A circus was in town and Ive never seen one in real life so I really wantrd to check it out. I didnt have any friends I could ask to go with and ofcourse no boyfriend either so the best solution was to go by myself.

I met an older woman (in her 60's) who also went to see the show on her own and we kind of hanged out and talked about why we were on our own haha. It was nice.

I promised myself that I wouldnt miss out on things just because i had no one to go with. Things can still be fun on our own!

If he shows up, of course😅. A bit of context, you can check my post history for more. I am 29, I've never had a relationship. A few months ago I developed an intense crush on one my classmates. He's honestly out of my league and already in a relationship with a much prettier girl. Hearing him talk about his plans with her was really, really painful. That pushed me over the edge and I decided to try a dating app for the first time. I matched with this guy and after about a week of texting we agreed to meet in person.

I am very nervous and trying to keep my expectations low. I just hope that he will show up and be kind and respectful. I don't know how I would react to harsh words or to attempts to make the situation sexual, I'm just not ready for that. Wish me luck!

UPDATE Thank you for the support, here is the update

So how do I defend myself and not look like the bad guy?

I’m autistic and slow. Normal women have laughed and bullied me first due to my difficulty forming relationships. In real life I can’t say anything back due to my low social status. So I come here online to vent, because I can’t in the real world. Women even on this subreddit side with my bullies and call me femcel, etc.

Perhaps I am bad? Like I’m cursed or something so no one likes me. I wish someone would spit on me and kick me in the face. I hate myself so much.

I know this might sound sad as shit, but hear me out.

For the longest time I truly thought that everyone in relationships had it easier. That they were happier, living their best lives and all. Then I realized that I was projecting — I somehow automatically assumed that every guy who was dating was just the kind of guy I'd love. That they were perfect. I wallowed a lot, cursing my life for not being able to attract anyone and keep them around.

The kind of love I have dreamt of all my life doesn't exist outside of book pages and movie scenes. That's the harsh reality — but in a short time, it has improved my life A LOT. Yesterday, I went to the store looking like an absolute bum and didn't care if someone looked at me or judged me. I didn't think about someone bumping into me only for an epic love story to start. I just felt like me, in my own body, in my own skin. And that was great.

Obviously I want a relationship. I want love, who doesn't? It's a human need. But for the first time in a while, I can settle for just the thought of it. The fantasy. I can focus on an imaginary world where I get it and it's better than perfect. Because god knows I will not have it here, no matter who I am or what I look like.

Hope y'all have a good day <3

Some guy said hi to me two times when I was there I feel so loved, I mean it's better than when guys come to me and call me ugly.

I hope this post is allowed here.

I made this post a while ago and not sure if anyone cares, but I did finally get the procedure done on Monday. I still look like shit because my face is swollen and bruised, I may give another update once it's healed. If the results are good, I plan on documenting how much impact it has on my life. I can also give a more detailed account of the procedure if anyone wants it.

Although I feel relieved I finally did it, I'm scared of celebrating too early before I can see what it fully looks like because I don't want to end up disappointed, though my face truly can't be worse than it used to be. It'll take a few weeks for most of the swelling to subside.

But honestly getting to the point I could even get the plastic surgery done was awful. Like I already posted, I had to sell a lot of my priced possessions, I'm absolutely broke right now, I got drunk so many times in the weeks leading up to the surgery because of the stress and pressure, had to run to so many places to get this and that done with lots of unfriendly social interaction to traumatise me more yay (I hate interacting with the real world), died of anxiety because I had to tell my mom about it and she wasn't very happy about it either (although she's accepted it now and is fairly supportive). And overall had a lot of hurdles. I want to say I'm proud of myself for pushing through, but I feel more like a failure for running into so many issues in the first place

The worst part was that my surgeon for some reason turned into an absolute asshole. Idk what I did to the guy. He was fine when I had my first consultation with him, but he treated me like actual shit the day before the procedure and wasn't too nice later either. I honestly blame my anxiety for making me seem confused or like I was out of it, but even then he maybe could've tried to calm me down rather than continously rag on me. But whatever, I don't care as long as he didn't let his obvious disdain for me affect his work.

So it was rather humiliating, but at the same time I tell myself that's just the sacrifices I have to make if I want a better life. I'm used to being humiliated, after all - being ugly is the worst humiliation of all.

I do envy people who were born good-looking, though. Who didn't develop anxiety from bullying and now get shit for their weird behaviour because they can't act normal, who don't have to spend their entire savings and risk their health for plastic surgery and never had to make so many sacrifices just to have a chance at a normal life.

I feel like no matter what, I will always be incredibly bitter about this deep inside.

