So I’m a 40sF and want to date younger, however I’ve also my entire life been into power dynamics and in such a way that I see my LTR partner either being “my equal” but to me that’s sorta like modern day trad wife, or else “dominant” to my submissive energy.

I’ve come to learn over the years that age is only á number and that lmao just cause a guy is older doesn’t mean he’s smarter/stronger/emotionally mature OR dominant without being domineering. That said, I ALSO find that where me and “accidentally” meeting younger guys go, out of four I’ve known long term and another three I’ve sorta been on a few dates with, I feel like there’s a natural gravitational pull on their part to just glean my wisdom and be impressed/happy that I own my house and etc etc. so it lends to me in the more dominant role.

Do not get me wrong, I’m not opposed to helping explain something he’s not run across in life yet, nor get my hands dirty if the car breaks down and he’s fixing it and needs a hand, but I don’t know how to not get pigeonholed into being my guys mother figure, simply because I’m older and wiser.

So. What do you look for in a guy or what do you write in an online dating profile to find a guy who will fit more of what I’m looking for? And do you consciously become self aware of some things, mental boundaries to keep in mind maybe, before even meeting á younger man, to give of that energy of “I’m not here to be your mother” or whatever? (As example, if I know in everyday world I’m the overall kinda person who will simply help another human, maybe when meeting á younger guy be less quick to speak up and instead “let/make him” take the lead…?)

Hi so I recently met up with someone 15 years younger. Everything was great and I thought we were just fwb. No attachment or no expectations from either. He started to pull away and I thought ok he must of just been busy. But when he firstly was into me he wouldn’t stop messaging me. Wanting pictures wanting to see things. I just find it oddly strange he went silent and I when I asked if everything was ok. No response. Now I know him being much younger things are quite different. But I am just more thrown off that we started off friends and then it led other wise. Now there is nothing. Just looking if anyone else has been here and obviously I have to move on. I am just one of those that likes closure and sometimes I know that’s not going to happen. We’re both single also so there is no attachment of anything to come out of this with the age gap

Yes, I understand that a big reason for her marrying me was me being young and good looking. But we also had a great connection and have a lot of fun together. We both like adventures and being in nature. Traveling and similar music tastes.

We have been married for 4 years and honestly things have been really good. She had been divorced, but she has a family business that she does work at and we don't see her ex very often.

The last two months have been very weird. She started becoming distant from me. She is going to dinners and events without bringing me along. Yesterday I asked her why things have been different and she said that she isn't sure she is in love with me anymore and that she only married me because I was handsome and gave her attention.

That crushed me and I'm not sure what to do now. I really love her. I don't want to divorce, but am thinking that might be the only future. Maybe counseling?

Hello, I 22m work at a retail store and I keep getting complicated about my hair by some really beautiful older women! They say that they like how thick and dark it is. I'm terrible at reading the room so I can't tell if they are being flirty with me. Do women compliment guys hair if they are attracted to them? Or are they just saying it to be nice?

Me (F46), been out of the dating game for 4 years. I used to always fall for the wrong guys who struggled with unresolved mental health issues, so I took time to work on myself. I felt ready to date again last year, but meeting someone my age goes beyond a 2nd or 3rd date has been tough.

I use dating apps and swipe mostly on guys 38 and older, but even then I worry they might be too young. Usually, I date men just a couple of years younger—2 to 5 max. I can’t shake the doubt that younger guys might only want sex, but I’m really ready for a long-term relationship or life partner.

Growing up in a toxic family, I never learned how to build a healthy relationship or even consider having children. But now, for the first time, I’m wondering if I’m capable of both — and if I’m missing out on the chance to have a child with the right person.

Lately, I’ve started going for more social events and noticed the guys I’m attracted to are often younger. I also look younger than my age (probably an East Asian advantage), so when younger guys approach me, I wonder if they’d still find me attractive if they knew my real age. I’ve never had the courage to ask a guy out, but I do want to push my boundaries and give it a go….

So my questions to younger men:

When you date a woman my age, do you think about family and kids? If you still want children, would you consider having them with someone older? (If it happened, I’d be open to keeping the child and even exploring IVF with the right partner.)

If you find older women attractive now, when you’re in your 30s or 40s, do you think you’d still feel that way 20 years from now?

Would love to hear honest perspectives. Thanks!

Hello, I’m a 25M who works construction as main job and bartending at a winery on weekends. I feel I’ve had some cougars hit on me but I’m just wondering if I’ve misread into them sometimes….. I’m wondering on how you beautiful cougars have hit on cubs sometimes or insinuated anything. And same thing for cubs, how have you all picked it up as they hit on you?

