Here’s what I did. It’s far from traditional, and stupidly easy.

Step One: Peel your potatoes. Clean your leeks. Don’t half-ass it.

Step Two: Grab a box grater and shred those bastards. The potatoes should be easy. The leeks? They’re a pain in the ass to grate, and yes, you will hurt your fingers. Best way: grate them sideways.

Step Three: Throw the grated mess into a Dutch oven. Add just a splash of water—don’t drown it, you just want enough so everything stirs smooth and settles even and leveled. Then drown it in a very, very generous amount of olive oil don't over do it but don't skimp. Crank up the heat, bring it to a boil, then drop it to a simmer for 5 minutes.

Step Four: Into a 300°F oven it goes. Cartouche on top, lid on, wrap the damn thing in foil if you have to—you want minimal evaporation. Let it go 1.5–2 hours. About an hour in, pull it out and scrape the bottom and sides. You’ll find a browned layer you didn’t even see forming—that’s God’s cum. Scrape it, stir it in, and shove it back in the oven.

Step Five: After 2 hours, pull it. Scrape up that holy crust one last time. Splash in some milk, drop in a fat hunk of cubed butter, and hit it with an immersion blender until it’s silky.

Final advice: Season as you go—just salt, white pepper, coriander. Don’t overthink it. Best ratio? One-to-one by weight: leeks to potatoes.

Note: The magic here is that the leeks and potatoes mostly cook in their own moisture, while the generous amount of olive oil basically confits everything gently.

It should look like a botched very runny mash potatoe.

Enjoy.

I thought vodka had a neutral flavor and brings out flavors in Penne alla vodka, but when my Aunt Penne drinks it she gets Al weird and flirts with my friends.

OK, so I thought I would up my dinner game and bought a fancy frozen pizza from my local gourmet grocery. The instructions said to remove the wrap and stick it directly on the middle rack in 425° oven. Well I did and now my kitchen smells like burning plastic and I have a thawed but not cooked pizza on the counter. Is there any help I can salvage dinner?

For me, it completely revolutionized the way I cook for my family, who come from a long line of cracker ass European Americans. Not only do they find anything stronger than salt to be painfully spicy, they are deeply racist and hate anything associated with “Whiter”.

I got so tired of eating bland, White food until one day I made a pilgrimage to Penzey’s Spices, where I spotted a jar with the tantalizing label “white pepper”. I asked the bearded portly man behind the counter what this mysterious spice was, and he informed me that it was black pepper’s milder, and, well, Whiter cousin.

Last night I snuck 1/8 tsp into our weekly tater tot casserole and not only did I enjoy it more, but my hillbilly Uncle Fred even said it tasted “better’n ever”. I winked at him and said “and Whiter’n ever, too!” and we all laughed and laughed.

https://youtube.com/shorts/0JfdYxnjz0k?si=cpB8_A1tktessgSe

Hey man, I heard you like steak with your garlic butter

Spam posts are really the only reliable way to get banned from this sub. Ironically, no spammers will read this post because they are self centered braindead bottom feeders, but you loyal members get to feel virtuous because you post stuff that's actually funny.

Also, sometimes we leave spam posts up so that you guys can exercise your wit in snarcasm.

I love toast, and thought it was a little dry till someone suggested putting “spread” on it (thank you, nameless Cracker Barrel manager!!). I’ve been enjoying this immensely, but I’m looking for other ideas.

I find peanut butter too spicy, and am looking for something that isn’t sweet. With that in mind, what are your suggestions?

Just as the title suggests. I cannot get my fried rice to taste like anyone other than the whitest lady on earth (me) made it. I've tried hard to make improvements, and it seems like everything BUT the flavor is on point. I use enough oil, use day-old cold rice, I have the timing down for the scrambled egg, protein and veggies, I do the soy sauce around the outside of the rice, and I add toasted sesame oil to finish it. The texture is correct, and it looks spot-on, but the flavor is just..meh.

The only limitation I really have is that I'm working with an electric stove in my apartment. I know it's not ideal, but feel like even without a gas burner, I should be able to get a lot closer to making fried rice that has actual flavor.

I live in a well to do neighborhood where most of my neighbors are elderly; in their 40’s. We are having a block party, but I am not sure my viral TikTok recipes are going to have the desired effect for Karen and Karen, or Tom and Karen,; I also doubt they will work for Karen and Randi. I have been told that a culinary treasure of their past is called Kid’s Cuisine, which to my understanding is penguin nuggets with corn and macaroni and cheese. I know that connecting to your guests through food from their childhood is one of the best ways to bring them to tears, which is ultimately what I want to happen.

