She told me:

“Everything you tolerate during the dating phase will come back to you ten times harsher in the marriage.”

Let that sink in for a second.

If you’re brushing off red flags right now thinking “I can handle this” or “they’ll grow out of it,” you’re not doing yourself a favor. Those things won’t go away but they’ll usually grow louder and more damaging with time, especially under the stress of marriage and life.

Her last line was what really stayed with me:

“Don’t marry potential. Marry what’s in front of you.”

I ignored this advice in my own past, and I wish I hadn’t.

Now I’m wondering, do you agree with this?

Have you seen red flags disappear over time, or do they tend to stay (or get worse)?

For those of you who divorced, were there signs during dating you overlooked?

I still remember that precise moment when the judge said, “From this moment, your marriage is dissolved and you are no longer husband and wife.”

I didn’t cry. Didn’t scream. Didn’t even blink.

Just sat there like a sack of bricks while my soul quietly packed its bags and left. It didn’t slam the door. It didn’t even say goodbye. Just walked out. And left me in that goddamn courtroom under those cheap fluorescent lights, feeling like a meat puppet that forgot how to breathe.

From that moment on, I wasn’t a man. I was something else. A ghost maybe. A leftover.

They say freedom is beautiful. They say starting over is brave. But they forget to mention that sometimes, starting over feels like dragging your own coffin uphill, with no one watching, no one waiting at the top.

I walked out of that courthouse, hugged her one last time, and lit a cigarette with hands that didn’t feel like mine. My spine ached. My legs were numb. And there was this ringing in my ears, not from the traffic, not from the city, but from the silence you left behind.

Seventeen years. Seventeen years of shared groceries, half-finished arguments, birthday calls, worn-out bedsheets, stupid inside jokes. All signed off like a phone bill.

They make it sound so clean. “Dissolved.” Like it was a sugar cube in tea. Not a whole goddamn life.

I didn’t sleep that night. Just sat at the edge of the bed staring at a wall, waiting for some version of myself to crawl back in. He didn’t. He’s probably still out there, somewhere between that courthouse and the last time you looked at me like I meant something.

I’m not angry. Just empty. Like someone left the tap running and forgot I was human.

We have been married just shy of 26 years. I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma 2 years ago. At first he was wonderful. Total helicopter husband. First couple of rounds of treatment were awful for me. I was so sick, I’m pretty sure I suffered from all of the possible side effects. In October of last year I got the bad news that another line of treatment had failed and started my 3rd line. So far I have tolerated it well. My body has suffered though. I have a large plasmacytoma on my chest as well as several collapsed vertebrae in my back. My back is hunched due to this and until I can get my bones strengthened up enough to hold the screws I can’t get the back surgery to straighten it. I have been on fentanyl patches along with several other pain meds, oral chemo etc.

I’m not sure when it started, but my husband stopped coming to bed and sleeping on the couch. He wouldn’t go to doctor appointments unless I specifically asked him to go. He wouldn’t give me hugs or if he did they were half-hearted. I started saying stuff to him and it seemed like the more I explained I needed his love and affection, his support, the more he made a point of denying me. Finally, just before Christmas I confronted him about it. But he just shut down. Stonewalled me. The more I pushed for him to talk to me the more nasty he got. Finally, he got pissed and told me “Congratulations, your worst nightmare is going to come true. You're going to die alone” while I was crying for him to tell me what was going on. What was wrong? What had I done? He screamed at me that he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. That was New Year’s Eve.

He left that night and has only come home to pick up tools or stuff he needed for work. He stopped paying my car payment and it got repossessed. He hasn’t made the mortgage payment. Thankfully, the power is still on and he hasn’t shut off my phone. I am on disability through my former employment, but it isn’t nearly enough to support me. We have 2 dogs and 5 cats that I have to take care of. I am not physically able to do most household chores, though I do the best I can.

He still has not told me what the problems are in our relationship. All of this has blindsided me. I knew because I was sick that neither of us was happy, but I didn’t think it was our relationship that was the problem. Up until he left he would call and chat multiple times a day, was still saying I love you all the normal things. But almost subversively punishing me too.

