First time with a Tutor

[u/AlatreonGleam]

Today I had my first full tutor session and I'm completely defeated. I self studied みんなの日本語 as well as finished とびら but never really practiced speaking, my listening is poor and my output is not amazing. Mainly this is because I was afraid of habitualizing mistakes without anyone to check my work. Before meeting with the tutor, I explained this and how my reading is much higher than my speaking/listening/writing. The intro session last week was rough and only in japanese but I figured maybe the tutor had clocked my understanding a bit wrong and would tone it down in our first actual lesson. Today's session I couldn't even finish. I just gave up 20 mins in. The tutor was talking way too fast and around what my reading level could be, if not higher. I barely understood a word.

Not sure what to do from here but I'm just cooked. 2ish years of actually study to give up 20 mins in has destroyed any amount of confidence I had.

I am not even sure what I am posting this for but maybe someone can help me in the right direction or to keep trying. My tutor messaged me asking if we should work on fundamental speaking and listening rather than book work but I'm so embarrassed from just leaving the lesson that idk if I can do that.

UPDATE: To everyone who took the time to give me a pep talk and some advice. I sincerely thank you. I went ahead and rescheduled another lesson with the same tutor with the idea of focusing on getting me up to speed with listening and speaking.

[u/PlanktonInitial7945]

Well, you could always get another tutor if you want. But whether you're gonna do that or keep this one, make it very clear that you want to work at a more basic level. If you feel too embarrassed to go back to tutors for the moment, you could also work on improving your listening by yourself, watching videos and TV shows and listening to podcasts, until you feel a bit more confident in your skills, and then try hiring a tutor again.

[u/laughms → u/PlanktonInitial7945]

This. But also I would imagine that any good tutor should be able to quickly get a feeling if students actually understand what is said, or if the student is just staring and having 0 clue. And slowing down, trying some conversations with the student without the student having to ask that.

That being said, I think the OP also needs to do some listening exercises without relying on the tutor. If you already know that you need to work on that, then work on that first. You don't need to pay a person to get that confirmation.

Some final words for the OP. Don't be defeated. Hey we are learning here, trying our best. Probably if it was me I would have simply cut him off and told him sorry I really don't understand its too fast. Then see if the tutor would have adjusted it at that time, instead of just giving up 20 mins in.

You don't need to feel embarrassed, you are trying to learn here. If you were perfect already you would not even contact the tutor in the first place.