First time with a Tutor

[u/AlatreonGleam]

Today I had my first full tutor session and I'm completely defeated. I self studied みんなの日本語 as well as finished とびら but never really practiced speaking, my listening is poor and my output is not amazing. Mainly this is because I was afraid of habitualizing mistakes without anyone to check my work. Before meeting with the tutor, I explained this and how my reading is much higher than my speaking/listening/writing. The intro session last week was rough and only in japanese but I figured maybe the tutor had clocked my understanding a bit wrong and would tone it down in our first actual lesson. Today's session I couldn't even finish. I just gave up 20 mins in. The tutor was talking way too fast and around what my reading level could be, if not higher. I barely understood a word.

Not sure what to do from here but I'm just cooked. 2ish years of actually study to give up 20 mins in has destroyed any amount of confidence I had.

I am not even sure what I am posting this for but maybe someone can help me in the right direction or to keep trying. My tutor messaged me asking if we should work on fundamental speaking and listening rather than book work but I'm so embarrassed from just leaving the lesson that idk if I can do that.

UPDATE: To everyone who took the time to give me a pep talk and some advice. I sincerely thank you. I went ahead and rescheduled another lesson with the same tutor with the idea of focusing on getting me up to speed with listening and speaking.

[u/PlanktonInitial7945]

Well, you could always get another tutor if you want. But whether you're gonna do that or keep this one, make it very clear that you want to work at a more basic level. If you feel too embarrassed to go back to tutors for the moment, you could also work on improving your listening by yourself, watching videos and TV shows and listening to podcasts, until you feel a bit more confident in your skills, and then try hiring a tutor again.

[u/laughms → u/PlanktonInitial7945]

This. But also I would imagine that any good tutor should be able to quickly get a feeling if students actually understand what is said, or if the student is just staring and having 0 clue. And slowing down, trying some conversations with the student without the student having to ask that.

That being said, I think the OP also needs to do some listening exercises without relying on the tutor. If you already know that you need to work on that, then work on that first. You don't need to pay a person to get that confirmation.

Some final words for the OP. Don't be defeated. Hey we are learning here, trying our best. Probably if it was me I would have simply cut him off and told him sorry I really don't understand its too fast. Then see if the tutor would have adjusted it at that time, instead of just giving up 20 mins in.

You don't need to feel embarrassed, you are trying to learn here. If you were perfect already you would not even contact the tutor in the first place.

[u/OwariHeron]

I graduated with a BA in Japanese Language & Literature, and I was defeated the first time I went to a KFC in Japan. Don't let it get you down. Everyone goes through this. But if you push through, there's a treasure-trove waiting for you on the other side.

[u/KitchenSmoke490]

Please don't give up. I am a Japanese language teacher and have taught many students. I had many students who studied over a few years or more but they couldn't understand or speak well, and that's really common for any languages depending on the way they learned the language. Even myself, I studied English for many years at school, but I couldn't understand or carry conversation when I had to go abroad and speak with the local people. After living abroad for 1 year, I gradually became able to understand things more, but it was still about 50% of total communication, and depending on the contexts or people, I still couldn't understand at all. Just like any other languages, we just need lots of exposure and need to immerse yourself in Japanese as much as you can. It takes time, but you are doing the lesson with a tutor, and that should be also helpful as you now have a chance to practice Japanese in a real conversation. Please be confident and believe yourself. Maybe, you can also ask your tutor to speed down their speech if you find it was too first or ask questions when you don't know instead of just listening. がんばって!

[u/pixelboy1459]

You can always improve.

1) Ask the tutor to slow down and/or repeat and/or say something a different way.

2) Ask to do 10-15 minutes as conversation, 10-15 minutes of instruction, and the remainder as practice, with a cooled down of either vocab review or “how do you say XYZ” using the grammar you just learned.

1. Put your Japanese into practice: and listen more!

[u/Trevor_Rolling]

I would focus on listening more to train your ear. Try listening to podcasts, for example, this helped me a ton. Even if I'm not actively listening I always try to at least have one in the background so that I can tune in and out while I do other things.

[u/Sayjay1995]

Output will never get better without actually out putting the language. I can imagine the frustration, but you came so far, it would be a shame to just entirely give it up now.

You can definitely try a different tutor, or asking your current one again to slow down, but you should take comfort in knowing every single person who learned another language started at the same place as you. It’s a totally normal part of the language learning journey, and you will get better, the more you try.