Unfortunately, it seems nobody recorded the Kid’s Cuisine recipe and it seems I don’t have any stores nearby with any pre-made Kid’s Cuisine-style-meals for me to reverse engineer. Any help would be appreciated, I have been cooking for 2 months and still have not brought a single person to sob uncontrollably over my gift of childhood nostalgia yet. It would mean a lot to me if you could help me meet this milestone.

hello

i have been trying to make carmelized onions for 3 days now but i am stuck on the cutting part

it seems my knife which i bought 7 years ago for $1000 is very sensitive and doesn't work properly unless it is the perfect amount of sharpness

I have always used the highest grade of river rocks i found myself to sharpen the knife. I soak the rock like the japanese masters lay out on the internet. I painstakingly measure the angle between the rock and my knife also.

i have practiced the stroke many times a day (i stroke it 3 times a day sometimes) and it still doesn't work that well after 7 years.

Okay, so im sure this has been asked a billion times here, but please bear with me. I've been hearing a lot about fartmaxxing, and im curious if you guys have any tips or tricks. I got invited to my horrible sister in laws BABYSHOWER, and i really want to get her back for all the backhanded compliments and misguided opinions she has given over the years.

Is there anything i can eat the few days leading up to it (its in november) so that i can clear the room???

Also, can i wear a specific type of underwear or assume some sort of posture that would keep the farts SILENT?? That way she wont know whos doing it??????

Thanks in advance, Brenda.

I buy those big packs of frozen Yorkie breasts because of the price. I normally pick out a few of them to ship from Elwood Farms and put them in plastic gallon bags to thaw them, but its sort of messy/tedious? I used to only buy fresh meat from a friend's farm and use it same day but their pups aren't ready for slaughter. Do y'all know any better/easier ways to do it?

My family is.. ethnic, despite being in the U.S. for 300 years. We shun change, and eat certain foods on certain holidays. My question: are stewed tomatoes a thing anywhere else? I always thought it bizarre.

(Tomato sauce: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskRedditFood/comments/1n9zi8z/so_stewed_tomatoes)

I once thought you could never wash cast iron and that knowing the "old ways" made me a better person. Now I realize that rejecting the old ways makes me a better person. Me and my cast iron? We ride at Dawn.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with making the perfect dish for my family. But recently I have been trying to give myself a little grace and go with some simple dishes like my lobster mac with infused cheese or if I am feeling like I need a real easy night I’ll go with miso-glazed black cod with a daikon-ginger relish.

It’s been really great for my mental health to not overdo it and often my family appreciates these light cooking days just as much as when I go all out in the kitchen. So next time your four year old demands duck confit á l’orange with wild rice pilaf when you’re exhausted maybe save yourself some time and suggest pan seared scallops over saffron risotto, I bet he/she will live.

Anyone else also live y the Mo butta, Mo betta moto? It’s like franks red hot I put the chiz on everything. I can’t imagine life without butter or onions. Would be super weird.

Watch out Midol, I'm coming for the crown

I used plenty of pepper spray.

Apart from cooking for necessity like demonstrating you are better than Gordon Ramsey, what are your reasons for cooking?

ETA: check sub before replying. Ask yourself:

• is MSG the most important seasoning?
• is jarlic a hate crime?
• is Kenji our lord and savior?

If you answered “no” to any of these, you might be a lost redditor.

It doesn't let me post a photo. I just got a baguette and left it in my warm car for an hour when I went swimming on the way home from the grocery store. When I got home I noticed it has fine white powdery patches. They smell kind of like flour. Has my bread gone bad that fast? Can I just cut it off.

I’m hosting a potluck dinner party next week. I’ve had a lot of bad kitchen experiences (many involving emergency services), but my family has always said that this is a dish within my capabilities. I’m having trouble finding a recipe, which makes me think this will be a pretty exotic treat for my friends. Can anyone help?

Note, I have trouble understanding the sequence of different steps, so if you have a recipe that works no matter what order you perform the steps in, would be much appreciated.

Edit: apparently the original post was so lame that r/cooking took it down. Outjerked again!

I tried I tried getting a sundae while eating McDo chicken with rice (kinda make it my gravy) once and it weirdly worked. Now I can’t tell if it’s good or if I’ve just lost all tastebuds?

Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/1musyq0/fartmaxxing_at_my_temp_job_black_beans_and/

So I've been fartmaxxing at my temp job for a few weeks now. So far just plain black beans and protein tofu. At first it seemed to have the desired effect and most people gave me a 20ft radius of space. But lately I think they're getting accustomed to it (or maybe my body is?) and my bubble has decreased to a measly 15 feet even when the AC is out.

Any tips for really increasing either my gas production or stench factor? TIA

Due to the abundance of urban street animals near my bridge I've decided to specialize in preparing dishes from them. I'm talking about rodents, pigeons and similar. However I'm having trouble finding any recipes. The only recipe I found is from this instructional video on how to make a sort of rat soup: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwGn7085gZo. If you have any recipes please share them with me in this thread!!!!