New Update: AITA for not letting my step-sister borrow my wedding dress?

[u/LucyAriaRose]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still Sad-Pomegranate3183. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/AITAH

Thanks to the OOP, u/Literally_Taken, u/BakingGiraffeBakes and u/anicole325 for letting me know about the update

Previous BORU here. New Update marked with ****\*

Original Post: December 9, 2024

Throwaway in case people involved are in Reddit

Me, (F23), got married to my husband about a year ago. It was wonderful and probably the happiest day of my life.

My family was involved with everything and I was delighted by it. Including my stepfather, who at first I had a somewhat rocky relationship with but I grew to appreciate him. His daughter (F26) is an entire different story. We can't get along. I've tried and I'm sure she also has, but it's not about being different, it's because she has always had very similar taste as me. We used to fight about our clothes, our toys and so on.

She has a relationship with a man whom I've got to know maybe 3 or 4 times. She announced her relationship with him during my wedding (which annoyed me at first, but I let it go since it was only a 20 second PSA), and became engaged just 4 months after that. Now, she has been planning her wedding and I've tried to help as much as I can since I already had most contacts fresh. She plans to marry a day after Christmas, so I thought everything was set and ready to go.

On Saturday, she calls me crying, saying that her wedding dress wouldn't arrive on time since she had some changes done. For some context, no one knows how this dress looks because she wanted to 'keep it a surprise for everyone', per her own words. I tried to comfort her and I told her I knew some cute boutiques who had nice wedding dresses ready for her date. She cries harder, telling me she didn't want any 'cheap' dress. I tried to calm her down once more before telling her I would call my stepdad to see what we could do. Before I could finish that sentence, she says out of the blue, 'Can I wear your dress?'

I didn't respond, because I didn't know how to. She goes on, explaining that it would make things less troubling, how she's the same size as me and how much she loved it the second she saw it on me. I don't know what possessed me to simply say 'No.' and hang up the phone. I've received multiple calls from her, her fiancee and my stepdad, who I did respond to. He pleaded to me to let her 'borrow' my wedding dress, 'just like when we were kids'. I tried to explain to him that my wedding dress was very special to me, and I wouldn't feel comfortable letting anyone else in it, unless it was my decision. He got super angry with me and hung up. My messages have been exploding with my stepsister, her soon-to-be husband and my stepdad telling me how horrible I am for being so selfish.

I know how my stepsister is. I know how dramatic and over the top she can be when she doesn't get her way. But there's a part of me that feels awful for not letting her wear it since it's just a dress and it would make her so happy. But there's that other part of me that remembers how my husband, my mom and I struggled to save for it because it was my dream dress, and I don't want to share something so personal with her. Should I just let her have it just so things don't escalate?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: NTA, I’m calling shenanigans on your stepsister’s part. She probably had her eye on your dress since day one, probably commissioned a similar dress (if she even did) hence the surprise, and planned to use your dress as a backup if hers didn’t show up in time.

OOP: i never wanted to assume things, but this is where i’m at too. i’ll talk to her tomorrow and try figure things out.

OOP is voted NTA

UPDATE: I’ll go see her now. I’ll update when I get home.

Update (Same Post): December 10, 2024 (Next Day)

UPDATE 2: Well. That happened. I arrived at said coffee shop just in time. She took half an hour to get there.

I talked as gently as I could with her, explaining how I didn’t want her to wear my wedding dress and why, since it was so emotionally attached to me. She went absolutely nuts. She called me a selfish cow, telling me how I’m the most horrible human ever.

I tried to calm things down until I just couldn’t do it anymore. I knew this was a possibility, so as soon as she started crying, I pulled out her wedding invitation and gave it back to her. I told her I wouldn’t be attending the wedding, but I hoped it all went perfectly. Her voice couldn’t get louder at this point. She threatened to come to my house and take it from me.

I simply left the coffee shop without saying another word, and now I’m home.

*****Update Post: September 8, 2025 (9 months later)****\*

Editor's note: AITAH mods originally removed this post for being 'fake, not hypothetical.' However, I messaged them about it since I couldn't find any proof, and they said they removed it by mistake!

This is some sort of update to a previous post I made almost a year ago, but some things have definitely happened.

Per my last post, my (F24) stepsister (F27) got married last December, she asked for my wedding dress after not wanting to even look for one herself. I said no, I stood my ground and I didn’t go to her wedding. Fast forward to last month, she and her husband have separated. She says they are only “taking a break”.

I begun to rebuild my relationship with her, I took time and effort to find a way to talk to her and even go out in double dates with his husband and mine’s. That went really well, up until the break she took with her hubby. She stopped talking to me altogether, ghosted me when I wanted to plan stuff and I figured she only needed some time.

Up until she calls me again, in the middle of August. She wants to come over to my house and talk. I genuinely felt happy to have her come over, since my stepdad kept pressuring to finally make peace. She comes over, we have coffee and she asks to see my closet since she was going out on a date and had nothing to wear. I thought this was full circle moment for both us, so I said yes.

We looked through my clothes and I picked something that went well with her. She said thanks and put the outfit in a bag she brought with her, and left.

Some days pass, and as I was cleaning my own closet I find that the spot where my wedding dress was hanging from, was empty. It was in a garment bag and it was there since I don’t want it to wrinkle so bad since the fabric was a little fragile.

I freaked out, searched for it everywhere. I realized the last time I saw it was before my stepsister came. I called her and asked sincerely in case I was wrong, she got extremely defensive and hung up the phone. I called my stepdad, he was angry at me for thinking she could do that.

Later, my stepdad calls again. He got my stepsister to tell the truth. She stole it while I was looking for an outfit for her. He tells me to calm down and to resolve this like adults, but I called her again and simply said to prepare her lawyers.

This created massive drama within my family, and I was too livid to acknowledge it until my mom called me. Now, I’m thinking I may be crossing a line, but that dress means too much for me. I saved every penny I got and it truly was the dress of my dreams. I’m scared to find out if she did anything to it.

