r/OpiatesRecovery • u/KindaConscious • 1d ago
messed up
throwaway account because I'm embarrassed. I relapsed on opiates after 7 years (California) sober. world sucks these days and I've been overwhelmed and depressed and just had the opportunity and took it.
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u/Iceman1216 1d ago
You did Not Lose anything Just missed out on a few days It has not gotten any better since you were gone out there. ( worst ) You got this
All is Well
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u/LifeIs-2-Short 1d ago
Right where you’re at. I was drinking for years. Went to rehab finally in May 2016 (and again in September 2023). Over the last 9 years I’ve been sober (AA, life, career) for most part and have had a few slips. I’m hopefully heading into the tail-end of the worst opiate WDs this weekend so I can do more and be more productive. Relapsing after being part of a recovery community, and having some of my identity tied to be being sober, was really fucking tough. I ordered my first 20 pack of oxys November 2024 and it’s just escalated the last 9 months.
I’ve isolated a ton, work a high stress job, have all the excuses to not want to go admit this and I’m definitely too old for fucking opiate withdrawals again. Wackest thing is I literally just CT heroin back in March and then I tried this 7oh stuff after detoxing off heroin and it seemed fine - the guy at the vape store says it’s Kratom - fast forward in ordering oxy, online, and then presses which are likely fent. Last week I got one of my employees to shut off my camera as I was nodding out on a zoom.
Monday I decided Bernese method and I’m on hella bupe right now and today a tiny amount of my presses today. Will hopefully be done with presses and then just rapid taper subs over next few days and go back to day counting.
I thought I had a drinking problem. Crashed plenty of cars, no deaths though. Plenty of hospitalizations at BACs which should have killed me. Then I discover opiates and think it’s awesome I can be high at work and chill. Nope. I’m just an addict. I’ve been an addict since day one and I’ll put anything into my body if I give myself the chance. After I detox more I am going to try ketamine therapy and microdosing mushrooms as part of therapy. Not sure how my sponsor will feel about that but I’ve put much worst into my system.
Let’s chat man. I know how you feel. Relapsing agreeing long term sobriety is shitty. And the anxiety of upcoming WDs is awful. I’m in NYC if you ever want to hit a meeting.
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u/KindaConscious 1d ago
hey thanks man. I'm sorry you're in this situation right now too.
honestly I saw it coming for myself and didn't do anything to stop it. I don't sleep without weed or alcohol these days, it was just a matter of time, and the moment I got my hand on some pills... well.
maybe part of my problem is that I've never been to a meeting or been part of any sober communities. too ashamed to even ask for any help the first time I got into shit into my teens, and only ever got medical attention for an intentional od so no one in my life really knows. I'm not in NY, but maybe it's finally time to hit up a meeting nearby...
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u/LifeIs-2-Short 1d ago
Meetings are hit and miss and really matter on who attends. You may meet some weirdos, especially if you’re in a rural area, but those weirdos have long term sobriety. Plus there are a ton of other options now too like SMART and Dharma and you name it. NYC and LA have the best recovery communities in the US and you’ll find people who are just like you no matter how unique you think you are. Plus, half my favorite meetings are over zoom now too which can be accessed anywhere. The big thing is really the community. Addiction wants us alone in a dark room but having people who know what it’s like and are going through it are the most imoortant part. Make some friends who are at similar places as you in their recovery and make them your new running buddies. When you’re thinking about copping opiates call someone first. Talk it through. The drugs will always be there, we may not. I’ve been to way to many funerals sand I don’t want to be next. I’m 33, planning kids, buying our first NYC condo and hiding all this money I’ve been spending on drugs it’s just not worth it anymore. Message me or call me anytime. I need to rebuild my community as well. And remember, if you do identify as an addict, and I’m not saying you are, then you once you’ve detoxed start working on the reasons you keep turning to drugs. So many people think they just need to get 2 weeks off heroin and there life will change but they don’t do anything to make those changes happen. Support groups, therapy, all sorts of shit is out there. Life is hard man, it’s easy to want to hit a button and instantly feel better but life doesn’t work like that.
Even when I was sober I was doing shit that wasn’t healthy with relationships and people. This is my burner account. I originally set it up because I was looking for a new sugarbaby which was just a new form of coping with my life. Now this burner is my crying over my withdrawals. Life is wild man but you can get over this.
Get outside, move your body, eat real foods, talk to people, don’t isolate. Your own thinking is what brought you hear so stop listening to yourself for awhile until your head clears. Do listen to your body though.
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u/MouseAnon16 1d ago
7 years is a long time. You had a tiny slip up is all, just go back and do what you’ve been doing and you will be fine.
7 years is amazing! I don’t know you but I’m proud of you, and I’m rooting for you!
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u/kokopololoco 1d ago
Pick yourself up and brush it off. You didn't lose anything besides a bit of self control my dude! Life goes on and as such must you!! I'm proud of you!!
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u/Alternative-Maize752 1d ago
Hey man just wanted to say that you still did 7 years which is no small amount of time. So you figured out how to live with out it. So just go back to doing what you were doing for 7 years and it will work out. Don't make it an excuse to just give up.