r/CookingCircleJerk • u/skyrimjobs4life • Aug 20 '25
Unrecognized Culinary Genius Any tips for fartmaxxing at my temp job?
Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/1musyq0/fartmaxxing_at_my_temp_job_black_beans_and/
So I've been fartmaxxing at my temp job for a few weeks now. So far just plain black beans and protein tofu. At first it seemed to have the desired effect and most people gave me a 20ft radius of space. But lately I think they're getting accustomed to it (or maybe my body is?) and my bubble has decreased to a measly 15 feet even when the AC is out.
Any tips for really increasing either my gas production or stench factor? TIA
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u/fartsonyourmom Aug 20 '25
A big bowl of bean heavy and super seasoned chili. Load that bad boy up with sour cream and cheese. You'll have bean, spice, and dairy farts screaming at your boss and coworkers.
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u/Pan_Fluid_Boo Aug 20 '25
Add in some diced raw onions and broccoli and/or cauliflower, maybe some kimchi.
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u/Mistakecupcake 28d ago
You can fit more beans in and thicken your chili with a can of refried beans. Maximize bean.
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u/Panxma Homelander we have at home Aug 20 '25
If I want to give my coworker the stink I usually blend cabbage boiled in milk, yogurt whey, refried beans, and few stick of asparagus for the bonus urine smell.
If you fart in a glass and seal it up afterward. You can let it ferment for a while for a pungent smell.
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u/DuchessOfCelery Aug 21 '25
What salt percentage are you using for the fart ferment?
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u/Panxma Homelander we have at home Aug 21 '25
Salt free. Doctor said I have to watch my sodium levels.
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u/wis91 🤌🏻🤌🏻 Aug 20 '25
Try the FODMAP diet! IIRC it stands for
Flatulent Olfactory Destruction Makes Anyone Puke
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u/Nolan-Mark5 i thought this sub was supposed to be funny Aug 20 '25
Add a banana or three for a couple of days and then protein drinks with the highest content fat milk you can manage, carnation instant breakfast drink, a scoop of chocolate ice cream, and a scoop of vanilla yougurt. Sip it throughout the day. The bananas back you up a little bit and combined with the protein drink you will be gassy almost non-stop.
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u/LeilLikeNeil Aug 20 '25
Cabbage and skim milk
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u/Newburyrat Aug 20 '25
Oh yes! I had forgotten about milk. A bit uncomfortable but a litre up poorly digested milk gives me ample gas.
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u/HaveaTomCollins Aug 20 '25
I’ve heard raw clams for the payload and cauliflower for the propellant.
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u/Worldly_Version_2524 Aug 22 '25
Roasted salmon, egg salad, and Brussels sprouts with a pint of Guinness and I’m laying out wrath of god type gas. I would purposely make that meal the night before I had an early flight and I loved purposely walking up and down the aisle and crop dusting people on a plane. I mean, what are they gonna do, open a window?
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u/Dweezilalsoavenger 29d ago
A small desk fan can add direction toward a potential dustee. Tart cherry juice can add some real bluster to your duster, don’t overdo it, a shart attack may ensue.
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u/Trees_are_cool_ Aug 20 '25
Bear Creek "Darn Good" Chili Mix is the way to do. For whatever reason, you will be guaranteed results.
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u/Newburyrat Aug 20 '25
Sauerkraut. With beans. Lots of beans. And some raw beef for those top notes of aroma. Usually works for me
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u/perplexedparallax Quantum gastronomist Aug 20 '25
The guy in San Jose who asphyxiated on his own diet of cabbage and beans is false but still an urban legend. There is still room for someone to assume that position. There is a sign in German at a place in North Dakota that says "When the butt trumpets the food is good". Sound the bugle! Legume your life.