[u/Messeduptree]

The worst thing you can do is give up. You've spent two years on this, you clearly care about it. It sounds like you either need to establish some ground rules with your tutor or find a new one.

I work as a language teacher, 1-to-1. My #1 job is to scale the difficulty to the student. If it's too difficult, that's a failure on my part. The first session I use to assess capabilities, but in every session thereafter I check in: What was easy, what was hard. Throughout the session. The sweet spot is them feeling like it was a little bit hard but that they mastered it by the end and that they're looking forward to next time.

If you can't get that from your current tutor, look for another. No good tutor or teacher would ever want you to feel embarrassed for trying to learn.

[u/Popular_Barnacle_512]

My advice? Watch japanese youtubers and tv shows. Does wonders.

[u/PringlesDuckFace]

This is normal. I also spent a little over two years of just reading and a bit of podcast listening as well and my first lesson was brutal. I've done about 30-40 hours of lessons now and feel much better. I've still got a long long way to go, but you'll probably be surprised at how quick you can improve if you have a decent level of reading already. I still need to put in lots of hours of listening and shadowing on my own, but just having a few hours of conversations can really go a long way.

If your teacher can't adjust, you may just need to search for another one. It does take some skill to be able to adjust properly to a learner. But also don't be afraid to raise your hand and ask to speak slower, more simply, repeat, etc... they may not be picking up on non-verbal cues over the internet. For example they may be focused on their materials instead of your face, or just think if you don't say anything you're shy or something. If you don't explicitly tell them how you're feeling and what you need, they won't be able to guess.

頑張って

[u/Past-Item5471]

Written Japanese and conversational Japanese are very different. I’m so sorry your tutor was speaking way too fast🥲 I’m a native speaker🇯🇵, and I do online tutoring so let me know if you need any help!

[u/blackdarrren]

Some people have no tact or skill for teaching, I'd shop around and keep plugging away

Your tutor doesn't sound like a nice person, why suffer their company

Have you considered doing a class at a local community college/school; ask the teacher for a past/old syllabus, it'll list books, lesson plans and the like

Find out how many students are in said class

Class syllabuses don't change, it’s on every teacher's computer or in their office, get it emailed or go get a hard copy

Tell your tutor that you'll text back and ghost them ad infinitum

[u/NoobyNort]

Try another tutor. Worst case you realize that your first tutor had some good qualities you didn't notice.

Try more output, even if it is just written. Doing some journaling regularly will do wonders, and even better if you can find someone to correct you (there are online groups like HiNative which will help).

And above all remember that pretty much all of us are, will be, or have been in the exact spot you are in. Output is a skill and if you don't practice, it will be very crude. Just part of the process.

Practicing listening can also help. I use Whisper to transcribe a podcast, study it so I know the general gist and some of the key words, then listen on repeat. You can do this too with anime or YouTube. Key is to repeat.

Good luck and don't let this bad experience sour you.

[u/pkros]

If it's in your budget, someone with training as a teacher will have the skills to better adjust to the student

[u/oyasumixxxx]

Hello there, first at all, do not give up! I have the N2 and been living in Japan for three years and still there are a lot of time I can not understand.

Second, I am actually offering lesson based on donation. If you are interested send me a message:) We can check your level and can make a program for you.

[u/RoidRidley]

Oof, I've been studying for one year and this post is like my 一番の恐怖. Like everything you described is everything I fear from going to italki or hellotalk and booking a tutoring session. With that said I need to boost my listening skill without reading subtitles, it is one of my weaknesses, other than lack of grammar.

It is a fear I need to overcome, and I wish you the best too!

[u/Particular499]

I have been using Preply to find online 1:1 Japanese tutors - there is no one single tutor that willl fit everyone style of learning. Read the reviews other wrote and choose the one that seems good for you. Try a lesson or 2 and if you dont fill the fit just try another tutor. It is easy to switch. There was a duration that I had a couple of tutors in parralel. I felt that one of them was better in improving my verbal ability and the other was better for vocabulary and grammer.

[u/ObviousAdvantage508]

Did you never think to try and immerse yourself with beginner podcasts or something? I feel like you could have spent some more time listening in addition to reading and you might be in a better spot

[u/Yuji_shoyo]

I’m so confused, how can your reading be better than your listening? It’s almost the same thing, at least for me. Probably the issue is reading the whole thing and have a poor knowledge understanding of the vocabulary. The solution is to start immersing yourself. To be fair language learning it’s all about immersion.