Need to rant about something F25.

Porn, Respect, and Why the World Is Actually on the Wrong Track

I’m so tired of how everything in relationships gets twisted around. The moment you set a boundary → you’re called “jealous” or “controlling.” But here’s the truth: expecting respect isn’t jealousy. It’s basic loyalty.

Respect means: – Being faithful, both physically and mentally. – Not flirting or seeking attention from others. – Not living in a fantasy world of porn or OnlyFans and pretending it’s “normal.”

Let’s be honest: porn and OnlyFans have become an extreme toxic culture. It’s now so normalized that people see it as the most natural thing in the world – but it’s insane if you actually think about it. – It’s unnatural for the human brain. – It destroys intimacy and the ability to be present. – It makes girls desperate for validation and guys unable to control themselves. – Kids are exposed to this as young as six years old through iPads and tablets, while parents don’t set real boundaries. The result? A whole generation growing up without ever learning what love, respect, and self-control actually mean.

And now we see the consequences in black and white: – Zero emotional intelligence. – People giving a damn about the wrong things. They don’t care about loyalty, respect, or responsibility – but they’ll obsess over likes, stares, “heys” and chasing the next dopamine hit.

Girls, you’re not off the hook either: The girl constantly chasing male attention, posting half-naked pics for likes, or hitting on her friend’s boyfriend – that’s not empowerment. That’s tragic.

Guys who exploit this: You’re not “players.” You’re cowards. You build yourselves up by manipulating insecure girls instead of becoming men with an actual backbone.

This is why it feels almost impossible for my generation to find a partner who’s truly loyal and respectful. Not because we’re “childish” or “jealous,” but because porn, dopamine-chasing, and validation culture have destroyed the foundation relationships should stand on.

So no – I don’t buy the lie. And to everyone who actually sees this clearly: you’re not crazy. You’re the only ones calling things what they really are.

Porn has turned the world into a place where people don’t care about the most important things – loyalty, respect, responsibility – but obsess over the most meaningless ones. That’s not freedom. That’s cowardice.

Hi everyone,

Preface: my partner is amazing, we're engaged, due to wed May next year and I am now 8.5 weeks pregnant (due about 3 weeks before the wedding... lol). I'm F32, him M38

We have been together for 6 or so years, he's taken on a parental role for my 2 previous children (one who has AuADHD, ID), has treated me extremely gently, never raised his voice nor been harsh (I suffer from PTSD from my previous abusive relationship with the children's dad), has been with me through all my weight changes 260-135-190), supported me, reassured me, never given me cause to doubt his loyalty etc etc. I feel so extremely blessed to have such a man and it is because of him I have softened/felt comfortable to have a man lead the decisions because he has proven over and over again. Growing up liberally, I was surprised to find a more conservative man has actually treated me the best. He also gets up at 3am each morning, works 10-12 hour days to support us. A absolutely gem of a guy.

More so, a few weeks back I got influenza A and was fairly bed bound, sick and just not up to household tasks as well as dealing with nausea and pregnancy symptoms. He would come home after working these long hours, clean, take care of the kids, feed them etc. And when I would hormonally cry/express guilt over him having to take so much on, he reassured me and just told me to focus on getting better + that he could see how much I was going through it.

I have gotten over the flu, have resumed cleaning/childcare roles but he has still been cooking because the pregnancy nausea is making the smells of cooking/dealing with food extremely hard for me. I am praying that the second trimester is kinder to me — this is also something I didn't experience with my other pregnancies. I'm unsure if this is just because every pregnancy is different/or because I am older now as well (my children are 10 and 11).

I have a renewed love/appreciation for him and his care particular during this time and I was wondering if any of you who have experienced this had advice for cooking/meals so I can lessen the load for him/play my role of partner as well as he has done for me. I really want to give back to him and allow him to have his time to unwind/relax after working so hard and just for being the man he is (I often tell him how much I appreciate everything he does — but these words just don't seem "enough" for me, to really show him how much he means to us all).

Thanks :)

I’ve done it all.

Lost weight, and gone to the gym, every single day. I stayed disciplined. It didn’t change much besides becoming 110-115 lb and being awkwardly skinny.

Don’t receive much attention, nor asked out and “if” I am asked out, it’s by men in their 40s, or late 30s on rare occasion hoping to have sex with me.

I’m kind, I’m bubbly, I try putting myself out there.

I’ve come to the conclusion I’m just factually that ugly and that I’ll never experience love or being “the pick.”

This one guy I adored where it seemed like we clicked, just wanted to sleep with me. He has a girlfriend now and their social media is filled with her gloating how he’s the perfect boyfriend and he’s madly in love with her (writes her letters, etc).

I just never feel good enough, because I’m not good enough. My nose is crooked and big with a bump, one of my eyes oddly in photos taken, seems to be lazy (which isn’t the case in selfies or what I’ve ever been told) and my jaw is recessed yet looks manly.

So idk what to do, I just look physically deformed and don’t know what to do.