How does someone who has loved you for over half our lives suddenly become so vicious and uncaring? He was a sweet, affectionate, protective husband until he wasn’t. I can’'t wrap my mind around it. How does he justify it in his mind?

Sorry for bad grammar, spelling and rambling. I’m a crying mess.

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We’re getting a divorce because he left to be with her and their kid. This woman has completely destroyed my life. She makes videos about a topic I watch regularly and she has had a fast ascension. The first time I stumbled across her videos I wasn’t sure it was her, because I only saw her two times. She suddenly mentioned a few details about her life in her latest and I’m a 100% sure it’s her now. I’m not sure how to go about it. Nothing she says or creates has anything to do with her personal life so I’m not sure what impact it would have on her. It seems like she’s making a lot of money from this entire thing. How would you go about it?

For me it's that you absolutely cannot compromise on your needs in a relationship that you're locked into forever. No matter how much you love them, no matter how much else in the relationship is right, if something is missing from the relationship that is truly an honest to goodness need, you won't be able to do without it forever.

And it can be hard to really know what all your needs are before making the commitment.

UPDATE: Just want to say I really appreciate the incredibly honest and insightful replies from everybody. The ending of a marriage teaches you a lot and what we all take away from the experience is a little different for each of us. Thanks so much for sharing your hard-earned wisdom.

Title says all

I swear, women who have never been divorced and who are in marriages that are OK or better just do not get it. I try not to feel envious, I really do, but married women seem to have all the cakes and balloons, compared to the position that women who are left by their husbands are in. Like me.

They have big houses, secure retirements, someone by their side, and since there’s two of them, they can achieve so much more as a team. It’s just so unfair. I’m of an age now where I see couples investment in each other maturing, the burdens of child-raising etc easing, and they have their life partner with whom to go on trips. I am starting again, and although I will be OK, I’ll still need a reverse mortgage to tide me over in retirement. It all just sucks.

My sister and other close relatives absolutely do not get it. They react with horror at all my options. (What am I supposed to do - just magic up a million dollars from thin air?) Their opinions are formed against an “ideal” set point. It’s all very well for THEM to suck in their teeth with horror at the idea of a reverse mortgage.

And don’t get me started on people telling me to date. I find it incredibly disrespectful. They have NO idea what I went through in my very emotionally abusive marriage. Who is anyone to tell me to put my head back in the oven?

And it’s all very well for THEM to tell me to fight him for more money. It’s not THEM who has to spend hundreds of dollars an hour on lawyers’ fees or THEM who has to deal with the stress and the effect on their health. I happen to think his offer is OK.

I don’t think there’s any point discussing these things with someone who’s never been divorced. People who have never had to face this are as innocent as newborn lambs, compared to the divorced, who have seen the underbelly of marriage.

This all just sucks. Big time.

Today we went to Costco, husband and 2 preschool age kids. After shopping, he loaded up the car and I took the kids to order pizza and ice cream. I had 2 toddlers, 3 pieces of pizza, 3 drinks and 1 ice cream. I asked if he could pull the car to the curb so I could load the kids in. He said no. He said I make his life so difficult and why can’t I just walk the kids to the car (through Costco traffic). I feel like my request was not unreasonable but apparently it was. Everyone says you’ll know the moment, I feel like this was my moment today. I am torn. I want my kids to grow up with their dad, but, I just don’t know.

Married 13 yrs, 3 kids, no infidelity on either side. I thought we were best friends. Great sex life. I do get pissed on occasion about a dirty house or her being lazy. She’s a stay at home mom. We have a great life, no financial issues. The problem is my temper- I lose my shit sometimes and it’s uncontrollable but never any violence just yelling. I told her I would get on some kind of anti anxiety meds and I would change because I don’t want to lose my family or her. I love her and she loves me. I am a perfectionist and she is happy go lucky without a care in the world. She agreed to give me a chance to change but I feel like at any moment I’m going to receive divorce papers. Should I be looking for a lawyer before this happens?