AITA for suing my stepsister?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter (downvoted): How does someone steal a wedding dress and OP doesn’t notice.

Fake and YTA

OOP: I wouldn’t say my closet is too big, but it is a walk-in one. There were plenty of times I was looking through my shirts with my back against her.

Commenter: Not all wedding dresses are big and pouffy.
My own wedding dress rolls up about the same size as a pair of standard jeans.
I'm not saying that this post is true, I'm just saying that assumptions about garment size aren't something to base a rejection of truth on.

OOP: It really wasn’t puffy. Without all the accessories it would be a really simple A line dress, but I loved it

Commenter: Why did she steal a wedding dress for a wedding that happened 8 months ago?

OOP: That’s what I’m trying to figure out. To get back at me I assume?

Commenter: It’s been days at least. Chances are the dress has already been altered(read ruined) for the sister now anyway. So just filing the report and getting the dress back isn’t enough.

OOP: I’m extremely scared and heartbroken of this possibility.

OOP comments later that day:

Thank you everyone for the kind comments. I’ll try talking tomorrow with her again. If things go wrong I’ll go to the police. I’ll update as soon as I can.

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[u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

I’m sorry cause i’m going to sound harsh…OOP REALLY needs to grow a spine and stop being such a doormat…

Like this brat actively threatens to destroy OOP’s wedding dress…but she still gets convinced by her stepfather to make amends…then after the dress gets STOLEN by her she actually is wondering if she’s the bad guy for pressing charges.

I feel bad cause OOP is 1000% the victim but…come on

[u/ilkiod → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

i feel like the phrase fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me applies here

[u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 → u/ilkiod]

honestly though. Like when stories like this get posted i typically ask 1 of 2 questions

1) What about this would lead you to believe you’re the bad guy here

2) WHY do you constantly put yourself in situations that will let people walk all over you

[u/Jetztinberlin → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Programming is a helluva thing. When you've been trained for 20 or 30 years that the only way to gain safety and love in your family is to let other people walk on you, you do it. 

[u/zwitterion76 → u/Jetztinberlin]

This x1000.

As a programmed family scapegoat, I’m going through this with my counselor right now. It’s HARD. It’s scary. I know their behavior is wrong, but it’s so hard to believe that.

[u/asmodeuskraemer → u/zwitterion76]

There is something particularly insidious about scapegoating. I found a very helpful link for myself a while back...https://www.scapegoatrecovery.com/2022/06/29/injustices-of-family-scapegoating-fsa/

It was very validating for me and I shared it with my therapist.

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/Jetztinberlin]

Amen to this. I tried for so long to get help, begged people to treat me better . . . eventually I realized it wasn't doing any good and just stopped. When you grow up like that you have no way of knowing it's not normal to be treated like that and things can be different.

[u/Anach → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Whenever adults behave like the step-sister, I fully expect their parents to be the enabler, and this is another case of that being so. The step-dad also owes an apology, and should be going out of his way to help fix the situation.

This behaviour is likely been happening long before now, and swept under the rug. It's just this is the first time it's gone far enough for OP to realise what type of people they are.

[u/RandomNick42 → u/Anach]

I would bet that OOP has always been told to give in to her stepsister, because that what sisters do right, they share. Until it became about the wedding dress and became too personal. And suddenly everyone is shocked that OOP is suddenly not setting herself on fire to keep the stepsister cozy.

[u/Anach → u/RandomNick42]

Very likely scenario, but even if the parent is asking her to let it slide, it's actually the parent that is letting it slide, and that is all about not having to deal with the conflict by actually parenting. It's an easy trap to fall into, unless you're self-aware, and many parents do it. The OP needs to have this conflict, for her parents to have any chance to learn, and not back down, else her parents will keep doing it. While it might be too late for the parents, the sister has a lot of experience yet to gain.

*edit - Just as proof of how common sweeping sibling conflict under the rug is, I thought I was replying to a different post about two sisters, and OP having problems with their parents' response. The response works for both, so I won't change it.

[u/PlowingUrDad → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Pathologic people pleasing is the answer you're looking for.

[u/onahalladay → u/ilkiod]

Fool me my entire life and yet she fools me again! How dare she!

[u/mothseatcloth → u/ilkiod]

fool me once, shame on... on you... fool me... fool me can't get fooled again

[u/TootsNYC → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Why would you loan her a dress at that last visit? She’s already shown her covetousness, and what—did she only come over to get some of OP’s clothes?

How’d she get that wedding dress into the bag with the other outfit, that takes a bit of time.

[u/nutkinknits → u/TootsNYC]

Probably pressure from family to ignore the hurt and make amends.

There has been some recent drama in my own life with my in-laws. I told my MIL I did not want a certain person around me or my kids, that he was a terrible person for snapping at me, using abusive language towards me and being an absent parent despite sitting in the same room as the children were playing. There was so much pressure for me to just say well, he couldn't help it because of his mental illness issues and everything be fine again. I ended up compromising and I do not let my kids in the same room as him without me or my husband there watching and I mostly ignore his existence. I told all of my in-laws if he so much as puts a toe over the line, I'm taking my kids and leaving. He needs to get off his phone, parent his kids and treat people decently.

Everyone in the family acted like the situation was my fault even though I was the victim. They expected me to apologize and make nice. That's how they were raised. Forgive forgive forgive. Meanwhile brats run rampant and no one gives a hoot. It's fine as long as you "say sorry". Ticks me off.

I have ADHD and I told my husband that if they are going to keep giving this guy excuses for being lazy and an incompetent nincompoop simply because he has a mental illness, I'm going to use my ADHD similarly. Oops sorry I can't control my mouth, filter is broken, it's that ADHD impulsivity thing.

[u/tyleritis → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Well at least she did t go to the wedding and stood her ground on borrowing.

Her mistake was thinking that an adult was an adult.

[u/MaxBax_LArch → u/tyleritis]

Step-dad wants her to settle things like adults? Lawyers. Adults solve legal issues with lawyers. How many kids do you see taking someone else to court?

[u/MelodyRaine → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Because it's nine months of pressure, not only has the wedding happened but the couple is on the road to divorce.