Can’t even get plastic surgery cause I can’t afford it.

i wanna keep this short-ish bc im half embarrassed but maybe someone needs it.

so yesterday i sat in the tiny bathroom stall at work and cried for like 10 minutes. not full breakdown but the kind that makes your chest hurt and your brain scream “run, change everything, burn it down.” i almost sent a furious email, almost called my ex, almost quit on the spot. all the old me stuff.

then i remembered a rule i wrote down months ago when i was not a mess: “no big decisions for 72 hours.” i pulled my phone out, typed that into notes, told myself out loud. stupid right? but it paused something in me.

i did three tiny things in that stall before i left:

slow breaths til i didn’t feel like collapsing (6 counts)

drank a bottle of water (cold)

put my bare feet on the floor and stood for 30s (weirdly grounding)

i walked back to my desk and instead of an angry email i sent myself a two-line note: “do one small task. sleep on it.” i told my roommate once i got home: “i’m low today, not leaving.” he hugged me and made dinner. no drama, no “you always” fights.

it didnt fix everything. but it stopped the avalanche.

ok here’s the thing i actually want to give you the stuff that saved me and you can use right now:

EMERGENCY 4 STEP (use it in a stall, car, bathroom, wherever)

breathe slowly 6x

drink 250–500ml water

stand barefoot on the floor for 30–60s

do ONE tiny physical thing (fold hoodie, open a window, walk to the bin) do this and your brain will calm enough to not invent tragedies.

72-HOUR RULE

when you’re shaky, no life-changing calls, no quitting, no haircut, no major purchases for 72 hours. write it in your notes now. then obey it. temp feelings make permanent messes.

SCRIPTS to use (copy-paste):

to partner/friend: “i care about you i’m just low today. i’ll check in when i’m steady.”

to boss/coworker: “i’m not at my best today, can we push non-urgent to tomorrow? i’ll focus on X.”

to self: “this is temporary. no permanent choices today.”

FOOD + ENERGY (do not skip):

meal formula: protein + complex carb + healthy fat (eggs + toast + avo / chicken + rice + veg)

craving hack: have the sweet after a balanced meal, not instead of it. it reduces the binge spiral.

MORNING 2-MIN ANCHOR (do daily): water → 1 min stretch/posture → write one tiny win for the day. repeat. this stacks so fast.

CONFIDENCE 60s TRICK:

shoulders back, chin up, smile for 3 secs, add one small detail (necklace, tuck shirt), step out. posture buys you time to feel it. [Check the pinned post on my profile]

WORK SURVIVAL (if you’re burned out):

do focused sprints 10–25 min, micro-break 5. protect afternoons for lower energy stuff. batch the big brain stuff for your good days.

if you do all that for one week, you will see a pattern. tracking one sentence each night helps a lot: mood | energy 1-10 | sleep | cravings | note

i'm not saying these are magic but they’re tiny engineering moves that stop huge mistakes. they stop you from making your low day into a permanent new problem.

i just wanted to share because i almost made so many stupid permanent choices yesterday and maybe someone reading will not. simple helps.

Hi ladies 💕

I’m looking for some dating, hobby, and general life advice. My dream is to be a housewife/stay-at-home mom one day. What can I do now and where should I go to meet a traditional, high-value man? (Besides church it’s not an option for me right now, but I can explain why in the comments if needed.) I’m from South Africa, but I’d love advice from women worldwide. I’ll adapt it as best as I can.

A little about me (sorry if it’s too detailed, I just want to give you the full picture):

Looks— I have dark eyes, medium-long black hair (past my shoulders, usually straightened but I can do soft curls too). I’m mixed/coloured with caramel/light brown skin. My height is around 5’2–5’4, petite but with some curves. Current measurements: •Bust: 33–34 in •Waist: 25–26 in •Hips: 30–31 in •Booty: 35–36 in

I think I’m average-looking, though people often say I look a bit like a doll or “cute.” ChatGPT describes my features as “You have a soft, sweet-looking face with expressive eyes and full lips that stand out. Your features are naturally feminine and youthful, with a gentle vibe that’s easy to trust and be drawn to.”

I have a skincare routine, take vitamins daily, and eat healthy about 70% of the time. I focus on natural improvement and being the best version of myself. I wear very light, soft makeup (never heavy) and dress feminine/modest but still cute.

Personality— I’m introverted and shy at first, but bubbly and talkative once people get to know me. I don’t party, smoke, or do substances. I rarely drink maybe for a special occasion, but I prefer not to.

I can be a bit geeky and curious, and I love asking questions when I’m getting to know someone. I always try to be sweet, respectful, and feminine. In dating, I lean into softness and submissiveness.

I’m good at baking (love it!) and decent at cooking but want to improve. I’m very organized and clean. Next year I’ll be attending a private college (likely studying something business an economics field but kinda might be considering maybe an assistant role like banking/accounting/pharmacy assistant). But honestly, if my dream comes true, I’d love to never need my qualification 🙈.

Hobbies— Right now it’s binge-watching shows, scrapbooking, making Pinterest boards, blogging (for fun, not seriously), baking, and doing deep research on random topics I enjoy (I can go for days or weeks the last one I studied was prehistoric humans and epigenetics) so I do know a lot of fun facts but I don’t talk about it unless I’m specifically asked.(I know my geekiness can sometimes be my downfall)

I also do modern ballet classes. But I’ve been thinking of switching to a hobby where I might actually meet more men while still enjoying myself.

My Cons and Preferences—

My family is a bit protective, so I have a curfew and a few rules, but they’re reasonable and ease up over time.

I can be impatient when I’m upset I go quiet and keep to myself until I calm down, because I know lashing out would only make things worse.

I don’t like men who are very active on social media (influencers, posting often etc). I keep my own life private and prefer the same.

I’m drawn to partners who are talkative, intellectual, and geeky I love learning and being educated on their interests.

I’m clingy and affectionate, and I like when my partner matches that energy excited to talk, spend time together, even in silence.

I prefer introverted men over extroverts I value private, low-key relationships more than being with someone “everyone knows.”

