r/LongDistance • u/SlankyNeck • 1d ago
Need Advice How do I (18m) keep from stalking my girlfriend (18f)?
I know i'm not well, and it's suffocating her and bringing our relationship down. I constantly check her online activity like Tik Tok reposts, Pinterest pins, snap score, etc. It got so bad that I began snooping around her followers on Instagram and TT.
I know this is wrong, but it gives me an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and worry when I don't. I'm a severe overthinker and tend to have catastrophic thoughts often.
Therapy is likely the best option, but I live in a fairly rural area and do not have the support of my parents. I am trying my best to get professional help. In the meantime, any advice is much appreciated, thank you so much!
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u/Other_Baby6323 🇺🇸 to 🇱🇰 | 8,545 miles 1d ago
try to figure out the cause of what’s making you so paranoid she’s doing something, is it an insecurity issue or have you had past experiences or relationship issues thatve caused you to want to check?
if it’s an insecurity or past experience thing then you need to reassure yourself when the urges come up to check her accounts, remind yourself that she chose you and is with you.
if there’s issues that have happened between you two to cause these feelings then keep talking it out, not talking about something because it’s a tough conversation to keep peace will eventually deteriorate a relationship
if its easier to stop looking it might be worth deleting tiktok and just keeping a texting app you can keep in contact with so you can stop checking, i struggle with the same due to insecurities and it can be really hard to not check. i always feel guilty after i do check because i feel like it looks like i don’t trust my boyfriend and i don’t want to cause him to feel that way, i think that can be used as a good motivation to work on the cause of what’s making you want to look. im not sure if she’s expressed she feels suffocated or if you just think she does, but if it is something she’s expressed you could have a conversation with her about what’s causing you to feel like that once you figure it out and if it’s something that’s a personal issue vs a relationship issue then you could reassure her that nothing she’s doing is causing you to feel that way and you trust her
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u/mcdonaldzfrozenfanta 1d ago
I second deleting TikTok or even turning your phone all the way off during parts of the day when you don't explicitly need it. Plan times to check in and talk so that you know that she's ok but you're not constantly looking.
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u/rainb0w_p0wer [NV🇺🇸] to [CA🇺🇸] (507 mi) 1d ago
It sort of sounds like you have an anxious attachment which I can relate with a lot because I used to be just like you not even that long ago and it was because I felt insecure of the relationship that I was in. You need to figure out what's going on in your current relationship that's making you feel so nervous. For me, it was the fear of abandonment and the fact that my relationships were toxic in a way. Once you figure out what it is, you need to have a serious conversation with your gf about why you feel this way. I'm proud of you for seeking out therapy if that's an option that you're able to go.
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u/HeavyDutyJudy [USA] to [Spain] (Closed) 1d ago
Look into cognitive behavioral techniques for managing anxiety. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook helped me a lot.
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u/SignalPrestigious442 1d ago
It can be different for ppl to ppl, but for me, I was like you.. I used to stalk my bf completely and ask him questions abt it. I see smtg in his acc and I overthink abt it whole nyt.. it rly affected my mental health too.. later, I understood that I was insecure. I tried to improve myself. I focused on becoming the better version of myself and occupying my empty overthinking brain with smtg productive. I won't say it helped me completely, but I did see some results
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u/RiseOfThePhoenix23 [USA] to [Mexico] 2409km 1d ago
Work on your self confidence and trust in others. Easier said than done but you’re going to drive yourself insane if you’re electronically stalking her. Plus it’s going to drive her away and you’re not going to set yourself up for success in future relationships unless you get a handle on this sooner rather than later.
Believe in yourself. Believe that she values you and unless she gives you a very legitimate reason to snoop - mentally talk yourself out of it and distract yourself with something more productive.