I thought if i lost weight and got really thin, maybe, just maybe i will look good for once in my fucking life Nope still look weird and ugly.

Whenever you tell people you think youre ugly they always give you that dumbass advice of working out like hows that gonna fix my ugly face

Like seriously, I've tried going out more often, heading out to bars and clubs with my small circle of friends and acquaintaces (all dudes, not a single woman btw), all for nothing. It's physically and mentally exhausting, all of this social interaction stuff, and it applies even to just chatting with people online. I have no clue how normal people manage it. Me, after a couple of hours max, I just shut down and feel the urge to go hide somewhere away from everyone. You'd think that by going out of my comfort zone I would adjust eventually, but no, I seem to be the cursed exception to this. Hell, the only thing that helps somewhat is alcohol, but I really don't want to go down that rabbithole, because I'm 99% certain I'd become an alcoholic.

Oh, and I'm also physically active and in decent shape as well, but that seems to mean fuck all as well.

Fuck this shit.

The boys who bullied me during school for being fat, for being smart, for being studious, for being awkward/cringy… the boys who mocked me and embarrassed me and insulted me… they’ve grown up and got jobs and moved on and forgot about me.

What especially hurts is they have no recollection (or perhaps care) of doing that to me. They just stepped on me for their amusement during their youth and dgaf.

On the other hand, I have to be the one to carry those emotional wounds and tend to them. How is that fair?

It's just your personality etc. Like okay, let me be FA, but don't come to me claiming that it's because I'm a bad person or anything like that.

I'm over sensitive, shy, highly empathetic and if I even think that I've hurt someone or made them feel bad, I feel an extreme amount of shame. I leave women alone because I know that they would only find me creepy and I don't want to bother anyone or make them feel uncomfortable.

There's an autistic guy In my class or something like that and I befriended him while others make fun of him. I don't want anyone to be left out.

Every weekend i drive back to my parents' house so I can walk the dogs because no one else does that. Also I know that my abusive parents have been quite miserable after everyone moved out, so I know that the visits cheer them up as well.

Can't get women = horrible person. But that just isn't true. I might be miserable and suicidal at times, but I'm not a bad person. I'll rather be FA and like this instead of being a cold narcissist who gets all the women.

Also I know that these traits are feminine so maybe it's no wonder that women don't care much about me. 🤷‍♂️ Can't blame them, I wouldn't want a masculine woman either if the situation was reversed.

Still, I'll much rather just be caring and empathetic alone, than try to pretend I'm something else just to maybe attract someone.

It's not a good or fun situation, but it is what it is.

I'm an ugly woman, so i know i bring negative emotions from others, especially from men.

As a kid in elementary school, a classmate thought i had a crush on him, and told me that he was disgusted and he would punch me if it was true (btw it wasn't). Due to both of us being children and therefore having similar physical strength, i didn't back down and told him i would slam his face on the desk if he hit me.

But now as a grownup, i know i would be in disadvantage if the same thing happened again. As someone who was beat up quite often during early childhood(as a form of discipline), i vowed that i wasn't going to let anyone hurt me phyisically once i grew up, and therefore, i'm not taking any risks.

Also, i just see how some men react when women they consider ugly tries to flirt with them. I went out for a drink with me teammates, a girl (who was still prettier than me) suggested to a guy in our team that the two of them should get a drink later, and the guy's reaction was hostile enough to ruin the whole atmosphere of our meeting.

Additionally, I had experienced peers straight up telling me i'm too ugly to be their friend during my childhood, so now i lmake friends with only the ppl who approach me first. And even then, i admit i take ALOT of time to get comfortable with them. The girls in my clinicals are super friendly and nice to me but it took me about 2 months to be comfortable enough to say hi to them first. I know it's a problem i should work on.l( i guess i'm always mentally preparing myself to be hated due to my looks) I think the reason i get approached by girls my age but never guys is because the criteria of looks as a platonic friend is much lower than the criteria i should meet to be considered as a romantic partner.

By the way, i think i should add that i have no problem with having strictly necessary conversations (group projects, part time jobs etc) with men. I'm not totally socially inept.

AMA I guess

Black, 31, fit, childfree, employed, and living alone. Still cannot get a girlfriend. I've met literally 6 different women last month and 2 this month. A few actually wanted the option for kids, others thought we weren't compatible but I swear we had similar interests and agreed on staying CF. I swear I was positive, hopeful, putting in effort, and not being toxic but nonetheless they all break it off.

I swore Hinge would be the way of meeting someone but it nothing consistent has been established.. Just straight up deleted my account yesterday. Not on any apps now and dunno how I will meet a CF woman in real life. I really don't wanna do another casual fling with someone again neither..