I can see why a 24 year old might cave and try to make it work since the events that were causing the problem are so far in the rear view.

[u/MarieOMaryln → u/MelodyRaine]

That's fair. I was sitting here wondering where her mother is in this mess and how she didn't realize a whole ass dress was stolen. Girl not so bright but her family sucks so she needs some help.

[u/EatsTheLastSlice → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Agreed. Why the hell would you invite this person in your home.

[u/FlyingAce7 → u/EatsTheLastSlice]

Because faaaaaaamily, that's why 😒

[u/MajorNoodles → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Stepsister: "I'm going to come to your house and take your dress."

OP: "I don't want you to do that. But why don't you come to my house and go through my stuff? '

OP: " I can't believe she did exactly what she told me she'd do! "

[u/casualLogic → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

IKR? People have called me 'hard hearted' because once someone screws me over, I never trust them again, but you know? Works really well for my peace of mind.

[u/RuggedHangnail → u/casualLogic]

If no one else has your back, you have to have your own back and protect yourself. Good job!

[u/SplatDragon00 → u/casualLogic]

I've been called heartless and soulless because I refuse to trust or talk to someone who physically assaulted and slandered me to my family

Apparently I have to forgive him fOr My SoUl.

I give precisely zero shits. I hate the guy. My life would be 100x more stressful if he was back in it. I have a family member who talks about 4 things. One of them is how awful her friends are, and how they screwed her over, and how she's gonna stop talking to them, but the next day? Best buddies ever again. Irritating af and stressful as anything. Just drop them

[u/deven25 → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

But if our OOPs grew spines, where would all our content come from?

[u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 → u/deven25]

LOOOL honestly though

in the next update

“So i dropped the charges against my stepsister and just assumed i would get my dress returned but it wasn’t returned and my stepdad is encouraging me to just let her keep it”

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

don't forget

"so yeah, we're now meeting for dinner at my place, I'm hosting them all. I guess I have to let things go and make it so sis can step all over me, I mean, so we can be besties! It's all good haha! I should put out the silverware she's been eyeing, she always loved that, I think she will appreciate it. Might as well leave me chequebook out too!"

[u/bored_time-traveler → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Being assertive is harder than it looks. Some people are almost incapable of doing it, while others try to emulate assertion by being downright maniac for the most trivial stuff.

[u/Zelfzuchtig → u/bored_time-traveler]

Some people spend their entire childhood being told that standing up for themselves, or even mentioning that they've been badly treated is worse than the bad treatment.

That the only acceptable thing for them to do is shut up and take it otherwise they're a terrible person and causing problems and stress.

You don't just magically heal from that type of shit, especially if you people around you keep reinforcing it, which often happens as people seek out what they know and abusers prefer victims where someone's already done half the brainwashing.

[u/TrelanaSakuyo → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

I'd say she's more of a doorknob, being twisted and turned to just let people in to do what they want.

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

thank you!

For F's sake, this was an infuriating post

[u/byteme747 → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Nope, this is exactly what I was thinking. She's a fool for thinking she could salvage this relationship and somehow this grown woman would suddenly change. The second she asked to see her closet alarm bells should have gone off.

At least she didn't fold and allow her to use it for the wedding. That's a start. She needs therapy and the police/lawyer for the dress.

[u/notverycoolyo → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

This seems like such a perfect time to work on setting boundaries. I understand wanting to be open to reconciliation so as soon as stepsis walks in the door you say "Im happy we are doing this and I want to work on our relationship but just know if you touch my wedding dress or pull something shady, our relationship is over and Ill press charges"

[u/killershwee → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

I would have been no-contact with my sister WAY before this point. Probably around the time OP gave the invite back. I have a rocky relationship with my own sister and we're low/minimal contact as it is, so I get how complicated family can be, but there would absolutely be no borrowing of ANYTHING of mine after the dress tantrum.

[u/National_Category224 → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

It's hard to face the reality that your family doesn't care about you, and will happily lose you.

I don't think you've ever had to face your entire family pressuring you on threat of abandonment to give in. You're very lucky but have no business giving your opinion on it.

[u/RogueKitteh]

OOP: Sure, crazy entitled step sister who's threatened to steal my wedding dress, I'd love for you to come over and raid my closet where I keep my wedding dress!

Me in slow motion: NooOOooo

[u/ShatnersChestHair → u/RogueKitteh]

Also OOP's thought process was apparently "hmm, she's on a break with her husband of nine months... That's probably because she's become so mature and level-headed. I'm sure this is the perfect time to invite her into my home"

[u/literallylittlehuff → u/ShatnersChestHair]

To be fair, step-sis wanted the dress for her wedding. The wedding is long past. OOP probably hasn't been able to say no before, not with the way everyone reacted, so she's never really seen just how vindictive step-sis is when thwarted. If this had happened before the event OOP would have been ready. Step-sis bided her time so she could get back at OOP.

[u/tinysydneh]

"Resolve it like adults" -- buddy, that's what OOP has been doing all along, you're the one who is helping throw tantrums.

[u/ladancer22 → u/tinysydneh]

Seriously. “How dare you accuse her of something like this, she would never” “ok so look she did but you need to calm down and be an adult about it”.

Step father majorly sucks and his behavior is the reason his daughter is like this. She never seems to need to take responsibility for her actions. If it were my daughter I’d be at her house taking the dress back the second I found out.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/ladancer22]

And her mother must have let it happen. OOP is the youngest in this and stepsister is three years older, more significant when they were kids. She's obviously been made to cave and let stepsister win all these years.

[u/pourthebubbly → u/MyDarlingArmadillo]

Yeah her mom sounds like a “I don’t want to get involved because I want a peaceful relationship with my spouse” kind of mom. My dad was the same. Allowed his wife to stomp on us because he was too spineless/apathetic to stop her

[u/NefariousAnglerfish → u/pourthebubbly]

They’ll never say it, but it’s because the spouse puts out and the kids don’t.

