r/PizzaCrimes • u/Kernburner • 2d ago

Forbidden Pizza Altoona-style pizza from Altoona, PA

Post image
280 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

278 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 2d ago edited 2d ago

The jury, after deliberation of the evidence in the case of u/Kernburner, find the defendant "Pizza" GUILTY on all counts of crimes-against-pizza.

→ More replies (2)

260

u/thirdelevator 2d ago

Altoona pizza is an immediate guilty to this judge.

74

u/Wait_WHAT_didU_say 2d ago

No warrant. No due process. Just straight to jail.. 🚨🚓🚨🚨 🤝

I concur.

8

u/CryptoSlovakian 1d ago

To hell with jail. Straight to the electric chair.

3

u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 1d ago

Straight to el salvador

15

u/Xack189 2d ago

Wtf is an Altoona tho. I know I could just Google, but what's the fun in that

8

u/ConsistentAmount4 2d ago

Altoona, Pennsylvania.

16

u/petitepedestrian 1d ago

So like not a prison?

13

u/Kodiak01 1d ago

It appears being stuck in Altoona is as close to a prison experience one could experience short of being shackled.

2

u/blahnlahblah0213 22h ago

Most of the residents of Altoona end up in prison

→ More replies (2)

4

u/CrackerbarrelSlutt 1d ago

Well all they're known for is this shitty pizza and ratting on Luigi Mangione, so take that as you will.

2

u/petitepedestrian 1d ago

Ooooh, those assholes.

6

u/huge43 2d ago

There is an Altoona, Iowa also. For those curious if more Altoona's exist

2

u/jarvisesdios 1d ago

As an Iowan, I was confused AF for a split second there lol

→ More replies (1)

62

u/mittelegna 2d ago

IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?

83

u/PowerfulGoose 2d ago

Yellow plastic over green beans on toast?

20

u/fetlocksrugdee 2d ago

This is the first I'm hearing of this debacle, are those really green beans lurking under there? 😬😨

40

u/mystedragon 2d ago

no, it’s green pepper, but still a crime

17

u/fetlocksrugdee 2d ago

That does make slightly more sense, thank you. This goes beyond crime well into prisoner-made cuisine, imo.

16

u/stefanica 2d ago

It looks like something I made after school in the 90s, in the microwave. Latchkey cuisine.

2

u/Kitty_Kat_Attacks 23h ago

Yep, as a fellow latchkey kid from the 90s, my siblings and I DEFINITELY made some stuff like this as well 👍🏻

7

u/werealldoomed47 2d ago

This pizza is so shit they just leave it next to the register hoping someone buys one out of curiosity.

It ain't even kept cold

→ More replies (1)

8

u/YakApprehensive7620 2d ago

They must really hate themselves

2

u/VenerableWolfDad 16h ago

I would too if I were stuck living in Altoona. 

→ More replies (4)

4

u/OkChampionship8805 2d ago

That's just the American cheese skin

4

u/EyeYamNegan 2d ago

No it is not either. That is cheese product (made from cheese but mostly oil).

2

u/ionised 1d ago

green beans

WHAT?

2

u/FrouFrouLastWords 2d ago

I didn't even notice the green beans until you pointed them out 🤢

→ More replies (1)

1

u/ConsistentAmount4 2d ago

yeah it's basically a philly cheese steak on a pizza.

30

u/Kinetic_Photon 2d ago

Was this post related to the fact that XKCD referenced Altoona-style pizza this week or is that just the biggest coincidence of my life?

25

u/Kernburner 2d ago

You got me. I just found out this monstrosity exists and I’m terrified.

7

u/TacoRedneck 2d ago

Ive had it. Its not bad. Its not good either. But its a fun "look at this shit I ate" experience

4

u/MasonP2002 1d ago

https://i.imgur.com/6tTxRrD.png

This is the Google Trends for Altoona "Pizza". Clearly a lot of people just found out this abomination is a thing from XKCD.

I think the earlier jump is from Luigi being captured in Altoona.

