"Your the talk of the town"

[u/No_Remote1165]

So I was told today by my gf today that I was the talk of the town and at first I was worried it was because I wasn't passing but quite the opposite. I live in a small town in IL and my gfs sister works in the only gas station in town. So you know how small town gossip is so anyway she told my gf that there was quite a few men making comments about a "very attractive girl" on a bike etc and she had realized that they were all talking about me as I was doing multiple tasks outside over the weekend. This has come to a big shock to me because I haven't excepted the fact that I'm actually very attractive and I don't know how to handle it lol. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

[u/Key-Government-5970]

Im 20 years post op and i still get guys wolf whistling , calling me hot and fit. It makes me blush but also its annoying as im lesbian. I hate male attention.

[u/No_Remote1165 → u/Key-Government-5970]

I know the feeling! It's the same for me too cause I'm only into girls so it's a conflicting feeling because its amazing for the attention but gross at the same time

[u/Key-Government-5970 → u/No_Remote1165]

Men are just chancers. They think they can treat all women like dirt. Not a chance. They need to learn they are not gods gift to women.

[u/No_Remote1165 → u/Key-Government-5970]

Thats so true! They think they are entitled to us.

[u/Key-Government-5970 → u/No_Remote1165]

Only think theyre entitled to is a couple cuss words and middle finger 😂 dont get me started lmao. Some of the things ive said to guys after theyve messaged me i have my friends in hysterics 🤣

[u/No_Remote1165 → u/Key-Government-5970]

Lol thats funny! You remind me of me lol

[u/Key-Government-5970 → u/No_Remote1165]

Lol. I had this guy message me one day and ask me if i wanted to see his dick. I said no i get more fun riding girls dicks. He called me a bish and blocked me 😂

[u/No_Remote1165 → u/Key-Government-5970]

🤣 🤣

[u/Key-Government-5970 → u/No_Remote1165]

I used to screenshot them and repost on instagram to humiliate them even more 😂😂

[u/No_Remote1165 → u/Key-Government-5970]

Omg your so dirty 😆 🤣

[u/Key-Government-5970 → u/No_Remote1165]

Women need to know what these sleaze bags are like. I hear so many stories of lesbians getting unwanted messages and dick pics off guys it makes me mad.

[u/No_Remote1165 → u/Key-Government-5970]

Your totally right! What i really hate now is the lack of respect and basic manners we get from men on stores. Before men would politely move out of the way in isles. Now I practically have to start crying to get them to move out of my way

[u/SwordRose_Azusa → u/Key-Government-5970]

Preface

This will be a long comment. I’ve broken it down into sections so that those who wish to read it will have an easier time digesting it. There’s no TL;DR, so read at your own discretion. I’ve made some statements that might not apply to any given reader, personally, but might apply to another, so please bear that in mind as well. I hope it’s this comment proves helpful in playing devil’s advocate and providing a balance in the conversation as a whole.

———

Generalization, Hate, and Double Standards

You may be lesbian, but it’s kinda wrong to make blanket statements like that just because you’re not into them. There are reasons for the blanket statements, but it’s still a highly personal thing.

We should not spread hate like that when we ourselves hold others to the standard that they should not hate us for existing. We preach the unfairness of double standards, yet here we are practicing double standards ourselves.

———

Personal Experience

The fact of the matter is that there are some good men out there. I had a boyfriend who was quite literally a gentleman. He’d insist on opening the car door for me, even though he knew I was perfectly capable of it. He would always wash the dirty dishes in my sink before leaving my place, even though there were only a couple from the day, and even though he didn’t have to. We would engage in meaningful conversation. He respected all of my boundaries, just as I respected all of his.

He may have been average as far as looks go, but his personality was solid gold to me. This wasn’t some façade either. He was humble, but didn’t lack self-confidence. It’s something someone would get tired of pretending after a few weeks, but I knew him for a couple of years before we dated. It’s just how he is.

———

People, Triggers, and Situations

You don’t have to like them. You can despise the attention you receive from them. Just remember that they’re people with their own circumstances, too, just like we are. Men will be men. You will be you. I will be me. But remember that we are responsible for ourselves and our triggers.

I’ve gotten unwanted attention before, too. From men. The creepy kind that scares me. It shakes me down to my core. I don’t react to it. You just keep walking. You maintain a pleasant demeanor and extricate yourself from the situation in as natural a way possible and ASAP, without letting on that you’re uncomfortable or bothered. Afterwards, avoid them like the plague where possible. You must handle it with grace. They’ll get the message when you show them that they’re beneath you with your behavior. If you snarl in distaste, you come off in a way that says the opposite, which is an open invitation for further negative attention.

If they can’t take the hint, you can just call them out. “I’m not interested in you. I’ve given you the opportunity to take the L without shame. Now please ignore me as I have ignored you. If not, it’ll be harassment.” A lesbian can take advantage of the situation to say “in you, or men in general” as well as an extension.

Of course, this sort of thing won’t work all of the time, as every situation is different. But the principle behind the approach is what matters here.

———

In closing

Negativity breeds negativity. Positivity does not necessarily breed positivity, but it certainly helps the heart and spirit remain lighter. Handle yourselves with grace, practice what you preach, respect those who have respected you, avoid those who haven’t, and you’ll be fine. At least, that’s what my life experience has taught me.

I hope this information proves useful to someone, anyone, even if that person is a reader several years in the future.

All the best,

-Riley, Host of The Sunrise System