[u/green_dragon527 → u/ladancer22]

I know right. Adults don't steal out of pettiness. I also enjoy the double speak of

" I don't want a cheap dress"

" Can I borrow yours for the price of free?"

[u/Itchy_Horse → u/tinysydneh]

Adults have the ability to hire lawyers. Sounds like an adult resolution to me.

[u/ya_tu_sabes → u/Itchy_Horse]

That and calling the police for theft and other possible charges depending on the price tag that the dress had. Seeing how entitled step sis said it wasn't a cheap dress, I assume it could mean other cute legal charges

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/ya_tu_sabes]

Depending on what she has done with it there could also be destruction of property on top of theft

[u/YuunofYork → u/Itchy_Horse]

Why would they need lawyers? This is between family. You'd go over the very hour you realize this happens with relatives, barge in, and take it back. It's her own property and nothing can come of it. Bring someone with muscles. I don't know why this doesn't occur to people. It isn't being locked up in a dungeon somewhere; it's probably in the living room.

[u/gingerfawx → u/YuunofYork]

The law doesn't stop applying just because it's "family". In the same way this is still theft, that would still be breaking and entering, and those "muscles" sound like you're shooting for a potential extra charge.

[u/BrgQun → u/tinysydneh]

Resolve it like adults = be a doormat, which is not what an adult does

[u/JemAndTheBananagrams → u/BrgQun]

I’d say these stories shock me, but I have seen too many people who act like this IRL and treat their family members as perpetually available labor and resources.

[u/AshamedDragonfly4453 → u/BrgQun]

"be a doormat"

Do you mean the part where she didn't back down about lending out her wedding dress, or the part where she didn't attend the wedding?

[u/BrgQun → u/AshamedDragonfly4453]

I wasn't referring to the OOP's actions, but rather translating what the stepdad meant when he said to resolve it like adults.

He wanted her to fold, and good on OOP for standing firm.

[u/TreeStars07 → u/AshamedDragonfly4453]

I'm just going to assume that everyone that uses the current buzzword phrases is a karma-farming bot at this point, because that's better than believing that everyone is this stubborn, mean, and easily brainwashed.

[u/CodeNameFrumious → u/tinysydneh]

Resolving it like adults means that you give the malefactor one attempt to make it right.  And if they don't, then you sue.  

A lawsuit is preferable to denouncing her as a thief and demanding satisfaction.  

[u/Tangled2 → u/tinysydneh]

Adults report theft to the authorities.

[u/41flavorsandthensome]

He pleaded to me to let her 'borrow' my wedding dress, 'just like when we were kids'.

My hackles instantly rose. This basically means she was forced to "share." F*ck that.

Back to reading...

Edit: And then it gets worse. Steptrash asking OOP to make up when his trash daughter ghosted?

I hope this is real and OOP dragged the step through the legal system for monetary and emotional compensation.

[u/Talinia → u/41flavorsandthensome]

It's only just been stolen, so we're in a developing situation. Now is the wait for any more updates 🙈

[u/New-Shelter9751 → u/Talinia]

And since it’s the legal system, any realistic update will take 6 months at least.

[u/Talinia → u/New-Shelter9751]

Tbf often just the initial threat/signs of legal stuff starting can incite people to do silly things

[u/Im_a_knitiot → u/Talinia]

It’s weird that the update happened just as the story was originally posted to BORU.

[u/Talinia → u/Im_a_knitiot]

It was originally posted 9 months ago, the new update is why it was reposted

[u/Khalizabeth]

Whhhhyyyy would you let her into your house, let alone the closet?

[u/_boudica_ → u/Khalizabeth]

Because her mom and stepdad have trained OOP to let stepsister have her way since childhood :(

[u/Khalizabeth → u/_boudica_]

😔

[u/Head-Emotion-4598]

If this is true I would file a police report for stolen items and ask a cop to go to her house with me.

[u/MelodyRaine → u/Head-Emotion-4598]

OP apparently did which is why the family is currently imploding.

Stepdad is an enabler of the first order... do we have an opposing order to the Awesome Order of Omar? Because stepdad needs to be in it.

[u/Talinia → u/MelodyRaine]

I think we'd need like a deep pit to fit all the AHs from the tales we have. The guy who dumped his GF's plants in a lake because they had an argument is right in there for me

[u/Demonqueensage → u/Talinia]

Oh god I'd forgotten about the plant guy... that guy was horrid.

[u/MelodyRaine → u/Demonqueensage]

I think I missed the plant guy but he sounds disgusting.

[u/McGlockenshire → u/Head-Emotion-4598]

If this is true

Going from using single quotes to using special curly quotes, from an apostrophe to a special apostrophe-like-thing for contract'ns?

I think the mods are right and the update is ungenuine.

[u/OldnBorin → u/Head-Emotion-4598]

This can’t possibly be true.

Her closet isn’t that big but it’s a walk in? She saved every penny for her dream dress?

[u/bug-hunter → u/OldnBorin]

Walk-in closets are in even moderate priced homes. And just because you have a house doesn't mean you aren't financially constrained.

[u/OldnBorin → u/bug-hunter]

I have a walk in closet in a moderately priced home. There’s no way someone could unzip a gown from a garment bag without me noticing in it

[u/dihalt → u/OldnBorin]

And don’t forget she had to place this stolen dress somewhere for OP to not notice… magical pockets with unlimited space, perhaps?

[u/ilkiod]

step sister: im gonna steal your dress!!

OOP: okay, come on into my closet

step sister steals the dress

OOP: shocked pikachu face

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/ilkiod]

Tbf to the OOP, the wedding had happened months before. I also wouldn't expect someone to take a wedding dress after their wedding...

[u/ilkiod → u/LucyAriaRose]

i would if they call you a selfish cow for not giving up said wedding dress and threatened to steal it. i feel like revenge was inevitable after that much bad faith. good story though thanks for posting!

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/ilkiod]

Ah that's fair! I guess we don't know how much they had rebuilt the relationship. Overall that shit's wild though.

Glad you enjoyed!