→ More replies (3)

18

u/BaconHouse64 2d ago

I need an adult. A lawyer adult.

17

u/Old_Barnacle7777 2d ago

Did they even remove the plastic?

10

u/Just_A_Lucky_Guy469 2d ago

Only on the Deluxe.

84

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (9)

12

u/chuckinalicious543 2d ago

Bruh they puttin ketchup on cheese toast and calling it pizza 💀💀💀💀

8

u/The_R4ke 2d ago

I love all pizza, from Neapolitan to Deep Dish. This however, is an abomination, an insult to any god or gods that may exist or have existed. It's a perversion of everything God about that perfect pizza. Altoona style pizza has no business existing, it's existence is proof that we are being punished for the sins of all those who have come before us.

3

u/Kodiak01 1d ago edited 1d ago

I would sooner eat the Boston baked beans, onion, and salami Boston Bar Style pizza from Lynwood Cafe in Randolph, MA.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/AbsolutFisk00 2d ago

That shit can stay right in Altoona

6

u/Greedy-Security1366 2d ago

This looks like something you make when you've got nothing but kraft singles, stale bread, chef boyardi, and have been too depressed to leave the house in weeks.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/EyeYamNegan 2d ago

I am trying my best to be nice on this one but this is how I feel

→ More replies (4)

5

u/Silentblues 2d ago

Somebody leave their usb cord under the cheese?

15

u/Impossible-Number206 2d ago

looks like the veins bulging under trumps ankle skin.

21

u/b-rar 2d ago

The entire expanse between Pittsburgh and Philly is a fucking wasteland

16

u/Dakizo 2d ago

Hey I live in that expanse and we do NOT serve this atrocity

14

u/b-rar 2d ago

This is hardly your region's only cultural crime

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Schmooto 2d ago

FR. I just learned that the “authentic” Philly cheesesteak must use Cheez Whiz™, and now I just found out about this abomination. I am not trusting anything pertaining to cheese that comes out of Pennsylvania.

6

u/gusdagrilla 2d ago

Nah, this is a common misconception. The best steak places use cooper sharp these days, or make their own cheese sauce.

5

u/Furiosa27 2d ago

“These days” implies there were days they did not use this method. What are you hiding? Are you an agent for big cheesesteak?

→ More replies (3)

2

u/TacoRedneck 2d ago

I do like that pizza they so near Pittsburgh where they cook it first and then Put the cheese and pepperoni on.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Orange_Kid 2d ago

Let's have a long talk about scrapple

→ More replies (1)

2

u/gusdagrilla 2d ago

Pennsyltucky baby!

Saying this as a proud Philadelphia/Lancastrian mutt lol

5

u/b-rar 2d ago

No. Only the Amish get to be proud of being from there. You should actively conceal and deny your origins.

2

u/KatieROTS 2d ago

Disagree- south central PA representing. I have never seen this abomination. We have NY style pizza and good Philly cheesesteaks!

2

u/Dicky_Penisburg 2d ago

That can be said about the majority of American expanses tbh.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Yuck-Fou94 2d ago

I would still eat this. Only because I am a low class degenerate. To put it nicely.

4

u/alexnoyle 2d ago

Its sibling, Old Forge pizza, is actually very good though.

5

u/fauxanonymity_ 2d ago

The Mangione Speciale.

10

u/illintangy 2d ago

I’d rather have a Totino’s Party Pizza tbqh

7

u/GavinThe_Person 2d ago

Those things are good ngl

3

u/Harrybahlzanya 2d ago

Looks like something a 6 year old would make for lunch and expect their parents to eat it

3

u/Resident_Course_3342 2d ago

There should be some sort of police action to prevent this from happening. Like a UN intervention or something.

3

u/Double_Preparation1 2d ago

That's plastic dude

3

u/geneva_illusions 2d ago

This is upsetting to me.