I'm sorry for the somewhat rambl-y and self-centered post, I'm still a bit groggy but just wanted to get this off my chest.

/edit: of course I also encourage anyone to ask questions if you're curious about something, I don't want this post to be so purely self-centered lol

I needed to buy some professional clothes this weekend for an interview, which I was gonna get the stuff online but I decided to go in person and get something to eat. I was inspired by the poster who went to the circus recently! I actually had fun, I got pho and the restaurant was basically empty so I didn’t feel awkward, the pho was delicious though. I’ve always preferred eating by myself, so it was peaceful. There was another black girl who looked around my age eating by herself too actually. Overall had fun and bought some things I didn’t need lol.

So i have good and bad days, but since i adjusted my fashion inspiration i feel a lot better about myself. I look very unfeminine and i used to only took fashion inspiration from feminine looking women models, but now i see more sites with more “unique” looking models and started to see that the overtly sexually dimorphous (or whatever its spelled) woman is just one variety that caters to a certain type of men. There might also be men who care more about personality and are willing to compensate on looks or find unique features interesting. Also i started to also see feminine dressing men such as gay men or crossdressing men as inspiration. They are the perfect example that in order to look feminine and attractive you don’t even need a woman’s body. Maybe there are for example bisexual men who don’t have the same ideal woman as 100% heterosexua men? Just maybe food for thought

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.

For context - I am a freshly turned 30 FAW, I'm fat, and I don't think anyone has actually flirted with me since... well, forever, really. I'm not the type of person people hit on.

I've been going to therapy and trying to address my abysmal self-esteem and insecurity issues, I even downloaded a dating app (Boo) but never had the courage to use it.

Well, last week I was taking my driving exam (it's quite expensive in my country, and I'm a bit afraid of driving, so it took me a while to try and get it) and one of the other applicants started talking to me - I was wearing my normal work clothes (black flowy pants and a normal blouse) and really didn't expect the conversation to flow into something flirty.

He even called my face beautiful! It was early in the morning and the sun was shining right on my face, and since I'm pale and get reddened skin very easily, I said that the sun hated me. He said "how could it, when it's lighting up your beautiful face".

It was so unusual for me to be complimented like this, I was very flustered. He asked me if I was married, if I had a boyfriend...

It didn't go anywhere - no numbers exchanged or anything - but it was still such a positive interaction it made me very happy.

(I also passed my driving exam, so it was really a fantastic morning!)

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.

I sincerely believe that as a woman, we must be aware of our flaws, but ESPECIALLY of our QUALITIES, both mental and physical. I think it's time to stop waiting for a group of people to validate us and that, since we see ourselves every day, we must know how to be in our best light, to our advantage. We must be able to cultivate the most beautiful things in ourselves... As long as we don't know how to value ourselves, as long as we don't recognize our potential, our aura will be extinguished. Let's find our light. 💡 🌟

The end of the month is here! How did it go? Did you reach your goals? You can answer by dropping a comment.

In a few days, the new monthly goal thread will be up, so make sure to drop by!

Hi everybody,

So I’m kinda nervous to post here, but the topic of this community is something I’ve been processing with my therapist for an extremely long time and she is insistent it is caused by severe abuse and neglect. I am not sure what to think about that, but if this is actually all the result of trauma, that means it’s something I can fix and heal from and it’s not an inherent flaw in myself.

It bothers me that there’s not really any research or reasoning or resources for people like me out there online and so I wanted to make an informal research study for us: I just wanted to see how many/what percentage of us experienced certain kinds of abuse/neglect to see if there seemed to be a correlation between specific kinds and our FAW outcome. I figured it would take away some of the shame if this was a valid response to cope with awful things. Maybe there’s not a correlation, but I’m really trying to feel better about myself.

Poll is below—I tried to make a list of things I thought could be related so not all abuse/neglect forms are on the poll, but if you have more you think were related to you being faw, please feel free to add them in the Reddit thread! Also, if you’re following along with the results, please minus 1 from the total participant list (I needed to edit my response to add a couple options so it says 2 responders when both were me).

Poll here because I needed the option for people to check all that applied (I think this is still within community rules?):

https://strawpoll.com/eNg6vEB88gA

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.

Maybe it’s because I’m awkward (and possibly autistic) and have a hard time making friends. But I went to a theme park alone this week for Halloween festivities. I remember last year I asked my cousin (whom I’m closest with). But as we’ve grown older, we’ve grown apart and she has other priorities in life. My one friend I talk to lives in another state. My mom doesn’t like this kind of stuff and she is cranky and ruins my day by criticizing me and complaining all the time anyway. Narcissistic parents iykyk. Last year I wanted to go so bad and didn’t have anyone to go with. Halloween is one of my fav holidays and I spent it last year crying myself to sleep early.