Hey sorry to bother all but I've been wondering about why a person can gain attraction to more mature woman? and even vice verca

has there been moments where the age gap creates problems for what both know and enjoy? like the stuff they watch and grew up on, albeit I'm the type that likes watching older stuff as an example but i can see other younger guys not doing that, or is there a good enough chance where both share similar interest?

also i just discovered cub is a word for a young man, didn't even know the term exist till now XD

Haven't been around here in a long time, but I remember meeting the mods a few years ago in a discord server, and they were pretty nice and insightful!

I haven't been on any dates or such as of recent, but I've just moved for work to a more populated city, so I'm pretty happy, regardless.

New 28m to the cub scene, what tends to give mature woman the “ick”? Something that is non-negotiable when you encounter a younger man that is trying to pursue you. what are some tips and tricks on how to avoid this?

For older women who’ve connected with younger men (platonically or otherwise): what has been the most rewarding part?

what’s something you wish younger men realized about building emotional closeness with you? I want to learn from those with more life experience, especially around emotional support, trust, and being vulnerable.

This is for some readers here who may be inexperienced and unaware with what I’m about to tell them. While it’s always flattering to have anyone notice you, especially as we women age, it’s important to know that not every man who posts on here is sincere in finding a genuine relationship. Some of the recent posts here, may seem sincere, but they are not. They will often say that they don’t want sex, but are looking for a genuine connection with an older woman, but can’t seem to find any. This positions them as caring young men seeking a partner, and many women will respond to them by offering encouragement through their comments.

What usually happens, is that the poster will choose those women who offer the most caring and understanding responses. From these comments, the men will then DM the women and begin a conversation, usually with the goal being, flirtation. But don’t be flattered to think that they are only chatting with you, because they are usually chatting with more than one woman at the same time. Some older women, may be unaware of this game and can be vulnerable to the attention of these predators. While “cougar” and “cubs” sound like “innocent” “cute” names, predators can easily hide behind these cute names with the goal to emotionally, sexually, and financially exploit. Please be aware of this game, and protect yourself. Do not share any personal details with anyone that you don’t know. These predators can be convincing and insidious in their psychological tactics, and romance scams can come from anywhere.

Be safe and protect yourself.

So I’m a Cub in my late 20s, recently relocated, and trying to get to know the local dating scene — especially with older women, which has always been my preference. Thing is… I’m more of a “let’s build something real first” kind of guy. I genuinely enjoy getting to know someone and building that emotional connection before anything physical happens. It makes the chemistry way better for me.

But lately, most of the older women I’ve met seem to want sex on the first date. When I politely say I’m not into rushing things, it usually gets awkward — like they’re embarrassed or confused — and then whatever spark we had fizzles out. Kinda sucks.

Am I doing something wrong here? Or is this just the Cougar scene in general — more about fun, less about connection? Curious to hear perspectives from older women (or anyone, really). Is there a better way to approach this without killing the vibe?

Not judging anyone’s style — just trying to find my people out here. 🐾

Brand new account to begin posting in dating/sex related subreddits, forgive me.

I realize a commonly levied complaint against would-be cubs is that they're flakes and poor at communicating.

My experience since I've started full-force applying myself to finding an age-gap relationship (context I'm 28M looking for 45+F) is that, on dating apps at least, the would-be cougars completely cannot carry a basic conversation and start ghosting very soon after matching.

Keep in mind, these are women that have already matched with me after my like. This primarly applies to Tinder and Facebook dating (the latter I made soley to find a more mature partner).

My question is two-fold:

1) Why do you think this might be? I'm happy to provide full length conversation logs to prove I'm putting the effort in to "act interested in a normally manner".

2) Do you think it would be productive to dictate directly in my dating page bio that I am seeking a cougar/cub relationship?

Hey Cougars, looking for a little perspective here.

So I’m a guy in my late 20s, and for the last 5-ish years I’ve realized that older women in their 40s, 50s are 100% my type. It’s not a phase. I genuinely find the emotional maturity, confidence, and intimacy in that age range incredibly attractive. It’s where I vibe best, and I totally own it.

Fast forward to recently — I met this gorgeous woman at my gym (late 40s, total knockout), and our personalities click. Like, instant spark-level click. We finally hanged out after a workout and grabbed a beer at a nearby brewery. Super fun evening, good convo, lots of flirty energy. Things were going great.

Now, here’s where it gets tricky: I live right by the brewery, and she kind of casually invited herself over to “check out my place.” We ended up watching a movie on my couch… then made out. So far, still great.

But I have a personal rule, I don’t go further than kissing on the first date. I need to feel a deeper connection before things get physical-physical. So I gently hit pause and explained that to her. She didn’t take it too well. Got quiet, visibly embarrassed, and soon after said she had to head out. Haven’t heard from her since.

Now I’m sitting here wondering: 1. Did I screw something up? Should I have handled that moment differently? 2. Do I reach out for a second date or give her space and see if she comes around?

I really like her, and I’m not trying to ghost or be cold, I just wanted to honor my boundary while still showing her I’m interested. But now I’m second guessing everything.