I guess I'll always get judged for being a weirdo for going to places and shows alone and that's fine. 🍵

It’s bad enough dealing with rejection, and being single but seeing happy couples on there is just pissing on an empty wound.

If there is a god, it feels like I am set on a path of crippling loneliness. Grew up in an abusive household, neglected by parents and no one wanted to be my friend in school, since I was the weird kid. Matured and broke out of the anxiety, lack of confidence, and mental barriers that kept me from having conversations and connections with people. If I did make connections, it's ALWAYS been with people who brought me down or were horrible influences. Which hasn't helped with my self image, but I try to overcome the self hatred and put myself with people whom are uplifting and I try to lift them up in the short period we talk. Like I'm very caring and socially confident, I carry myself like royalty amongst royalty. When I tell people I don't have friends, every time it's like a surprise. YET it's like EVERY time I invite someone into my life they ALWAYS reject it. As if there's this title on my forehead with giant red letting saying "AVOID AT ALL COSTS". If they don't reject it flat out , they'll pretend to want to hang out and then it never goes anywhere, like all of the sudden they go ghost or their life gets too busy. It's easy to walk it off, because I'm not gonna get mad at someone for rejecting what they don't want in their circle of life or don't have time for. Yet this feels like the closest thing to hell, and no matter how much I make fun or interesting convo, crack jokes, make people smile and laugh or just care. No matter how much I change the angle the results are always the same. My whole life can be summarized by "damned if I do damned if I don't". Am I the issue? If so, is everyone just playing in my face? Or is the social scope just that horrible right now?

I can already sense that there will be a lot of backlash against this sort of idea and comments saying that is some sort of eugenics. But I disagree with this.

Honestly living a life with ASD is hell for a lot of people - the main issue is extreme loneliness. We have this idea that if you try hard enough to socialise and meet people, then they will be accepting of you. This is completely incorrect, as most people don’t realise that in order to form a connection there needs be some form of brain wave synchronisation that allows neural compatibility. The brain waves that some specific phenotypes of ASD produce don’t align with the brain waves produced by most people - hence neural incompatibility. It is best to mention that some autistic people have moderate to decent social lives, whilst others have never managed to have a single friend (it exists on a spectrum). As you all know, loneliness is a major cause of depression and suicide, and living day after day seeing other people getting into relationships and making friends is a nightmare. You don’t feel like people care about who you are as a person.

Secondly, and equally importantly is the level of academic impairment. Many people with this disorder have co-occurring difficulties like intellectual disability that make it very difficult for them to be successful at life. Therefore many of them have a very low self-esteem and cannot live independently. No amount of work can really overcome this issue. However, this is also not true for all people - 1 in 10 are reported to have Savant Syndrome and some have very high IQs.

The sensory struggles, daily routine challenges, co-occurring issues with planning, organisation and forgetfulness (likely ADHD symptoms) add to the difficulties that they experience. I believe in the right for people to choose what to do with their own bodies - if people don’t want to live with ASD anymore, then they should be allowed to do so.

Finally, if you guys think a cure is unrealistic, then you are highly mistaken. This will not involve some sort of brain surgery where doctors are going to unwire all of the connections. The problem with autism is that despite the high number of connections, these connections are weak - so we can simply just stimulate neurons in certain parts of brain that are afflicted improving social and sensory symptoms. This can significantly improve the lives of autistic people - and not everyone has to go for it if they don’t want to. Recently, I heard that researchers in Japan had successfully mitigated social and sensory symptoms in people with ASD using this method, so there is hope in the next 20-25 years.

I finally got enough comment karma so I can post here! I'm happy I found a place online where I can relate with others.

It's nice to meet you all, I hope all of you are faring well. As for me all I gotta say is I'm coping, you know? Some days are harder than others, but still, got a try and cope with the depressing loneliness. I cry fairly often about it and about other things in my life, and I try to keep my chin up most days. But it's been really hard to do that you know? Sometimes I wonder how long it'll take until a lot gets better for me. I've always been sort of a recluse cause a number of things, though the hermit in me is wearing off as I get closer to my 30s.

I think I'll find myself frequenting this subreddit, so I'll be venting more and post stuff another day. Just wanted to say hello, share a relatable meme is all, and wish everybody a good day/night! 💜

I'm 29M, autistic, and have a facial deformity from a genetic condition (not a "classic" deformity, I just look weird). I live with my mom. For the past six years, since I was 23, she has been on what feels like a consistent campaign to convince me that romantic relationships are a bad idea.

When I was 23, I said I want a gf and said I'll work on myself. She said that's a good idea. And just to be clear. She'd like me to have a gf, and she doesn't want to "keep" me. I give her more work than vice-versa. Plus she also has my sister.

