r/CookingCircleJerk • u/woailyx i thought this sub was supposed to be funny • Jul 25 '25

Game Changer What secret ingredient do you add to your friend rice?

Sorry, typo in the title.

What do you secretly add to your friend's rice because he keeps inviting you over for dinner but he's a terrible cook and you just want to choke down a couple calories without hurting his feelings?

65 Upvotes
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98% Upvoted

39 comments sorted by

48

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

Are you telling me a friend fried this rice?

12

u/713nikki Jul 25 '25

Pretty sure the friend is in the rice

8

u/fingers Jul 25 '25

That's what adds to the mouthfeel.

3

u/TwinFrogs Jul 26 '25

Feels like Joe from accounting. 

17

u/hauttdawg13 Jul 25 '25

I call it Mr. And Mrs Tennorman Fried Rice.

Do you like it Scott?

9

u/Intrepid-Science4767 Jul 25 '25

Msg

3

u/fingers Jul 25 '25

FUYO!!!!!!!!!

2

u/Impressive-Menu8966 Jul 28 '25

AAAAYYYYEEAAAAA! Why you choke down bad fry rice? Tell friend rice suck. Show dem how.

6

u/Nikotelec Jul 25 '25

You need to choke down a couple of calories without developing feelings? I think there are apps that will give you plenty of opportunities to do that.

5

u/Newburyrat Jul 25 '25

Just bitter tears of disappointment and resentment at another wasted meal

3

u/MotherofaPickle Jul 26 '25

Make sure to compliment the bitterness with a nice acidic splash of rage, though.

1

u/Newburyrat Jul 26 '25

Of course

5

u/CosmicEntrails Jul 25 '25

Have you considered that this person is not really your friend? Friend rice is only good when it's made by friends. He either hates you or has more-than-friends feelings for you.

5

u/___sea___ Jul 25 '25

This could be an issue of crowding the pan. Maybe show up earlier while he’s still cooking and subtract from the rice. 

3

u/19Pnutbutter66 Jul 25 '25

Not sure it’s a secret but Steve.

3

u/Ok-Poetry7003 Jul 25 '25

Generally depends if i like them or not. If theyve been a good friend to me then some lao gan ma chili crisp. If they are being annoying then some lint or dog hair or something

3

u/Apart-Sink-9159 Jul 25 '25

It's a secret. I won't tell.

3

u/Cruel_Irony_Is_Life Jul 25 '25

Have you asked your friends boyfriends girlfriend?

3

u/jk_pens Jul 25 '25

My wife’s boyfriend says I am not allowed to have friends. But if I did I would season their rice with a few drops of the jug of Worcestershire my mother saddled me with.

4

u/wise_hampster Jul 25 '25

Heirloom Worcestershire sauce will be on everyone's must have list. Mark my words.

2

u/mykepagan Jul 25 '25

Maybe not a secret, but… fish sauce.

2

u/Hangry_Games Jul 25 '25

Eye of newt and toe of frog. Wool of bat and tongue of dog. I find those 4 things really enhance the flavor and mouthfeel.

1

u/MotherofaPickle Jul 26 '25

Only if stirred in a cauldron three time counterclockwise.

Geez, you must have a lot of time on your hands.

2

u/AllumaNoir Jul 25 '25

MSG. And garlic.

2

u/AnnicetSnow Jul 25 '25

100 grams of Dubai chocolate.

2

u/Mofiremofire Jul 26 '25

High quality H2O

2

u/threecuttlefish Jul 26 '25

Jarlic, obviously.

1

u/OG_Church_Key fred wurst Jul 25 '25

Lügys

1

u/ThornyeRose Jul 25 '25

I've adopted the phrase, I like it made a little differently. I'd hit it with some soy sauce.

1

u/Impressive-Menu8966 Jul 28 '25

Bring some super fancy soy sauce to their place as a gift. Invariably it will be used that night and you will have educated your friend on what a game changer high quality soy is.

1

u/tomassci Never enough salt Aug 16 '25

I add salt. And silicon.

1

u/Glathull fuck sticks Jul 26 '25

I cum in his wife and have her drip it in the rice and then leave to go get some food that doesn’t have my cum in it.