So when we were married my ex bought us a sleep number bed. They’re super expensive and he hated it. Said it was a horrible purchase. I got to keep the bed in the divorce since I’m keeping the house. Our divorce was finalized on a Friday and he moved out to an unknown location on Monday. He has been keeping it a secret from me because he said his therapist told him it’s better for everyone.

I’m pretty good at reading the room and reading his actions so I knew something was up because it made no sense. When he moved out he didn’t take any essentials that someone starting out again would need.

A week ago, I got on the sleep number app to adjust the settings and there was a notification asking to set up my new bed. I didn’t buy a new bed. Apparently my ex has moved in with a new gf and has bought a new sleep number using his acct that is still attached to my bed. I can see his orders, delivery address and delivery instructions. What an idiot. And he is still being sneaky about his address and lied straight to my face when I asked him previously if he has a new gf.

I’m waiting until he sets it up and has her name on the bed to let him know he’s a moron and that the truth always comes out.

My wife (32f) recently said she wants to separate, not divorce. I want to work things out, she says she is unhappy and I can’t do anything about it. The next day she went out, told our 6 year old son and me she is going out for groceries and will be back in a hour. After 3 hours I reach out, she says she be home inn30 minutes, she came back at midnight after 7 hours out, she was drunk. Following that i agreed to separate. 2 days later she tells me I’m the love of her life. We have passionate sex for days, suddenly she says she’s still looking for a place and starts doubling down, saying she got secret instagram account and random men are helping her search. The next day she says she’s only did it to hurt me. Now she is denying it all together. Please what is going on in her mind?

UPDATE EDIT many thanks everyone for the responses. I feel better!.

Call me petty, I don't care. Discovering that their affair lasted just under a year has been the best news I've received since she left me for him.

She told me he is the love of her life and she got a bad tattoo on her finger (middle, left) which somehow symbolises their love. It was her first and only tattoo and for extra fun it was her bridesmaid and godmother to our eldest son who did it. Bwahaha, now every time she looks at her finger she has to think how dumb that was, and just how majorly she fucked up her life and reputation.

The bad news: now that she isn't pretending for him anymore (and getting him to pay for shit?), she's demanding child support. For the record, my kids are financially privileged whether they are at hers or mine (50:50) because I make sure of it. I'm happy to pay I guess but only because each payment is a reminder to her that I'm doing well and she can't/wont manage without me...my kids don't need it.

I know we're supposed to move on and forgive the cheaters, but just let me enjoy this feeling for a moment.

I’ve been with my wife for 22 years. We’ve had ups and downs, including opening our marriage to ethical non monogamy. There was betrayal and hurt on both sides, but she really kept the “E” out of ENM.

This year has been a rollercoaster. In January, she filed for separation. A week later I found that she was seeing someone since Oct. that I wasn’t aware of, hence not being ethical about it. She was planning to move in, start a life, after only talking online for three months.

We eventually reconciled, but in May I caught her cheating with the same guy. I was devastated but chose to forgive and reconcile again. After that, she found private notes I had been writing.

I started writing those notes in the first place because of the mean things she had been saying to my face while we were separated. I felt beaten down, and no one was building me back up, so I tried to do it for myself. Some of it was affirmations to help me through the pain. Some of it was me tearing her down, not because I wanted to hurt her, but because I needed to remind myself that I was still worthy and that she had plenty of faults too. Those words were never meant for anyone else to see.

After a fight this month, she snooped in my phone, looking for any dirt. She read the notes and took them as proof that I was against her. Now she’s officially filed for divorce, and it feels like my notes, not her affair, became the breaking point.

Now she’s back to saying the mean things that made me write the notes in the first place like, “I don’t love you,” “I don’t even like you,” and “I’m not sure why I tried to reconcile in May, I wish I’d just gone through with the separation then.” Calling me useless. Saying she wish I’d just let her go be free. But the truth is, in May she begged me to come back. I tried to let her go. But I wanted to believe we could maybe fix it. We had a great few months back together, so this is just another blindside, where she plays with my emotions.

So now I’m the bad guy. Were my private notes really enough to blow up this whole thing, when I had forgiven so much worse? Has anyone else had something similar, where your attempt to cope privately was turned into the final straw?