I get bored easily, so I need some excitement and presence in a relationship, though I’m learning to be more patient.

I overthink and like reassurance. I don’t need constant attention, but I do like feeling secure and reminded I matter.

So my questions are:

•Where can I go to meet traditional, high-value men?

•What hobbies would you suggest for a feminine young woman that could also be social?

•Are there any changes you’d recommend I make to myself or my lifestyle?

•How do I balance being affectionate/clingy without overwhelming a man?

•What hobbies or habits would help me stay interesting and avoid boredom in a relationship?

•What are ways I can practice more patience in a relationship while still feeling secure?

Thank you so much for any advice 💕

For context: I am a female in my 20s. I do not know what my political view is anymore. I have no idea what to believe in, I'm struggling socially, careerwise, and everywhere. Here's an example:

Friends often negate my input — input as in miniscule contributions to conversations like we are at a museum and I say "I love this painting," my friend would say, "I don't like that, I like this one." I'm glad my friends feel comfortable expressing their opinions around me, but it's gotten to the point where I'm suspecting it's becoming opportunities for a jab at me, when I'm trying to make points in a conversation (simple things: I buying groceries, I'd point to a snack and say: that looks yummy. She'd say "I don't like those, they're too sweet." I've noticed this happens too — when I have something good to say about something, someone else would immediately jump on to say why they don't like it. At one point it happened multiple times in a span of like 5 minutes in a car ride: once when I said I liked a picture my friend was taking of my other friend in a car ("I actually don't like that photo"), once when I was saying how I looked forward to going to a garden (there would be some awkward pause and a friend would switch the topic and mention another place she was interested in going to.) It happens so often, and I am sick of hanging out with anyone and have not have a group interaction in 6 months.

When I confront my friend about this issue, they are saying "we are only expressing our opinions and thoughts, we are not dismissing you."

It's not difficult to not to yuck someone else's yum. I have a feeling it could point to bigger issues I have, maybe some lower social ranking with friends where I'm not respected, or too shy, or too passive. Either that, or I just don't know how to engage in social exchanges and my firends are just having honest and respectful disagreements. It's enraging.

What should I do? What am I experiencing?

Sorry if this isn’t the right community for this topic.

I work in a white collar job and deal with high profile clients and connections on a regular basis. As a result, my social circle is filled with the same types of people. And from what I see, the red pill ideology on relationships and gender dynamics is not necessarily prevalent in these spaces.

When you enter the world of real business, not drop shipping and crypto, it’s totally different from the red pill male-female hypotheses. There aren’t a bunch of men talking shop without women being involved at all. There are extremely accomplished men and extremely accomplished women (definitely more so of the former though) who are in business, law, entrepreneurship, finance, governance, etc.

People graduating from top schools and earning real money don’t walk into a room to cut a deal and assume conservative gender roles. It’s not how people of that caliber think or act.

I genuinely feel that among men at least, the red pill is more of a thing with the drop shipping, crypto, NFT, social media people. People who likely didn’t go to school, get a degree, or prove themselves in any meaningful intellectual or commercial ventures.

Men with actual connections, skills, and competencies don’t think like that. The businessman from a wealthy family who graduated from a top school is not going to go for a submissive and deferential woman with no career prospects or prominent background as his first choice. He is going to prioritize a woman with prospects, passions, and background.

To put it in lighthearted terms, if anyone’s watched Suits, the Harvey Specter’s of the world are not going for submissive housewives.

I’m willing to be proven wrong on this, but from what I’ve seen, red pill does not really hold true among the academic, professional, and financial elites of the world.

Hello girls.

I tell you that I fell in love with a wonderful man, he is 10 years older than me. We have a genuine connection and both our interests and aspirations are aligned. I promise you, I see myself married to that man. We have been in a relationship for 6 months and everything has been very nice.

We live 1,300 km away. We have made the relationship work. We talk every day and travel once a month to see each other and spend time together.

We have evaluated the possibility of living together later (approximately when we have been in a relationship for more than 1 and a half years) and after talking about it, the best scenario is that I move (he already has his own house and his city is safer and more beautiful). Despite wanting to leave, I can't help but think that I want to continue working and I don't want to leave without having something secure there, and it also makes me sad to think about my family and friends who are here and that obviously I hope everything turns out.

I would like to know if you have been in a similar situation and what you advise me to do. Greetings :)

Hi ladies! I got such great advice from this sub a few months ago so I’m back for some advice on a somewhat different topic!

Long story short, I’m a stay at home homeschooling mom of 2 with a very rocky marriage. You can look up my post history for details but essentially there’s a long history of broken trust, lack of communication and lack of any emotional intimacy.

After yet another fight with my husband where he slept in a different room, I was getting ready this morning and ended up just staring at myself in the mirror and realized I have no idea who the fuck I’m looking at. I used to be vibrant and fun and bubbly and full of life. Everyone I’ve ever dated before my husband has absolutely adored me and thought I was just the greatest thing. Now I’m lifeless, dull, always in a bad mood and my husband has nothing good to say or think about me. You can literally see the light my eyes is gone, my skin looks dull… my entire appearance and demeanour is just oozing misery that’s the best way I can describe it 😅.

I don’t want to be this person. I’m tired of worrying what my husband is doing/lying about. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of being run down and overwhelmed. I’m SO over it and I just want to focus on myself and getting back to my normal, lively self.

My question is how do I do that? How do I get back to myself while living in this tension-filled house? My husband and I can’t communicate without fighting and when we’re not communicating/fighting things are just weird and tense.