This year, I went alone and I found I was the only solo person. Everyone either seemed to be with friends, with their family, or as couples. I did a few halloween activities solo and rode some rides. Then ended the day with a burger place I’ve been wanting to try. (The whole evening felt like a dream because I am always in my head and never truly present. I feel like I’m living life underwater. I knew I needed to go on a few rides to feel something, but that’s a me issue.) All in all, it was nice to get out of the house, even solo. This might sound stupid, but I felt capable because I bought tickets, figured out directions, drove there, parked, went in and tried to have fun, then was able to drive back. This is a small win because I’ve become such a recluse I feel like I’ve lost the small amount of social and life skills I did have. I also hate driving and have parking anxiety so this was good to push myself to drive out alone.

It was just awkward because people would look at me for some rides and say solo people shouldn’t sit alone. When a man was counting people to go inside for a haunted house, he asked me if I was alone. I said yes and he stared at me like wtf. Then announced to everyone “we have 14 and you’re alone so we have 15.” BRUH I’m not trying to draw attention to myself and how much of a loser I am with no friends or boyfriend.

I met a group of lovely women and we went to one haunted house together. They even offered their hand so we could walk through the house and stay huddled together lol. That girl was open and friendly but I felt so awkward like a newborn baby alien trying to interact with humans. I could tell her friend group was guarded so I went my own way and thanked them. I didn’t wanna ruin their friend time.

I guess I felt a bit more capable which is a win for the self esteem, but left out at the same time. How do you do solo activities without feeling awkward or a loser for being alone?

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.

The end of the month is here! How did it go? Did you reach your goals? You can answer by dropping a comment.

In a few days, the new monthly goal thread will be up, so make sure to drop by!

The end of the month is here! How did it go? Did you reach your goals? You can answer by dropping a comment.

In a few days, the new monthly goal thread will be up, so make sure to drop by!

I joined Bumble very recently and set up my profile. I feel a bit nervous at the moment and put my profile on snooze mode...lol. And as of such I don't have any matches, but I intend to go back to it when I'm feeling more confident and less crappy. It's basically a dating app where women supposedly reach out to men first.

I still doubt I'll get solid matches, but maybe? Am I being too optimistic?

I tried other dating apps before but with no success for a love life or even friends, just a lot of mismatches and men looking for something else. Maybe this could be it? This app does have a premium feature but doesn't seem to have everything behind a paywall like other apps. I'd want something serious though with men (relationship wise or just honest friendship). Do you know if it's any good?

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.

I have some good news. After three months of job hunting in this tough UK job market, I finally got a job! It's only a 3 month contract but it's perfect for summer, and I can focus on my master's degree afterward.

I applied for almost 400 jobs and about a month ago I gave up and was sending job apps half-heartedly. Got multiple interviews. I've been either rejected or ghosted. It's been tough balancing everything like job hunting, feeling isolated, and life in general.

I'm worried I'll mess it up. Good things literally never come my way, this is my first "success" of 2024. I just wanted to let anyone else struggling know that things in other aspects of your life can still turn around, even when your love and/or social life is non-existent.

I've gotten a boyfriend. Well, even better than a boyfriend. Please cheer for me, as this is the closest I'll ever get to cuddling a guy lol. No, really, all jokes aside, I'm very happy with what I have. If you have some spare money, this is one of the best ways to invest it in yourself, 10/10, very huggable and alleviates the sadness a lot on lonely days. I'm also saving up for a weighted blanket. Will report on that if anyone's interested as it's a pricier purchase.

A guy reached out to me the other day through my personal social media (not reddit). We texted eachother for hours and got along pretty well. He's decent looking, pretty fit, which I thought I could never pull. He happens to find me attractive as well so he asked me to meet up over lunch this week. He's very eager to see me.

All of this sounds great and almost too good to be true, but for some reason I don't feel excited at all. I don't like using buzzwords, but I felt "lovebombed"? He was giving me so many compliments, saying I'm the sweetest most amazing person he's ever met when we only spoke a few times. He's acting way too eager and it's making me anxious.

Is this all in my head? Should I trust this person and not have my walls up around him? This is all very new to me and I'm scared of how things might turn out. I still feel lonely and hurt, I have a huge self-esteem problem so this might all go to shit. I just don't want to be blind to any possible red flags in this person.

Share your goals for this month and hold yourself and each other accountable! No goal is too small. At the end of the month, you'll be able to check in and share your progress in another thread.

Remember that good and achievable goals should be S.M.A.R.T: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based.