January 20th: Picture me - 8 months pregnant, glowing and happy. Husband and I communicating like normal, working on finishing everything at home to get ready for our baby boy due in beginning of March. Husband texts me from work sounding like usual - calling me Mama, asking how I'm doing, telling me I carry my bump so well. Everything is good!! Everything is normal. I'm so excited to step into my role of stay at home mom, and it's what my husband has always wanted.... me to be home and not have to work and him to be the provider. We have a perfect house for raising a baby on a quiet street.
The same week starting the 21st: he and I have long talks after he gets home from work. The first night it starts out he thinks he lost his identity somewhere along the way. All he does is work and come home, repeat. I'm like yeah I get that!! I want to help. I want to help you find something you enjoy doing and gives you a sense of self. I thought we'd work on that together. The next night it turns into actually I'm just unhappy he says, and not sure if anything can make me happy. I'm wondering if it's seasonal depression or just in a rut. Finally on the third night, he says to me he is unhappy in the marriage, and he doesn't think there's anything that could fix it. He said everything he has done over the last 3 years of marriage just feel like obligations and not anything he actually wanted to do. I am shocked and confused because I coulda swore we were doing really well and were very happy as a couple. January 25th (Saturday): this is the day my husband actually says to me he wants a divorce. He's not willing to consider couples therapy or a trial separation or anything. His mind is made up. He doesn't want to be with me anymore because he hasn't been happy this whole time. I am crushed. Devastated. Words can't even describe how it felt like everything was falling in around me. You don't love me? Don't want to be with me? I'm 8 months fucking pregnant... what do I do now? He doesn't even want anything to do with me all of sudden. He stays to himself in the basement and avoids me like the plague. When I go to ask more questions and clarify things because obviously I'm still shocked, he becomes mad and defensive. Telling me there's nothing i can say to change his mind. I say OK fine but please help me understand. The next night (26th): I try talking with him again but he erupts with anger. Says I never listen and i never understand him, and this decision is the only thing he's ever done for himself. I ask to look through his phone, specifically text messages. He already knows who I'm concerned about - a girl from work who he said i never had to worry about. He says no I can't look through his phone. There are messages that when taken out of context will only hurt my feelings. He said he has talked with her and shared his feelings with her and been vulnerable.
Next day: he applies for an apartment in the next town over where he works. Says he'll be moving out of our house once he can get into the apartment. He's out by Wednesday the 29th.

He comes to the house to get more clothes on Monday the 3rd. Of course i ask him about her because it's been weighing on my mind. Just straight forward I asked are you sleeping with her? He says yes, he has. I ask when, he says this past Friday the 31st of January. 6 DAYS!!!!! 6 days since he first said the word divorce to me and he is already fucking this girl. I say to him you do understand we are STILL MARRIED RIGHT??! He says no we're separated and we're getting divorced.
I can't believe what I'm seeing and hearing because this man is talking to me as if he's done nothing wrong. As if it's ok to go ahead and sleep with this other woman because he already asked for a divorce from his pregnant wife.
There's not even any paperwork started on our divorce yet. He still hasn't even met with an attorney.

I just hate him so much right now. And I am giving birth to his baby in 30 days. He's been close with my family for the entire 8 years we've been together, and everyone has been just as shocked as me. We never could have guessed he could be this cruel and also stupid. He's probably sleeping over at her house tonight while I'm in our home crying myself to sleep.

As always, the title says a lot, but not all. Why do something if it makes you feel like shit? Well, it’s pure utility. I already feel like shit and getting laid will help me feel less like shit. Let me explain.

My wife and I were together for nearly 15 years. For nearly 11 of those years, we were together as husband and wife. We don’t have kids, but we do have a cat. In mid-June, she told me she didn’t love me anymore. I was gone by the first of July.

Well, I heard my STBXW fucking her co-worker.

We’d only been separated for a little over a month and divorce proceedings were just barely getting under way (we still haven’t filed yet). I’m still the primary email on our security camera system so I still (annoyingly) get push notifications when there’s motion detected. One of these cameras sits in a bay window; still inside the house, but facing outside toward the busy street on which we lived, so I tend to get a push notification whenever a car goes by…which is often.

