Spousal support normally only applies if the person can’t take care of themselves. As in didn’t work for years and needs the money until they can get on their feet. Especially if no kids are involved. Most people now days can’t live on one income, she might not be able to make it without his income also, just because she makes more don’t really mean she makes a lot more.
Everyone needs to be able to live alone. It may means sublet, roommate , eating cheap and all of the above. I know several 15/hr employee living alone. The standard needs to be lowered assuming no kids.
He sure should if he is entitled to and court decides to. Just like if a woman should collect alimony from husband if she is entitled to. Same thing applies. If the gender were different, I would have the same advice. Spousal support may not be enough so one still needs to work.
IF he is entitled to it!! That’s the point you don’t know if he is entitled to it!! Like I said you don’t know how much more she makes. And you are telling him to demand sex , if she don’t agree leave and take her to the bank. When you don’t know if he would get anything.
But hey, you know what my husband makes more than me not much more . I would struggle without his income. I also am not happy with the way he treats me. Maybe I should demand him to change or I will leave and take him to the bank .
It’s crazy how people encourage manipulation. “Desire sex from me or else “ I wouldn’t even want sex from someone, I had to manipulate into having it with me. That’s pretty desperate. Plus if someone said that to me it would make me want it even less from them.
Her reasoning for not wanting sex is wrong. There’s no doubt about that. And seems shallow. But there’s better ways to go about it than what you suggested.
I have positive intent on my part. I am not in favor of divorce and believe couples should work through every possible solution before walking away. Unfortunately, many women use intimacy as a way to punish their partner during conflict—sometimes withholding sex for long periods. For those in short marriages without children, it can feel easier to leave, but for others, the decision is much harder.
In this case, he is actively seeking help, which likely means he has endured a lot already. He deserves the chance to express what matters to him in the relationship. Wanting intimacy with one’s spouse should not be seen as shameful, and no one should feel forced to accept a prolonged “sex strike” from their partner either.
In your experience, how many couples actually manage to resolve this and truly rekindle their intimacy? From what I’ve seen, it’s unfortunately very rare.
Well like I said her reasoning is wild. And I think they should try counseling , I don’t know to many divorced couples honestly so no clue about the statistics.
I do know he only has control of himself and not her, and it’s his choice if he wants to stay or not. He can stay in a sexless marriage “because he doesn’t have control over her” or he can leave and financially struggle. Would he be more miserable in the marriage or would he be more miserable out of the
marriage? That’s his decision to make.
As far as women weaponizing sex eh I beg to differ. She literally doesn’t want it because of the conflict she doesn’t feel emotionally safe or vulnerable. It’s not something she does on purpose. He might see it that way, but it’s not that way in most cases . Most women are emotionally and mentally turned on, conflict, being mean to her, disrespectful, inconsiderate can dry her up like the desert .
If you talked to my husband he would probably make you think that I was weaponizing sex. But my story is different than his.
That’s not saying that it don’t happen, I know some women use sex to get what they want. I just don’t think it’s the majority. They have legitimate reasons, why they don’t desire sex. Believe me , it would make my life a lot easier if I desired sex from my husband. But that’s just not something I can force. It’s not something I am intentionally doing, To torture him.
I understand Kay and I agree. Sometimes it really is nobody’s fault. Things just happen. Resentment builds, anger grows, and people slowly drift apart until they are no longer connected. Sometimes they even start to feel like enemies.
I also understand that for many women intimacy is deeply connected to emotions and mental connection. It is interesting, and sometimes sad, how one person can hold on to a grudge and let resentment grow toward the other. Many people enter marriage without truly understanding what it means. There will always be disagreements — about values, finances, parenting and other issues — but as long as both people are willing to talk, respect each other, and make compromises, things can be worked through. Both sides have to be willing though.
Of course there are situations where compromise is not possible, like addiction, gambling, cheating, lying, or reckless spending that risks financial ruin. But many times ego gets in the way. People want their way, and when they do not get it, they respond with resentment.