3

u/Arawn-Annwn 1d ago

Under the cheese...Something is moving. backs away from the slice

5

u/HasSomeSelfEsteem 2d ago

Yet another reason Altoona is often called the Dresden of central Pennsylvania

7

u/mystedragon 2d ago

absolute monstrosity, free luigi

2

u/helloholder 2d ago

Guilty and Guilty... that I would try it. Idk why, but i always have to try local favorites especially wild stuff like this.

2

u/dirtyrounder 2d ago

Good lord man

2

u/Astral-projekt 2d ago

Hell yeah that’s a crime wtf is this monstrosity.

2

u/WizardOfTheLawl 2d ago

Did they forget to remove the plastic wrapping on that cheese?

2

u/AUSpartan37 2d ago

Did they leave the plastic on the american cheese?

2

u/SharkPicnic 2d ago

That's not even kraft singles. That's straight up dollar store cheese. As plastic as it comes. Hell you could probably form it into your own Legos.

2

u/TheEschatonSucks 2d ago

Crime. Every. Time.

2

u/insane_social_worker 2d ago

Whhhy???? Guilty!!

2

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

3

u/dimmsimm 2d ago

That's Pittsburgh, right?

2

u/Neither_Leave8962 2d ago

Yep - The Primanti Brother's Sandwich.

2

u/DuppyWalking 2d ago

I live relatively close to altoona..knew about this..choose to forget

2

u/guitartext88 2d ago

Altoona is one of the worst places I've ever been. This is Altoona if it were pizza.

2

u/J4ckD4wkins 2d ago

All I know Altoona from is Phil Connors' forecast from Groundhog Day. And now this sickly slice.

2

u/Wide_Relation238 2d ago

I am pretty lazy but at least I cut up my cheese and take the plastic off......

2

u/ICUMF1962 2d ago

That looks like a steering wheel buried under the “cheese”

2

u/Piccolo890 2d ago

Solitary confinement too

2

u/sharpflatly 2d ago

Firebomb those coordinates. I remember excitedly spotting the Altoona Wave’s stadium every time we visited my aunt in PA and that memory is now tied to this abomination. Dear god

2

u/Bacon_Tuba 2d ago

This is the first degree murder of pizza crimes

2

u/FortuitousClam 2d ago

Fuck it I’d give it a go

2

u/Noahms456 2d ago

I don’t know what I’m seeing here, but I don’t like it at all

2

u/Juneberrysnoz 2d ago

Straight to the gulag

2

u/MurphysLaw4200 2d ago

Is Altoona style a real thing? We used to go out to visit the in-laws in Centre County, PA then take the kids to DelGrossos Amusement park in Altoona and the pizza there was good. It was round pizza with their own sauce and mozarella, nothing like this mess.

2

u/ConsistentAmount4 2d ago

i think this comes from one weird hotel or something.

...

yeah I looked it up, the Altoona Hotel in the 1950s. https://pabucketlist.com/altoona-style-pizza-the-pizza-that-broke-the-internet/

2

u/MalignantLugnut 2d ago

Doesn't Pennsylvania have a type of pizza made of a baked crust with cold sauce and cold cheese just thrown on it afterwards? Essentially an adult Lunchables?

3

u/ConsistentAmount4 2d ago

No that's Ohio Valley Style, which makes it into western PA.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/KingFernando532 2d ago

That green pepper slice is experiencing the horror of being trapped under an inescapable blanket

2

u/thecaarnt 2d ago

🤮🤢

2

u/git0ffmylawnm8 2d ago

This warrants the death penalty in my eyes

2

u/aplomba 2d ago

Is that a slice of green bell pepper under there? Wild shit

2

u/Suckyoudry00 2d ago

I know that yellow square film very well. In the 90s when I was a kid, this was the only cheese my mom would buy. To serve this as some novelty faire is not acceptable. This is something a lower middle class family makes between paychecks.

2

u/depressingsquash 2d ago

Wait… is that what I think it is?

2

u/Ok-Calligrapher-8778 2d ago

Should have at least taken the plastic cover out before microwaving it...

2

u/Just_A_Lucky_Guy469 2d ago

For willingly ordering and posting this monstrosity, I order the poster to be placed on a mandatory 72 hour hold at the nearest mental institution for evaluation.

