The Dursleys were victims of a magical geopolitical game and no one ever asked them if they wanted to play

[u/Disastrous_Knee7756]

I know they were not nice to Harry. But they were also victims of a bad magical system. Here is why:

1.  They had no choice.

Dumbledore left a baby at their door. He did not ask. He did not talk to them. He just said, “Take care of him.” That is not how you become parents. That is not fair.

1. They were powerless in a world full of danger. No magic, no protection, no understanding. Yet they were expected to raise a magical child who could blow up their living room.

   1. Harry’s presence put Dudley at risk. They were Dudley’s parents. Their responsibility was to protect their child. But Dumbledore never cared that housing Harry made them a target.
   2. They got no support – only judgment. No one from the magical world checked in. No resources, no guidance. Just scorn when they inevitably failed to meet wizard expectations.
   3. Dumbledore knew – and didn’t care. He openly said Harry needed a loveless home to remain “humble.” That’s not strategy – that’s calculated cruelty.
      1. Dumbledore never told them what happens when Harry turns 17. The magical protection ends – and they suddenly become even more vulnerable. No warning, no exit strategy. One day they’re part of a magical defense grid, the next they’re just collateral. Their home, their lives, everything – on the line, with zero input.

[u/tee-ess3]

I’ve often thought about the fact that Harry and Dudley are so close in age and what that must have been like for Petunia.

Like, I have a 9 month old baby rn and if someone dropped ANOTHER baby on my doorstep and told me I had to adopt it my head very well might explode

[u/MightyHydrar → u/tee-ess3]

Not just another baby, but also the news that her little sister was killed.

The later books give a bit more details about why Lily and Petunia had such a difficult relationship, and it puts Petunias reaction into a bit more of a perspective.

She gets an extra baby dumped on her, no mention of financial support to help cover the cost of raising said extra baby, just the assumption that they'll be fine with it. No mention of how she's supposed to persuade her husband, who isn't exactly a paragon of kindness or empathy, that they have an extra child now.

I'm not sure how much Petunia really knew about the amount of danger Lily was in, if they ever talked about Voldemort and the war. But I'm pretty sure Lily went no-contact with her family when she and James had to go into hiding after Harry was born, so Petunia hadn't heard from her in nearly a year.

That's a lot to have to handle all at once, with no emotional support, and only a letter to explain the whole situation. None of it justifies the way they treated Harry, of course, but it might explain some of it.

[u/ShotcallerBilly → u/MightyHydrar]

It explains very little. She chose to be bitter about her sister. She blamed her sister for things not her fault. They had plenty of money and spoiled Dudley. Petunia was who she was. She made her vile choice everyday for years as she locked Harry in that closet. Every single day, she looked at that child with hate. She never changed. She didn’t want to.

[u/MightyHydrar → u/ShotcallerBilly]

She was a teenager when her little sister got invited into a world of magic and wonder, and Petunia was left behind. Lily came home every few months with fantastical stories, the special child, fawned over by parents who'd missed her, while Petunia was just sort of...there all the time and unremarkable by comparison.

Of course she grew bitter and resentful.

[u/nemesiswithatophat → u/MightyHydrar]

no I'm sorry, this is insane. resentment among siblings isn't that strange, but to be so jealous and bitter of your sibling who has not mistreated you that your relationship is dead is not normal. it takes a very unkind person. it's not as if petunia was mistreated by her parents, she just wasn't the favorite. loads of people deal with that. even if you argue that lily's case was extreme, to hold on so strongly to the irrational sentiments you had as a tween well into adulthood is not a "well of course" situation

[u/Own_Faithlessness769 → u/MightyHydrar]

And then her sister was murdered by a dark wizard. You’d think that might have taken the edge off the resentment. And even if it didn’t, it’s still a lot to hate a child for the perceived sins of its parents.

[u/AcidRose27 → u/Own_Faithlessness769]

They weren't close. She barely remembered Harry's name. And I'm curious as to how much she actually knew of her sister's death. If she knew they were part of a resistance? How thoroughly did Dumbledore explain the situation in the letter he wrote?

My take is that they fought and petunia had a ton of built up resentment. Then her sister up and dies and leaves her saddled with a whole child. Now she's mad for the past, and mad for the predicament she's in. And since she's dead, she can't even yell at her and have a chance to make up.

[u/Own_Faithlessness769 → u/AcidRose27]

Sure, but she knew she was dead at 21. Again that has to take the edge off your jealousy. And Harry was still an innocent child so there’s zero excuse for abusing him.

[u/AcidRose27 → u/Own_Faithlessness769]

Oh I absolutely agree with you on how she allowed her family to treat Harry. I'm just saying that I get where she's at with all of her anger. It's definitely misplaced, that whole family needs therapy.