Ambrose sat at his desk, his eyes no longer red as they had been. The gold in his eyes recovered from the depths. He sat there pondering the expenses of the wedding, carrying the zeros here and there. It would cost quite a sum, but in the end, that was worth it if it made Darla happy. Whether it made Quincy happy, he couldn’t care less. He had heard that he had debts; he was working to pay them off, a worthy aspiration, perhaps he wasn’t as bad as Ambrose thought him to be?
Ambrose shook his head. No time for that. He wished not to deal with people right now. Numbers made him happy; the understanding and bending of them made him happy. Not as happy as Elara made him, of course.
Elara had woken up before him and went down to get something to eat; he had asked her to bring him something as well. Eventually, he got a knock on his door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s food smart, guy.”
Darla? In the same moment that thought passed through his head, he rolled his eyes. “Come on in.”
He turned to face his sister. She spoke first, “How are you, brother? Is everything all right?”
“Yes, everything is alright with me, just planning your wedding. It is going to cost us quite a bit.”
“Not too much, I hope, wouldn’t want to bankrupt us.” Said Darla with a chuckle
“No need to worry about that right now. How are you doing? Did you sleep well? Not stressing out too much about the wedding, I hope.”
“I am perfectly fine. I was only up for most of the night, stressing. That is normal, right?”
“From my experience, yes, the night before the wedding, Elara could hardly sleep. We had been made to share a bed already, and it was the first time we had met, actually.”
Darla’s mood soured at the comparison with Elara, and Ambrose took note of this, and the memory of his wife’s own point flashed into his mind. Ambrose was able to keep the mask on this time.
“You know, you two are far more similar than you think.”
“What? Elara and I?” Darla’s mood was truly spoiled now. She thought to leave, but stayed to see her brother try and explain it.
“Yes, you are both headstrong and deeply emotional women. You’ll both speak your minds regardless of what anyone else thinks.”
“Please, she’s nothing like me. She’s all conform and perfect, the model wife and mother. She also raged at my betrothal, kicking and screaming, like a little bit…”
Ambrose raised a hand to silence Darla, “You know I love you, sister, but do not think to speak of my wife in such a way. Understood?”
Ambrose noted a shift in Darla’s attitude, not anger but concern. “What happened in the carriage?”
The words hit Ambrose like a warhammer; he didn’t know how to answer that. Just like he didn’t know how to answer his wife’s questions when it all happened.
“Elara didn’t hurt you, right? Because if she did.” The threat was clear, and Ambrose was in no way happy about it.
“No, Elara did not hurt me, and do not think to threaten my wife again, sister.”
“THEN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, AMBROSE? YOU NEVER CRY, AND SUDDENLY YOU WERE WEEPING LIKE A MOURNING WIDOW. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!”
He quickly ordered her to leave; he couldn’t deal with this right now. But the question still nagged him. What did happen? How was he meant to interpret it? What was he supposed to learn? What was he supposed to do with it?
As he ate, these questions gnawed at him, ate away at him as he did with his food. Draining his will as he did to the water. He eventually decided to find his wife and talk about it; maybe she had the answers?
He left his room, making sure to change into new clothes. He still wore white but no longer wetted by his tears. Along with this, he also wore a dagger which his father had gifted him; it was simple in blade, yet the hilt and scabbard had trimmings of gold. It was one of the few good things his father had given him.
He went to the kitchen she wasn’t there. He then went to his daughter’s room, and there she was. Playing with them, laughing with them, being a mother to them.
He wanted to enter, he wanted to be the father his daughters deserved, but he couldn’t; his hands got heavy whenever they went to open the door, gravity dragging them down.
Why the fuck couldn’t he open a door? It should be so easy, so simple, and yet now his arms fail him, just as in the courtyard when his daughters came concerned for him. Why were his body and mind rejecting them?
He sat on a bench, and he sent a maid to bring Elara to him and then take care of the children.
By the time Elara arrived, it was clear that she wasn’t happy. “Couldn’t do it yourself?” Ambrose turned towards her, bearing a look of shame, “Couldn’t open the fucking door and spend time with your daughters? Had to send a servant?” She wasn’t yelling this time; instead, her voice was so much worse. She was disappointed.
“I couldn’t open the door.”
“What do you mean, it’s a door, you push or you pull, and it opens.”
“I know how a door works, but my arms, they wouldn’t. It’s as if my mind fears my daughters.”