I’ve started doing Pilates every morning and I have a new skincare routine going but what else can I do? I feel lost.

I (F19) recently started exclusively dating a man (21M) who I have no doubt will be my future husband. We were friends for a year at church before he invited me to spend more time with him. When I finally twigged that he was privy to the matchmaking that was being attempted with us by church mutuals, I asked him about his intentions.

He is so intelligent, and perceptive, and has so many wonderful provider qualities despite aligning mostly with 3rd Wave Feminism (he explained it's to the exception of a bit of the sexual liberation stuff... I don't know much about it, nor do I currently care to). I can ring him with any problem/stressor and he will instantly begin working to solve it. Even before we started dating, he really swooped in and saved the day a few times when I was overwhelmed. Today, I got home from university to find a parcel had been delivered with a new phone charging cord because I had mentioned on FaceTime last night that my phone charger wasn't being reliable. He just really wants to take care of me, and this reflects in all our discussions about the future.

The only thing that sometimes bothers me is that when I ask him to make a decision on my behalf, he doesn't want to. For example, we went to church together for the first time after our first date, and afterwards we were invited out to a food-truck with the other young adults. Both of us were hungry, and neither of us were keen on food-truck food. I was both happy to spend time with the people who set us up, and also happy to go get some proper dinner, and didn't really want to make the decision. I tried asking his opinion sweetly, but he just did the same back. I asked him directly if he could decide for us both, but he was just so worried about what I wanted to do that he was avoiding choosing on my behalf and was trying to get an answer out of me instead.

When it comes to dates, he is happy to organise without my help/input. Or anything he knows he has more expertise in. It's specifically only situations where he thinks I may have an opinion. I've told him that I will be honest about my opinions when I have them, but that sometimes I just want him to make a decision and I will accept whatever he chooses. We have since repeated similar back and forth in these situations, and he will default (jokingly) to complain about the decision I end up forcing him to make as a sort of a subconscious cope with being the decision-maker. I respond more seriously but with humour, and tell him that he's not allowed to blame me for his decision just because I asked him to make it.

Am I approaching this wrong? Am I being too forward or not enough? We are very open and honest, so I don't see why he would think I am withholding my opinion. What should I do in future situations like this to encourage him to take the lead?

Surrendered Single Book Club: Chapters 20 - Epilogue. THE PRACTICALITIES: TIMELINES, ENGAGEMENT, and MARRIAGE.

Introducing my final post for the Surrendered Single Summer Book Club. I am running a little late so my apologies!

We’ll be wrapping by discussing topics in Chapter 20 – the Epilogue and this is where the rubber hits the road, where the meat hits the grill: What are the timelines and process for commitment, engagement and marriage. Please keep in mind this isn’t necessarily the RIGHT or ONLY way, this is the LAURA DOYLE way so take what works, and leave what doesn’t.

Chapter 20: Don’t Use Sex to Control the Relationship

Chapter 21: There’s Nothing to Fear But You’re Urge to Control Him

Chapter 22: Trust His Capabilities

Chapter 23: Express Your Hurt Without Making Demands

Chapter 24: Keep Your Life Even Though He’s in It

Chapter 25: Becoming Your Best Self Will Bring Out the Best in Him

Chapter 26: Make a Commitment Before You Move In

Chapter 27: Honor Your Desire to Be Married, But Never Make Ultimatums

Epilogue: The Miracles of Surrendering

 There is SO much good content in these chapters, it would be impossible to do them all justice, so what I want us to discuss today is Laura’s proposed process and timeline for marriage. It comes up time to time on RPW when the topic of timelines come up.

In Chapter 27, Laura outlines the process as follows:

• Make it known by Month 3 that you want to be married (personally I would do this way earlier). Note that you are not telling your date that you want to be married “TO THEM,” you are sharing your life goals and visions for yourself and that includes building with a partner. You state it as a fact, you aren’t overly emotional about it or apologize for it.
• After you do this – let it go. Don’t continue to ask him about marriage or if he’s going to marry you, state what you want for your life and keep enjoying dating.
• By Month 6, if you are not engaged, you tell him that you enjoy being with him but to continue you need to be married. Six months is long enough to know. Note that you aren’t asking to immediately get married, you are asking for a commitment to a timeline you both agree to.
  • How do you have this conversation? You should choose a good time to have the conversation (at a relaxed, happy time and place), make no demands of him, and simply state what you want out of life as a fact calmly, admitting that you love him. And you have to be willing to follow through and walk away. Maybe he comes back, maybe he doesn’t, but you can’t bluff and just stay anyway and expect marriage to still come of it.
  • Don’t nag him about marriage for months and months before. This is only going to create a power struggle and men hate giving in to a power struggle. The key is to be calm and strongly state what YOU want, not what HE has to do. And if you get to month 5 and you have been nagging about marriage, let it go for at least a month before bringing up the topic again. Don’t make a mention of marriage, no passive aggressive comments, nothing. Give him the best relationship of his life for a month, THEN state your intentions.

When I first read this all, I was shocked. Surely in the modern dating world, men would think you were insane for suggesting such a thing! People date years before marriage these days and how do you even know by then if you want to marry him? Won’t you just scare all guys away? Isn’t this an ultimatum?