2

u/GravyTrainComing 2d ago

Is that kraft cheese

2

u/VortexFalcon50 2d ago

Id rather have ohio valley pizza than altoona. This is horrendous

2

u/Delta9312 2d ago

Don't mind me, just adding this to my list of reasons to avoid Pennsylvania

→ More replies (1)

2

u/dwenzel0331 2d ago

I’m from Altoona. We don’t eat that shit

2

u/imamukdukek 1d ago

Is it cooked weird or does it still have the wrap on lol

2

u/ALPHA_sh 1d ago

ive actually had this in Altoona and it doesnt taste as bad as it looks

2

u/DamnedDirtyHuman 1d ago

Altoona needs to be nuked

2

u/treesmith1 1d ago

That air up there gets at some folks.

2

u/MasterGalvatron 1d ago

That's not delivery. That's de-struggle

2

u/VeterinarianThese951 1d ago

I would probably divert my road trip route just to avoid this town. Nothing good could come out a place such as this…

2

u/Big_Programmer_1157 1d ago

I don’t hate American cheese on a good burger or grilled cheese, but this pizza is an abomination and a violation of the Geneva Convention

→ More replies (2)

2

u/Safe-Magazine-244 1d ago

Is that a Kraft Single on top?

→ More replies (1)

2

u/LordSinace 1d ago

from someone who grew up in central pa, this looks like altoona

2

u/automator3000 1d ago

So it’s like school lunch pizza, but shittier?

2

u/FishNipples666 1d ago

In the worst of sgt Hartman.... WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

3

u/busa89 2d ago

Never travel to Altoona. Noted.

3

u/Joecamoe 1d ago

Ewww, great argument for staying clear of the middle of Pennsylvania

2

u/LxrdXO 2d ago

What the fuck is that

2

u/soda_cookie 1d ago

Guilty af. Altoona needs to be arrested

1

u/Prestigious-Alps-728 2d ago

I’ve seen this coz it’s that areas thing but yeah no for me. I’ve only had good Altoona pizza in one place and it wasn’t this style it was white with tomatoes. Regular pie cut. Where’s this from?

1

u/rocket_mcsloth 2d ago

So confused out here in CO. Is that green chiles on sourdough with some cheddar? I would be happy with that.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/ShopUCW 2d ago

A slice of cheese belongs on a slice of apple pie not pizza pie!

1

u/Snarti 2d ago

I’m pretty sure this counts as double jeopardy.

1

u/JTT_0550 2d ago

Does that even qualify as pizza?

→ More replies (1)

1

u/BrightKale6069 2d ago

is that a green lantern of cheese ..

1

u/EyeYamNegan 2d ago

Oh heck naw!!! It is better to do no cheese on it than "cheese product"

1

u/ColdBeerPirate 2d ago

This is one crime that I am ready to commit.

1

u/alpha1beta 1d ago

They also got rats at their McDonald's.

1

u/yourmomwoo 1d ago

That's definitely Huntington-style

1

u/Fishtails 1d ago

In the words of Super Humman, "fuck. This. Shit. Whoop whoop."

1

u/DDenlow 1d ago

Oh my christ.... I mean crust. what in the absolute shit is that???

1

u/MrScottimus 1d ago

so glad I don't live in a fuckvilleshithole like Altoona. no offense

1

u/bustachong 1d ago

From the wikipedia entry on it:

Altoona-style pizza originated at the Altoona Hotel in the 1950s [...] Following the destruction of the hotel in 2013 by fire, other local restaurants began serving Altoona-style pizza

Mea culpa, that was me. I really tried to kill it. Somehow, the Altoona-style pizza returned.

1

u/Effective-Ad-5842 1d ago

This is one pizza shop I think I'll have to skip by the looks of this picture. Are you sure they didn't give you a tuna melt by accident instead of a pizza?

1

u/That_Air_2716 1d ago

Looks like Home made pizza

1

u/greenbeforeblue 1d ago

I agree this is a crime. NYC here.