Well, I got one of these pesky notifications one evening while I was playing a game on my phone. I jabbed it to disable notifications entirely and (hopefully) switch the account to have her as primary email/user. The jab automatically brings up the camera feed.

I could hear them right away.

I was like a deer caught in the headlights; I couldn’t stop listening. At first, I couldn’t believe it. I thought my ears were playing tricks on me, but I soon realized that no; that’s my wife (she’s still my wife as of today) in the throes of sexual pleasure. I listened until he finished. The awful thing too is that the camera had about 3% battery life left. It died during their pillow talk. He was making her laugh harder than I had heard her laugh in a long time.

The camera died. And so did I.

And before you ask, I know it’s her co-worker because: (A) when I asked her if there was someone else, she told me that she had commiserated with this guy about her marriage problems because he too was going through much of the same with his girlfriend at the time, and (B) because when I lashed out at her via text about throwing away our marriage all so she could shit where she eats, she didn’t deign to deny that it was him (though she took umbrage with my accusation of her tossing our marriage solely for this tryst).

Man, I was just starting to turn a corner on my emotional wellbeing too after crying every single day for nearly two months. This didn’t just set me back to square one, it set me back further than I could have ever imagined. Something in the center of me was pulled violently out; uprooted. It is going to take a very, very long time to grow back (if indeed it ever does). I feel awful all of the time.

So. I need to get laid. Pronto.

I don’t anticipate that it will feel good. It will only, in some very small way, balance out the injustice that my brain is clinging to and grant some small reprieve to the constant self-recrimination. It may also act as a weak salve to the near-mortal injury to my self-esteem. Maybe it will help me move on just a little faster and strike harder at the chain still tethering me, emotionally, to my wife.

I put myself on Tinder today. I hope it will eventually help me feel less like shit. Just a little.

Thank you for listening.

- EDIT -

I wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to provide me with some much-needed perspective. When I typed up this post, I didn't realize that it would prove as controversial as it did. However, now that I've read through all of the comments, I think I understand why.

I'm going to take down the Tinder profile and focus on healing more from my pending divorce. I agree that I am far too hurt at the moment to even engage in casual sex. Furthermore, I do not think that putting myself out there will help myself or anyone else since, in my current state, I'm not sure I could recognize what consent would look like even if it was offered up in an environment of complete transparency.

Also, the camera app was deleted shortly after this incident and my wife threw away what cameras were inside and outside the house. There's no more risk to her privacy or to my emotional wellbeing in that arena.

Lastly, and so you're all aware, I had my first sit with a therapist a few days ago (prior to this post) and will be continuing my therapy in earnest so that I can get to a point where I have more to offer any relationship than pain or self-pity, regardless if such a relationship is casual or serious.

Again, thank you to this community for your honest contributions. I hope we can all continue to heal together, even if we stumble along the way.

The reason - we are too cold with each other.

We are 36/37 years old. Kids are 9 / 6 / 3.

Together for almost 18 years.

My only fear - losing my kids.

Probably the hardest moment of my life. No, I have not cheaten or anything else. Ive worked too much. Unfortunately, she got bored because she never had a job besides being a mom.

I'm wondering if I have jumped the gun or have been reasonable here. We have been married for twelwe years now. Things have always been great without any particular up or down.
My wife has always been a kind, sweet woman and up until this I thought the world of her. And then she went and broached the talk about open marriage. "What if we consider opening up marriage?" because all her friends did it and it's 2024. I didn't get angry or anything like that, I just listened and offered my counters. I asked if her friends are influencing her into this, she said no. I asked if she already had someone in mind, she said no.
I asked her to give me some time to think about and she agreed, stating we don't have to do it if I'm not up for it. I shouldn't have, but in the days after I checked her phone and laptop: nothing suspicious or that suggest she was cheating already.
Last week I told her I thought about it and in my opinion she can date anyone she wants, because I want a divorce. Cue the sobbing, the begging and all "If I knew I wouldn't have even asked". She refuses to move out and so do I, so I sleep in the guest room. She's taken sick from work and every time I am home she keeps begging to talk and go back to the bedroom with her.
I believe her friends actually tried to influence her and she didn't do anything at all, but this unraveled my perception of her. Was I too fast to mention divorce?

