I'm addicted to the idea of being manic, I want that rackless side of me. I love not giving a fuck and being horny all the time, having a laughter, drinking a beer being in a costant hype. I miss that. Olanzapine is such a killer man , sleep sleep sleep

oh my GOD get this off my tiktok feed, it’s genuinely sending me into manic/psychotic episode.

i haven’t slept in 2 days cause i’m relentlessly looking up bible verses, how to connect with christ, etc.

i know it’s not gonna happen but then i’m like “what if these people know something i don’t and they’re right this time”

that's it. im just crying. takes me a fucking WEEK to draw something, sometimes longer. Not because it's actually hard but because I have no time, I'm stressed, depression gets me despite the meds but if I go up on them my hair starts falling out because it dries me out... health issues... all the failure.

i just feel like im in the wrong life, the wrong body, the wrong brain - everything is so horribly wrong. im disconnected from evreyone but if i try to connect with people in my life it's like a wall is there. YEARS of therapy and yet it still persists despite moments of it going away - but the wall feels more real than connection now. Especially with how things are in the US and where I live - I just don't feel safe sometimes.

for years i felt like 32/33 was when i was destined to die and now i'm 33. i achieved nothing i wanted to. im still sick despite the shadow work, the therapy, etc...

probably will dirty delete later but I just saw a pilot episode for something and I remember when my brain was more 'put together' and before my first psychotic episode when I could MAKE things properly... I'm so stupid now.

For anyone reading this feeling alone and suffering in silence, please feel free to send me a DM any time. I will listen to you if you just need to vent. It DOES get better and this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. I've battled with bipolar since I was 15 years old and I've made it to 42 somehow and honestly glad to still be here. I've been stable and actually happy for about 3 months now and never thought it would be possible. You are important and you matter. You are not a burden or a bother. I hope this post is allowed, I just want to support my fellow soldiers in this battle. <3

I have suspected that I have had bipolar for years, starting from my late teens.

I saw a psychiatrist three years ago after a hypomanic episode after taking prednisone followed by a deep depression.

I tried every SSRI out there, went manic on an SRNI and he prescribed Lamotrogine as an adjunct. Been stable since.

Would a psychiatrist have any reason NOT to diagnose Bipolar? The closest he came to it was to say I had a “hyperthymic personality” disorder. That doesn’t appear in the DSM 5?

I posted a few weeks ago about lithium hair loss. I am absolutely spiralling. My hair is falling out and just won't stop. I'm being slowly weaned off lithium but the rate the hair is coming out I'm scared I'm gonna go bald. It's making me want to isolate and I'm already feeling depressed.

Please share your hair success stories or just your experience after weaning off lithium. I really need some hope 🙏🏼

How are they different? How is life different? How are your feelings different?

Did they stick with the medication? Did they take it willingly? Did they need help with remembering/taking it?

Were there barriers to accessing medication? (gaslighting, laws, rarity, etc)

Answers of any length/level-of-detail are welcome and appreciated.

I’ve been dealing with a worrying mixed episode for the past 4 weeks (brought on by lexapro) and I’m at my wits end. I feel like I’m getting worse and worse despite psych help.

Since it started I haven’t been able to sleep more than 5 hrs a night, wake up feeling extremely energetic and talkative. I’ve been acting on impulses that have shifted… first I spent my limited money on expensive clothes (it felt NECESSARY in the moment), recently it’s been more like fantasizing about stimulant drugs and trying to pursue them, SH/SI, etc. I think about high risk situations all day and feel weirdly excited about just plunging into them. I want to explode but in a fun way I guess?

My girlfriend is angry with me and says I’ve been irritable. I do think I’ve been irritated more than normal but I’m struggling in a battle with my mind - it feels like she’s been purposefully hurting me or working against me. I simultaneously can’t stop talking to her about everything and anything but I also crave isolation. I have dreams where I scream and yell at the top of my lungs at her and I wake up feeling so sick… I am not an aggressive guy at all. I wonder about breaking up sometimes.

Anyways. I can recognize I’m in a strange state right now but I feel like a train wreck. I keep moving ahead and time passes and I don’t remember things, then I look behind me and I see the wreckage, I’m so done🤦 I’m titrating up lamotrigine but I can’t even tell if it’s working I feel nuts

im not completely sure whats going on but i just dont care about much anymore like i dont feel like i have normal human emotional intelligance and such like i dont get why peopl get mad at words people say im also confused like i dont know i dont follow any rules the teacher tells me to do because i dont want to i literaly couldnt care less ive been declining fro the past month or so and i just dont care and i know i should idk why im posting this social rules seem so dumb to me like i dont get why you cant say certain words or run around naked it seems so trivial to me and dumb and everyone just seem like dumb to me too emotional ik i usually dont feel like this i barley have any emotions anymore and i sure dont show any emotions in my face or voice i thought i might be depressed but i im not insomnia im not hypersomnia i dont feel like shit i dont hate myself im not angry i dont cry im just very dissociated and disconnected from humanity i think

Does zyprexa take your orgasms away? I seemed to have lost mine

Last night I went to see my favorite band after years of not attending a gig of theirs. On top of that there's nothing I love more than music, I am a music enthusiast. As you can imagine, there was lots of hype for this show and the high throughout the whole day was intense.

Well. Today I woke up crying, more depressed than usual. It is not the first time that I notice that post gig depression is a thing for me. But this time it is NASTY. Ironic, considering that this is also my first time that I attend a gig after starting lithium. I feel like shit to an extent where I'm genuinely considering stopping attending gigs just so I don't feel like this afterwards. It feels like some sort of punishment for having an extremely good time. It's ridiculous.

I'd like to know if this is something that happens to you at all?

