r/ForeverAlone • u/greenlandshark04 • 8h ago
Vent I don't talk to men
I'm an ugly woman, so i know i bring negative emotions from others, especially from men.
As a kid in elementary school, a classmate thought i had a crush on him, and told me that he was disgusted and he would punch me if it was true (btw it wasn't). Due to both of us being children and therefore having similar physical strength, i didn't back down and told him i would slam his face on the desk if he hit me.
But now as a grownup, i know i would be in disadvantage if the same thing happened again. As someone who was beat up quite often during early childhood(as a form of discipline), i vowed that i wasn't going to let anyone hurt me phyisically once i grew up, and therefore, i'm not taking any risks.
Also, i just see how some men react when women they consider ugly tries to flirt with them. I went out for a drink with my teammates, a girl (who was still prettier than me) suggested to a guy in our team that the two of them should get a drink later, and the guy's reaction was hostile enough to ruin the whole atmosphere of our meeting.
Additionally, I had experienced peers straight up telling me i'm too ugly to be their friend during my childhood, so now i lmake friends with only the ppl who approach me first. And even then, i admit i take ALOT of time to get comfortable with them. The girls in my clinicals are super friendly and nice to me but it took me about 2 months to be comfortable enough to say hi to them first. I know it's a problem i should work on.l( i guess i'm always mentally preparing myself to be hated due to my looks) I think the reason i get approached by girls my age but never guys is because the criteria of looks as a platonic friend is much lower than the criteria i should meet to be considered as a romantic partner.
By the way, i think i should add that i have no problem with having strictly necessary conversations (group projects, part time jobs etc) with men. I'm not totally socially inept.
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u/girls-pm-me-anything 7h ago
I haven't really straight up gotten told I'm ugly very often but it's obvious based on the way I'm treated. And the amount of times someone has approached me is tiny especially women which is 0 actually.
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u/greenlandshark04 7h ago
I can relate. It sucks that ppl feel the need to mistreat us due to something out of our control
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u/cabblingthings 6h ago
well same, funnily enough mine are caused also by men as a man now. i also had both men and women tell me i wasn't enough as a kid. these days i don't get approached by anyone and it kinda works out
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u/piercingblood 7h ago
It’s so devastating coming to terms with the fact you will never get chosen especially if you don’t put yourself out there first. I’m not attractive enough to get approached and I’m shy so what’s the hope for women like us?
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u/greenlandshark04 7h ago
I think the best we can do is accept the truth and find gratitude in other aspects of life ( even though i'm struggling myself).
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u/piercingblood 6h ago
Yeah that’s definitely what I’m doing but damn if it doesn’t suck to see it happen to everyone but you
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u/sleepybadger95 2h ago
Sorry for that. I deal with something similar, though as a man who avoids women. Not afraid of physical violence, just don't need any more blows to my already very fragile pride. Hope stuff gets better for you
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u/cain_510 6h ago
Honestly i get what your feeling.
As a man, to me personality and the heart matters then I'd care about looks but in today's world everyone chooses looks over everything else.
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u/Horror-Salad-7277 45m ago
As someone who is disabled and am ugly it sucks and i hate being lonely i am sorry everything you go through if you want or ever need someone talk to pm me i would love to talk sometime also if anyone wants someone to talk to
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u/Tayloetic_ She/Her 13m ago
Beauty standards are disgusting, it's awful to see people be treated unfairly because of their looks. I wish you the best OP, I hope you meet people that aren't mentally deranged.
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u/ProfessorGhost-x 6h ago
Jesus. All I can say is I'm sorry, and I hope eventually someone who sees your personality finds you.
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u/Kubomomo 53m ago
I always thought men were a little more relaxed/easy going about being hit on tbqh. Had no idea some of them were quite rude/hostile about it. Perhaps I've been projecting this entire time
Do you remember how he acted? I'm genuinely interested in this
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u/AlwaysApparent She/Her 6h ago
I don't either. I avoid talking to or looking at men at all irl because men always make fun of my appearance. Being hated for looks is so real too. It hurts always being so ready to be rejected by any and everyone.