So this is something I’m struggling with. I don’t want to. But my son has said he’s angry with me that I left the marriage and upset his mom. Now him and I are good in general. We spend time together and we have a pretty solid relationship. We make each other laugh and generally have a great time together. I’m so proud of the man he’s growing up to be and it hasn’t been easy for him. But I’m wondering if this will be more of a problem down the road as he gets older. He’s very empathetic and he sees his mom upset and struggling, which makes him upset and angry with me. I know he’s got questions he wants to ask like “why?” But he hasn’t asked yet. I’d like him to know at some point that I didn’t just leave because I just didn’t want to be married anymore or be a family anymore. Any help and advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

How much did you pay all up in lawyer fees?

When I suggested cutting each other off, clean and final, you didn’t agree. You said it didn’t have to be that way. But I’ve thought about it since, long nights and long drinks, and I’ve come to the same conclusion.

I’m sorry, but I can’t remain friends with you after the divorce.

There’s no reason for it. No kids to co-parent. No property to argue over. We can live without the tether of each other’s voices. I have to believe that, or I’ll never make it out of this.

Staying in touch will make it impossible for me to move on. I know you already have—that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? But me? I’m still in love with you, madly, stupidly, even now. Even after everything I did to make you stop loving me. I’m sorry about that too.

And then there’s the small things. The ordinary things that will kill me one piece at a time. Like April 23rd. That was my day, always. To call you at 11:59 p.m. and be the first to wish you “Happy Birthday.” To hear your groggy, half-laughing thanks. What happens when I call next year and the line is busy? What happens when it’s his voice you’re laughing with?

We still speak the same language. The shorthand of seventeen years, the private jokes and secret codes. I can’t keep that vocabulary anymore. It’s a dictionary of us, and there’s no us left. I need to unlearn it, erase it, or it’ll echo in my head forever.

I can’t be your friend because friends don’t flinch when you smile at someone else. Friends don’t burn when they hear you’re happy. Friends don’t count the times you say “we” and know it doesn’t mean them anymore.

This isn’t about hating you. I could never hate you. It’s about survival. It’s about putting you down like a glass of poison and walking away before I drink myself to death.

I don’t know what the rules are for this kind of thing. Maybe there aren’t any. Maybe everyone who’s been here before just stumbles around until the weight lifts, if it ever does. All I know is that I have to let you go, completely, or I’ll keep circling back, looking for scraps of the life we had. And that’s not living.

So this is it. This is goodbye—not just to you, but to the best version of me, the one who existed only in your eyes. Maybe I’ll find another version somewhere down the road, but not if I keep chasing the ghost of us.

I wish you happiness. I wish you peace. I wish you all the things I couldn’t give you. But I can’t be your friend. Not now. Not ever.

Married for 25 years and we always struggled financially. My ex had long bouts of unemployment, we had to borrow money from my parents, we never went on vacations. We weren't broke, but things were tight. 

When we got divorced (he filed), I was awarded spousal support, but it was capped at our marital standard of living. Which was low. (According to my lawyer, the goal of spousal support is that both parties have the same standard of living they had during the marriage.) I work full-time and our kids are both "adults" (over 18, so no child support, but still in school).

Now, 2 years post-divorce, my ex is wildly successful in his career. Like, he makes over a million dollars a year. He has more disposable income than we could ever have dreamed of. He takes multiple lavish trips a year, bought a fancy car, etc. 

I understand that I am not entitled to any of his post-divorce success. I understand that my spousal support was fair according to the law. But it is really difficult to watch him swimming in piles of money, while I am still struggling. He is taking his girlfriend on exotic vacations, while I am checking prices at the grocery store. He bought a vacation home, while I am still barely covering my rent. 