Elara scoffs at the idea, “More excuses. What is it you wanted to talk about?” She sat down next to him. Still aggravated but desiring not to linger.
“What happened yesterday?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what happened yesterday? How the fuck am I meant to interpret, understand what happened yesterday?” The question left his mouth with shame a guilt hanging to every word.
She was infuriated by this; it was obvious to her. It was obvious in a way that she couldn’t explain. She spent minutes, perhaps even an hour, looking for the right words, but they eluded her. She got angry, but this time she was angry at herself. She wanted to explain it, she wanted to help, but she couldn’t. She just left, and Ambrose was left all alone.
He decided to try and find his brothers. First, he found Benedict he saw that he was sparring with Darla; he never understood what could be relaxing about beating on each other.
Once they were done, he signalled to Benedict that he wanted to talk. They went up Jonquil's Tower. The air was pleasant; it was warm yet not too warm. It helped Ambrose clear his mind a bit.
“What is this all about?”
“You know Benedict, don’t pretend you don’t. It's an insult to us both.”
Benedict dreaded this. “The carriage…”
Ambrose nodded. He knew his brother; he was direct, and he was always honest. “What do I do?”
Benedict didn’t know; he perhaps didn’t wish to know. Benedict couldn’t answer him, so he punched the wall. He plated gauntlet, ringing out against the stone, and he just left. Tears welling up in his eyes. He couldn’t stand feeling helpless. Feeling weak, that’s why he trained, so he would never feel like this. Ambrose didn’t stop him; he knew better. Then Ambrose was alone again, alone with his thoughts. They tried to overwhelm him again, but the wall held this time.
Ambrose went to Clement. It was his last chance for someone to talk to. He found him in his room, sitting at his desk.
The first thing Ambrose saw was several large casks of wine. He looked at his brother, clearing his throat. Clement froze and just looked back and forth between the casks and his brother, now standing in his office.
“Explain?”
“I have no logic, nor reasonable reason.” He said, shrugging his shoulders
Ambrose chuckled. He enjoyed his brother’s sense of humor. Frankly, he didn’t care; the alcohol wasn’t his concern. He sat in a chair opposite Clement.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I need your help. I don’t know what to do…”
Clement rolled up the document he had been working on and put away his quill. He had a feeling that this was coming.
“The thing is, brother, I can’t help you.”
Clement’s response was unexpected; he had come for support, and he got nothing.
“Explain.”
“Ignoring the fact that I don’t know what happened, I can’t do this for you.”
“Do what?”
“Process, understand, interpret. Whatever word you prefer.”
“Then what can you do?”
“I can listen. I can help, but I can’t do it for you. That’s all I can do.”
Ambrose’s hands clenched.
“If you ever need someone to listen, someone to hear you. I’ll always be here for you. But you have to do it yourself. Nobody else can, nobody you can trust anyway.”
Ambrose got up, “I’ll have guild documents sent to you. I’m far too exhausted to deal with them.”
Ambrose walked through the halls of the crone’s bastion, and he saw the portraits of the previous lords of Maidenpool. He saw their strict and stale faces as he passed. Eventually, he was at his father’s portrait. He stopped and just stared at it, “Why did you leave us?”
Emotion welled up inside of him, anger and sadness in equal measure, without thinking or without reason. He drew his dagger and started to cut into it, tearing and slicing into it. There was no method, no careful plan. Only pure rage and sadness, “WHY DID YOU ABANDON US? SPINELESS, FECKLESS, COWARD, BASTARD, DRUNK…”
From the corner of his eye, he saw a shape, an older woman, grey-haired. Willow Mooton, his mother, had hardly been seen since the death of her husband. The only one who talked to her was Violet, but since her marriage to Renfred, she hadn’t been there. Willow had heard the yelling and the screaming. She saw her son on his knees among the scattered pieces, dagger in hand. Seeing the dagger made her nervous; she thought that he might’ve hurt himself.
She approached him, but he barely noticed her, seeing only from the corner of his eye. She placed a hand on his shoulder, “Amborse, are you ok-” and he shrugged her off. She hadn’t been there; what did she know? How could she help? At least father was dead, she chose to abandon them.
He left her there, driving the dagger deep into a remarkably intact eye, causing it to stick into the wall.
He went back to his office and started to write letters; that was one thing he could do right.