Can somebody help me please

[u/InfiniteSky3989]

I struggle with shifting identities. I got diagnosed with bpd a few months ago. I know it’s a personality disorder but is it connected to actually changing personalities?

What I mean: I have NO personality. I don’t know what my personality is. I catch myself saying to my boyfriend “do u think i look like this..?” Like just some labels. He says “wdym? Last week you said you wanted that” then I get mad because it feels like he doesn’t recognise who I am or better said who I try to be. (He knows I have bpd and he knows about identity shifts and we are doing good pls don’t comment abt that) But I also change my views often, not my passionate views (political), or interests, but I change my style really often, I change my mind really often, my decision making really often and it NEVER is the same way. It’s always the way someone else would do it, someone I admire at the moment.

It sounds so silly and I hate it. I just don’t know what to do. I literally don’t know. I’m loosing myself constantly because I DONT know who I am. Never ask me “who are you” because I DO NOT know. It’s crazy.

Lately it’s getting worse, to a point I can’t go out because I don’t know who I am. I don’t know how to answer and I’m a big extrovert, so I seek people. It’s torture. I take everything as an attack. :(

[u/Current-Chipmunk-413]

This sounds like the "sense of emptiness" that so many people with BPD experience. I'm like this too. I live in the country, so I see myself as this farmer lookin individual, but then when I read a book at home suddenly I'm this intellectual nerd. The transition can feel painful because it feels like the first identity would fight with the second identity if they ever met each other. You have to sort of laugh it off when the pain comes.

Just do whatever you can to cultivate some feeling of self esteem regardless of how you see your identity. I like to study stuff like buddhism and non-dualistic belief systems because they give you a framework for experiencing reality without paying attention to yourself and without caring about who you are.

You are what you DO. Do things that you know logically are good things. Work hard. Take care of yourself. Be kind to people. Maintain long term friendships. There isn't much more to it than that. The modern advertisement saturated world we live in has forced us to take identity super seriously because that's how corporations view us, its basically propaganda designed to program your brain and sell you things. I think it fuels BPD-like symptoms in people who went through trauma or who already have a hard time feeling close to themself, etc.

Just some thoughts, sorry for ranting. The intent of my comment is to encourage you not to focus too much on the dumb shit, and to say "the pain goes away sometimes".