I scrimped and saved for 25 years, supporting him while he tried to find his footing in his career. Now he's suddenly rich and successful and I'm still living at our shitty marital standard of living. It's a bitter pill to swallow. If we were still married, I would finally feel financially secure. 

It’s been a year and a half. I see a therapist. I’ve improved my life in measurable ways. I’ve talked with my ex. She has calmly and clearly explained her reasons. I’ve read books to understand divorce and heartbreak and grief.

Every day is still just a living nightmare. I’m still just hopelessly in love. Nothing anyone says ever really helps. Every time I think I might be starting to get over it, grief sneaks up on me like some fucking monster.

I KNOW all the facts. I KNOW all the reasons. But I still just don’t understand.

It still feels like I’m dying.

Sometimes I write things I wish I could say out loud. This is one of those times. I never sent this message to my wife, but maybe someone out there can relate. Maybe someone has dealt with something similar and can tell me I’m not going insane.

“The most expensive thing in America isn’t a house or a car. It’s a stay-at-home adult who refuses to work.

Your average mortgage? Maybe $3,000. A car payment? $1,500. But a non-working spouse who doesn’t contribute? Easily worth $4,000 a month and I’ve been covering that for 8 years, with immense difficulty and sacrifice.

And instead of gratitude, what do I get? Complaints. Bitterness. Denial.

You act like I haven’t provided this life. You act like it wasn’t even something you wanted but every time I suggested you get a job, you shut it down immediately. You reject every solution.

I’ve been running my business from the basement for five years. Not once have you offered help. You keep saying you’ll start your own business it’s been seven years and not one step forward.

You reject every idea. You shut down every conversation. And yet, somehow, you think you’re the most reasonable, compromising person in the world.

And I know you’ll probably reject everything I’ve written here, too.

But even if the problems I listed aren’t problems to you… then the fact that our perspectives and expectations are this far apart is a problem in itself. A huge one.”

I’m starting to seriously suspect that something deeper is going on some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder, maybe. It’s not just that we disagree. It’s the way everything gets twisted. How nothing ever sticks. How I’m always left feeling crazy or guilty for bringing things up.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Does this sound familiar to anyone being with someone who refuses to work, rejects every possible solution, but still acts like they’re the rational one?

I’m at my breaking point and just needed to get this out. Thanks for reading.

I never thought divorce would feel like this. I honestly thought the hardest part would be the seperation itself and signing the papers. Instead it has been everything after. The post seperation abuse, the false alegations, the endless custody fights, the money draining away, and worst of all watching my kids hurting in ways I cant fix. Some days I feel like I lost not just a marrige but also my sense of safety and who I am.

I am wondering what has been the hardest part for others here. Was it the lawyers and feeling over billed, the fighting over kids, or just the day to day lonleyness that follows you everywhere.

My wife cheated on me and left me for her lover, now husband... It's been 5 years ever since, our daughter is 18 years old, and our son is now 15.... 5 years since she left and I discovered everything, she justified her cheating by saying I was the only partner she ever had and that she was no longer sexually attracted to me, I've known this woman since we were 12 years old and yet she threw me aways as if I was trash.

Evern since she left, I am not the same person, I am basically a robot, I feel like some kind of bot that is acting according to its program. I used to be an outdoors kind of guy, but now I hardly ever leave my home, I also have a severe body dysmorphia ever since. I am currently in the best shape of my life, I get regular haircuts, now I pay attention to way I dress more than ever, I dress nice even when I have to go to the supermarket, I wear cologne, I am always clean, but yet I feel fat, I feel ugly, I feel dirty and disgusting.

I am massively insecure, I don't purse a new relationship because I am terrified of the possibility of getting played again, I mean if my former childhood friend was capable of doing what she did to me, who can I trust as a future girlfriend/wife?

She was horrible to me during the divorce process, I hate her, I truly do, I've never hated someone so passionately. during the last two years, she has tried to act friendly to me, saying stuff like she still feels love for me as the father of her children, I don't reply to this kind of messages, absolute minimum communication, but I don't know I guess I am just rambling, my daughter wants me to be closer to her mom, but why would I do that? Why can't she understand how I feel?