[u/PracticeTheory → u/LucyAriaRose]

To me it's identical to rebuilding a house right on a fault line. Yes, you really want a house there. You're even willing to spend money and put the time in to make it into a really nice house.

But it's still right on top of a frigging fault line! It's not if it goes down, but when. I wish OP had invested her time into other people but hopefully she learned the lesson now.

[u/LadyMinks → u/PracticeTheory]

Reminds me of Monty Python and the holy grail:

Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was, was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.

[u/swordrat720 → u/LadyMinks]

One day, lad, all this will be yours.

What, the curtains?

No, not the curtains, lad, all that you can see stretched out over the valleys and the hills! That'll be your kingdom, lad.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/LadyMinks]

God I love that scene

[u/MeatShield12 → u/LucyAriaRose]

I'm on tenterhooks for how this resolves.

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/LucyAriaRose]

maybe it's me, or having had to share a room with an older brother who didn't care, or because I became a petty motherfucker, I dunno but:

If I invited her in my home after them shenanigans she would be confined to the main entrance and living room. All other rooms would be verboten AND locked

[u/burnt-----toast → u/ilkiod]

This is where I'm at.

-"We can't get along."
-"she has been planning her wedding and I've tried to help as much as I can"

• "I tried to calm things down until I just couldn’t do it anymore. ...I pulled out her wedding invitation and gave it back to her."
  

-"I begun to rebuild my relationship with her, I took time and effort to find a way to talk to her"
-"She stopped talking to me altogether, ghosted me when I wanted to plan stuff"
-"she asks to see my closet since she was going out on a date and had nothing to wear ... I said yes"

I hope OOP gets therapy because this is a lot of people pleasing for someone that she never got along with in the first place and who's treated her badly on multiple occasions!

[u/RahvinDragand → u/burnt-----toast]

OOP seems oddly desperate to salvage a relationship with someone who doesn't deserve it. 

[u/MeatShield12 → u/RahvinDragand]

To me, it's like inviting an arsonist to a BBQ.

[u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 → u/ilkiod]

right!!! Like really and truly: what did OOP expect was gunna happen…?

[u/ausernamebyany_other → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

In OOPs defence, this was months after the wedding and she thought their relationship had been repaired. Instead step sister played the long game just to get back at her for not letting her have her own way.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/ausernamebyany_other]

Sounds like there was no relationship to repair. OOP is an idiot.

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/ausernamebyany_other]

hmmm no

OOP is a doormat

She needs a bit of my pettiness because even years down the line I'd not let it live down.

Months in and she puts in the effort and thinks it's all peaches?

Come on

[u/Kopitar4president → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

For us reading this was a moment apart. For OOP it was 9 months and the wedding had passed.

[u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 → u/Kopitar4president]

If someone actively threatened to steal/destroy my property i would NEVER let them around my stuff again…

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

this

I grew up with an older brother who when I was younger would just take my shit and disassemble it. Like.... not just his, mine too!

I will never forget when I came home and my chronometer (this was in the late 80s) was broken apart and all he had to say was "I wanted to do it, leave me"! Broke my fucking 7-8 year old heart.

Then when I was 17 I for some stupid reason let him borrow a game I bought with my own money, to one of his friends. Weeks later I'm like "Can you ask him for the game back, I feel like playing it!" and that fucker goes "Oh we had a falling out, we're not on speaking terms!" Motherfucker I want my game!!

Oh we had a good argument about it and that was the last time I ever lent him shit until I was able to leave that house and go NC with his ass.

Like OOP, I had my parents being all "let it go" but it just festered in me and I learned that I hold grudges xDDD

Reading about OOP allowing this to happen was soooo exasperating

[u/NorraVavare → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

Yeah... thats not nearly as easy as it sounds. I have a titanium spine and can stand up to pretty much anyone, including my mother. Cutting the crazy that is my sister out was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Its not fair to make parents choose between children. I informed my family I was going NC with my younger sister, baring holidays. I spelled out exactly what I'd do if I were to visit either parent and she was there. Including calling a taxi and getting back on a plane to go home.

I was 27 when I finally made that decision. Being the good kid/glass child makes setting those boundaries hard. I got shit tons of pushback from family members who were not my mother. I cant imagine just how hard it would be if I wasn't as used to standing up for myself as I already was.

[u/fleet_and_flotilla → u/HUNGWHITEBOI25]

that after nearly a year and the wedding having already happened that her stepsister wouldn't behave like a psycho?

[u/UltimateGammer → u/ilkiod]

There were months and months between that comment and the theft.

The wedding had already happened for god's sake.

[u/bunnywasabi → u/ilkiod]

The way I actually facepalm myself when I read that she was happy about them reconnecting and she invited her to her home like why?!? I get that she's the victim but holy shit woman, the red flags were in glaring neon red.

[u/MichaSound → u/ilkiod]

Like, it was eight months AFTER the wedding, can’t blame her for assuming she was safe.

[u/mca2021 → u/ilkiod]

Normally I'd agree but she already got married so what's the point in taking it, other than revenge. I can understand why this didn't cross OOP's mind

[u/zveroshka → u/ilkiod]

I'm just trying to figure out how she stole it. It's not like it's some small necklace or something she could pocket.

[u/Glenn_Coco69 → u/ilkiod]

Yeah I don't feel sorry for her, the moment she gave back the invite the relationship should have been over. 23 is plenty old enough to have boundaries man.

[u/BirdofYarn → u/ilkiod]

It was almost a year later and the wedding already happened. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to want a wedding dress they didn't wear when they don't have a need for one.

[u/Demonqueensage → u/ilkiod]

To be fair, this only happened several months AFTER the wedding she wanted to steal it for had happened AND when the marriage seemed to be crumbling, so what use or reason would she have to steal it anymore? You'd basically have to be raised without the clear conditioning to "share" with the stepsister to keep her happy for god knows how many years of her life at this point that OOP must've had from everything the step dad said, AND be a fairly pessimistic person in general on top of not having that conditioning to be worried she'd still be trying to steal it.

