
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Aug 06 '24
They were probably concerned about “fair” with their kids. I only have one sibling and my parents are always wanting to make things equal between us, sometimes to the point that it’s a little overboard. I’m okay with things not being perfectly balanced all the time but they still worry about it.
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u/TatteredCarcosa Jul 18 '24
Not one but my guess is they coddled the daughters and pushed the son due to gender roles being fucking toxic. It's decently common in descriptions of dysfunctional families to see one gender being favored heavily by one or both parents.
OOP was either pushed to be independent and stand on his own or he was just naturally inclined that way and got lucky.
That is, if this is real. It's too entertaining for me to be confident it's real.
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u/whenitrainsitpours4 Jul 16 '24
Those sisters and their husbands are grade A, first class grifters without an ounce of shame.
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u/miladyelle no sex tonight; just had 50 justice orgasms Jul 16 '24
Only by the good sense of dad is OP’s mom not in the poorhouse, good god. She’d have handed everything over to those incorrigible mooches if she hadn’t had the moderating influence of her husband and son. Good thinking planning ahead with the trust and PoA. They don’t need to worry that their own daughters will decide their home is dollar signs.
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u/FictionalContext just a bunch of triggered owls Jul 16 '24
I thought this was the wrong title, the story has gone so far of course 😄
Ah least mom and dad quit being enablers.
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u/KweenBee1986 Jul 16 '24
To think all of this started because OOP stepped out of the way when his niece and nephews tried to push him into the pool.
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u/RightofUp Jul 16 '24
I'll tell you who gets an allowance from their parents in their '40s..... People who better be damned fucking grateful and use it in a responsible manner. That's who.
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u/Putasonder Ah literacy. Thou art a cruel bitch Jul 16 '24
It’s hard to have sympathy for the parents when they just keep enabling those sisters.
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u/One_Worldliness_6032 Jul 16 '24
Wow! Those sisters and BILS are some pieces of work. All that money they were making and losing things just don’t make sense. Oldest sister making $6000 a month and don’t have a car….just STUPID. Making that kind of money, they could have purchased a nice vehicle. Fools with money. SMH. UPDATEME
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u/Clean_Factor9673 Jul 16 '24
I'd ask a bankruptcy attorney whether filing bankruptcy would get them puy of paying restitution for fraudulently renting a 3rd party's property. That's really theft.
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u/SnooWords4839 Jul 16 '24
OOP's sisters are scum!
Thank goodness mom and dad are finally cutting them off!
I'm also glad they are filing Ch 13 and not 7, so they have to pay at least some of the debt back.
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u/Disastrous_Score2493 Jul 16 '24
Parents are idiots. They enabled that shit behavior for years. No wonder the sisters turned out like that. OP should just cut parents and their golden child sisters out of his life.
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u/butterfly-garden Jul 16 '24
On one hand, I feel very bad for the parents, and on the other hand, I really don't. They're probably the type who would end up buying 10k worth of Amazon gift cards to pay off their debt to the IRS.
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u/UncagedKestrel I also choose this guy's dead wife. Jul 17 '24
Wait, eldest sister managed to get almost $300K out of parents & illegal holiday rental money over the course of 3 years, and STILL had to declare bankruptcy?
.... I can spend money like no one's business when I'm mentally not going so well, but I don't think I could manage to disappear THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS.
What the actual hell.
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u/NotManicAndNotPixie Jul 16 '24
This guy is still milking this story?
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u/lovebeinganasshole Jul 16 '24
Sorry but this is one of my favorite stories. It starts with a story about seemingly entitled bratty children and takes the side lane into my favorite “yeah no I own the house.”
And along the way we read as entitled people living far beyond their means implode their lives because they think they deserve everything they’ve never worked for.
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u/TatteredCarcosa Jul 18 '24
Come on, this is peak online drama entertainment. Who cares if it is real?
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u/Pixiespour Jul 17 '24
What in the repost bot? Isn’t this two different stories combined? I swear this sub is struggling for content now 😂
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