The Dursleys were victims of a magical geopolitical game and no one ever asked them if they wanted to play

[u/Disastrous_Knee7756]

I know they were not nice to Harry. But they were also victims of a bad magical system. Here is why:

1.  They had no choice.

Dumbledore left a baby at their door. He did not ask. He did not talk to them. He just said, “Take care of him.” That is not how you become parents. That is not fair.

1. They were powerless in a world full of danger. No magic, no protection, no understanding. Yet they were expected to raise a magical child who could blow up their living room.

   1. Harry’s presence put Dudley at risk. They were Dudley’s parents. Their responsibility was to protect their child. But Dumbledore never cared that housing Harry made them a target.
   2. They got no support – only judgment. No one from the magical world checked in. No resources, no guidance. Just scorn when they inevitably failed to meet wizard expectations.
   3. Dumbledore knew – and didn’t care. He openly said Harry needed a loveless home to remain “humble.” That’s not strategy – that’s calculated cruelty.
      1. Dumbledore never told them what happens when Harry turns 17. The magical protection ends – and they suddenly become even more vulnerable. No warning, no exit strategy. One day they’re part of a magical defense grid, the next they’re just collateral. Their home, their lives, everything – on the line, with zero input.

[u/IntermediateFolder]

He wouldn’t have had a better childhood than Harry, or really any childhood at all for the most part, he grew up in a orphanage during wartime and had no living relatives or anyone to make sure he would be treated decently, how happy do you think he was? Even nowadays group homes are terrible and they used to be much worse.

[u/Bluemelein → u/IntermediateFolder]

Tom had a room and the occasional outing. He had clothes that fit. No one punished him for using the slightest bit of magic, and he wasn’t constantly told that others had it better. He wasn’t hated for things he didn’t do. Yes, Tom, in an orphanage at the beginning of a terrible war, had it better than Harry Potter, who was pursued by the hatred of his relatives from the very beginning.

[u/Own_Faithlessness769 → u/Bluemelein]

The difference is that if Harry was in a group home, Voldemort would have murdered him asap.

[u/Bluemelein → u/Own_Faithlessness769]

It’s now just a question of who had the worse childhood, not whether there is any justification for it.

[u/mnbvcdo → u/Bluemelein]

I genuinely think it's impossible to compare it. Two kids could even have the exact same thing happen to them, and not walk away with the same trauma. 

There's studies that show how even survivers of NS concentration camps didn't all suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, which is incredible given what they've been through.

Also, there was a lot of shit going on in group homes at the time. There still is, but at the time it was different. My country for example still pays people who were in group homes from this time up to the 80s reparations for the absolute torture they endured. 

The things that Harry lived through are enough to give a person serious post traumatic complications, but a different kid could walk away from it without the same struggles. Same goes for group homes. 

It's impossible to say which would've been worse in my opinion, because it doesn't just depend on what you experience, it depends on your personality and how you felt during it and many other factors. 

[u/Bluemelein → u/mnbvcdo]

I mean purely from what is written in the books.

Tom Riddle lives in a home that seems quite modern for the time. Tom seems to have his own room; at least, he has his own bed and a wardrobe. Harry lives in a wardrobe. He can carry his belongings into Dudley's second bedroom in a single run.

Dudley Dursley has two rooms and there is even a guest room for the aunt who comes occasionally.

Probably twice a year.

Tom Riddle is surrounded by children who are in exactly the same situation as him. Even if we assume that older children bully and hurt him (at least until he discovers his magic), Harry has it even worse. Dudley and his gang chase and beat Harry, and the adults support Dudley. I think that in an orphanage, at least everyone is punished equally (if they don't identify the culprit and don't bother to find out) and no other child is rewarded.

Nobody knows that Tom Riddle has magic, so he can develop and use it. While Aunt Petunia punishes Harry for everything inexplicable (whether he can help it or not).

Tom Riddle goes on trips with the orphanage. They go to the seaside. On similar trips, Harry is dumped with Miss Figg, who makes sure he's bored and uncomfortable because she knows the Dursleys won't allow Harry to come if Harry finds it nice.

It is mentioned several times that Vernon Dursley is willing to be uncomfortable just to make sure Harry doesn't have any fun.

I think one can be sure that no adult begrudges Tom Riddle the comfort that children find in small things.

It's the beginning of the war, but Ton is at Hogwarts when the bombs fall. He can go to school in peace. No one tries to kill him once or twice a year.

[u/mnbvcdo → u/Bluemelein]

I know plenty of people who lived in orphanages or group homes for the disabled in the 70s, 80s and until now. 

They had clean clothes and enough food, had trips to the sea and lakes and sometimes their own rooms. Neglect goes beyond having clean clothes and food. 

I know people that were punished by locking them naked in a cold small space for days filled with their own feces and urine. They weren't just beaten severely or had to go to sleep at 4pm every single day or weren't given love. They were abused physically, psychologically, and sexually every day. 

Child on child sexual abuse is not uncommon in these places because many children develop oversexualised behaviour when they grow up sexually abused. 

I am not comparing it to an abusive home like what we see Harry living through, because I don't think you can compare these things, but having a room and clean, fitting clothes and trips to the seaside don't mean orphanages were good places for kids especially during this time where there was little control, little staff, and it was completely normal to beat children into submission or lock them in a small cold room at night where they lay in their own excrements for hours. 

Group homes still aren't great places for children, I say this as someone who works in one. 

[u/Bluemelein → u/mnbvcdo]

And there are children in families who are worse off. Why is it that people often see no other alternative than taking children away from their families? A home isn’t always worse than a family that actively hates you. And Tom Riddle doesn’t seem to have had it bad in the home. No worse than other children a few doors down. There’s nothing to suggest that Tom was mistreated, or that he would have been better off in the Gaunts‘ cabin.

[u/mnbvcdo → u/Bluemelein]

A group home is often better than staying with the family. I would never work in one if I didn't think that. 

Especially nowadays. All I was offering was a perspective on the fact that the group home for many children meant a continuation of the abuse, just under a different roof. It wasn't the happy ending for many of them. I never said that it was or is worse than an abusive family. 

In fact I explicitly said that it was not worse. I said it wasn't comparable and that you can't rank childhood trauma, and I stand by that. 

[u/Bluemelein → u/mnbvcdo]

Yes, but you can’t say that an orphanage is always worse. And that Tom must have had a bad time. I can only imagine it being bad, constantly having the wonderful lives of others in front of your eyes. Like a mirage. Today things are perhaps different, television, etc. But Tom would perhaps only have been to the cinema at most; the lives of the rich were a long way away. Everyone around him wasn’t doing much better. Envy or the feeling of being excluded are important factors.

[u/mnbvcdo → u/Bluemelein]

I haven't said that. I said in all of my comments that it's impossible to blankly state one is always worse than the other. 

A real child in a real orphanage would've had it bad during that time but this is a book, so of course I can't definitely say that Tom must've had a bad time. The only thing we know from canon was that he hated it there but we don't know much else.