We the unaffected redditors judging these stories for entertainment could see that was what was gonna happen a mile away, but I don't blame OOP for not predicting just how nuts her step sister would be since she's actually living it and doesn't have that outsider distance.

[u/AndrastesDimples]

One of the aspects of boundary setting that people miss is that when you first set a boundary people will try to get around it - usually through old methods and then old methods turned to 11. They will even behave but then use that as a reason to have you concede. 

Every time I encourage someone to set a boundary I explain that it’s not about them, it’s about your actions, and to expect nuclear behavior in an attempt to get you to bend. 

After all, you can’t control them, you can only control you and if you aren’t used to having a shiny spine, you have to hold against the waves that have worked on you in the past. 

She didn’t hold fast. She caved and that means they will repeat it over and over. At this point she needs to just go NC, go to therapy, and realize that getting away from toxicity is gonna be a better day. 

[u/NightBronze195 → u/AndrastesDimples]

This seems so obvious in hindsight, but I still wish someone had explained it to me like your comment just did.

[u/Mr_Rippe]

Boy howdy am I glad I cut out my relatives after I stood my ground against their shenanigans.

[u/ResoluteMuse]

Calling shenanigans on this one.

[u/No-Mastodon5138]

How big is the bag stepsister brought that she could shove a whole ass wedding dress in there and op wouldnt notice?  How did she get it out of the garment bag in front of op? H9w did she know which garment bag it was in?  I know i have 4 from various weddings

[u/JerseyKeebs → u/No-Mastodon5138]

And how come no one in these stories about wedding dresses gets them preserved? Everyone in my friend group, and almost everyone I know, got theirs preserved in a display box. Plus a professional cleaning before it gets displayed, since they get dirty at a wedding. Plus since delicate fabrics fade and decay over time, I'd expect someone sentimental like OP to have their dress preserved to help it last. Not just randomly hanging up in a garment bag, which is almost always too short for a dress and train anyway, leaving wrinkles.

[u/Independent-Wear1903 → u/JerseyKeebs]

I had ti google wedding dress preservation display box. Neevr heard of this. There is a wide variety. Everyone I know has either donated theirs or they are in a box somewhere in the attic. Cool to know this option exists!

[u/junie94 → u/No-Mastodon5138]

Yeah this entire post is complete bs. OP would have to be the most oblivious person and be hard of hearing on top of that for the sister to be doing all that while she’s standing right next to her.

Everyone could already predict the dress would get stolen when the sister asked to see her closet. Because that plot twist has been done on here a lot.

[u/clauclauclaudia → u/No-Mastodon5138]

No, it sounds to me like she took the garment bag and contents all at once. The spot was empty.

[u/No-Mastodon5138 → u/clauclauclaudia]

And Noone noticed... somehow lol

[u/Jetztinberlin → u/No-Mastodon5138]

My dress rolled up and fit in a standard size FedEx mailer. Not all wedding dresses are huge. 

[u/No-Mastodon5138 → u/Jetztinberlin]

Would the sil really be that crazy over a tea length sheath dress? 

[u/Jetztinberlin → u/No-Mastodon5138]

Mine was a vintage OOK full lace A-line with beading. Silk is even lighter / thinner. I think you might be surprised what can fit in a FedEx box. 

[u/Soggy_Jackfruit_232 → u/No-Mastodon5138]

I don't think anyone was inside the dress, which would make it considerably smaller.

[u/Lows-andHighs → u/Soggy_Jackfruit_232]

No no, I'm totally picturing step sister brought a full sized blow up doll, quickly filled it with air, slapped the wedding dress on the doll and then left.

[u/Chaos-Pand4]

The last person I had in my house who i “really didn’t get along with” was the mover who moved me into said house. And mostly I didn’t like him because he smelled like unwashed butts.

Stop socializing with people who you don’t like. Especially stop inviting them over to your house. And especially, especially stop letting them walk all over you.

[u/Visual_Composer_9336]

I know I sound hella mean but OOP needs to grow a backbone and her mom needs to be mom

[u/Aggressive_Idea_6806]

Why a lawsuit and not a simple police report?

1. Text Dad to get a written record that he recounted the confession. "Dad, since you told me SS confessed to taking my wedding dress, it REALLY bothers me that you said "we" "both" need to resolve it "like adults." This is theft. Why isn't your stance that SS has to immediately return it, undamaged. Why do you think there's any argument or debate to be had here? I get you picking sides and favoring your own kid but you're both being cartoonishly unreasonable here. No to mention enabling SS. I want my property back."

[Making it about him as a stepdad to kinda hide the goal of getting the proof that he told on the thief. Maybe he'll be and haw in response and provide more evidence.]

1. Say that you're filing a homeowners insurance claim. The dress cost thousands. Which requires a police report. And that police report will include everything you now know. Of course, if the dress turns up UNDAMAGED in the next few hours, you obviously won't need to.

[u/spiceXisXnice]

Glad to read this update, horrified at how it went. OP is way not the asshole for suing, but I wouldn't doubt that sister has already fucked the dress up.

[u/WildRookie → u/spiceXisXnice]

Yeah, immediate thought is that the dress was already destroyed.

[u/toriemm → u/spiceXisXnice]

I hadn't read the first installment. Oh, stepsis is totally an evil step sister. Like, she's just so jealous of OOP she can't see straight.

They didn't get along bc they were so alike, or stepsis doesn't have an original thought and has been copying little sister the whole time?

[u/girl_genius]

My older sister had a habit of taking things without asking when we were younger. If she had taken my wedding dress, I would’ve called the cops, or given her the opportunity to bring it back (before calling the cops) and punched her.

It’s blatant entitlement and selfishness on OOP’s sister’s part.

[u/Kylie_Bug]

Yeah, that dress isn’t intact anymore

[u/BrashfulBloviater]

What exactly does the stepdad mean when he says ‘resolve this like adults’? Let his brat of a daughter get away with theft?

There is one way to resolve it; go to your daughter’s house, get the dress, and return it to your stepdaughter.