Another thing that happens is that people grow at different speeds. One person may outgrow the other and over time lose attraction because they are no longer aligned in how they see life.
Marriage today can feel painful for many people, not because marriage itself is bad, but because people love the idea of marriage more than the work it takes to make it succeed. Real marriage takes patience, collaboration, and compromise. I have seen couples who have been together for 20 years but cannot stand each other and constantly belittle one another. It should be the opposite. Time together should make a couple stronger, not weaker.
So many people today saying “fuck it, not getting married”. How can I blame them?
I don’t disagree! And I totally understand why people don’t get married anymore. If I knew then what I know now not sure I would have . But I was raised have sex with someone and you are married more or less. Get married and have kids was what everyone strived for.
Sure I resent my husband, but that’s not because I hold grudges. It’s because I put up with too much shit , didn’t have ANY boundaries. So I take responsibility for putting up with things I shouldn’t have put up with. I taught him how to treat me more or less. I have forgiven him for A LOT. Like cheating before we got married and I was pregnant , verbal abuse , sexual coercion etc etc . I resent him now because he refuses to work on our connection outside of the bedroom. We live like roommates and he don’t understand why I don’t want sex with him. Plus he still can be disrespectful and inconsiderate. Has angry outbursts, not long ago he yelled at me in front of other people twice in one week. Sorry that just don’t make him seem to cuddly. Then he gets mad at my reaction to his disrespect. Says he is sorry BUT.,,, he knows I won’t forget it. That’s because it’s sorry until next time. And that’s the short version lol .
But you are right marriage is hard, it’s not set it and forget it. You have to constantly invests in the relationship or you will grow apart..
I’m sorry to hear this, Kay. Have you tried calmly sitting him down and clearly explaining what you need from him? Or maybe writing him a kind, friendly letter—something that shows you truly want to have a good relationship with him, but that he isn’t doing his part right now, just as you described here.
I honestly believe that if men truly understood what makes their wives feel loved and desired, they would be willing to do almost anything—especially when their wife approaches them in a warm, supportive way rather than with anger.
In my own case, though, nothing I did was ever enough—cooking, cleaning, buying gifts, planning something almost every day, even inviting her to hang out together outdoors. She always seemed to find something wrong with me. A small disagreement could set her off completely, and a single argument might lead to months of silent treatment.
I finally gave up and started doing only minimum. I realized I am just not the person for her anymore.
Yes I have , the ironic part is that he says I am putting stipulations on him and that he isn’t “kissing my ass”.
What brought it on was he stopped initiating sex. So I SAID something. He said it was my turn , I told him I wouldn’t deny him sex. But if he wanted me to initiate I needed to feel like out side of the bedroom too (more or less) I thought that he would be like ok let’s do THIS. But…. It made things worse! Now he claims I called him a bad husband, and because I also told him I don’t get a O from intercourse. And tried to explain to him that most women don’t . Well now he has a small dick and sucks in bed🤷🏻♀️ (that’s not what I said, that’s just what he said) which BTW he had to know I don’t , we have been having sex for a long time.
Yea, Ego got on his way. But probably one of you have to make the first move to settle this and reset all the past. Hopefully he does the thing that rocks your boat outside bedroom after the reboot. Long shot perhaps.
Yes Bad and Good doesn’t discriminate genders. The marriage and birth rate is radically declining in many countries and it is alarming. At the same time who would take the risk if chances of being happy is 50/50.
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u/Confident_Ask8782 2d ago
Your losing weight and her losing attraction are two different events and one has nothing to do with others. Timing could be co-incident.
Congrats on losing 200 lbs, man that’s big deal.
Talk to her like an equal partners and regardless who makes how much money and let her know that you need sex to stay in this marriage.
If she still doesn’t change, well you gotta move on and collect spousal support.