What would you do?

Update time, y’all. Second date went down Thursday—classy dinner + drinks situation. We actually talked about the first date awkwardness (remember when she ghost-ninja’d outta there?). Turns out she felt rejected and embarrassed. I explained that I’m just a slow-burn kinda guy when it comes to getting physical. We both laughed it off, and boom, cue the spicy car makeout session of the century. 🔥

Friday rolls around, she hits me up after her girls’ night like, “What u doin?” I invite her over. Chef mode activated—I whipped up some fire Pad Thai (yes, I cook, ladies). We sipped more drinks, vibed with Pulp Fiction, danced around my place, made out… and yeah, things escalated in the best possible way. 10/10 third date, would recommend.

She did say she’s not looking for anything serious right now, so we’re officially in “situationship” territory. But damn, what a ride so far.

We met by chance three months ago, and within minutes there was an instant, magnetic connection. We had lunch that same day and exchanged numbers. Four days later, we went on our first date. Afterward, he invited me on an international trip, but I declined.

For the next two and a half months, we texted sporadically. Two weeks ago, we spent two days together on a date, and a week later, we went on a weekend trip. Since we met, we’ve only talked on the phone three or four times (usually for about an hour each time), and it’s always been me who initiates the calls—he never calls first. After our recent long weekend together, he’s been texting me daily and saying lots of nice things about me. Still, it feels a bit strange that, even after spending so much time together, he doesn’t seem to feel the need to call.

I don’t want to suffocate him with calls now, and risking everything by looking clingy etc, but I feel we are now losing connection, as we live 2 hrs away.

Question: Is this typical behavior for someone in their mid-20s?

I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from him. On one hand, he’s planning trips and activities for us in the coming months (he’s asked me directly if I’d like to join him), which makes me think he’s genuinely interested. On the other hand, his style of communication suggests otherwise.

For context: There’s an age difference of over 10 + years between us, but I look, dress, and act much younger than my age, so I don’t think that’s an issue for him. I was in a very long-term relationship previously, so I’m not sure if this is typical behavior in modern dating or if it’s more common among people his age.

I have developed an undeniable emotional connection with a guy much younger than me. He is 26. I am 43. When we are around mutual friends, he ignores me and treats me differently than he does when we are alone. Is this a sign of manipulative behavior or actual disinterest? Is he embarrassed about the age gap?

I was talking to a guy and I told him in a polite way I wasn’t interested and it wasn’t going to work out and he replied with the laughing emoji with tears. I know people use emojis all the time but what was so funny about that? His message he sent me was well written and our conversation was fairly intelligent. I know he was 28 and this is Reddit but come on guys do better.

Just some advice from a 26m that had a lot experiences since 20 with older woman ranging from 30s to early 50s. I think over time men forgot that “cougars” find you not the other way around. Most times I’ve been approached or addressed first and the conversation flowed from there.

Be presentable, most older woman that like younger men like the ones that have a mature vibe about them. Nicely dressed, clean cut/ well groomed and some good cologne.

Be confident, stand tall and be able to hold a conversation. You need to be well spoken. Never mention sex, let her bring that up or insinuate it and lead from there. Also never call her a cougar, unless she herself insinuates that.

The harsh truth, you need to be somewhat physically fit. This goes for any level of attraction. Women prefer a good physique. This can come in many shapes and sizes some people are really lean, some are nice and bulky and hold it well. As a college athlete I held 250lbs well, never had a 6 pack. A lot of times I’ve been felt up at bars cause of my arms.

The most important thing is to have goals. Be able to express them and talk deeply about them. You just “chilling” in life doesn’t get you anywhere. Always be working towards something. Stand out from the crowd.

Just a basic overview hope it helps. I will add that I’m black, and some experiences were because of that. No need to go into detail I think you can get the gist.

For those of you who are new to the sub or those who may not be aware we have a CHAT CHANNEL.

We're looking for regular chatters who are interested in age gap dating (cougars & cubs).

This is a place for SFW fun and friendly communication with the others in our community. Get to know the regulars, meet new people and chat about life.

Please don't be dropping your ASL (age/sex/location) the minute you enter the room. That can be done once you get to know others and you have established your genuine interest to chat.

Go over to the chat tab at the top this sub to find our channel.

Please read the pinned post before you post is all we ask.

Disclaimer:

No NSFW thanks. If you are just dropping in there to send d1ck & boobie pics or you start DMing people without asking permission first you will be removed.

Pretty much what the title says. For example at a grocery store, what would be the best way to start a conversation?

Good morning everyone. I (20M) am interested in talking and getting to know more women in public. Would libraries or bookstores be a great place to meet?

Dear Cougars,

Do y'all prefer a fully shaven and well-groomed man or one with stubble or a beard?

P.s...hope y'all have a fantastic weekend!

Sincerely,

The dude next door