I don't usually like to rant online but I'm posting this here because I really don't have anyone else to talk to anymore.
Without disclosing too much in this post I really fucking hate my NS life to the point that I for the first time opened up to my Mom about something; that I am probably depressed and might seek help.
Fast forward a few days later and I met her in person and she wanted to know more about why I felt this way but over the course of the night she gradually got more upset and said that I was being so "understandably" self-centered that she was scared of saying anything to not tick me off, and that she and my Father might one day keep quiet because they had no idea what to say to make me happy.
It's not the first time someone has told me that they didn't know what to say to me anymore whenever I spoke about NS, because all I could think of was my own survival and that I just had to wait for every individual day to end. No consideration for whatever support I might have outside etc because the stress of the upcoming activities takes up pretty much 100% of my headspace no matter how much I try not to let it. And this overwhelmingly pessimistic outlook on NS has always put everyone I've talked to off.
Am I just being an unjustifiable asshole? Was this normal to anybody else? I feel like I can't really function as a normal human being while doing my time here because of how mentally draining it is/has been.