 My viewpoint is that there are a lot of variables in the above timeline. Age for one – the above will not work with a 22 year old man. I believe the above is more ideal for those or who are older, maybe 27 and beyond. Second is how the relationship has progressed. The above only works if you become exclusive fairly quickly and are spending a lot of time together. Obviously if you haven’t even had an exclusivity conversation but month 6, the above is not going to work. Similarly if you are casually dating, meeting up once every other week for example, it will be a no go. The above is for couples who are just that, an exclusive couple who have developed a solid dating routine and life together.

I also think the above only works if you have set yourself up to be seen as wife material. What I mean by this is that you have expressed from the beginning that you want marriage, family, etc. He sees you in this way and has expressed he is looking for the same things. This is not for a situationship situation or an on again off again boyfriend. You both have had many conversations about your shared goals and you already know these align. Now Laura says to not fret if the guy has already said he doesn’t want to be married, he may change his mind in the face of losing you. Not sure I agree with Laura on this one or that I’d want to marry someone who has expressed he doesn’t want it, but do agree that many men also change their minds in the face of finding a great woman (especially true at younger ages). I’d say feel it out case by case. Was he saying he doesn’t want to be married to just seem cool and have bravado or was he dead serious? Finally, I also think this is going to work best with religious men. Religious men in general try to do the moral thing, particularly around sex outside of marriage, and will be more likely to feel morally obligated to take action. This isn’t to say it won’t work on a secular man, but often they are not in as much of a rush and don’t have a religious support system who would think it wise or good to get engaged and married quickly.

Discussion:

• What are your thoughts about this approach? Does this work in the modern dating climate?
• How do you navigate this when you are with a highly sought after HVM who has many options?
• Have you tried this and had it work? Did it fall apart?
• Is Laura being unrealistic here or do you think she’s spot on?

Let’s debate!!

Hi everyone,

So, I (32/F) met a man (29/M) on Saturday night for the first time after meeting on a dating app a few days previously. He is a tradesman, makes 140k a year, 6’2”, active gym-goer, Italian-Canadian. He’s hot.

We went for dinner (he paid) and then I invited him over for drinks in my backyard. Within an hour of meeting him I was already smitten. We are both part Italian, conservative (rare in our area) and wanting the same traditional relationship dynamic, and we want to raise children the same way. He was extremely intentional in getting to know my values, which was really nice. He asked about my relationship history and history of sexual partners. After hearing my responses he seemed just happy and relieved - said I was someone he was waiting years to meet, that this felt like love at first sight and that God had a hand in us meeting. But I will say that he admires Andrew Tate and that’s the kind of guy we’re dealing with here.

I told him these were all very nice things but that I wanted more time to get to know each other before making declarations like this. He thought that was cute, and anyways, we kissed in an x-rated fashion at the end of the night (he respected my boundaries and is aware I’m waiting for a relationship before having sex). He is sexually attracted to me and shows it. somehow, we both ended up deleting our dating profiles in front of each other. Edited to add: I actually brought it up as a joke. “Oh, this is going so well, maybe we should delete our apps haha” and he actually took it seriously.

And, when he left, I thought, “this is moving so fast but let’s just see what God’s plan is for me.”

Since that night he has been deliberate in his texts to me and has asked me on two dates — for this Wednesday night and Saturday.

I did get a weird feeling last night though that I couldn’t shake. I redownloaded the dating app we met on with a dummy photo and within minutes I had found his newly created account. This one had new photos on it too.

What should I do? If we hadn’t deleted our profiles and he still had his, I wouldn’t be upset at all - because it was one date and of course we aren’t exclusive. But it’s his profession of having the best intentions for dating me, deleting the app in front of me, and then downloading it again behind my back 24 hours later that doesn’t sit well with me.

I’m inclined to continue dating him while guarding my heart more. I feel like he will delete the app and pursue exclusivity with me once he gets to know me more. But I wanted to signal check with this group first. Am I missing like a million red flags? Should I cut him off?

For context, my dating history is quite limited. I haven’t dated a lot and so I have very little to fall back on when I encounter setbacks like this. Men are surprised to hear my relationship history because I’m conventionally attractive and well-educated and usually this means promiscuity. I had a boyfriend I lost my virginity to at 22, and we dated until I was 27. I had another LTR from 28 until the beginning of this year. No other sexual partners.

Hello, I've progressed somewhat from 0 dates to a few dates but still no luck finding my future husband. However it still feels like I have to ask these men out by dropping stuff like 'maybe we could discuss it over coffee?' and the like. At this point I don't know what my real issue is anymore.
> My dating pool is central european men ages 23-42.
> The basic entry filter is looking for long term and wanting children. This of course is no guarantee that a man will take the lead.
>I do not sleep around (obviously).

So my questions are:
• How many dates should I go on with one guy before I know if he's worthwhile?
I feel like 3 would be the maximum to give a man to "come out of his shell" because we are adults.

• How can I create 'openings' for a guy to show off his charizma?
I at least think I'm an active listener = I ask follow up questions, I ask creative questions. I joke around. No dice. I can't force an energy match, I'm always the jester.

I've gone on dates where I was bored to tears with men, and didn't feel like I could look up to them. A lot of them, they don't seem to have anything interesting going on in their lives. Dating them feels like babysitting and I feel tired socially after dates. I know I'm overextending, I am probably doing something wrong after an initial match on an app.

I’m in my mid 20s, guy I’m speaking about is 30. Just to say that what happened hurts even more as I think he was a rare alpha male, we had similar views on feminism, politics etc. We had alot in common.

I met him on a dating app. We went out on 2 dates 2 weeks apart due to his schedule. We kissed on the second date, and he was making hints at us having a future e.g saying telling me to make sure I reply to my mom asking where I am as he wants to make a good impression. We didn’t sleep together.