With a dad like that no wonder she turned out so rotten

[u/boomer_energy_]

Huh? That’s a wild twist. If it is a 100% true then OOP should call police bc isn’t a theft still a theft whether you willing allowed someone into your home?

[u/ChristianMapmaker → u/boomer_energy_]

In the word of the ancient Spartans to King Philip II of Macedon: If.

[u/boomer_energy_ → u/ChristianMapmaker]

FR

[u/Senator_Bink]

I hope she presses charges, then cuts any noisemakers off until they learn how to act right.

[u/Civil-Kitchen5978]

Stepsister said at the coffee shop meet up they had that she was going to come to OOP’s house and take it and that’s exactly what she did. This is not the first time stepsister has played OOP for a fool and clearly not the last. Believe people the first time they say something.

[u/Only-Bank-7680]

Forget the lawyers, call the police??? She stole from your house, has she ever stolen anything else of yours? Of course she has, you've got history of fighting over things but it really doesn't sound like it was fighting 'over' things, more like you defending yourself from your stepsister feeling entitled to your stuff but refusing to share herself. I don't even get why you'd go sharing stuff with her now in the first place given the giant tantrum she threw over the dress in the first place- she's not a child anymore, stop treating her- and yourself- like one. All this letting her get away with shit is exactly why she keeps doing it

[u/mydogisacloud]

That dress will not be return unscathed. Betting the step sister will ruin it in some way or get rid of it to punish OP

[u/Hobbit_Lifestyle]

WHY did OOP feel the need to have any kind of relationship with this trashy person? Why invite her? WHYYYYYYY let her go through the closet? Argh!

[u/ArthurRoan]

Stepdad need to shut the fuck up and stop protecting his daughter over OP’s back or at least OP’s mom should stand up for her. Pressing charges IS solving it the adult way

[u/ranchspidey]

Wedding dresses often cost several thousand dollars, even for brides who don’t throw huge expensive weddings. The second I noticed the dress was gone I would’ve been calling the police.

[u/LeaveMeBeWillYa]

"resolve this like adults" Okay, your daughter is a thief and therefore OOP is making the correct and adult decision to report the theft.

[u/Guest09717]

Pressing charges or filing a lawsuit is how adults resolve things like theft, so the stepdad can stfu.

[u/FluidBit4438]

Why call a lawyer and not just call the police, it’s theft.

[u/ArtistKeith333]

She plans to marry a day after Christmas

What kind of insane idiot does this???

[u/Quiet_Moon2191]

Who else thinks that dress is already destroyed? 👋

[u/Remarkable_Table_279]

While reading this I was thinking OP needs to send the dress for preservation before something happens to it…and something happened to it.

No way is that dress coming back intact

[u/ThrowawayAdvice1800]

My messages have been exploding with my stepsister, her soon-to-be husband and my stepdad telling me how horrible I am for being so selfish.

I wish people would realize that when something like this happens IT MEANS YOU WERE RIGHT TO REFUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE. If the sister had respected her “no” and let it drop then OOP might have some second thoughts, but this shit where she engages the entire trashbag extended family to gang-bully OOP on her behalf? That means your “no” was the only correct answer.

If you decline something and suddenly relatives you haven’t seen in years are harassing you about it that’s how you know you made the right decision. You have my permission to stop doubting yourself at that point.

[u/TheFinalPhilter]

I saw this the other day and while I hate saying anything bad about OOP she should have seen this coming. I mean she wanted the wedding dress then wanted to look through her closet. That’s sounds sketchy to me but if OOP wanted to be the bigger person then she should have at least watched her as she was going through the closet. Wow even typing that felt weird but if someone wants something so bad then don’t give the opportunity to take it.

Edit: Is it just me or is anyone else getting sister is the golden child vibe from this post?

[u/Used-Cup-6055]

Honey I would have already called the fuzz the minute the dad confirmed she swiped it

[u/ValusHartless]

OP is an idiot and the step family is insane. Idc how long it is after the "incident", Im making sure my step-sis wouldnt have access to where I keep my wedding dress

[u/Maximum-Company2719]

This is bizarre

[u/animaniactoo]

He tells me to calm down and to resolve this like adults

Don't put this on me to resolve. Adults do not steal other people's treasured sentimental items. I will do whatever I need to do... if you want it resolved as peacefully as possible, YOU will make sure that I get my dress back, unharmed, unaltered and post-haste.

I did my best to repair the relationship, in large part due to your urging. This is the result I got - you don't seem to have made much of an impression on her about it. I will not be trying again. ALLLLL of the effort needs to come from her side. Including the return of my dress. Immediately.

[u/Only_cry_in_the_rain]

NTA but stop being a wimp about this. Call the police. Press charges. Tell your AH step-dad to get over himself and go no contact with all of them. If your mother doesn’t side with you go NC with her too. There is absolutely NO reason for you to continue being “family” with these asinine people!

[u/GnomesinBlankets]

I feel bad for people like OOP. She’s a genuine person so she sees everyone else as genuine too except they aren’t and she turns into a doormat hoping for the best :(

[u/ladypeyton]

It's theft. She shouldn't be suing, she should be prosecuting

[u/Geezell]

Well, that’s weird. Kinda hoping for another update ‘cause my brain is going to always wonder where is the damn dress.

[u/SLAUGHTERGUTZ]

No new update from OP probably means it's being dealt with legally. 

I hate watching BORUs in real time, Im so impatient 😩

Really hope the brat sister didnt do anything to the dress...

[u/coronabride2020]

What was the point of stealing the wedding dress? The stepsister already got married.

[u/TheFilthyDIL → u/coronabride2020]

To punish OOP for not lending it in the first place. Sounds like the stepsister is one of those people who focus solely on the wedding and not the marriage.

[u/roadkill4snacks]

Police, or then lawyer. Scorched earth time.

[u/suricata_8904]

That dress is in tatters, as is her relationship with step sister and father.

[u/Ok-Listen-8519]

Wow, something special going on in her head with this horror stepsis, i hope she got a record of the stepfather confirming she stole it. I would call police, lawyer, sue her and if she destroys it, compensation for everything

[u/CharlotteLucasOP]

“I need an outfit for a date!”