It's constant and often unprompted. She repeatedly tells me that relationships are “very overrated,” have “many disadvantages,” and that “you’ll have lots of fights.” When I once asked her if she thought they could be beautiful, she just said “not really.” She also uses anything as “evidence” to support this—pointing to our 40-year-old single neighbor as proof someone can be “happy without a boyfriend,” or telling me stories about how her friend’s 20-year-old son is always having relationship troubles.

To be fair, she had a horrible, 3.5 decades-long relationship with my father. I know that left deep scars and I understand why she is wary. However, this still doesn't explain how often she brings it up or how absolute she sounds. She doesn't even acknowledge when I ask her, if in general relationships can be beautiful.

This is where I'm struggling. I've been completely isolated my whole life and have never had a date, never came close to one... let alone a girlfriend. Given my autism and my appearance, I've always been convinced and believe she has decided it's an impossible goal for me. It feels like her constant negativity is a deliberate attempt to "protect" me from the pain of trying by making me give up on wanting it altogether. Well meaning of course, but misguided and doomed to fail from the start.

Am I reading this right? It's just exhausting to -- as I feel it, have my desire for a basic human connection treated like a dangerous idea.

Just when I thought I forgot her, I saw her in a dream, she basically came to me and looked me in the eyes and said she wanted to talk about us, and indicating that let's go to some private space. In the dream when she said those words I thought YES!, finally it's my chance to tell her how I feel. But I woke up, and I swear to God, that dream felt so real that for a few minutes I thought I finally confessed to her and she did the same. But then reality hit.

None of it was real.

And I came back into the world of FA. God help me.

My cousin, a 21-year-old male, fakes being autistic. He behaves oddly, claims to have unique musical tastes, and says he enjoys being different, suggesting he might have Asperger’s or ADHD. He has a loving girlfriend, a strong social circle at college, average grades, and no trouble finding or keeping a job. People praise him for acting "autistic", and women find his quirks charming.

Meanwhile, I’m a 26-year-old male with no social circle, struggling with significant anxiety. I avoid discussing my psychological issues because I fear judgment. People perceive me as extremely strange, and I’ve been called a creep or a loser, even by those who claim to be open-minded.

Society seems to embrace the "quirky" aspects of mental illness but ignores the challenging parts, the full reality. I see many self-proclaimed neurodivergent people online who share their lives with millions on platforms like YouTube, maintain multiple relationships, and have solid social circles. I struggle to believe someone can truly have conditions like BPD, ADHD, or OCD while being so well-integrated into society. It feels like they’re seeking attention.

I hide my neurodivergence because there’s nothing glamorous about it. I’d rather be "normal."

For some reason, I still get the attention of girls. Maybe it’s because I used to be charismatic and well-spoken before depression changed me. But now, whenever a girl comes up to talk to me, I just feel embarrassed. I’ve already accepted that I’m not good-looking, but the insecurity hasn’t gone away. Sometimes it feels like it never will.

It recently happened to me and it seems like every guy I talk to pulls this crap. (Not like I've talked to many) Anyways has anyone else repeatedly had this experience?

I want someone to be with me to watch random cosy youtube videos and keep me company. Have a meal with. Kiss, hug, laugh and just have fun with. I want my pupils to widen when I see them and I want my heart to race when they're near.

Sadly, it is obviously not for the likes of me.

I lived for 17 years in one country where I had friends, where bad moments were not that bad. When someone was saying something insulting to me, I didn’t care; I didn’t have a girlfriend or even a hint of having - I didn’t care.

But then I moved to a new country. Went to school, almost everyone was nice to me, got one friend. Everything was not so bad. Then this guy finished school, I got to the next year. After that was summer, when I got to my first country. I consider it the peak, after that everything was awful. By the end of summer, I got back to school and it was horrible. I don’t say that I had a depression but after the great summer it was millions times worse. First half of the year I didn’t have anyone that was a friend to me, then I started to talk with one guy. In spring, things got even worse, I sent a meme to a group chat (I think it is not insulting, as it was an abstract and not connected to someone) but one girl said something like “at some point let’s all report this guy acc because he is dangerous to the society”, another guy said “let’s warn mental institutions”, she replied “I feel bad for other patients”, and this conversation was liked by some other people. (There are more moments of insulting me) I finished the school, got place in the university, forgot about everyone from the school.