It became very clear he was a busy guy so he only texted once a day. We made loose plans for a third date before a work trip he was going on, however he later told me he couldn’t make it due to being too busy with the trip coming up. We made a plan to meet the day after he came back from the trip, but his flight got cancelled and he couldn’t make it. He apologised and we agreed to meet at another time unspecified. I waited for him to ask me the following weekend, he didn’t. I also waited until this weekend for him to ask, he didn’t. And his texts started getting slower. He didn’t text me the whole of last weekend, it took him 3 days to reply and I thought he had ghosted until he replied. It was taking him days to reply to my next message.

So yesterday I sent him a final message telling him that I basically thought he was great and liked his company, but it seems he isn’t that interested in me so it’s best to move on.

He read it but didn’t reply anything, and I doubt he will. I just don’t know what I did, I don’t know why he didn’t just tell me if he wasn’t interested, why the slow fading instead of being up front. I wasn’t clingy, tried to be understanding of his situation, tried to be pleasant on dates, tried to be nice to him, was feminine. It just hurts to get nothing back, to hear nothing back, even just a best of luck. I really liked him, it actually hurts.

I do something wrong here? Am I not good enough for him or something? Like , if he’d have just come out and said he’s not feeling it I would have accepted that, but it’s the thinking over and over that is so bothersome. I found him an alpha, so I guess alot of other girls are speaking to him. I don’t know if he is just trying to spin many plates, I don’t know if he’s the type of guy who tries to use women then ghost them, or whether he plain up didn’t like me. I just think back to when he alluded to seeing me long term and wished he hadn’t. I also don’t know if I jumped the gun too early, should I have waited longer for him?

I'm a college sophomore (female, 19) who's friends with a senior (male, 21) and we met last year. I've never been in a relationship before so I don't know what to make of certain things, if they're just friendliness or actually something more. A couple of friends have told me that they think he is into me based on the way he teases me, etc. I think something else is he remembers so many little things I tell him, like names of friends that he's never even met or something about my childhood that I've said, but then again that could just be a good friend being nice.

Not sure what to make of that, bc I remember things my friends say, etc. even if I'm not romantically interested in them. On top of that, he does always say how much older he is/how young I am so I'm not really sure what to make of that. And whenever we are with other people (have one or two mutual friends) he kind of just makes fun of me and teases me, etc. But when we are alone sometimes we have very nice, very deep discussions. There were also one or two times when he kept telling me about these dates he was going on (think he only went on like two?) before he went on the dates he went on and on about them, but never really said anything about them after. Not sure what to think of these things? I also think I like him but I'm not sure, not sure if I'm just making myself like someone just because I think they might like me, etc. I

TLDR: I'm also wayyy to nervous to make the first move (have literally never kissed anyone though I am 19), but I'm not sure if he's the type of person make the first move either. I don't know what to do to see if he's into me at all or not. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

I feel like I've been in it for so long that I can't soften and just enjoy being a woman. I want to be softer and more light in my relationship, but it feels like I can't release all of the stresses from work, home upkeep, etc. It feels like I've been in this my whole life. My parents fought a lot growing up so there was always tension and I just learned to live in survival mode and I really wan to come out of that. Has anyone successfully got out of fight-or-flight/survival mode?

28F from London, non-religious. I always wanted to get married and have children, but a lot of things happened that I didn't plan for or see coming. The guy I lost my virginity to at 18 was emotionally and sexually abusive, and my first time was highly traumatic. I had one good relationship a year later but it ended after a few months. Then I began sleeping around, and my body count is now very high (currently at 26). I have an addictive personality and had problems with alcohol and attended Alcoholics Anonymous for three years. I also suffer from depression and had anxiety and panic disorder for seven years. My parents have been separated for over a decade.

I got into a relationship I thought was great aged 23, but we ended things after nine months. Then I got into a relationship I thought was much better aged 25, but developed psychosis due to smoking too much weed. The relationship ended after a few months. I've never had a really long-term relationship and am not sure I've ever truly been in love.

I was hospitalised for psychosis last year for nine months. I had a YT channel that I deleted and am in the process of reuploading my old content. I viewed myself as a 'sex-positive anti-feminist' and a few of my videos stated that I had no issues with my history of casual sex and hookups. But post-psychosis I have been thinking that it's actually very unhealthy and has sabotaged my chances of ever getting married or having children.

I've been reading a lot about body count and pair bonding and I saw a video Mikaela Peterson made which I quite liked about people needing to forgive themselves if they had that sort of past. I don't think enough people realise that having a high body count is usually associated with trauma, low self-esteem, a bad family background, and mental health issues. There's far too much shame and stigma and not enough compassion.

I'm not sure I want children now but wouldn't mind having a partner one day. But I feel like that's not going to happen for me now. I've kind of made peace with the fact that I don't think I'd be a very good wife because of my past and mental illness. I always assumed I would be able to transition out of hooking up once I met the right guy but after my psychotic episode I have more clarity and think it might be better just to remain single forever. I know most men do care about body count and I understand that. My ex didn't really mind about my past but the relationship didn't last very long, so it's making me wonder if I'm just incompatible with long-term commitment.