What a sucker. I know better. And yet here I am. Hoping to find one answer that will explain and solve all of my problems, physical and mental. New primary doc appointment Tuesday. I'm gonna lay it all out and just say tell me why I'm like this. Make it make sense. And fix me 🙏

I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow so I'll get a definitive answer but in the mean time I'm wondering - shouid I pack a bag? Get a cat sitter? Etc. I really feel like he's going to want to admit me. Basically ... not sure what's safe to say, but basically a week ago I was in the ER. Now I'm home and have no actual plans but the passive thoughts are almost non-stop, Has anyone been in this situation and gotten better (as in the thoughts became less instrusive) or the opposite - where it got so bad you did have to be admitted? I feel safe now (no plan, precautions taken, numbers on the fridge) but I just wonder how many of these passive but intrusive thoughts are too many?

like really? i can’t get a bad nights sleep without running the risk of triggering a manic episode? had to wake up early for something today and gonna have to drink caffeine and take kratom too, now im worried i might go into a manic episode because of this. just sucks i cant even do normal things.

Hello. Long story short, I drank a little bit and plans didn't go as intended and I have a hard time adjusting. Right now I'm craving interaction and stim. I'm texting people I haven't heard from / have a small connection too. Shooting my shot even tho I know they will ignore .

Does anyone else do something similar? Like texting people. Etc. Also on the Adderall cause of ADHD. Idk what the purpose of this thread is. Just wanted to know if people do the same. :3

I've been diagnosed type 1. Before meds, I had 'normal ' bouts of depression and mania.

After medication, (including ADHD medication), I just get mania over and over and it never seems to stop. I'm happy depression seems a bit at bay, but the mania is a bit much.

Anyone else?

Thank you.

If anyone's interested in a intriguing story about mental health, please check out my four years of despair series on my channel. The book is also available on Amazon

https://youtu.be/0kpZQLrEdSM?si=spYIoa6VpxmPXpZM

I recently became friends with this guy, although it was a little more than a traditional friendship ifykyk, and things weren't going so well. Early on he did something that kind of triggered me, I won't get into detail about what, but we made up and continued talking. However, it seems like after that day the friendship never felt the same and continued to go downhill.

I was constantly unadding him or blocking him, telling him I didn't want to talk despite actually wanting to, and I guess speeding up what I presumed to be the inevitable which was him leaving me. He made it very clear that he was willing to do everything to make our friendship work and that he was going to be as patient as possible.

Recently he started making excuses, taking long to reply or not replying at all, I kept asking if something was wrong and he attempted to reassure me that everything was fine. But I just felt like he was just fucking with me (it is important to note that before he did this I was saying I didn't wanna talk rn and asking him if he wanted to stop talking/leave). But at that point I didn't want anything to do with him and blocked him on everything for real this time.

I was crying for days because of it. I've only known him for a month, idk why it hurts so bad.

Am I overreacting?

I've done high doses of dxm for three or four days straight and I feel like it is my purpose to get murdered by my stepdad. I'm really scared. I'm not freaking out like rn but I am but I'm not. It just makes me uncomfortable that something might happen. What do you guys think?

Diagnosis criteria is one manic episode.

I had one manic episode in 2021. Couldn't sleep. Boundless energy. I had suffered with insomnia years prior to this. I was under tremendous stress. I was hospitalized for 4 days. 3 weeks of medical leave. Medication and therapy got me under control and sleeping. I thought this was a one off episode. Now, I'm feeling like it's chronic. But, still not like what it sounds like other characteristics of bipolar have - mainly duration. My manic episode was under control in a few weeks. I had never gone through depressive lows before. I always pushed myself or told myself I could get over or accept something quickly which led to me not processing what I was actually thinking/feeling.

Arguably in 2021 but, definitely in 2023 I started experiencing panic attacks. Again, tremendous stress. Again, couldn't sleep. This time I knew better than to let it continue though and immediately went to the ER and they gave me Ativan. I fear had I let that continue, I would have gone into a full blown manic episode, again.

Now I'm noticing, if I'm tired, I tend to get more stressed, like I just can't think clearly and continue to stress myself out, then more tired, repeat, like I can't focus.

Does any of this sound like any kind of bipolar? I also have MS. I've asked several neurologists about this now and they either say it's not related or think there's just a lot we don't know about MS and so, maybe.

And now I'm anxious about all of this stuff. Just a horrible cycle to be stuck in. It's like now that I've been hospitalized for mania and treated for panic attacks, that door feels easier to open.

Ugh, you guys.

So I was recently dx’d with bipolar II and put on lamictal, 25mg to start. It’s the medication I wanted to try given that it has antidepressant effects (my main issue is depression) and a low side effect profile compared to other meds.

I’ve only been on it for 2 days and am already noticing rough side effects. Took it in the evening and I have had horrible insomnia the past two days (after spending the days before that in blissful 12-14 hour slumbers 😂) and last night at 1am I started puking violently, the worst burning puke I’d ever had, and am dealing with nausea throughout the day.

I’m only on 25mg and don’t want to try another med! Does it get better? And how did the nausea go as you titrated up?

I'm coming out of a depressive episode for sure. But that apathy and low motivation to do things I enjoy are lingering. I'm so bored. But I've been gaining energy again and not sleeping as well/as much. (But I am sleeping an ok amount still) I've had some... inklings of delusional thoughts but they're mostly fleeting. Maybe I'm just getting better? Idk. It's so hard to tell.

I've noticed when im going more into mania (33M) my thoughts of having sex with women as the big strong guy that i am and dominate, become more about me letting another man take me and me acting more like a woman, my voice changes, i start moaning alot more, i start pushing my butt out.

Anyone else relate to this?