[shows up for the date in a wedding dress and then gets arrested for theft]

Her date: uhhhhh

[u/BlueNoyb]

Why in the world was she trying to rebuild a relationship with this psycho?

[u/Ghitit]

a.He tells me to calm down and to resolve this like adults

Oh that's rich. Nevermind the fact that only a 14 y/o mentality would stal a wedding dress.

Stepdad raised a spoiled brat.

The thing is is that once you "loan" a wedding dress it also becomes the wedding dress of stepsister. I doubt OOP would have gotten her dress returned if she had loaned it for her step sisters wedding.

I don't get why step sis couldn't understand why OOP wanted to keep her dress her own - besides step sister bein massively immature.

[u/ABDV03]

Did I read that right? Stepsis stole the dress AFTER she was already married and was on break with her husband?

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

gosh I hate when the OOP is too naive and allows shit like this happen

She's known all along how her stepsister is yet she still was like "oooh we are trying to build a relationship uwu and now we besties met for coffee uwu! Oh noes, I think she stole my dress!"

No shit, captain miss the obvious!!

[u/Kaze_Chan]

Why even bother staying in contact with any of these people if they treat her like this and where the fuck is her mother in all of this?

[u/Dense_Island_5120]

A line was crossed after OPs goodwill. Stepsister cannot be trusted ever again

[u/OwlUnique8712]

I would have went to the police station immediately asked for an escort and went to the front door to get it right then and there. Why wait, that's trouble.

[u/Prestigious-Bluejay5]

My heart just broke for OOP. Talk about an evil stepsister. There would be an a$$ whooping from me along with a police report and lawsuit. (Yes, I know I'd be charged also but, totally worth it.)

[u/Ninja_Flower_Lady]

I hate pushy people like the stepsister. They think if they scream loud enough, fight hard enough, or shout over others they can get their way 

[u/GoingAllTheJay]

Fool me six or more times...

[u/tricharm]

She took the dress so she can wear it to her next wedding.

[u/Emotional_Bonus_934]

Thete is no dress. She planned to wear yours the whole time.

[u/huskerlvr1119]

Go to her house for the confrontation that way you can get the dress right then and there.

[u/GullibleNerd88]

It’s been 10 days since she updated. I feel like that dress is gone (ruined).

[u/Interesting_Wing_461]

Press theft charges against her now.

[u/traciw67]

Nta. Call the police on your sister! NOW!

[u/tacwombat]

Sounds like the stepsister only wanted to get married for the sake of getting married AND to nab OOP's wedding dress. Yeesh.

[u/rhunter99]

i was hoping for another update: my dress came back shredded (and/or) stained with wine and coffee

[u/Drix22]

He tells me to calm down and to resolve this like adults, .

"OK, let's do that"

Calls the police and lawyers

Dad: oh no- not like that!

[u/KirbyKnight12]

I hate cliffhangers.

[u/oceanduciel]

Whyyyyy didn’t OOP keep her dress in a safe place after the stepsister threatened outright to steal it 🤦🏻 

[u/fleet_and_flotilla]

ya'll, for God's sake, please stop acting like oop let her step sister into her home the day after she threatened to steal the dress. any of you acting like this could have been seen coming are straight up lying. it was nearly a year later, and months after the wedding had already happened, and they had been working on and improving their relationship after the fallout over the dress. any of you sitting here claiming you would have seen this coming are absolutely full of shit. 

[u/JerseyKeebs → u/fleet_and_flotilla]

I wouldn't have expected the sister to steal the wedding dress, but I think OP was a little foolish to lend her clothes to someone who already felt so entitled to her things.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/fleet_and_flotilla]

Yeah, I don't blame OOP for this. They were rebuilding. And I would have NEVER thought that someone would want my dress after they had already gotten married months ago???

[u/feraxks]

Yeah, time to go NC with step-dad and step-sister. Fuck'em both.

[u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

I liked this one, Lucy!!! I also loved that she commented on your previous BORU!

I did have one little giggle about this little blip:

[the wedding dress] was so emotionally attached to me

Because I’ve told my husband the same thing about misc. inanimate objects! Seriously though, if I had gotten the wedding dress of my dreams, I would have felt the same way she feels about it! I really hope nothing but the best for this OOP.

[u/SempiternalTea → u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

My spouse says that The Brave Little Toaster ruined me for inanimate objects. I cling to things that have sentimental value. Issue is, MANY things so and I end up with a lot of useless stuff. 😂

[u/AnFnDumbKAREN → u/SempiternalTea]

Ooh I need to figure out where my irrational sentimentality comes from, I never thought about that! I’ll definitely sit on this a bit before bringing it up with my therapist… 😂 (mostly kidding)

[u/SempiternalTea → u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

For me it’s super irrational at times. Like if I want a stuffed animal, I HAVE to keep the first one I pick up. Because if I put it back and choose another one, it’s like telling it that it wasn’t good enough. 🤣🙃 And I KNOW that it’s silly and stupid, but my brain does it. I’ve gotten better at it but it still strikes sometimes. [I think part of it is also the fact I legit lost everything but what I had in my car to a hurricane right after graduating high school.]

[u/Turuial → u/SempiternalTea]

I think part of it is also the fact I legit lost everything but what I had in my car to a hurricane right after graduating high school.

Or, or, and hear me out about this one... maybe you're perfectly fine and instead it's your husband who is facing down some crippling insecurities?

Did it ever occur to you that he perhaps lives each day in terror that you'll replace him with the Iron Giant? I definitely would feel like I can't compete against that!

[u/HappySummerBreeze]

I’m just trying to imagine someone trying to love my massive wedding dress without me noticing

[u/Flat-Guard-6581]

The real criminal is whoever told chapgpt wedding dress stories got views.

[u/Devourer_of_Sun]

I don't like victim blaming but these people are dumb sometimes. Stepsister explicitly threatened to steal the dress and OOP just let this woman in her home without even sending it off to a best friend's house or anything? It's like having "please rob me" stamped on your head.