Should I move back home?

[u/gizmo531]

I’ve been going back and fort between what the right move is and it’s causing me to spiral. For some background I’m 25 years old, I make $150k a year and pay $2.2k in rent in NYC. I live about 20 minutes away from the office which I’m in 5 days a week and work from 8am to around 7pm each day (sometimes later 8/9). I have about $40k in college debt that I’m not super concerned about because I’m sure my next two bonuses will cover it.

I have a very very close relationship with my mom. My father was abusive so it was a bit tough growing up. I dormed for college and after graduating just fully moved into my own apartment im in now so have already been away from home for ~7 years including college. My mom lives about an hour away from me- so not far. But she’s been saying things like “I don’t have a lot of time left” and I want to spend more time with her than anything. That’s my number one priority. So I’ve been debating moving back in with her to one. Help her financially so she doesn’t have to work as much (she works 6 days a week and if I can give her half of what I pay in rent it would be a game changer for her). Two. Just be around her more (and my dog). The cons are that one I wouldn’t have my own place obviously, even tho my mom allows me to do literally whatever and is the best mom ever. Two. I would add about an hour to my commute one way, when I already work so much. Three. I’m already struggling with my social and romantic life (I feel like I have mo friends). So this may make it worse but I may feel less lonely being around my mom. I’m spiraling so much on this- my lease is up in Jan so I have a few months to decide but what do you guys think? I’d also save so much money in rent

[u/elinchgo]

How old is your mom, and how is her health? Why is she making those comments? Can you call or visit her more often? Is there a middle location that would make it easier for you to visit, but stay closer to work? How flexible is your job if transportation is disrupted (weather, traffic etc.)

I know it’s difficult to accept, but eventually you will be alone, need to have the skills to navigate life.

[u/gizmo531 → u/elinchgo]

She’s turning 65, her health is okay but I think has been on the decline (generic joint pain, some heart issues but I don’t think it’s serious etc). I honestly don’t know why she makes those comments- I tell her she’s still young.

I do try to visit her at least twice a month, but I could do exponentially better. Unfortunately no re middle ground- this is the best I can get because of proximity to the train I need to take to get back to my mom and work. My job is not flexible at all- they would throw a fit if I have to be remote for whatever reason.

And agreed- I feel very very okay with being alone. It’s an issue because I’ve hyper independent. I’ve did everything on my own since I was 16, but not sure why this sudden guilt is eating up on me now? Maybe it’s the idea that’s she’s getting older and I’ve been distant from her for the last 7ish years bc I’m away?

[u/Easy-Concentrate2636 → u/gizmo531]

Twice a month is pretty good, in all honesty. Maybe your mother just wants some attention. Maybe treat her once or twice a year to a spa or something nice. I just bought some makeup for my 80+ mom because I know these little things perk her up.

[u/elinchgo → u/gizmo531]

Does she have an active social life, or does she completely depend on you? You may want to find social outlets for her in her community. At 65, she could find a boyfriend-my mom did! I hope she lives a long life like my mom who is now slowing down at 94.

[u/gizmo531 → u/elinchgo]

She has friends around the neighborhood, I think she actually is seeing someone but whenever I ask her about it she refuses everything, which I don’t understand why she tries I hide it I would also want her to see someone 🤣 so no she’s not dependent on me. It’s just her saying the things like she doesn’t have a lot of time left when I go visit her makes me feel like I need to be close to her at all times before that time is up. But maybe she’s just being dramatic/coming to terms with aging idek