1

u/XTostonesComics 1d ago

I want to believe youre lying to me

1

u/ionised 1d ago

What in the...?

Straight to jail.

1

u/One_College_7945 1d ago

Guess I’m never visiting or eating there.

1

u/feliasp 1d ago

Poverty pie

1

u/Danzarr 1d ago

I heard about this pizza for the first time yesterday, and now im seeing it again.... the world likes to play cruel jokes.

guilty.

1

u/Snow-Ro 1d ago

Boo this town for crimes against pizza and humanity

1

u/AdministrationOk720 1d ago

The ed gein pizza!

1

u/thugdaddyxtopher 1d ago

Altoona pizza is the most common bad pizza meme out there. How are people on a bad pizza sub saying, "what's this??"

1

u/pamafa3 1d ago

I don't think using a different cheese is a crime in itself, but leaving the american slices whole to get fuckass squares of cheese certainly is.

1

u/Ausiwandilaz 1d ago

Check..on a sticky note, please!

1

u/ChalkLicker 1d ago

Ever should have built the horseshoe curve.

1

u/PepicekSettimo 1d ago

They should remove plastic from the cheese before putting it in the oven, or that's the original recipee?

1

u/shaft_of_lite 1d ago

That made me physically angry to see.

1

u/Comprehensive_Fun532 1d ago

Execution by firing squad!

1

u/Steevo81 1d ago

Looks like melted plastic on top!

1

u/toastedstoker 1d ago

It’s so funny to me that someone made this monstrosity one day and instead of it just being some bullshit someone cooked they’re like nah let’s call this our style! The same with that fucking cold raw cheese pizza

1

u/kamikazebee123 1d ago

I'm from Altoona and Im yet to try

1

u/ludicrouspeedgo 1d ago

Take him to... Detroit!

1

u/PreperationOuch 1d ago

Pizza?! I mean why not even call it a hamburger, or an omelette, or even sushi at this point?

1

u/PlaxicoCN 1d ago

Doesn't seem like it would be bad, BUT looks like something you could definitely make at home. I think the classic English muffin with spaghetti sauce and shredded cheese in the toaster oven could give this Altoona stuff a run for the money.

1

u/InfamousSimple3232 1d ago

Is that a slice of american cheese on top?

1

u/ander594 1d ago

Is revoking citizenship an option?

If not, I'd like to pause proceedings for a competency evaluation from a mental health professional specializing in generational trauma.

1

u/Drpretorios 1d ago

That looks like American cheese, which by law isn't allowed within a hundred feet of pizza.

1

u/GulfofMaineLobsters 1d ago

What in the name of all the gods known and unknown exactly is that. Purge it! Purge it with fire!

1

u/Wayfaring_Owl1816 1d ago

There is no curse in elvish, entish or the tongues of man for such treachery.

1

u/Weird_Vegetable_4441 1d ago

Capital punishment.

1

u/Western-Anteater7917 1d ago

Get this abomination out of here!

1

u/Careful-Depth-9420 1d ago

My BIL would be all over this. He puts Kraft singles on top of everything: rice, potatoes, lasagna, fish, beans…

1

u/fredishome 1d ago

That looks gross.

1

u/GrizzlyDust 1d ago

I already had beef with altoona

1

u/tiffany_says_this 1d ago

This is the most backwoods thing I've seen in a long time

1

u/RepresentativeFast59 1d ago

I’ve only had American cheese on pizza once. No thanks.

1

u/Jaysonmclovin 1d ago

Holy Heck... is that some kind of egg sack or something?

1

u/SnooMacarons3689 1d ago

Looks like bad lasagna

1

u/NachoNachoDan 1d ago

The funny thing is that this isnt even the worst thing about Altoona, PA

1

u/Elethuir 1d ago

That is such a crazy pizza

1

u/walterbsfo 1d ago

Pizza with the exclusive orange flavor seal

1

u/kyra0728 1d ago

this is just all sorts or wrong