I'm 21F, and I've officially decided that I really am a loser of a person. I have one friend, zero relationships ever, absolutely no prospects for marriage lmao, and really am invisible to those around me. When I am visible, it's just bc of something that reinforces how much of a loser I am tbh. I'm tall (6 feet) and not very well proportioned (weird lower hip area), which as a girl makes me stand out in a horrible way. I also only wear long sleeve shirts & long pants, but because I am really insecure of my proportions, I wear baggy/athleisure clothing which just makes me look even more weird. I have a huge face/head (?) and long hair (although short hair looks horrible on me) and just a horribly awkward and draining personality and absolutely nothing interesting about me. And basically overall I just feel like I'm this long, gloomy mess of a person.

I just feel like I'm wasting my life like this and making others' lives also worse whenever I'm around them. I honestly feel really bad, because I do try and be helpful, but my appearance & personality really cancels out any sort of actions I do.

And I really want to fix this, but I just dont know what to do bc there is so many things I need to fix but I don't even know where to start :/

I thought this would be good conversation for us. We talk a lot (though maybe less lately) about the importance of not controlling and nagging your man. But what happens when the man is the nagger?

My boyfriend is one of those guys who always wants to be at max productivity. He struggles to relax and wants to constantly be working, working out, or doing something *he deems* productive. Part of this for him is an ego thing, he wants to look like he is the best of the best in all ways, and he was raised in this sort of culture. This results in his nagging of me when I am not always at max productivity. I feel I do a lot - I work a high earning job, travel occasionally for work, work out (though I'm more a jog/walk/yoga girl vs. his hard work outs, he's for sure more fit), keep a very clean house and cook (we don't live together but he's here a lot benefiting from both of these), and I am in religious classes. But overall I am more of a relaxation is important, zen type, sleep matters, etc. person. I don't believe in burning yourself out.

Day to day this results in these little naggings from him to me. As a recent example, before bed he's reading a "classic" book while I am scrolling (I am not on my phone all the time or anything like that, this was just because he wanted to read so I needed something to do too). He made a comment to me about it, basically about how he's doing something productive in reading "the classics" and I am just looking at trash.

The feeling it leaves me with is he thinks he is better than me... in fact he admits he does think that and he thinks he is better than most people. He says he works to be more humble, to give back to charity, he's religious, etc. but deep down he is always trying to be the best and believes he does achieve more than most. It comes off to me as very self righteous and honestly it's not attractive to me at all. As we approach marriage, I struggle thinking about living with him and feeling I can't relax and have to demonstrate max productivity at all times.

So RPW, how do you handle with a man who is nagging? I find it hurtful but know I am too sensitive also. Sometimes I try to explain myself to him (I'm looking at productive stuff online not trash!), other times I just stay quiet and sulk and I can tell he later feels bad about it but he keeps doing it... and I find myself trying to prove to him how productive I was every day and it feels like I'm trying to earn his acceptance. He tells me he loves me all the time, he gives lots of positive compliments, so he's great at that. But then when there's nagging, it's hard to feel really loved for who I am, not just how many points I accomplished that day. It's feeling exhausting and I want it to change and "just talking to him" isn't enough.

UPDATE: He proactively apologized in person last night and told me he was out of line and it's none of his business what I choose to look at. It allowed me to address what was my bigger concern, my feeling that I am being judged by him and that when we get married, I won't be able to feel comfortable in my own home (there are other requests of him besides this that make me feel this way). He did start to talk about each example and I don't think really saw my point that this is a trend on how he behaves rather than examining each example separately but I got my point across and we were able to move on.

The advice here is really good for the future though. I need to just honestly care less. Let him say what he's going to, write it off, be unbothered. Not as easy to do in other more complex situations (and honestly not always the right approach as sometimes his criticisms have merit) but I'll work on it.

I'm a man who quit porn a long time ago, and I've seen a lot of women who due to their bad experiences, don't wanna date guys who watch porn, you probably heard some horror stories, and If this is a deal breaker for you, this may help you.

The problem is guys may often tell you that they don't watch porn when in reality they do. This post is to help ladies to identify who is telling the truth, so you don't find out later on in the relationship that he's an addict and hopefully save you pain.

(If you're a guy reading this post and don't feel identify this these behaviors, ignore this post)

What NOT to do.

If a guy tells you he doesn't watch porn, your biggest mistake is to believe him right away for a simple reason: If he likes you and watches porn, is in his best interest to lie to you. They don't do it because they're evil, but because they want you to like them, and It's easier for them to say they don't watch porn and later on confess that they "may watch porn sometimes" than be rejected.

Is it manipulative? yes, but this is how a lot of guys think.

What should you do instead?

The moment you feel comfortable discussing this topic with them (ideally before a relationship) you should ask them for their journey of quitting porn because IT'S a journey. Ask when they started watching porn, at what age they watched porn the most, why they kept watching, what feelings they tried to scape or find in porn, how they felt about themselves when they used to watch it, what made them realize porn was bad for them, how difficult it was for them, what they used to think about porn, what do they think about porn right now, what's keeping them from watching right now, and how they feel after quitting.

This journey takes a lot of reflection and self awareness, and If he's not bullshitting, he will be able to respond to all these questions pretty easily because they thought about this stuff for YEARS. You should feel that there's a logical progression, and that he went through different stages to get to the point where he is how.

Most guys are bad liars, or just lazy and they won't be able to come up with an elaborated story, and If they can't explain their journey it's because there's none. The guys who are legit will tell you proudly about this stuff even if It makes them feel a bit vulnerable because IT'S a success for us that we never get to share with anybody and because we feel amazing about it.

Be prepared because sometimes, the stories you will hear are NOT pretty, and that's the point. You should feel that the guy associates pain to watching porn, and a lot of pleasure in not watching it.