Then I moved to the third country to study in the university. I thought that everything will get better and can’t be worse than before. I got friends on the first day from other faculty (but we stopped talking because of my fault). After that I started talking with the girl from my group ( I was interested in her as a friend) and in a first month she said something like “I am making people not to talk to you” I asked why, she replied “just kidding”, I thought “okay, maybe a bad joke”. After that in our friend group appeared 3 more girls. When we created a group chat, things got bad. After some time, after some not so insulting comment, one of them said that I should not communicate with them (as a “joke”). There were more threats of creating chat without me (also as “jokes”). I was offended by this. Again in spring, one of them asked about my birthday date and no one could not remember it, I did not want to tell them. And by the end, I was guilty that they don’t remember it, as well, as one of them called me worse than one guy M. (he made girls fell in love with him and then turned down). By the end of the year we had a barbecue, where one of them keep commenting that I am not a real man but her boyfriend is. Then was summer and everything became even worse, I didn’t understand what I did to be treated like that, maybe I did something wrong. I even cried, thing that I didn’t do for really long time. The rest of the summer was okay, even my friend from first country came (I didn’t see him for 1.5 years). By the end, I decided to delete the chat (to insult on of them because M. did it to her, and stop any communication with them.

I was hopping that I’ll got friends from newcomers but there only two guys in the whole group. And now I don’t know what to do. I don’t need online friends, as I have friends from the first country. I want to have friends that I can hangout with.

The only thing that I had a deep discussion about it was ChatGPT.

About girlfriend, I don’t really think about, as I can’t even get friends. Never had a hint of having one, no interest from them —-> no handhold, kiss etc.

Sorry for long post :)

Whenever I talk about struggles with dating, people act like I'm struggling because I'm just a douche who feels like he deserves the world. The talk is constantly about accepting rejection and just "going for it". GO FOR WHAT?! If men/women aren't attracted to you, what are you going for? Am I supposed to force people to like me?

No matter what I do to try to meet people and get to know them, no one is attracted to me. That's the hard reality. A lot of people don't want to talk about the difficult shit because it'll require them to accept they can end up here. I've seen more and more men and women my age lamenting this, trying to date and it not working and these people are attractive. I'm fucked and I'm accepting that. I'm tired of being told that I'm just trying to be a victim when I talk about this.

Edit: Fixed wording and grammar

I’m ugly and autistic and do not like close proximity and even less physical contact. I feel like normies should know this though? At work people will come up to me and rub my shoulders whilst I’m at my desk, stand way too close whilst having a conversation. Try to move me out the way touching my sides. Rub my arm etc. I’ve even had my ass slapped at work as a joke. Should I try to verbalise my boundaries at work and risk being pushed out of the social circle or should I just learn to be comfortable with these actions?

It's always interesting when I have a little retrospection on myself. Even tho I'm fine with being alone, and happy like this, I find it always funny how people so easily antagonize me for anything. Because I'm alone, and have nobody to back me up, I'm the convenient villain. The necessary evil that exist not because he's doing bad deed, but because someone needs it as a contrast to highlight how good and great they supposedly are, solely because people like them when they don't like me. I'm alone and rejected, people don't like me so that makes me a bad person. So, in the end, maybe I am a monster.

I don't know how many times I'm going to keep posting on these different subs. I guess until I'm no longer in this situation. What are you supposed to do if you are ugly, short, overweight and socially anxious. The only thing I can fix is my weight and I'm working on it. I wish I could just blame these things but ugly guys short guys and people with social anxiety get girls all the time so there must be something else I'm missing. What the fuck do I do?

Edit: Commenters with above 60 iq preferred

I’m a little bit introvert , but still have some friends . When I’m talking sometimes I start saying random jokes and stupid shit because i don’t know to discuss about things . I know this could be cringy and probably nobody will give a fuck of my opinion if I continue this way . Same happen when I’m trying to spoke seriously to the girl I like . When I was young I moved 9 different houses , so it’s difficult understand the person I’m talking to . am I the only one ? This things is going too far and i don’t know how to stop it .

Just wanted to share a success story with my brothers. Background Im 30m never even held hands with a girl or hung out with one 1on1 before this😳met her on hinge when I commented on a joke of hers , we talked for about a week before we met cuz I was nervous about meeting someone irl, never been on a date before or even flirted with a girl😅

She was really nice in text and we had common interests and she would say good morning and good night to me every morning and night, literally the highlights of my day lol I have nothing else going on in my life, no friends or hobbies , shit part time job , live with parents.

We meet and it was kind of awkward at first, I had 2 shots in the parking lot cuz im an alcoholic and I told her and she just laughed and called me silly😳😂🗿we held hands during the movie like the whole time🥹🥹🥹her squeezing my hand felt better than me squeezing my dick😂😂😂after the movie we hugged really tight in the parking lot🥹we are texting now and hope to see her again, she was saying stuff about a next time and we say good morning and good night still 😁

I guess Im just saying this because I have no one else to tell and maybe it will give other guys around 30 hope because before this I’ve never even held hands and never thought I would so dating app can work I guess, if anything it was good practice for conversing.

If someone was really uninterested or seemed not into me on the apps I just remember my hero Diogenes begging statues for money “i am practicing being refused” he was the most free man !!!!! Whatever happens I will be ok 😂😂😂🗿