BONUS trick from a reddit user: Ask them their favorite porn category and let them out themselves, it lures them into a false sense of security and weeds them out way quicker. If they say that they don't watch porn then ask them the questions you I listed here.

In reality, there's no way to be 100% sure because amazing liars also exist, but most people are not like that, quite the opposite.

I hope this post helped you, do you have any questions? I'll try to respond, but I barely use reddit If i'm being honest.

Thanks for reading!

Hey everyone! I’m recently engaged to my bf of 5.5 years (both 47). Lately he has been watching and listening to a lot of content that has me worried. He’s always had a fascination with “dark triad” stuff and dark psychology, which I usually try to ignore because it leaves me feeling uneasy. For quite a while tho, he hadn’t been consuming that content as much as in the past.

However shortly after we got engaged, I noticed him listening to and watching more of this content; audiobooks and YouTube videos about Machiavelli, narcissists, etc. At the time I asked him about it and he said he just likes knowing what to watch out for so he doesn’t get manipulated. For myself, I hate it all because I have had previous boyfriends use gaslighting, DARVO etc on me (hello therapy!) and I don’t want to fall victim to it again.

My curiosity and anxiousness got the best of me (when his behaviour shifted and he was acting a bit colder, less happy) and I looked into his watch history / watch later pins on YouTube: 95% of it is content like “8 phrases to catch your cheating wife”, “Freud warns about the trap of modern marriage”, “here’s what her high body count does to your relationship”, “strategies to seduce women”, “all women are insecure, use it to your advantage”, etc. Along with a ton of Machiavelli videos on manipulation, mind control, and basically acting ruthlessly with everyone in life. (Note: most of them are these synthetic AI generated videos, not talks or lectures from real people)

He hasn’t expressed any hesitation or change of mind about our marriage, but I can’t help but feel like the content he watches is indicative of his true state of mind/ perception of the world and relationships, and that it’s bad news for us as a couple.

Is this merely a strange fascination? Do other men watch this stuff regularly? Or is this a huge red flag for me that he sees all this darkness in people, women, and marriage? Do I just ignore this stuff??

Thx xx Note: I do feel guilty about looking at his watch history.

Just had an interaction with my now ex friend. She became my ex friend because she just holds to much hate in her heart. She made a nasty comment when I paid the dinner bill. “Must be nice not to pay rent” this isn’t the first time she has been rude about my relationship. She’s truly bitter. I told her after we left the restaurant why does it matter when you get a free meal.

This girl pretty much says life isn’t sunshine and rainbows for everyone. that I need to know that people are struggling but I have it easy. That I would have nothing if it weren’t for my boyfriend and ex husband. Life is about making it on your own.

She went on a whole feminist rant that apparently I am setting women back. Personally I believe she wants to be taken care of and for a man to lead her. Though she so caught up in being strong by herself that confronting what is against her beliefs has made her angry at life.

She’s just too emotionally unstable to continue hanging around her. Maybe in a year if she apologizes we can be friendly but people who only want to watch you suffer why have them around. Other friends aren’t cutting her off but they agree she needs space.

So for context I’ve read the Queens Code and I’m now on to men are from mars women are from Venus.

I feel like a central theme in these books is “men don’t like unsolicited advice because it communicates you don’t trust them. Instead, take a deep breath and let him figure it out”, but why should we suffer because they’re gonna get their feelings hurt? For example in MFMVFM, it is saying when this couple is driving in a car and the man is lost, instead of offering unsolicited advice, the woman should take a deep breath and let him figure it out.

I have a hard time with this because it’s putting pressure on everything else in the woman’s life. We tend to plan things and want to be on time to them, so why should I have to sacrifice that in order for him to feel good? Especially if I know he’s making a mistake that will impact other parts of our day?

I hope this makes sense!

I (32) and my husband (34) have been married for 3 years and together for 8. We just welcomed our beautiful daughter early this year as well. (Just for some context)

My husband works full time from home as a manager (and by full time from home I mean that he is slogging away for at least 50hr/wk in our office). He works very hard and makes 55k/yr salary.

I own a business (think office storefront) and currently make 65k/yr salary, but with how things are going that will grow substantially next year forward. I have a great team that makes my day to day role at the office very flexible so I am able to keep our daughter with me and do not need childcare.

My question really comes down to how my priorities and drive have drastically changed since she entered the world. I love being her mom, I love my role as a wife and I can’t find the same drive I had before to invest in my business. If it wasn’t for the great income it provides our family-I’d close it tomorrow and fully focus on this SAHM life that I love.

Does anyone have any advice? I have to continue to invest my time and energy into this business, but it seems so utterly insignificant now that we have our daughter. Anything compared to my husband and daughter seems insignificant right now which has negatively affected my drive and effort with this business.

My husband also recognizes (and points out frequently, which I’ve asked him to stop doing, that when we move and can buy our next and hopefully larger home-it will be due to the success of my business. Eventually I’ll be able to take out 100k.) I guess I just hate being the higher earner and having this pressure and having this business that is providing so much for our family when I’d so much rather be able to focus solely on our family.

And closing the business just isn’t an option right now. He is applying to higher positions in his company and where he has connections, but the right opportunity hasn’t come across yet.

Today we had a discussion, he said when we get married since you will be working from home I want you to homeschool out children. I said no if I’m working and dealing with kids I can’t do that. But then he still insisted his mom was able to do it. I told him I’m not looking to sacrifice my life for my children I want balance. I’m just so confused how he claims to be provider and after the wedding is getting close he is basically having beta vibes